The Light of Day
by Nauticalmass
Summary: With one slice of her finger, Jasper lost his whole life and vowed she would lose hers, too. However, the light of day revealed Bella Swan to be the least of his problems. J/B
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: With one slice of her finger, Jasper lost his whole life and vowed she would lose hers, too. However, the light of day revealed Bella Swan to be the least of his problems. J/B**

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**Author Note: I'm glad you're joining me on this new story. Thank you so much to my pre-reader Merina Green and to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. All recognizable characters are the property of SM.**

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**Chapter 1**

"Where are you going?" Alice asked as I stood at the back door. She had finished decorating the living room and was getting ready to set out a stack of cake plates I hadn't even realized we owned.

"I'm going for a quick hunt. I shouldn't be more than hour," I said, not taking my eyes off the plates. I sincerely hoped I wasn't expected to use one of those plates tonight. Just the thought of eating cake was nearly enough to turn me off the hunt.

"Why are you going hunting? You went two days ago. There's so much to do around the house. Your eyes look fine. Do you think I need more flowers?" she said without pause.

I chuckled at her. "Everything looks great. I just want to get in a quick hunt before Bella gets here."

"Oh," she said, her face turning to a cute pout. "Jazz, she's a part of our lives, and you can't always run to hunt before her every visit." She came to put her arms around my waist. "You aren't giving yourself enough credit. Have a little more faith. Everything will be fine," she said with her head on my chest.

"Do you _know _that or are you just saying that?" I asked.

She didn't lift her head, but I could tell she was frowning. "Jasper, I don't have to look for your future or Bella's to know there won't be a problem tonight. You were fine the whole way to Phoenix in that small car with her, and you were even fine in the ballet studio with her blood."

She sounded so confident, but mistakes happened when you became lax about things. "Could you just take a quick look for me?" I asked.

She turned her face up. "No, you don't need it. I've been on my best behavior, and I'm trying to let myself be surprised."

"You surprised?" I chuckled.

"Yes, I'm trying to let Bella's reaction to the party be a surprise," she insisted.

I laughed even more. "Didn't you see it when you decided to start planning a party?"

"That's not the point, and I'm trying to forget about that little preview."

I scoffed at the idea of her trying to forget anything. "Still, _I_ would feel better—"

"Everything will be fine," she repeated. "I'm tempted to think you just don't want to help set up for the party."

"Well, there is that." I winked at her, and she playfully slapped me.

"Very well. Don't hunt, but if you are worried about being around her, go lie down and center yourself."

"Center myself?" I laughed at her.

"Don't laugh! Just go do whatever you need to do to feel better about it."

I smiled at her and kissed her on the head. "Fine. I'll go 'center myself.'"

"Good. I need to finish up. Bella will be here in about an hour," she said as she flitted toward the kitchen.

I shook my head, knowing she could finish whatever she needed to do in less than five minutes.

Lying on our bed, I tried to focus on all the happy feelings of anticipation as Alice readied the house for Bella's eighteenth birthday. It was the first time our family had celebrated a birthday, so it was a big occasion.

The mood shifted, though, as I heard Edward enter the kitchen.

"Are you leaving now to go get Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yes. Alice, I don't want to talk about this again."

I assumed he was replying to something in her thoughts. There was silence for a few moments before Alice spoke.

"It would be the perfect birthday gift."

"Don't," he warned.

"Nothing would mean more than the promise to change her," she insisted.

The emotions were tense, but I trusted Alice could handle him without my needing to step in.

"This is the way things should be—with her getting older, growing."

"No, I disagree."

"It is."

"Doesn't she—"

"No."

"If you would just talk about it."

"I'm not discussing this with you."

Their conversation was the normal dance between spoken and mental dialog, and I tried to ignore most of it until Carlisle returned home and interrupted them.

"Alice, I don't think it's our place to interfere in the issue," he said.

"Fine," she huffed. "I need to go find more ribbon anyway."

I heard her speed to the hall closet.

"Thanks," Edward said as he started to open the garage door.

"Of course. There is one thing I would like to say before you leave."

The knob stopped turning.

"Do you mind if I'm blunt?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, you could try not to be, but I would always hear otherwise," Edward said.

Carlisle chuckled. "True. It's just that, you either have to be the bravest or the blindest man I've ever met. I'm sorry. I know I told Alice we shouldn't interfere, and that's what I'm doing."

"I do value your opinion, Carlisle, but know my decision won't change."

"It rarely does," he replied. "You've seen many of my memories from my time without a mate. It was a long, and until you came along, somewhat monotonous existence. Once I found her and I knew I could have her, there was no way I could have gone without her for all of eternity."

Edward sighed, and I could just imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose or some other ridiculously Edwardesque gesture.

"I can appreciate that you felt that way—that you feel that way _looking back_, but things are different. You acted in the moment and didn't have the same opportunity to contemplate it as I have. You were saving Esme's life."

"And if _you_ had to—" Carlisle started.

"No. Even if Bella was dying, I couldn't be so selfish. If I couldn't save her life, I would at least save her soul."

"I see. I would just urge you not to close your mind or your heart completely. From what I know of vampires, it's impossible for us to face forever without our true mates."

There must have been an additional mental exchange, because without another word, Edward was in the garage and starting up his car to go get Bella.

When Edward returned to the house with Bella, the house was once again filled with happiness. Everyone, except for Bella, seemed to really enjoy celebrating her birthday. Even Rosalie was feeling slightly mirthful, though it might have just been at the expense of Bella's discomfort.

All of those feelings came to an abrupt halt when Bella grazed her finger too quickly along the wrapping paper of one of her gifts.

Instantly a jumble of feelings assaulted me from across the room. Annoyance. Embarrassment. Worry. Fear. Bloodlust.

I could hardly see the injury to her finger, but once I felt the brief flame of Edward's thirst I couldn't see anything. All conscious thought fled as I saw him stare at her hungrily.

_Mine_.

A possessive haze dominated my mind, and I instinctively lunged at them. I had barely grasped what was happening to my body when Edward shoved Bella behind him and she slammed into the table, glass shattering everywhere.

The thick smell of blood seductively burst into the air, and my eyes closed in appreciation. Before I could take another step, Carlisle and Emmett latched on to my arms.

"Get out. Everyone out!" Alice yelled.

Even to my eyes, the following actions were nearly a blur. Carlisle and Emmett had me miles from the house, and Alice was right on our heels.

"This is far enough," she called. "He won't go back."

"Are you sure?" Emmett asked, hesitant to let me go.

Alice nodded, and they loosened their grip on my arms, seeing that I wasn't struggling.

"I need to go tend to Bella," Carlisle said before he sped off.

The three of us were quiet for a minute before Alice told Emmett he could go back to the house as well.

After he'd gone, the silence seemed to stretch before Alice began to sob pitifully. I instantly went to comfort her, but she held up her hand, stopping me. She raised her face to mine with a glare.

"She was dead, Jasper. Dead!"

What was she talking about? Bella was clearly alive when we had left. Had it all been too much for Edward? If that was the case, why was she yelling at me?

Seeing my confusion, she continued. "I _saw _it. Before Carlisle and Emmett got to you, I saw her dead on the floor. We were all crushed, and Edward was sobbing over her body."

"Where was I?" I asked without emotion.

She scoffed. "You were just standing there with a look of shock on your face. You at least had the decency to look saddened by her death."

"Did I drink from her or did I kill her some other way?" I asked, knowing that until she talked out the whole vision, she wouldn't be able to move on.

"I didn't see what actually killed her, just the aftermath."

I nodded, and tearlessly she began to cry again. "She's my best friend—my _first_ friend. I can't believe you almost took that away from me."

She looked so small and pained. I just wanted to make this better.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened in there. There were so many feelings at one time. I don't even know which feelings were mine. Everything was so intense."

She shook her head and wouldn't look at me.

"I can't even recall the conscious thought of wanting to drain her. All I know is that the mood of the room exploded when she cut her finger. My only thought after that was _mine_. I've never felt such possessiveness, but the feeling must have been purely instinctual, because I swear I don't remember deciding to bite her."

I hoped something I'd said would appeal to her. Ever since Alice had been clear about her feelings for Bella, I had only ever tried to _not_ hurt her.

"I can't believe this," she said.

"I promise."

"No." She waved me off. "I can't believe that after fifty years, we're still dealing with the ramifications of your thirst. I know things were at one point different for you, but how long do you need?" she ranted. "I know we've all had our moments, but come on, Jasper!"

I stood quietly, knowing she needed to say her piece. We didn't fight often, but when we did, Alice just needed room to process.

She continued to yell for a few minutes, pacing back and forth, before stopping.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I'm being harsh, and maybe it isn't all that fair to you, but I need to work through these feelings."

"I know," I said, feeling ashamed. "It's okay. I know you're angry, and I would always rather you voice the thoughts behind your emotions so that I'm not stuck simply guessing. You know that, Alice."

She unfolded her arms and looked up to the stars peeking through the cloud cover.

"Over the years, I've seen so many flashes of a life that could have been for the two of us. So many wonderful things."

She sighed, and I moved to take her hand, but she stepped away from me.

"Maybe that's what's kept me motivated in the relationship, and that's not fair to you. It always seems like those visions are just out of reach, and that's not fair to me."

I wanted her to stop talking, but she continued.

"I wonder if for too long I've been in love with the idea of who you could be—who maybe I could unfairly turn you into—and not who you really are."

She was wrong, but the words kept coming.

"Maybe things will never be like in my visions."

Finally, I found the words I needed. "No. I refuse to believe that. I know you love me. I've felt it," I insisted.

My hand was still hanging in the open space between us, and she moved to grab it. She looked at me sympathetically. "Is that feeling different from what you've felt between Carlisle and Esme or Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Of course it is, Alice."

She looked at me pointedly and dropped my hand.

"I don't know how to explain it to you. Everyone's feelings are different. Every relationship has a different tenor to its emotions. I've always thought ours was deeper than theirs. We've transcended so many of the surface feelings of lust and infatuation. Don't you feel that way, too?" I pleaded, scared of what her reaction might be.

She looked pained to reply. "I don't think that's what it is. I don't think there's another level to our feelings for each other."

"Alice, don't—"

"I love you, Jasper. You're right. You have felt that."

I could feel so many "buts" waiting to burst through that statement. "Stop," I insisted.

She shook her head. "I just haven't loved you the right way."

"Do you think you need to lecture me about feelings?" I yelled. My fear of her words was quickly shifting into anger.

I hated that I needed to protect myself from Alice, _my_ Alice.

"I'm not in love with you, Jasper," she said quietly.

"Stop!" I roared. I had never raised my voice like this to her, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Why was she destroying us—over a human no less?

"You're just saying this because you're upset over what might have happened—could have happened—_didn't _happen—in there."

"No, I'm not," she said, looking at me sadly.

"She's fine, Alice. All that blood you saw, Edward did that. You can't punish me for things that aren't even real!"

I couldn't stand to see her looking so heartbroken when it was my heart that was being ripped out.

"I'm not punishing you. I'm just trying to be honest."

I turned away. I was done listening to her.

"Jasper," she said, coming to put her hand on my shoulder. "I will always love you, but not like you need. Not like you deserve."

My whole body tensed. For years with Maria, I had learned the best way to steel my body for attack. Unfortunately, the pain I felt at Alice's words wasn't physical.

"You'll come to see that I'm right. After tonight, I just don't think we should pretend anymore." She sighed, and I could hear her turn her head toward the house. "We're leaving."

Her words gave me some hope. If we could just get away from the family and put some distance between us and what had happened with Bella, maybe we could work things out.

"Okay," I said, turning to face her. "Anywhere you want."

She didn't seem to be listening to me, and her eyes were glazed over. "Edward's leaving Bella for her own safety. He wants her to live her life out as a human without the influence and danger of the supernatural. He will insist that we all leave her. He's doing it as soon as they get to her house. The rest of us leave tomorrow."

I didn't care what Edward was going to be doing or what would happen to Bella. I just cared about the two of us.

She returned her eyes to me and smiled sadly. "I hope you'll join us eventually. You are a part of this family, no matter what our status is. However, I think it might be best if we spend some time apart for a little bit."

Her words stung, and I knew she meant them. Her feeling of determination pushed on my chest like a weight.

"Goodbye, Jasper. I'm sorry." She kissed my cheek softly and retreated in a flurry of sadness and regret.

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**Author Note: I would love to hear your thoughts. I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note: I can't tell you how blown away I was by the response to the first chapter. ****Thank you so much to my pre-reader Merina Green and to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. All recognizable characters are the property of SM.**

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**Chapter 2**

As soon as Alice was out of hearing range, I started tearing up trees and throwing them as far as I could. My fingers dug through their flesh and the wood creaked and splintered in protest.

How could this have happened? I hadn't even hurt her. I wasn't even sure if I had wanted to.

I was angry with Alice for always putting so much weight on what could have been. I was angry with Edward for not either killing or changing her to begin with. How could he have been stupid enough to bring a human into our family? I was even angry with Bella because she had the poor fortune of having blood run in her veins.

When I had cleared a good chunk of the forest around me, I turned to eye the destruction. Not feeling any better, I sunk to the forest floor and put my head in my hands. Briefly, I allowed myself to feel the full weight of my sorrow.

What would my life be without Alice? Everything good in my life was because of her. Who would I become now?

In one moment, it was all gone—because of a human I _hadn't _killed. She was still alive! She got to live out the rest of her pitiful human days moving on from the relationships she once had with us. I would never get mine back. A new fury rose in my chest. There was only one thing to do.

I'd lost my whole life, and soon, Bella Swan would lose hers too.

I quickly made my way back to the house. As I stepped inside from the back porch, it was clear that everyone had fled. Most likely, the scent of blood had been too much for the rest of the family, and they had all gone out to hunt.

Glass shards and drops of Bella's blood still littered the floor where the table had once stood. I made my way further into the living room and surveyed the wreckage of all of Alice's hard work. Flowers were strewn everywhere, and the cake lay in a neglected heap on the floor. _So much for a celebration. _

The smell of her blood wasn't as potent as it would have been fresh, but I could still appreciate its floral tones as it dried on the carpet. The flames in my throat fanned as I spied a shining pool of it nestled on part of a plate on the floor. I thought it would be a shame to let it go to waste.

It had been years since I'd felt the frenzy course deliciously through me. Too long, I'd been in this staid state of quasi-vampirism. My body needed this. It _needed_ to reach its full potential. If Alice was going to waltz away from the life we had carved together, then there was no reason for me stay within the limited boundaries I had been forced.

When I'd found her, I thought I'd walked into love, and no matter how much of a farce that apparently was, I had walked away from the punishing feelings of guilt and pain every time I took a life. Knowing that relief, I didn't know if I would ever be able to fully return to my natural diet, but for one night, the Major would reign again.

Ending the life of Bella Swam was about more than a meal. It was vengeance. Every lash of her tortured terror would be appreciated and savored. The joy I would feel from her last, gasping breath would last me a lifetime in this monotonous and banal existence.

With that thought it mind, I couldn't wait for the first taste of her. I picked up the plate and for a moment watched the light play on top of the red liquid before I carefully lapped it up with my tongue. I let my mouth slide over the surface of the plate slowly, wanting to enjoy every last drop of blood. When I finally allowed it to trickle down my throat, I closed my eyes and waited for the frenzy to start. I expected the undeniable call to find her and completely drain her, but it never came. Instead, I felt remarkably sated by the small mouthful. I felt more satisfied by that lick of blood than I had ever felt—even on those lucky occasions when I had the pleasure of draining multiple humans in a row.

I was thoroughly perplexed but certainly not ungrateful. I remained crouched in the middle of the glass debris, thinking about why my thirst was so quenched. It must have been because I was filled with the purpose of ending her life. I must have been satisfied by the knowledge that I would have my retribution.

I needed a test. I leaned down, my hands flush against the floor, pushing the glass further into the fibers of the carpet. Slowly, I ran my nose along the drying red streaks and breathed in deeply.. There were no flames igniting in my throat from the blood-soaked carpet, no desire to seek out more of her blood. _Odd but wonderful. _None of my normal reactions were in place. Instead, a deep and pervading warmth began to spread across my body. I was saturated with purpose.

Enjoying the brief happiness I felt, even though my heart still ached from Alice's parting words, I set out for Bella's house. I began with an immense burst of speed, eager to deliver my revenge, but the closer I got, the slower my pace became. I stopped just outside of sight and listened to the noises in her house. A kitchen clock was ticking in a nice pattern with Charlie's snoring upstairs, but the sound I most wanted to hear was the quiet, slightly stuffy breathing of Bella. I imagined her in deep sleep on her bed, exhausted from having cried herself to sleep. It was a small comfort knowing that her final waking moments were spent in sadness, though her feelings could never compare to mine.

I crept closer to the house and jumped up to her conveniently open window. Every step I took, the warmth within me grew. When I was finally standing over her sleeping body, I wanted to take stock of my feelings. For so much of my life, I had been a monster. When I'd found Alice, I had been gifted with a new life—one full of possibility, love, family. All of that was gone now. And why? Because of a human—a human that Edward didn't even think warranted changing.

I'd heard all of his thoughts about her soul, and I didn't buy it. Carlisle was right. If they were truly meant to be together, there was no way he would be able to spend eternity without her. I couldn't even think of facing my forever without Alice. I tried not to focus on how she no longer felt the same.

I stared down at Bella, trying to think of what made this girl so capable of tearing my family apart. Why were her thoughts a mystery to Edward? Why did her blood call to all of us so strongly, especially him? Why was she so special? She was just a human. Weak. A lovely slip of a girl but nothing extraordinary. Why should she be so captivating to a family of immortals?

Looking at her frail body on the bed, I felt an odd weariness. There were so many questions.

Maybe the largest draw to her was the smell of her blood, and once she was out of the picture, Edward would realize I'd done him a favor by removing temptation. I would think of some other way for Alice to make friends, and she would eventually forgive me. Did Alice really crave human companionship? What was it about them that was so fascinating to her?

I lay down next to Bella in bed, trying to imagine what it was like for Edward to be so enthralled with her sleeping form. For the longest time, I just listened to her even breathing and heartbeat. It was oddly calming.

I wondered if she was dreaming and what that felt like. It had been so long I couldn't remember ever having dreamed. If she were dreaming, would it be about Edward? What had she said when he told her he was leaving in order to protect her and preserve her humanity? Why did I even care? Why was I wasting so much time when I knew what I wanted before I even got to her house?

I looked at her throat and thought about where exactly I would sink my teeth, but I didn't feel the familiar rush of venom to my mouth. For the first time, I realized that I hadn't felt the call of her blood since I'd entered the room. It was odd, as it was my first time alone with her, and I certainly desired her dead, or at least I thought I did. Some of my earlier vehemence seemed to be waning.

Perhaps I wouldn't bite her. Maybe I would kill her in some other way. I could snap her neck or strangle her. Then, Edward could never be jealous that I had the good fortune of draining her.

Would I take her body with me and make it look like she'd run away? Would that draw suspicion on my family? Would I pose things downstairs to look like a robbery gone wrong? Would anyone believe a human would be so stupid as to break in to the police chief's house? The longer I thought about her death, the heavier I felt. Was this guilt? Jasper Whitlock did _not_ have crises of conscience.

I needed to focus. The heaviness didn't lift. If anything, I felt it more persistently. I continued to lie next to her, counting her heartbeats, letting my gaze fall around her room, and allowing my mind to wander.

Eventually, I thought this was all pointless. I wanted someone to shoulder some of my pain, but nothing about this situation seemed like the answer.

Killing Bella might have made me feel better briefly, but it would never really solve anything. I was kidding myself by thinking it would do anything other than drive Alice and I further apart. No matter what the truth might be about Bella and Edward, he would never forgive me for killing her, either. I thought about the rest of the family and how ashamed Carlisle would be. Esme and Emmett would grieve her for sure, and even Rosalie would be disappointed. She wasn't particularly fond of Bella, but she was the biggest supporter of her humanity.

Bella Swan would live to see another day.

Even though my mind was made up about her fate, I remained next to her on the bed, staring at the white ceiling. I still had no answers about what to do with Alice, but as my thoughts grew less desperate, the situation didn't seem quite so hopeless.

Minute by minute, I gradually felt better as I listened to Bella's heartbeat fading into the background. I continued listening to her breathing in and out, and I felt a new feeling of peace descend over me.

For the first time in my life as a vampire, my thoughts began to drift until they faded into nothingness.

_Nothing._

Perhaps hours stretched by where there was nothing but darkness and serenity.

_Nothing._

Then, a piercing scream rang out in the air.

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**Author Note: Any guesses? I would love to hear your thoughts. I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

******Author Note: ****Thank you so much to my pre-reader Merina Green and to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. All recognizable characters are the property of SM.**

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**Chapter 3**

A piercing scream rang through the air and slapped me in the face with its terrified sound. I immediately went to open my eyes, but something was wrong. At the first flash of light, I squeezed them shut again. Whatever it was, I'd never seen something so bright before. I blinked and then slowly strained to reopen my eyes.

Everything was still bright, but I could make out shapes now, though they were slightly blurred. I could only stand to keep my eyes open for a few seconds before wincing and closing them shut again. What was in the room that could possibly be distorting my sight? Was it fog or some sort of gas? I couldn't smell anything out of the ordinary. Actually, I couldn't smell _anything_.

Again, I opened my eyes, hoping my vision would clear, but everything still seemed too bright. Rubbing them didn't seem to help much at all, not that I imagined it would. Was I under some sort of attack? Normally, my mind would go directly into tactical overdrive, but nothing was normal right now. What was happening to me? Was I still at Bella's house? The last thing I recalled was listening to her breathing and heartbeat, and I remembered a surprisingly deep feeling of peace. Then, my memory faded to nothingness. How could I have been so distracted? How was it even possible that I'd lost track of my senses? If something had happened to me, wouldn't I have been in pain?

My mind was bombarded with questions, and I started to panic. I was taking in air more forcefully than I could ever remember, and my fingers were desperately clawing at my legs, trying to relieve some of my tension.

I wasn't even sure if I had ever personally felt panic before. The weight of it was stifling. The screaming thankfully had stopped, but my relief was only short lived. There was a frantic pounding on my chest. _What the hell?_

I still couldn't open my eyes, but there wasn't any pressure to indicate something was on top of me. I couldn't even focus on my confusion before automatically going into defense mode.

This was obviously some sort of attack. _A passing nomad? _

I couldn't waste time thinking about who might be causing this; I just had to stop it.

I flailed my arms, trying to defend myself from the pounding, but I jerked too far to the side and with an unbelievable lack of grace, I fell to the floor.

"Jasper?" I heard a muffled voice call. There was something off but familiar about the voice.

For a moment, I struggled to push a blanket off my face. My limbs didn't seem to be cooperating, and I felt the oddest throbbing in my body from where it was touching the floor.

What was this? What kind of gift could cause this? Was this the work of the Volturi—something like the combined powers of Jane and Alec? Where was the voice coming from?

My mind was whirling, and I hadn't felt this discombobulated since I had woken up from my transformation.

"Jasper, is that you?" I heard as I finally got the blanket off me.

Now that my head was uncovered, I blinked and realized I could see again, though not as clearly as usual. Everything had a softer edge to it, and the colors were more muted. Anxious, I looked around and saw I was still in Bella's room.

That answered one question, but something was still wrong. Things were too quiet. Where were the sounds? Where were all of the scents? What was that damned _pounding_?

I saw Bella across the room. She looked frightened, but I couldn't get a read on her emotions. Why? Then it occurred to me that I wasn't just confused or panicked, I was also frightened. I was _terrified_.

I put my hand on my chest and realized the source of the pounding wasn't external. There was something hammering _inside _of me. I put my fingers against my skin, and I could feel a gentle thrum. I stared at Bella in shock, pleading for some kind of answer.

_A heartbeat. _

It couldn't be. Air whizzed through my lungs at an increasing rate, and I felt a throbbing at my temples. _A throbbing! Pain._ I was incredulous at the thought. I looked at Bella again, and her mouth was moving.

"What? _What?_ Are you saying something?" I asked her, my voice gruff and loud. "I can't focus on anything. My thoughts are . . . a mess. _What_?"

_Answer me_, I silently begged.

"There's a pounding in my chest. I think it's . . . but it couldn't be. Why would this . . . I can't. There's this throbbing from where I fell, and my head . . . my head! How? Can _you _see? When did they come? Did you see what happened? Can you hear the pounding?"

I just started to narrate everything, hoping it would help to calm me down, to find some way to explain the impossible.

"I can't smell anything—not even you. Are you dead? Am _I _dead? Who did this? Did you? Could you—"

She started to move toward me, but I scooted back. I didn't know what to think anymore or what to trust. I couldn't even rely on my own senses at this point. Bella stopped coming forward, and she seemed hesitant and shocked that I might be frightened of her. I wasn't sure if I was frightened of _her_, but I wasn't trusting, that was for sure.

"What happened to you? What are you?" she asked.

What was _I_? What was _she_? All of these things didn't make sense!

"Exactly!" I accused. "What happened? What have you done to me?"

"Me? I haven't done anything," she replied, looking the picture of innocence.

Could she be telling the truth? There must be someone else. Of course, it hadn't been Bella. I just couldn't get ahold of my thoughts. _Someone else. Someone else. Where? Where? _There were so many questions.

I turned around, hysterical, trying to see if there was another enemy still in the room.

There was no one, no one that I saw, but I couldn't be sure. I still couldn't hear or smell anything. The threat could be hiding.

I awkwardly stood to check the closet, and my legs felt unsure beneath me. Hobbling, I made my way across the room. Throwing open the doors, I couldn't immediately see anything in the darkness. I shoved clothing out of the way, but found no one hiding in the corners. I turned back to Bella and saw she hadn't moved the entire time.

"I think . . . I think I'm going to sit," she said, lowering herself to the floor and pulling her knees up to her chest. She looked as shocked as I felt, though she didn't seem to be under any of the same physical distress as me. Was her mind whirling like mine?

I stared at her and a million different thoughts ran through my mind, but they kept tripping over each other. My focus seemed so narrow, my mind too small to control it all.

After a few moments of silence, Bella said, "I think we should call Carlisle."

_Carlisle. Yes. Help._

I swallowed, my tongue seemingly stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I nodded my head. "Something is definitely wrong. Maybe Carlisle knows what it is." My breathing was still so heavy, and my skin seemed to be prickling with an unfamiliar sensation. My skin felt damp, like it was leaking. "Damn it! What _is_ this? Why can't I see properly?"

"Can I come closer?" Bella asked. She stood up slowly and started to come forward but immediately stopped and gasped. "Your eyes!"

"What's wrong with them? Can you tell?" I frantically asked.

"The color," she said, pointing.

She didn't elaborate, and I quickly looked around for a mirror. There was one on the opposite wall, and I hurried over to look at my eyes. When I was close enough to see, I nearly fell over. _No. It couldn't be. _Staring back at me were a pair of completely unremarkable hazel eyes—_human_ eyes.

They were not the only shocking sight. My skin appeared flush with blood in my cheeks. They were slightly more rounded, and my whole face appeared to have been softened. I couldn't even really describe everything that was different; there were so many things.

I looked slightly younger. My brows were fuller. My jaw was less defined. My nose was just a touch askew.

_So_ many things.

I moved my hand to touch my face and barely felt a scratching against my fingertips. Incredulously, I brushed my fingers over the scant blond stubble. It was lighter in color than my hair, which was now a darker shade of blond. I continued my exploration and ran a finger along my lips, feeling their lightly chapped surface. Then I put it into my mouth, running it along my teeth. They were still sharp, but their surface felt less smooth, and a few of them on the bottom felt ever so slightly out of line.

I pulled back my hand to look at it and see if it was any different. I turned my hands over, back and forth, and pushed up my sleeves. All the while, I squinted in wonder at my skin. It was smooth and dotted only with dark blond hair. Both arms were completely unmarred by bite marks.

"How?" I turned to Bella.

I could have imagined the other things. I could have been crazy. I could have been bewitched. However, I could never imagine myself without the scars of my inhumanity. I don't think I could ever allow myself that luxury, even if imagined.

"How?" I asked again.

She shook her head furiously. "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know," she repeated. "I woke up when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull out of the driveway. I rolled over to see what time it was and saw you instead. You—looking like . . ."

"Like what?" I asked her, needing her to put this into words, to confirm the impossible.

She looked me in the eye as she spoke. "Looking _human_."

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**Author Note: Reactions? I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**


	4. Chapter 4

**********Author Note: ****Thank you so much to my pre-reader Merina Green and to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. All recognizable characters are the property of SM.**

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_She shook her head furiously. "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know," she repeated. "I woke up when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull out of the driveway. I rolled over to see what time it was and saw you instead. You—looking like . . ."_

_"Like what?" I asked her, needing her to put this into words, to confirm the impossible._

_She looked me in the eye as she spoke. "Looking _human_."_

* * *

**Chapter 4 **

_Human_.

The idea of it seemed even more absurd once she said it aloud. This couldn't be possible. I must have lost my mind. Could vampires go crazy? Had losing Alice had that much of an effect on me?

"Jasper?" Bella interrupted my thoughts.

I stared at her, unsure of what I could possibly say that would even express the _slightest_ bit of what was going on in my head.

"Do you want me to call Carlisle now? Do you want him to come here or us to go to him?" she prodded.

Never in my life had I wanted to see Carlisle as much as I did in this moment. I wanted to scream out for her to call him and make him come right away. I paused, wondering whether that was the best course of action, though.

What if what had happened to me was catching? If I had been the victim of some sort of attack, I didn't want to expose the family to the same thing. If my attacker was also in the vicinity, I was sure he knew where we lived just based on scent, but I didn't want to risk giving anything away until I'd had time to think.

Would Alice have seen this? I couldn't imagine her not having seen this happen, even if she had made the choice not to look for me. Our lives had been intertwined for so long; she wouldn't have been able to stop a vision this large even if she tried. Having seen this, surely she would have reacted in some way. Maybe they were already on their way, or maybe something was detaining them.

I decided it would be best to stay put for at least a little while to see if anyone made contact with me first. Then, if we hadn't heard from Alice, we would risk calling Carlisle.

"Jasper," Bella said slowly, "did you hear me?"

Obviously, I had taken too long, and my thoughts no longer processed at vampire speed.

"I heard you," I answered. "I think we should wait. Alice may call." I explained my reasoning to her, and she nodded in agreement.

We both fell silent, and I returned to my self-appraisal in the mirror. It was truly remarkable. I was trying to catalog all of the small changes to my face—pores, a freckle above my left eyebrow, the brown ring around my pupils—but I kept seeing Bella shift in my peripheral vision.

I turned to her and was tempted to snap at her. Couldn't she see I needed to do this? I didn't want to be distracted by her human need to fidget. I could never be certain of her. Was she as shocked as I was, was she just being patient, or was she just truly dumb? Her silence balanced on a thin line between being appreciated and being annoying.

"Is there anything else I can do for you while we wait?" she asked.

"Unless you have any answers—" I was cut off by a horrible gurgle.

I pushed my hand against my stomach, and while I didn't feel any discomfort, the noise sounded again. "What is that? What's happening to me?" My insides shifted, and for a moment, all I felt was sheer panic. "What is this? Is there something . . ." It felt like something was rolling inside of me. "Is there something coming out of me?"

Bella chose that moment to laugh, and I swore I regretted not killing her when I had the chance.

"What could possibly be funny about this?"

Her laughter died and her face became contrite. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed, but this is all so new. Nothing wants to come _out _of your body; something needs to go _in_."

I gasped.

"You're hungry, Jasper," she quickly explained.

_Hungry? _I put my fingers to my throat, but there was no burn to indicate I needed to feed.

"Food. You need _food_."

Oh. That made this too real. "I don't think that's what it is," I told her.

"You might not think so, but your stomach disagrees," she insisted. "Listen, I might not know anything about what's happened to you, but food is something I can do. Let's go downstairs."

She went toward the door, but I stayed frozen in place. "Tell you what. Why don't I go make you some breakfast, and you can have some time alone to process all of this," she said.

I nodded. "Okay. That sounds good."

"Do you think you'll be okay if I'm just downstairs?"

I simply responded with a glare. As confused as I was, I was showing signs of humanity, not incompetency.

"Hey, I was just asking," she said, her own eyes briefly narrowed. "You can stay in here, or you're welcome to take a shower if you want something to do with yourself. I always do all of my best thinking in the shower. There are towels in the hall closet, and when you go in, the knob on the right is—"

"I think I can figure it out. I have been bathing since before the dawn of indoor plumbing."

She took in a big breath and let it out slowly with her eyes closed. "All right," she said, though it looked like she wanted to say something else. "Do you think you would have any preferences for your first meal?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, as I haven't had a breakfast since 1863, you can just surprise me."

She looked a little shocked but said, "Okay then. It will just be a few minutes. I'll leave you to...whatever. Call if you need me." She left the room and gently closed the door behind her.

Once I heard her at the bottom of the stairs, I moved toward the bathroom. After seeing the lack of scars on my forearms, I wanted to see more of my skin. Walking into the bathroom, I wished Alice would hurry up. What could be keeping them? I hoped they were all right. What if this had happened to all of them? Thankfully, if that were the case, they would all be together. Maybe that would make it worse, though.

I took off my shoes and socks and was surprised at how cold the tile was underneath my feet. It was so rare that I felt an extreme temperature in either direction that I wiggled my toes in satisfaction. I felt my pockets before dropping my pants. I must have left my cell phone at the house, but I wasn't sure how long I would be able to wait before calling.

_Please, let Carlisle or Alice call Bella's house soon_.

Once my clothes were completely off, I leaned into the shower and turned the knob closest to me before daring to look in the mirror. There were no scars anywhere. Every last one of them was gone. I ran my hands over my neck and torso, and I closed my eyes and just delighted in the feeling of the smooth skin under my fingers.

My feelings were so jumbled as to how I felt about the lack of my scars. I'd never been able to stand being naked because I hated the reminder of who I once was. No one liked to stare down their own depravity.

At the same time, I'd always told myself that they were the insignia of my command, the badges of my combat. Since I had gotten that first one, they had partially defined me. Now, nothing about me was the same, and the loss of those marks made me wonder how much of me still remained. Maybe nothing. Maybe my mind was what had been lost.

The room started to fill with steam, which was just how I liked to take my showers. Bella had said it wouldn't take long in the kitchen, so I decided it was time to stop staring at myself long enough to bathe.

I pulled back the curtain, and as soon as I stepped under the spray, I jumped back.

"Holy fuck!" I yelled.

There was a pounding coming up the stairs and then at the door. "Jasper? Are you okay?"

I could barely hear her. I went to move closer to her but was scalded again as soon as I moved forward.

"Shit!"

"What is it? Are you okay?"

I put my hand over the growing redness on my chest from where the water had hit me. _Ouch. That fucking hurt._

"I'm coming in." She opened the door, letting in a blast of cool air, but she didn't move the shower curtain. "Are you okay?"

"Get out!" I yelled, not wanting to deal with her at the moment.

"Not until you answer me. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"It's your shower. Something's wrong with it," I told her. "Now get out."

She ignored my demand. "Again, are you hurt?"

"Yes. Fine. Are you happy? I'm hurt. Your water is boiling. Now get out." I just wanted her to leave so I could get out of the shower and escape the burning water.

Her hand moved to the curtain, and she pulled it back a few inches.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm not looking at you; I just want to adjust the water temperature. I never would have expected you to be so modest, though it wasn't like Edward—"

She stopped as she said his name, but I didn't focus on that. I had always been modest about my body being seen because of my scars, but I didn't have a reason for that shame at the moment.

"I'm not being modest. I just want to finish—_alone_," I said, not attempting to hide myself from her view, should she glance my way. "Fix the water and then _please_ get out." I tried to sound a little nicer.

She reached in, turned down the knob on the right, and twisted the one on the left. "Well, this answers that. You only had the hot water on."

Then I thought I heard her mumble something about me bathing for over 150 years and how she obviously wasn't going to school for the day. It was odd not to hear every noise someone made.

"Yes. I hadn't thought . . . that's how we've always showered . . . as vampires. We like the slight feeling of warmth it gives us."

Her hair fell between us like a curtain and blocked her view of me. "Okay. Well, your breakfast is ready," she awkwardly said before making a hasty retreat from the bathroom.

I quickly finished up in the shower and made my way downstairs. Bella was sitting at the table, and I sat down across from her. I didn't say anything; I just watched the expression on her face vacillate between sympathy and annoyance.

Finally, she pointed to a bowl in front of me. "I know it isn't fancy, but since you haven't eaten in so long, I didn't want your stomach to get upset." Her sentiment was kind enough, but her face didn't display any similar friendliness. Things would be so much easier if I could feel her emotions.

Instead of focusing too much on decoding human facial patterns—maybe they had always been this odd—I looked down at the offered breakfast. Judging from the milk, it was cereal, but it looked like a bowl of bugs, and it was making the weirdest noise. It actually sounded like hundreds of small, moving insects.

"I can't eat this," I said, pushing the bowl away.

Bella looked at me pointedly. "I know it seems odd, but if your body really is human, you're going to need to feed it at some point."

"No, I meant I can't eat _this_." I pointed to the bowl.

Her nostrils slightly flared, and she let out a slow exhale. "Why is that exactly?" she asked in a measured tone.

I wasn't sure what her problem was, but I resented the fact that she was getting upset. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have even been in this situation, and she was the one trying to pass off a bowl of bugs as a meal.

"It's disgusting."

"It's cereal. Just try it," she said.

"It's making noise. I can't eat something that makes noise." I crossed my arms over my chest.

Bella started shaking with laugher, and soon she was laughing so hard I was concerned for her mental stability. Wiping the corners of her eyes, she said, "Jasper, you do realize that for nearly the last century and a half, everything you've eaten has made noise."

That drew me up short.

"Yes, but—"

"But nothing. It's just a bowl of Rice Krispies. Snap, crackle, pop?" She looked at me as if that was supposed to mean something. "Just eat them."

Her tone left little room for argument, so I begrudgingly dug in with my spoon. I closed my eyes as the little rice pieces snapped and crackled on their way to my mouth. I slid them into my mouth and just let them sit on my tongue for a moment before swallowing the mouthful. As the lump of cereal got caught in my throat, I coughed and a few crispy pieces flew out of my mouth and onto the table. One hand went to my throat and the other to my abdomen. The coughing was so forceful and unexpected. I hadn't expected human eating to be quite so perilous.

Bella pushed a glass of water my way. "Chew the next bite."

I grabbed the glass and took a large drink, the water washing the cereal down. At least the feeling of liquid sliding down my throat was familiar. The cold crispness of it was a huge departure from the warm thickness of blood. It actually wasn't too bad.

"You'd think you'd remember to chew," Bella chided as I lifted my spoon again.

I glared as I chewed. I wasn't sure how many times would be sufficient, but once the cereal and milk had turned to mush, I swallowed. I didn't have anything to which I could compare the flavor, but it wasn't the spoiled taste I had always associated with human food. I supposed I could get used to this, especially if it wasn't actually bugs.

Bella grinned in triumph as I continued to eat. "See, it's not that bad," she said.

"I wish I could tell how you were feeling. I'm not used to being so in the dark," I admitted after I took my last bite and set down my spoon.

"Why would you care how I was feeling?" she asked, sitting back in a defensive pose. It was so unlike what I knew of Bella that it took me a moment to react.

I wasn't sure why I cared exactly, especially when just a few hours ago I had planned on killing her. Maybe it was just that her feelings now presented a mystery to me.

"This morning has been . . . well, it couldn't have been easy on you, either." I couldn't believe how I was grasping for things to say. It was as if I couldn't find all of the words I wanted to use inside this smaller brain of mine. I felt like I had shoved everything I knew into a small suitcase that I had to rifle through every time I needed something.

"I just don't see why you would care," she replied, not giving me anything else to go on.

"It's just that I'm used to knowing, and you frequently look as if—" I started.

Suddenly, Bella stood up, grabbed my bowl, and walked to the sink. "I don't know what to think, Jasper. I certainly don't know what to feel. I'm trying. I'm trying to be understanding of what this must feel like to you. I'm trying to be nice and gentle with you because it's what I would want if I were in this situation. It's what I would have wanted you and the rest of your family to be like after I became like you, but that will never happen now."

She dropped the bowl into the sink and turned away from me, her hands braced on the sink.

"I just keep thinking I'm crazy. Either Edward leaving last night made me lose my mind, or maybe I made that up too. I must be crazy, but I'm trying to pin down when the crazy started, though. Did I imagine last night? Did you try to eat me on my birthday? Or did I create _everything_? It's isn't as if vampires make a lot of sense. Has everything been a figment of my imagination?"

She kept facing the kitchen window, and I wasn't sure what to do. Even though I'd been an empath, that only meant I knew how to interpret emotions, not address them.

"Bella, I assure you that I'm real, though I might be crazy as well. Neither one of us knows the whats or whys of _this_," I gestured to my body, even though she wasn't looking at me.

"You're right, and I think it's time to call Carlisle," she said in a clipped tone, obviously upset with me.

I nodded and looked around the room to see if there was a phone in the unfamiliar kitchen. I spotted one on the wall by refrigerator and stood walk toward it. "Hopefully, he'll have some answers," I said.

She whirled to face me. "I would hope so because I certainly don't. What I do know is that, until yesterday, you had never even come near me other than to say hello maybe once. Then, I find myself in the embarrassing enough—_idiotic enough_—position to cut myself in a room full of vampires. You try to eat me, and instead of sympathy for me or understanding for your natural impulses, Edward decides to end our relationship. He told me that it was for my safety, but I—" She paused and looked utterly defeated, slumped against the cabinets.

"When I woke up this morning, I felt a weight on the other side of the bed, and I thought maybe yesterday had all been a bad dream, or maybe Edward had come to his senses and was back to apologize. But no! Instead, you were in my bed—_you_, who just hours previously had tried to kill me. Then, upon further inspection, you weren't standoffish, snappy-jaws, vampire Jasper, you were _this_!"

She looked like she was on the cusp of screaming or sobbing, and I had no idea how to proceed. I hesitantly went toward the phone.

"So, please, call Carlisle _now_, because I certainly don't have any answers for you."

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* * *

**Author Note: A lot of you were really surprised at the end of the last chapter. I hope you're all still with me. Thoughts? I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

**Some recs: "A Forest Fire" by Bedelia-If you're a J/B fan, you absolutely must be reading this AU fic. "The Keepsake" by windchymes-E left B in NM and she runs into him years later, only to have him not recognize her. "Clockwork" by Derdriu oFaolain-a complete story with amazing depth about the impossible meeting of B, a scientist in 1942, and a mysterious E in 2010. **


	5. Chapter 5

**************Author Note: ****Thank you so much to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. All recognizable characters are the property of SM.**

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_"When I woke up this morning, I felt a weight on the other side of the bed, and I thought maybe yesterday had all been a bad dream, or maybe Edward had come to his senses and was back to apologize. But no! Instead, you were in my bed—you, who just hours previously had tried to kill me. Then, upon further inspection, you weren't standoffish, snappy-jaws, vampire Jasper, you were this!"_

_She looked like she was on the cusp of screaming or sobbing, and I had no idea how to proceed. I hesitantly went toward the phone._

_"So, please, call Carlisle now, because I certainly don't have any answers for you."_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"So, please, call Carlisle _now_ because I certainly don't have any answers for you," she said with an air of finality. Her gaze returned to the window, and I quickly crossed the floor to the wall phone by the refrigerator, trying to give her a wide berth.

Before I could grab the handset from the cradle, I paused wondering what I would actually say.

How does one explain waking up human? When I imagined calling Carlisle, I only pictured him having an answer, not me needing to verbalize the problem. There was also the possibility of the family being in danger from whatever did this to me.

I didn't think too much longer before Bella interrupted my thoughts. "Do you need me to dial for you?"

She didn't turn her head, so I couldn't read her facial expression, but I was both impressed and confused by her sarcasm. I truly didn't recall her ever having much of a personality prior to today, and apparently she now had it in spades.

"I think I can manage," I said dryly, still not reaching for the phone.

Her head swiveled and her eyes cut to the phone as if to say, "_Just do it already then_."Without another moment's hesitation, I lifted the phone and dialed Carlisle's cell phone number. It rang a few times before going to voice mail, and I hung up before the beep prompted me to leave a message.

"Well?" Bella asked with her arms folded over her chest.

"He didn't answer. It went to his voicemail," I told her.

"And you didn't think this situation warranted leaving a message?" she asked incredulously.

"I didn't know what to say. It isn't like I've had to do this before."

Her face softened slightly once she saw how upset I was. "Did it go _straight_ to his voicemail?" she asked in a marginally nicer tone.

"No. It rang first," I told her.

"Okay, so his phone is at least on. How many rings were there?"

I shook my head. Humans asked the weirdest questions. "I don't know...three maybe? Why is that important?"

She cocked her eyebrow. "Well, the number of rings can determine whether he just didn't get the call or whether he ignored it."

I looked at her blankly.

"I can't believe you don't know this. Most phones will ring five or six times before going to voicemail. If it rings less than that, it could mean his inbox is full, but it generally means your call is being dismissed."

She didn't look as if she was joking, but I also couldn't believe she knew this and I didn't. Maybe it was because if we weren't hunting, we always answered our phones before the first ring was even finished. I glanced at the phone and then back at her, still wary.

"I promise I know what I'm talking about. When I lived with my mom, Charlie once called me out on ignoring some of his calls. After that, I always made sure that even if I wasn't going to answer, I let it ring the full number of times without pressing the reject button. Don't ask me how _he_ knew about it," she explained.

While this trip down memory lane was lovely, I wasn't exactly sure how pertinent it was to our situation. Did she always yammer on so pointlessly?

Perhaps sensing my annoyance, she continued. "Anyway, unless you think Carlisle has had a ton of voicemails lately, your call was probably purposely sent to voicemail."

"Oh," I said simply, finally realizing her point. "Why would he do that, Sherlock?"

"Either he doesn't want to talk to you or something else is up," she said with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes at her brilliance. Talking with a human gave life to the phrase _like trudging through mud_. I hoped I wouldn't be subjected to too much more of her adolescent knowledge.

"Obviously it would be one of those things. I'll just try the house number," I said, pressing the buttons and hoping for an answer. I again reached the voicemail.

"This is Jasper. Call me back as soon as you get this."

Anyone that got the message would instantly be alarmed once they heard the sound of my voice.

"At least you left a message this time."

I wished she would just go to another room and let me deal with all of this in peace without all of her blatant observations. But no, her inane chatter just continued.

"Although, we wouldn't exactly know if they were ignoring you on a house phone."

"They wouldn't be ignoring_ me_, Bella, they would be ignoring _you_," I said, trying to get her to shut up. "It's your phone number that would have shown up as the caller."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that was the answer.

"That _is_ what happened with Carlisle, I bet. Alice said Edward would want everyone to discontinue contact with you. He's most likely just following orders."

For a moment, Bella looked stricken. "He would do that?" she asked quietly.

I wasn't sure if she meant Edward or Carlisle.

"You would all do that? Just stop speaking to me? Pretend that I was never anything to the family outside of who I was to Edward?" Her voice grew smaller with every question.

I felt surprisingly bad for her. It was an odd sensation to want to comfort her.

"That's just my guess. I'm not positive that's what happened with Carlisle's phone." I replied, trying to smooth things over.

"But...he asked that? He asked that everyone not speak to me again?" I gave a small nod and avoided looking at her. "I see." She drew herself up and pushed away from the cabinets. "If no one will answer the phone, we'll just have to go to the house. Maybe no one would answer the door for me anymore, but I don't think they would ignore _this_," she said, gesturing up and down my form before pushing past me into the hall.

Confused at her sudden shift in demeanor, I turned around to catch up. She was already pulling on a light jacket and slipping on her shoes. When I showed no signs of moving, she whipped around with a sweatshirt in her hands.

"It's Charlie's. It may be a little big."

I stared at the faded red fabric she pushed my way. Was this the start of another walk down memory lane? How had this morning's event turned to being all about Bella?

"Okay..." She drew the word out. "Just take it."

Her hand briefly pressed against my chest, and as she withdrew it, I grabbed the shirt before it could fall to the ground. Quickly, she grabbed her keys off the hook on the wall and was out of the house, the screen door slapping back against the frame.

I scurried after her and pulled the door shut behind me. She was clearly a woman on a mission as she wrenched open the door to her ancient truck and gave it a firm jerk to close it once she was inside. As I made my way to the truck cab, I paused, more in wonder than in shock. The air was _cool_.

As a vampire, I could, of course, determine variations in temperature, but it was always in terms of a quantitative sense. In strong doses, we found warmth to be pleasant, but I'd never been affected by cold. The damp, chilly morning air prickled at my skin in a way that made me think it would be unpleasant if it weren't so novel. I pulled back a sleeve and watched the hairs rise on my arm.

_Fascinating_.

It was remarkable how even the smallest parts of my new body had automatic and involuntary responses. I was amazed that creatures that were so limited in most of their abilities were designed to be so complex.

A gust of wind blew by, causing my body to straighten and then shudder before I jogged the rest of the way to the truck. Bella didn't look amused by my dawdling, and she started the truck in silence. As the engine rumbled to life, the heat began to blast with the smell of old wiring. It wasn't quick enough, as I could still feel the chill hanging in the air. Without a thought toward my actions, I rubbed my hands together.

"Chilly?" Bella asked.

I looked at her and then at my hands in puzzlement. "I suppose so."

I wondered what other surprises my body had in store for me over the course of the day.

"Then put on the sweatshirt," she said, pointing to the bundle still in my lap.

"That's why you gave it to me?" I said, with no small hint of awe in my voice.

"Why else would I just hand you my dad's sweatshirt if not to wear it?" she asked, shifting the truck into gear.

For a moment, I felt ashamed that I assumed it was another one of her standard, seemingly senseless actions. The possibility that it might have been for the elements hadn't even occurred to me. I was touched by Bella's thoughtfulness. Did humans always give this kind of regard to one another's comforts or was this unique to Bella?

"Thank you," I told her as I pulled it on and zipped it up.

She backed out of the driveway, and the truck gracelessly lurched down the road toward my home. I stared out the window at the trees we passed, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd been in a vehicle purposely going this slow.

After a few moments, Bella broke the silence. "I know you don't have a lot of context for things like cold or hunger, and I'm not sure if Carlisle would even be mindful of some things. You'll have to try to anticipate some of your own needs."

She was being kind, and it seemed as if we had perhaps reached a temporary truce in the tensions of the morning.

"Hmmm," I said, not sure of what else I could expect. "I'll try to do that...I guess."

"I mean, things like dressing for the weather won't be for show anymore," she said without removing her eyes from the road.

I appreciated the thought, but I was definitely hoping this condition was fleeting and my human experience—if that's really what it was—would be brief.

"If you have questions, you'll have to ask them. You won't be able to count on someone looking out for you," she awkwardly continued.

I was only half-heartedly listening to her. I realized that my family hadn't always been on top of playing "feed the human" when Bella was around, but if the masses were able to handle living day to day, I didn't think it would be that much of an issue for me. After all, it wasn't as if I hadn't already been human once.

Fortunately, Bella stopped talking before I needed to tune her out completely. For the next few minutes, I closed my eyes and focused on things like the sensation of air coming in and out of my lungs, the slight jostle of truck, and how differently the denim on my legs felt to my desensitized fingers. When we approached the driveway, the truck slowed.

"Do you have a plan?" Bella asked.

"I believe coming out here was your idea," I said without opening my eyes. I did open them just in time to see her roll her eyes as she turned toward the house.

"Well, you better think quickly then," she replied.

I sat up straight in the seat. She was right; I had no idea of what I would say to whoever happened to be at home—if anyone was even there. Alice had said they were leaving town, and there was no guarantee anyone would still be there. If anyone were home, they would have already heard Bella's truck approaching. Not knowing how well they would be following Edward's orders, as soon as they heard the engine, they might have fled the house.

I unconsciously held my breath as the house came into view. At least one worry was laid to rest; they were definitely home, and at least one of them definitely wasn't human.

Esme sat on the porch swing. She was wrapped up in a throw blanket with a magazine in one hand and a coffee mug in the other. She had assumed one of the positions we had jokingly referred to as "battle stations" around the house. On the off chance that a human ever came to visit unannounced, there were various positions or duties we all held to make the household seem normal.

Esme had gone into "stranger greeting" mode. She was the family's unofficial liaison to the community, and the least assuming of all of us, so we always had her be the first line of introduction when it came to new people.

Bella shifted the truck into park, and I knew the windshield was partially obscured from Esme's view by the glare of the faint sun reaching through the trees overhead. I saw her pantomime lifting the coffee mug to her lips, and Bella looked at me in confusion.

I tapped my hand on my chest like a heartbeat in way of explanation. Esme set down her magazine but kept the mug in her hands as she made her way down the steps of the porch, staying within the shadows of the branches above. She raised one hand to wave before returning it to her mug. I smiled at her brilliance. She was warming her hands should she need to extend one in greeting.

Bella lightly snorted. "Can she see you?"

I shook my head, curious about what Esme thought of that question, as she'd surely heard it.

"I wonder who she thinks is in the truck with me then." Bella reached for her door handle. "Well, it's now or never." She pushed the creaking door open and hopped out of the truck.

"Hey, Esme," she called, her voice betraying nothing of my situation.

"Hello, dear," I heard Esme warmly reply.

Even though she didn't immediately ask a question, I knew Esme must be dying of curiosity or concern. It was completely unnerving not to be able to verify her feelings. I wanted to know where the rest of the family was and why they hadn't made an appearance when they knew it was Bella who had come to the house. We all knew Bella well enough to know that she would never bring anyone to our home that was a threat to our life in Forks.

Instead of saying anything else to Esme, Bella cleared her throat and looked back my way as if cueing my entrance to the scene. When I didn't step out of the truck cab, Bella turned back to Esme.

"I'm glad you're all still here, or that at least _you _are still here."

"Yes, well . . ." Esme trailed off, clearly unsure of how to address the uncomfortable situation.

Even without knowing I had awoken in Bella's bed this morning, it was still the morning after one member of the family had tried to eat Bella and another one had broken her heart.

"Yes, well," Bella repeated, again looking my way with a pinched look on her face, "I would hate to think that you would all actually leave without saying goodbye to me—no matter what Edward instructed you to do."

A slight frown crossed Esme's face, as if she wasn't sure how Bella could have known about Edward's plan for the family. As quickly as the frown came, it left, leaving a slightly forced smile in its wake. "Do I get to meet your friend?" she asked, gesturing to the truck with her mug.

"Yes, if he would ever get out here." I could practically hear the eye roll in Bella's voice.

Like she had said before, it was now or never. With my head ducked, I slowly opened the door and stepped out. When I looked at her, time seemed to still, until Esme's mug dropped from her hands and shattered across the drive.

"Hello, Esme."

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**Author Note:** **Thoughts? I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**


	6. Chapter 6

******************Author Note: ****Thank you so much to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. All recognizable characters are the property of SM.**

* * *

_**********Previously:**_

_"I would hate to think that you would all actually leave without saying goodbye to me—no matter what Edward instructed you to do."_

_A slight frown crossed Esme's face, as if she wasn't sure how Bella could have known about Edward's plan for the family. As quickly as the frown came, it left, leaving a slightly forced smile in its wake. "Do I get to meet your friend?" she asked, gesturing to the truck with her mug._

_"Yes, if he would ever get out here." I could practically hear the eye roll in Bella's voice._

_Like she had said before, it was now or never. With my head ducked, I slowly opened the door and stepped out. When I looked at her, time seemed to still, until Esme's mug dropped from her hands and shattered across the drive._

_"Hello, Esme."_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"Hello, Esme."

As the shards from her mug skittered across the gravel drive, she breathed in sharply, and Carlisle's name was more of an exhale from her lips than a shout. Within a moment, he was at the door to the house, though he didn't step out, most likely because rushing to Esme's side would have shattered any illusion of humanity he had to uphold in front of Bella's "guest."

He couldn't see my face, but the moment I turned toward him, I swore he staggered back half a step. It was as uncoordinated as I had ever seen a vampire be . . . well, next to the act of one dropping a mug to the ground.

No one spoke immediately, but I could feel Carlisle's gaze painting a path over my body as he examined me from afar. I wasn't sure why he didn't approach once he saw who I was.

"Jasper?" he asked, amazed.

I nodded my head and he kept silently staring. The only sound that stood out was Bella's nervous toeing of the gravel at her feet.

"So, I take it you're both just as surprised as I was?" she nervously asked.

After a pause, Carlisle replied, "To say the least." Seemingly regaining his faculties, he added, "Why don't we all step inside. We obviously have much to discuss."

"To say the least." Bella snickered.

I raised my eyebrow at Bella. Where had she gotten this sudden influx of spark? Esme ushered us toward the house with a somewhat glazed look on her face, her eyes never leaving me. Carlisle held the door open, and I could see his nostrils slightly flaring as I approached. I wondered how I must smell to him, if the scent was purely human. Perhaps there was some sign he could find that would signal this condition as temporary.

When I was just feet from him, I felt an odd pressure on my chest, and my steps started to slow. The same pounding I felt when I awoke in the morning was once again making an unwelcome appearance. My breath started to pick up, and I frantically reached out for Bella's sleeve, stopping her from moving ahead of me.

"What is it?" she asked, looking at me with a mixture of concern and annoyance.

I shook my head because I had no clue what was happening to me. Had I reached out to her for comfort, or was it for protection—whether it be hers or mine? I no longer felt chilled as I had when we'd left the house, but I could feel my hair rising.

"He's frightened," Esme finally said.

I didn't turn to look at her, though I could feel her behind me, and my fingers began to twitch. Why was this happening to me? As if it weren't enough to feel physically weak, must I suffer through emotional vulnerability as well? Not a single sensation of the day was familiar to me.

"You go ahead," Carlisle said before darting further from the door, giving me some space.

His quick movement caused me to pull Bella to myself in an involuntary movement. She pried my hand from her sleeve and took it in her own before yanking me through the front door.

"Come on," she huffed.

I tripped over the door strip and as soon as I was all of the way inside, I turned sideways, awkwardly keeping an eye on Carlisle and Esme as we made our way into the living room. Bella didn't release my hand until we were both sitting on the white couch. Once we were seated, Carlisle and Esme made their way into the room at what would have been a slow pace even for humans. Without saying a word, they both sat down in the facing chairs, but they pulled them back a little to give us some distance.

Their eyes were on me, and I knew they were cataloging all of the differences and trying to reach some logical conclusion. I didn't know what I expected—perhaps an instant solution, the shouting of questions—but I hadn't anticipated the staggering silence that filled the room.

Before, I had mentally lamented the absence of sound in Bella's room, but the silence in this house seemed to create its own roar. Their lack of speech seemed to highlight the persistent tick-tocking of the hall clock, the rustling of Bella's clothing as she self-consciously shifted on the sofa, and the whirring of my own blood in my ears. I finally raised my gaze to Carlisle's face and wordlessly pleaded with him. _Fix me._

"How?" Esme quietly broke the spell.

"I don't know," I said, my focus still on Carlisle.

_Fix me_.

"Perhaps we should start at the beginning," he suggested.

My stomach seemingly dropped. Carlisle was being all business, which was a sign that he was feeling outside of his element.

"This morning—" I started, but Bella stopped me.

"Wait. Are you the only two here?" she asked.

"At the moment," Esme answered. "Rosalie and Emmett are out hunting, though they should be back any minute."

"And Alice?" I asked.

"She said she needed some space," she said softly with a hint of sympathy in her voice. "As we're leaving—" Esme's eyes cut to Bella as she stopped, her face remorseful.

"Please go on," Bella said, though she wrapped her arms around herself.

I knew she must be devastated by Edward's leaving, but these feelings had only shown themselves in brief flashes. So far, Bella had surrounded herself in a thick blanket of avoidance and sarcasm. If anything, the horrors of this morning had served as a distraction from the horrors of the previous evening.

"As we're leaving," Esme continued, "Alice volunteered to go reopen Rosalie and Emmett's property in Ithaca." Her mouth continued to move slightly, but I didn't hear any words coming out.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Oh, sorry," she said. "I was just confirming with Carlisle that I didn't think she even took her cell phone with her."

"Alice would go somewhere without her cell phone?" Bella asked incredulously.

"She would find a way to contact us if she saw anything worth noting," Carlisle offered.

"I would say _this_ was worthy of note," I said with a small bit of fury in my voice, but no one replied. I took a deep breath, happy to find that my breathing had slowed from its frantic pace on the porch. "Why wouldn't she have taken her cell phone though?" I asked.

"Perhaps because she was traveling on foot."

I looked at Carlisle in disbelief. Outside of an extended hunt, Alice hadn't traveled any considerable distance on foot since we first arrived on the Cullens' doorstep, and she hadn't spent more than a few hours alone since that rainy day in Philadelphia. Despite my anger with her, I couldn't stop a bit of concern from welling up within me.

"Alice decided to travel _across the country_ entirely on foot?"

"She said she needed the extra time to organize her thoughts," he told me.

I began to laugh. "Here I thought waking up human was going to be the most unbelievable part of my day." I felt like I was going mad.

Bella quietly chuckled next to me. "Now that we're back to the topic at hand, perhaps you should tell them about this morning," she prompted.

I ignored her and asked, "What about Edward?"

"He's also organizing his thoughts," Carlisle said, with a great deal of tact in regards to Bella. I took this to mean Edward was off somewhere with his head up his ass.

"But you don't expect him back anytime soon?"

"No," he firmly answered. "I do predict that Alice will call as soon as she has the phone line connected in New York, though you are right, _this _is certainly worthy of noting. It's curious that we didn't receive a call from her prior to your arrival."

"I suspect she's trying to block any visions of me at the moment, but you would think this would be nearly impossible _not_ to see."

Carlisle leaned slightly forward. "Yes. _Impossible _is the word I would use to describe a great many things about this situation."

I was amazed at how calm the two of them were still being. I was trying to be patient, but my mind was screaming for an answer—a cure—to this.

"So, this morning..." Bella attempted to get us back on track. For just a moment, I had forgotten she was still with us.

"Well, I suppose the story really starts with last night—" I began, but Carlisle started to speak again.

"Please come to the house, though enter very slowly," he said with his head cocked toward the windows. "My apologies," he said to Bella, "Rosalie and Emmett have just arrived within hearing range of the house and were curious about the duel heartbeats. Perhaps it is for the best that we all hear the story at the same time."

I heard the front door open and shut before I heard the sound of their shoes padding across the floor. I knew they were making an effort to make noise for whatever human guest awaited them.

When the sound of their footsteps stopped, I slowly stood up and turned to face them.

"Holy fuck!" Finally, Rosalie had given me the reaction I was waiting for.

"Is this a joke?" Emmett bellowed. "What the hell happened to you?" His face was twisted in confusion, and it looked like he was battling with himself whether or not he should come closer, but he eventually flew to my side, causing me to trip sideways back onto the couch.

"Holy fuck!" Rosalie repeated, not moving from her place.

"Emmett, be careful," Esme warned.

"Be careful of what?" he asked, practically shouting. "What's he going to do to me? Did _you_ dothis? What the hell is going on?" His voice kept rising, and I moved closer to Bella on the couch.

"You don't need to be careful _of _Jasper. At least...I don't think you do." She didn't look too sure, and I couldn't say either way. Perhaps I _was_ a danger to the family. We hadn't gotten that far in our discussion. Carlisle and Esme had been so frozen in their responses that we hadn't really gotten anywhere. "You need to be careful _for _him. He seems to be experiencing normal human responses to our proximity."

"What?" Emmett asked.

"He's scared of you," Bella provided. "By _normal_, she means humans who aren't defective like me."

"Bella, that's not what I—" Esme started.

"I am not scared," I insisted at the same time.

"Holy fuck!" Everyone's attention was back on Rosalie as she hesitantly made her way toward us. "He's...he's..." She floundered for an explanation.

"Human," Bella completed her thought and was rewarded with a slicing glare from Rosalie.

"Yes, I can see that," she spat. "What I can't see is _how_."

She very slowly reached her hand out as if to touch me, to verify if I was real, but when I felt the chill of her touch approaching, I automatically jerked my arm away from her. She pursed her lips, withdrew her hand, and moved to sit by Emmett, who had taken a place on the other sofa.

"When did this happen?" she asked seriously.

"We were just getting to that," Bella said, prompting Rosalie to growl in response.

"Why is it that she's even here?" Rosalie asked. "I thought _that_ matter had already been solved."

In response to her harsh words, Bella's grip around her waist tightened.

"Rosalie," Esme warned.

"No. I want to know why she's here. What the fuck is this, and what the fuck does she have to do with it?"

"_She _woke up this morning with _him _in her bed—like _this_." Bella's sudden outburst brought all eyes to her before they cut to me in search of an explanation.

"Maybe now I can get on with the story?" I asked, trying to swallow the small amount of fear I still felt from Rosalie's low growl.

"Babe, you're scaring Human Jazz," Emmett unsuccessfully whispered. "_Are_ you human?" he asked me with a look of horror on his face.

"I don't know. It appears so. I couldn't really say," I replied, stumbling over how to explain it all.

"Just tell them what you _do_ know." Bella's brief touch to my shoulder helped me to focus.

I wasn't sure which details might be pertinent to the story from before waking up in Bella's bed, but I didn't want to leave anything out that might be helpful to Carlisle. The first sign of strangeness I could remember was the warmth I felt from Bella's blood.

"I don't know what's important and what isn't, so I'll just start from the last moment when we were all together."

I told them about the possessive haze that took over me when Bella cut her finger yesterday. It was remarkable to think that scene had just been last night. I explained how Alice had seenthe aftermath of Bella's death and how upset she was. It was painful to describe the argument we'd had about what had happened, or what hadn't happened, when I lunged for Bella, but it was important they know the context for my next decision.

Bella had been quiet when I described Alice's vision of her death, but she let out a quiet squeak when I said I planned on going to her house to kill her.

"Bella," I quietly started, not sure of how to apologize for something that hadn't even come to be.

She wouldn't look at me. "It doesn't matter. Just keep telling your story."

Her voice was so flat, I couldn't get any sort of read on what she might be feeling, and I couldn't hazard much of a guess either. Looking around the room, everyone—even Rosalie—seemed to be disappointed in my admission, but no one said anything.

"Obviously, that didn't happen," I said in my own defense.

Rosalie huffed in impatience. "So what _did_ happen?"

I continued to tell them about how her blood was strewn across the carpet and collected in a piece of china on the floor. I looked around the room, still expecting to see some evidence of the previous mayhem, but of course, Esme had already taken care of everything. Had I been a vampire, the memory of Bella's splattered blood would have caused a spike of fire in my throat, but now I felt nothing. I even placed my hand to my neck, as if I would be able to feel the absent burning sensation with my touch.

With a look in Carlisle's direction, I told them how I licked her blood off the plate and about the frenzy it failed to inspire. I had expected Carlisle's apparent disappointment, but he looked intrigued by my reaction to Bella's blood. I didn't want to chance a look at her to see how she was reacting to this part of the story. I didn't know what might be worse from her at this point—disgust or passivity.

"I thought this was a sign that I was meant to end her life—that my blood lust was satisfied by my feeling of justification."

Surprisingly, Rosalie was the one to look disgusted. Then again, she was always somewhat self-righteous about her perfect record of never having had a taste of human blood.

"Instead of being filled with a desire to drain her, I felt pervading _physical_ warmth," I continued.

"Everywhere, or just in your throat?" Carlisle interrupted.

"Everywhere. I suppose it started in my chest, but it gradually spread across my whole body."

He leaned forward in his seat, curious. "Would you say it was uncomfortable or disquieting?"

I shook my head. "No. I would describe it as being overwhelmingly pleasant."

I could see Bella minutely turning to face me, but she still kept her gaze down and her arms wrapped around her midsection.

Carlisle seemed sated by my answer, so I continued the story. "I immediately set off for the Swan house in a burst of speed, but the closer I got...the slower my pace. When I finally arrived, I heard Charlie sleeping, and I could tell Bella had most likely cried herself to sleep."

Her arms visibly tightened around her waist, and she shrunk in on herself slightly. I could tell that Esme was struggling with the desire to want to get up and hug her, but unfortunately Bella's feelings were not the important issue at the moment.

"The closer I got to her, the warmer I felt."

Rosalie was glaring daggers at an oblivious Bella, as if this was somehow her fault this had happened to me.

"When I was in her room, I...uh...had a lot on my mind and wanted to sort through my feelings." I didn't go into the thoughts I'd had about Alice leaving me, or whether or not Bella was really Edward's mate. "I lay down on her bed to try to focus."

"Really?" Rosalie asked, though it seemed to be the thought on everyone's mind; even Bella spared me a glance of curiosity.

I ignored them all and kept on talking. "I started to focus on the sounds of her breathing and her heartbeat. It made me feel oddly at peace, and I realized that since stepping foot in her room, I hadn't felt a moment of blood lust. I was obviously surprised, because I'd never been in such close quarters with a human before. Nothing I thought of would bring a rush of venom to my mouth."

Carlisle nodded in interest, and Esme looked relieved.

"All of my vehemence at the house had disappeared, and when I thought of her death, there was a heaviness I felt. I couldn't say if it was guilt or what it might have particularly been."

I paused, and Rosalie interjected, "I don't see what any of this has to do with you being human now."

"I'm pretty sure he's getting there," Emmett said, in a rare show of speaking out against Rosalie.

She looked minimally contrite before saying, "Do go on then."

"The longer I lay next to her, the heavier I felt and the more my mind began to wander. I kept listening to the sounds of her sleeping, and every beat of her heart made me feel more and more at peace. For the first time in my life as a vampire, my thoughts turned to nothing."

Bella's arms slightly relaxed, and when I looked at her, she finally met my eyes and gave me the smallest smile, as if to encourage me to keep telling them what happened.

"I couldn't really say how long my thoughts were absent, though. It was like my mind fell asleep."

I was about to tell them about how my serenity had been shattered by the piercing sound of Bella's scream, but I didn't get the chance.

Abruptly, Rosalie let out a scream of her own.

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* * *

**Author Note:** **What do you think happened? I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

**Recs: "Rosalie's Baby" by Mortissues: "Romantically you dream of who will save you from your agony, care enough to return for the one left behind. Truly I must be cursed . . . ." An eventual J/B. **

**"Swansong" by Faithunbreakable: "She's Swan and she's just passing through, an accumulation of all you never knew. - AU diverging from New Moon." J/B **


	7. Chapter 7

**********************Author Note: Tomorrow's going to be a busy day, so I hope no one minds getting an update early.**

**************************Thank you so much to my betas JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I'm so touched by the response to this story. Also, I appreciate your patience with the cliffies so far. I happen to a fan of the cliffies. Consider yourselves warned for the future.**

* * *

_****Previously:_

_"The longer I lay next to her, the heavier I felt and the more my mind began to wander. I kept listening to the sounds of her sleeping, and every beat of her heart made me feel more and more at peace. For the first time in my life as a vampire, my thoughts turned to nothing."_

_Bella's arms slightly relaxed, and when I looked at her, she finally met my eyes and gave me the smallest smile, as if to encourage me to keep telling them what happened._

_"I couldn't really say how long my thoughts were absent, though. It was like my mind fell asleep."_

_I was about to tell them about how my serenity had been shattered by the piercing sound of Bella's scream, but I didn't get the chance._

_Abruptly, Rosalie let out a scream of her own._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

In a panic, my eyes searched Rosalie's figure, trying to see if something was wrong with her. Was she under some sort of attack? Was _she_ at risk of turning human?

Carlisle and Esme both shot to their feet, and Emmett pulled Rosalie protectively into his side.

My heart pounded in my chest, and I could feel Bella perched at the edge of the couch, her eyes darting back and forth, looking for the danger.

"Babe, what is it? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Emmett rapidly asked her as the echo of her scream faded.

"Ugh," she replied, scooting away from him and flipping her hair. "Jasper, could you possibly tell this story any slower?"

Emmett's face, which had been etched in worry, morphed into a look of anger. "Really, Rosie?"

"What?" she innocently asked, though it was clear she enjoyed giving everyone a rise. "Just because we have forever, doesn't mean he should take it."

"You scared us half to death!" Esme admonished as she sat down.

Never one to stay angry for long, Emmett lightly chuckled at Esme's choice of words.

"Sorry," Rosalie said in a rare apology.

I cleared my throat and ran my hands down my knees, hoping I could get on with the story—albeit at a somewhat faster pace. The four members of my family seemed to be having a conversation no longer fit for my ears. I was offended they would talk over me, though I realized they probably didn't even know they were doing it. Was this how Bella always felt when she was with us?

As I watched their lips barely move, I felt a tingling in my right shoulder. There was an annoying sensation just under the surface of my skin. I shifted back and forth in my seat, trying to get it to dissipate.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked me under her breath.

I pointedly ignored her and touched my hand to the spot. Pressing down caused some relief, but when I moved my hand across the area, the discomfort left completely.

No sooner had I alleviated the problem when it seemed to appear somewhere else. I chased it in a nonsensical pattern as it traveled willy-nilly over my back, causing me to squirm a little in my seat.

Rosalie didn't appear to be done with her complaints, though, as she let out a sigh. "Could you stop moving just for _one_ second?"

I glanced at my position on the couch, and I didn't think I had moved_ too_ much, but I couldn't help it. I twisted my arm uncomfortably behind me, trying to reach the offending spot, but I didn't have any luck. Unexpectedly, Bella swatted my hand away and scratched the spot herself.

_Sweet relief_.

Instantly, my back felt better, and I was filled with gratitude toward Bella. My eyes closed as I just enjoyed the feeling of her nails sliding up and down, and I couldn't bring myself to care about whatever reaction my family might be having to our behavior.

I opened my eyes and turned to thank her, but Rosalie snapped to get my attention. "If you aren't getting your hair out of your face or touching some part of your clothing, you're scratching yourself—or having Bella do it for you—for God's sake! The constant fidgeting and fiddling is enough to drive a person mad. While she's always twitching or whatnot, Bella doesn't seem to be flailing around the living room."

I narrowed my eyes at my sister. "I'm not _flailing_. Unless you failed to notice, I'm new to this body, and it obviously has some kinks to work out." I gritted my teeth and tried to control my urge to scratch the back of my neck where my itch currently resided.

Rosalie started to open her mouth to respond, but Carlisle stopped her. "Enough. Jasper, please continue your story."

I took in a deep breath and tried to release some of my aggravation toward Rosalie. I could only imagine how she must feel at seeing me as a human. She was always quick to dislike anything that might be a threat to the family. Now, she seemed like she was in full-blown protection mode, but I was sure other feelings would arise soon enough. I tried to catch her eye to show her a bit of understanding, but she was focused on Emmett's fingers, which were rubbing back and forth on her clenched hand.

"Rosalie's scream actually came at the proper place in the story," I said. Her blonde head whipped back up, anticipating a threat to be revealed. "Whatever darkness I had been floating in was instantly shattered when I heard a terrifying and ear-piercing scream."

No one moved, except for Bella, whose shoulders rose from her small chuckle.

"Yes?" I asked her pointedly. This story was going to take forever to tell with all of these interruptions.

"That was a little _dramatic_." She angled herself toward the rest of the family. "What Jasper means to say is I woke him up."

"You were asleep?" Emmett asked.

I ignored him and instead spoke to Bella. "It _was_ dramatic! Imagine never having slept before, only to find yourself awakened and under attack. I couldn't focus on anything because of the incessant racket you were making and the ferocious pounding in my chest."

"First, I didn't scream _incessantly_. Second, _you_ imagine waking up after the worst night of your life next to the vampire who tried to eat you."

"As terrible as that sounds," I said with mock sympathy, "I think my situation is a little worse. At least you woke up in the same body you fell asleep in."

She huffed. "We'll see how you feel if I try to eat _you_."

"You fed me bugs. Let's just call it even." I crossed my arms and prepared to keep telling the story.

"They weren't bugs and you know it," she said sharply.

"Well, I didn't know it _then_," I retorted.

"Next time, you can just feed yourself—you know, now that _I'm _off the menu."

"Hey!" Emmett barked, cutting in. "As charming as it is watching the two of you wiggle and spat, there _are_ questions to be answered."

"Thank you, Emmett," Carlisle said.

Emmett nodded with a smirk. "So, you were really sleeping?"

"Apparently," I said.

"Day one as a human and you're already sleeping with your brother's girl..." he trailed off mischievously just as Rosalie's hand smacked him in the ribs. "Ouch, babe. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Sorry."

I expected nothing else from Emmett.

"And you fed Jasper bugs?" he addressed Bella. He spoke right over her protest to the contrary.

"You never ate bugs when _I_ dared you to," he said accusingly.

"They weren't really bugs. It was just cereal," I explained.

"Thank you," Bella, slightly exasperated.

"You were able to eat food?" Carlisle asked with interest.

I nodded.

"And were there any adverse reactions?"

"None that I've noticed at least. There was no offending smell or taste to the food, and I haven't yet felt the need to eliminate it."

Emmett began to howl with laughter.

"What could possibly be funny about this?" I asked him annoyed.

"You do realize when you eliminate it, you won't be throwing it up, right?"

I paused. I hadn't thought about it at all.

"Emmett," Esme cautioned.

"Esme, come on! This isn't just funny, it's important. Jasper's got to be prepared," he said with a big grin on his face.

"Prepared for what?" Bella asked, not yet in on the joke.

"For Number Two," Emmett explained with a big grin on his face. Bella didn't appear to get it.

"Poop. Jasper's eventually going to poop."

At Emmett's words, not even Carlisle could keep the corner of his mouth from curling upwards.

"Man, I just hope we're here when it happens," Emmett said before howling with laughter again.

"Are you done?" I asked him. Despite my show of anger, I was worried about the implications. It had been a long time, and these weren't exactly the human memories you retained after your transformation.

"While Emmett might be off base in finding humor in the situation, it _would_ be a notable physical indicator as to your condition," Carlisle said.

"Forgive me if I don't keep everyone in the loop." I really wanted this line of conversation to stop. It also appeared to be making Bella uncomfortable. We had always gone to every length possible to make sure her "human moments" weren't potential embarrassments.

"Well, we can discuss samples later."

I gave a Carlisle a look that clearly said we would_ not_ be discussing those samples.

"There _are _samples I would like to have from you," he pressed.

I nodded, realizing the more we knew about my physical condition the better.

"We're getting ahead of ourselves, though. You'll have to forgive our curiosities. It seems we want to know everything at once. You told us you were able to eat, but what prompted that experience?" Carlisle was back to business.

I looked to Bella, hoping she would jump into the conversation. I wasn't really sure how she knew I needed to eat.

"His stomach was growling, so I offered to make him something to eat while he took a shower," she explained.

Carlisle placed his finger on his chin as if in thought. "Would you say you experienced any other hunger symptoms?"

"I couldn't really say. I'm not sure what hunger feels like, though it did feel like something was..._unsettled _in my stomach. I certainly didn't feel anything akin to needing to hunt."

"Are you hungry now, either of you?" Esme was ever the hostess. We both shook our heads.

"Thank you, though," Bella said.

"Were there any other sensations of note?" Carlisle asked. Even though he was the only one asking the questions at this point, everyone else seemed to be hanging on every word.

"It took a while to determine that the pounding in my chest was my heart, and the human indicators of fear were certainly confusing." I thought about everything I had experienced in such a short amount of time, but I knew I would never be able to explain accurately how it felt to live it all.

"I haven't tested it, but I would assume my strength and speed are at a typical human level. All of my senses seem dulled, but I was able to differentiate a range of water temperatures in the shower."

I was worried Bella would divulge the story of my shower mishap to the family, but she remained silent.

"My capacity for thought seems greatly diminished." Before Carlisle could interrupt, I kept talking. "I mean, I have the same set of knowledge and memories I did yesterday, but my recall is slower, and the amount of information I can process at one time has lessened."

"And your empathic abilities?" Carlisle looked at me expectantly.

"None."

"I see."

The family was starting to look uncomfortable.

"Carlisle?" Esme asked with concern.

He stood and walked toward the window. "I've certainly never heard of anything like this."

"Do you know anyone we could contact?" Rosalie asked.

He thought for a moment, his forehead creasing. "No. Even if I did, I would be hesitant to mention this to anyone outside of the family."

"Even if they could help Jasper?" Esme asked.

"Carlisle's right," I told her. "We don't know what could have caused this. This morning I was worried it was some sort of an attack. I can't be positive, but what else could it have been? Until we know for sure, I don't want to put the family at any unnecessary risk."

Rosalie looked relieved, but Esme didn't look satisfied by that answer, and she looked pleadingly at Carlisle.

"At this point, my suggestion would be to monitor your condition and see if there are any changes. There are many things I would like to ascertain, the most important of which would be the risks to you or the level of permanency."

"Permanency?" Esme gasped. "Surely, we'll find a way to fix this, or maybe it will just go away."

I hoped she was right.

"Fix this? Go away?" Rosalie asked, standing up. "What's _wrong _with him?" We all stared at her.

"We keep talking about Jasper's 'condition' like he has some type of affliction. _This …_" she gestured to me, "…_this_is not something to be fixed. _This _is the _cure_."

"Rosie," Emmett sighed.

"No. Don't, Emmett. This isn't some hypothetical conversation. This isn't pointless longing or needless lamenting. _This _is right in front of us. _This _is possibility," she continued.

For all of the brave and angry fronts she put up, I could practically see the hope shining through her. I would have never wished this for me, but if I wanted it for anyone, it would be Rosalie.

"Rosalie," I said gently, "we don't know how this happened—if it can be replicated...if it's dangerous...if someone or something caused it." I didn't want her to get her hopes up for something that might never come to pass.

"Replicated?" she asked. "Of course you would all jump to that conclusion first. Would I be complaining if this had happened to me? No. Though, for once, I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm thinking about Jasper and all of the possibilities it can offer him."

I didn't know how true her words were, but I saw the worry fade from Emmett's face. He held out his hand to her, and she returned to him on the couch, her fingers slipping into his.

"A life without thirst, without hiding, without secrets, without always living on the edge of everything," she said quietly.

"Let's just not get ahead of ourselves," I said, trying to keep my calm. I had come to the house to get answers, not to have more questions raised.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "I'll run some samples of your blood and see how it compares to humans. We should take samples every day to see if anything changes. I'll want you to keep a strict log of any and all experiences and sensations you have," he said to me.

That seemed like it was all we could do at the moment, as we were choosing not to involve others.

"I will try to do as much textual research as I can, though," he said.

Esme rose from her seat. "I'm just going to get you...you _both_ ...something to eat." Even though we'd said we weren't hungry, I knew Esme just needed to do something—anything—to feel helpful.

She was gone from the room before either of us could say thank you.

"What if this isn't just a problem for Jasper?" Bella asked, speaking up after her long silence.

"Are you're worried we're going to eat him?" Emmett asked. "Nah. Eating the guests is really Jasper's thing."

Bella repositioned her legs beneath her, and the rest of us stared at him slack jawed.

"Too soon?" he asked, shamed.

"It's fine," Bella said, not sparing a glance my way. "That's not what I meant, though I'm sure it is reassuring for Jasper to hear you don't want to eat him. What I meant was what if this just isn't something that happened to Jasper. What if it just happened to him _first_?"

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note: ****************************The last chapter garnered a lot of comments about how terrible Rosalie is. It's going to take her a while to warm up to things, but I am definitely a pro-Rosalie author. **

**********************************I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

******************************Recs: I may be missing the mark with many of you Bella/Jasper fans, but these are some of my favorite wolf pack fics- "Without M**agic, This is Home" by Aspirations of Whimsy (Bella/Jacob), "Almost Impossible" by RachelXMichelle (Bella/Jacob), "Breath Again" by ysar (Bella/Jacob), "Miror Quaenam Sis Tam Bella" by MeraNaamJoker (Bella/Paul), "When Darkness Falls" by La Vita Nuova (Bella/Paul)

**I love hearing your recs, too.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Note: I apologize for this being a day late. It's still in the beta process and may have some errors. If want a prettier chapter, you may need to wait a day or two before reading the chapter.**

**Thank you so much to JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024 for all their hard work on this fic.**

* * *

**Previously:**

"_Are you're worried we're going to eat him?" Emmett asked. "Nah. Eating the guests is really Jasper's thing."_

_Bella repositioned her legs beneath her, and the rest of us stared at him slack jawed. _

"_Too soon?" he asked, shamed. _

"_It's fine," Bella said, not sparing a glance my way. "That's not what I meant, though I'm sure it is reassuring for Jasper to hear you don't want to eat him. What I meant was what if this just isn't something that happened to Jasper. What if it just happened to him _first_?"_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Bella had given voice to one of my primary concerns. If my condition was the result of some sort of an attack, would the rest of the family soon be affected?

When I glanced at the faces around the room, the expressions were all one of shock. Esme appeared at the doorway to the kitchen with a worried look on her face. "Do you think this could happen to all of us?" she asked Carlisle before looking at me.

Carlisle seemed at a loss for words. "I don't know. We won't know much of anything until we discover how this happened to Jasper."

"We have to be prepared for the possibility that this was purposely caused," I warned as Esme darted back into the kitchen.

"Who would want to turn you _human_?" Bella asked incredulously.

Emmett laughed heartily and scooted forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees in a ridiculous approximation of human interest. "Who _wouldn't _want Jasper to be human? He's certainly a lot easier to kill that way."

Bella's startled gasp caused a phantom reaction in me. In the past, whenever she'd been surprised, I would step out of the room just as a precaution, lest I allow the delicate flush of her cheeks and the fluttering rhythm of her heart become a temptation. There were times when my newness to the Cullen diet was a source of agitation or embarrassment, but there were also times when I welcomed the familiar burn in my throat. While it reminded me of the monster I could allow myself to be, it also reminded me of the power I was capable of wielding. I hadn't always been an adolescent-posing, purse-holding, slacks-wearing quasi-vampire—no, I was capable of both the terrible _and_ the magnificent.

Her sharp intake of breath made my fingers curl into my leg, and I awaited the acidic burn in my throat. Of course, it didn't come. Both Emmett's words and my lack of physical reaction to Bella made me realize how fragile I truly was now.

It was clear I had a natural, fearful response to my family now that I didn't appear to be a vampire, but outside of realizing I may have fallen victim to an attack, I hadn't thought of other vampires in any depth.

When I should have been enjoying the sweet, staccato rhythm of Bella's pulse, I instead felt my own heart racing and pounding in my ears. I was completely without defenses.

"People would want to_ kill_ Jasper?" Bella interrupted the beginning of my panic.

"Oh, _yeah_," Emmett drew out.

Esme came back in the room and glanced at me with a look of sympathy that made me feel disgusted. Jasper Whitlock was not someone to pity.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but perhaps we could continue this in the dining room," she suggested.

We all rose and followed her into the scarcely used room.

"Bella obviously doesn't know my story." I said as I took my usual seat. "Suffice it to say, more in our world would wish me dead than alive."

Traitorously my heart rebelled against the calm I was trying to portray. While I took some comfort in knowing Bella wasn't witness to my new weakness, I hated that my family was aware. Since my awakening as a vampire, I had always been the most powerful and feared vampire in any grouping. It was completely contrary to who I was to be anything less than the best.

I tried to take command of my feeble human responses, but I didn't know the first thing about trying to slow my heartbeat. At least, by some small miracle, I wasn't panting. Thankfully, I had been left with some small shred of dignity still in my possession.

Bella's face continued to bear the blank stare of confusion that I'd come to think of as her signature look. "But _why_?" she asked as Esme started to set lunch out on the table.

"My upbringing wasn't exactly the same as the rest of the family's. I've made a lot of enemies in my time." I really didn't want to go into my history with her. I wasn't in the mood to look at her gaping mouth any more than necessary. Also, the more thought I gave to how many enemies I had who would love to see me so weak, the more I felt like I would embarrass myself.

I looked at the table and was surprised to see what was practically a buffet. Esme had provided sandwiches, soup, various salads, and something that looked like it would wiggle if I poked it. She always kept the kitchen stocked, both with basic ingredients—should Bella ever want to cook—and already prepared foods. We all knew Bella didn't like to draw attention to her human needs, so I was well aware that Esme's efforts were mainly for me.

I wasn't sure what would agree with me the most or even where to start. It also appeared as if Esme had set the table using every utensil we owned.

"I wasn't sure what you'd like," she said nervously. "I hope you can find something you enjoy."

"I'm sure I will. Thank you, Esme."

Bella echoed my thanks, and I decided to take her lead on what to eat first. I mirrored the way she lifted half a sandwich to her mouth, and I almost couldn't taste it, as I was focusing so hard on matching her chew for chew. I wasn't going to have a repeat of this morning.

I followed her in reaching for a water glass, but her hand faltered and then continued to reach before stopping again. I mimicked her odd, jerking movements only to hear her laugh. When I looked at her face, it was obvious she was playing with me after realizing what I was doing.

I scowled as the rest of the family chuckled. I was glad I was providing them with ample entertainment.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. Don't be upset," Bella said as she placed a warm hand gently on my shoulder.

She'd been running hot and cold all day. Then again, so had I.

"I was just having a little fun with you. Try to relax. You'll figure everything out."

I nodded and took a drink of water. The crisp liquid was just as pleasing as it had been at breakfast. I had to admit it was nice to partake in things at different temperatures and textures.

I loaded up my plate with a bit of everything Esme offered while Bella addressed everyone else. "Maybe we should return to the matter at hand. As a rule, humans don't like it when people stare while they eat."

Everyone looked slightly chastened, as they had all been raptly staring at my every move. I was glad she said something, though I would have liked to enjoy trying all of the new foods without worrying about contributing to the conversation.

"Do you think someone came here specifically to target you?" Rosalie asked, getting us back on topic.

I knew she must be worried about a threat coming to the family, and I waited until I had swallowed my bite of pasta salad before answering her.

_Slimy…but not as disgusting as I would have thought_.

"I couldn't say. I certainly don't know of anyone with an ability even close to this," I told her, moving on to the fruit on my plate. I had high hopes for the fruit, as produce actually had a pleasant smell for vampires.

"Do you think it could be the Volturi?" Rosalie addressed Carlisle.

"It's certainly possible, though I wonder why they would target Jasper first. It seems he would be far more valuable to them as a vampire than as a human . . . or dead," he responded. He looked like he was itching to get upstairs to start looking through his books and correspondences in search of any type of clue.

"Maybe they wanted him like this so they could get him back to Volterra without a fight," Emmett suggested. "Maybe they want all of us."

As each burst of fruit painted my mouth with flavor, I couldn't think of why the Volturi would try to weaken us as a coven and simply not kill us. If they wanted us to join their ranks, making us human first seemed like a pointless extra step. If they were doing this as an experiment, there were certainly vampires closer to them who they could humanize.

"If they wanted all of us, then they chose the wrong time, that's for sure," Emmett said.

"I don't think the Volturi really cares about our family drama," Rosalie said, waving her hand at Bella, who was sipping the creamy soup. "They obviously don't know about it, or there's no way she would still be alive. Though I can't see how they wouldn't know if they came anywhere near the house; the whole place reeks of human." There was no small amount of contempt in her voice. Her words were laced in anger, but even without my gift, I knew her tone was a front to cover how scared she was at the possibility of a Volturi attack.

"True," Emmett said with a sad smile at Bella, who set down her spoon and folded her hands in her lap. "If the Volturi come after you, Bella, we'll do our best to protect you," he added, trying to comfort her.

For once, the look on her face conveyed nothing, and I didn't want to stop eating long enough to try to discover what she was thinking.

"I appreciate that, but it won't be the first time a vampire has wanted to kill me," she said, looking at me in a sideways glance.

_So funny, Bella_.

I held a spoonful of the warm soup in my mouth without swallowing, trying to discern all of the flavors. There was some sort of green vegetable featured, but I wasn't sure if it was asparagus or broccoli; I would have to ask Esme. Either way, it was delicious and much more fun to eat than the green salad. I swallowed and then picked up my spoon from the bowl, letting the white liquid dribble back into the rest of the soup. For once, playing with my food felt satisfying.

"The Volturi wouldn't be the same thing as one vampire wanting to kill you," Rosalie said, addressing Bella but frowning at me and my soup antics.

"There's no reason to scare her unnecessarily," Esme scolded her.

"There's every reason to scare her. She should have been scared from the word go." Rosalie's voice rose slightly in pitch. "If she'd been scared from the beginning, she wouldn't have found herself in this position."

Bella flinched at her words, but we all knew they were true.

Rosalie wasn't finished, though. "I don't know what's in you, what you're without, or what's wrong with you that you have no natural instincts. The good news is you can rest easy knowing if the Volturi wanted you dead, you wouldn't be sitting here now. They don't offer reprieves."

"Thank you for that _good news_, Rosalie," Bella said, with a bit of spark to her voice, before she pushed herself away from the table.

Rosalie was right; Bella clearly had no natural instincts to fear us if she was willing to stand up to Rosalie. It was either that or she was dumber than I feared. However, I couldn't determine if this made her go up or down in my esteem. I chose to ignore making a decision on that and instead downed the rest of my water before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, much to Esme's chagrin.

Emmett put his arm around Rosalie in a way that looked like it had more to do with restraint than affection. "Thanks for pointing out that silver lining, babe. What I meant earlier was the Volturi chose the wrong time to attack because the two people they would want the most aren't even here."

"Edward and Alice?" Bella asked.

I had to bite into the rest of my sandwich to keep from saying something sarcastic in reply. They were the only two absent, so Emmett clearly meant them. _Bella's mental prowess was simply astonishing_, I thought with an eye roll.

"Do you think you're some sort of ransom?" Esme asked me.

"Possibly. Why hasn't Alice seen this, though? She said she wanted some space, but if something was going to affect her or the whole family, she would have seen it." It didn't make sense that she hadn't found a way to contact us, whether she left her cell phone or not.

"It's possible she's seen something and either isn't in a position where she can contact anyone or knows it's for the best if she doesn't," Carlisle mused. "Or, it's possible she hasn't seen anything at all. If she hasn't, that's an indicator it wasn't the Volturi. There's a chance this happened outside of a purposeful decision."

"After yesterday, I'm not so sure I'll be putting much stock into Alice's visions," Bella said, causing the corner of Rosalie's mouth to turn up in a grin.

"I agree," Rosalie said, surprising everyone. "I don't think we can really count on Alice right now. She's either choosing to ignore things or choosing not to use her gift at all."

"As long as I've known her, I have never known her to miss so many huge things like this," I said before shoving the last piece of bread in my mouth.

Bella was right; it was getting easier to eat the less I thought about it.

"Who's to say she missed them? Maybe there's a reason things needed to happen," Emmett suggested.

"I'm not sure I care to cast Alice in the role of master manipulator," I said.

"Jasper," Rosalie sighed, "you know better than anyone that you don't have to cast her as such. She appointed herself."

I wasn't sure what Rosalie meant, as I'd never known her to have many negative feelings toward Alice. The two of them had always seemed to interact as if they were true sisters; there were occasional fights, but they were bound by a strong affection.

"Alice always looks out for the best interests of the family as a whole, but that doesn't always lend itself to honesty. She'd do anything to achieve the outcome she wants," Rosalie explained.

"So what's the answer here?" Emmett asked.

"I think the only thing we can do is to wait to hear from Alice," Esme said as she started to clear the table.

"And if we don't?" I asked. "What if there's a reason Alice can't get into contact with us? What if Bella's first guess is correct, and Alice woke up to find herself human and alone somewhere between here and New York?"

My feelings toward Alice were so mixed at the moment, but I hated to think of her experiencing what I had that morning. She didn't know the first thing about being human, and she would have been totally alone when she realized her new form. It seemed too cruel that she would be cursed to wake up to a new life all alone—twice.

"I don't think that happened to Alice," Bella interjected.

"Because now you're an expert in all things vampire-to-human?" I snapped, throwing my napkin on the table just as Esme whisked it away.

Bella sighed heavily and closed her eyes. She looked like she was silently counting before she opened them again. "I'm trying to keep in mind the fact that you woke up on the wrong side of humanity this morning, Jasper, but amazingly, not _everything_ I say is meant to be incendiary."

I went to say something, but she had the nerve to raise her hand slightly, as if to stop me from speaking before continuing. "If Alice left before you last night, she wouldn't have been here to have fallen under whatever attack happened."

Carlisle nodded his head thoughtfully, but Esme frowned by the door. "What if Alice ran into whoever it was in the woods on her way out of town?"

"We took a pretty big loop on our run this morning, and neither of us smelled anything out of the ordinary," Rosalie offered.

"Maybe it wasn't an attack at all," Bella said.

"Do you have any great ideas of what it might have been instead?" I tried to be patient when delivering my reply, but by the look of her pursed lips I failed. If I weren't in my current state, I would have said something about how this conversation didn't necessitate a human audience. I strongly felt Bella was overstaying her welcome now that lunch was over.

"Did anything physically hurt last night?" she pressed.

"No," I admitted.

"And all that happened was you fell asleep and woke up this way in the morning? That doesn't sound like much of an attack."

It did sound odd, but there were attack skills that didn't inflict pain. However, I didn't feel the need to educate Bella on the various abilities found in the vampire world. "It wouldn't have to be that way to be an attack," I simply said.

"What if no outside source caused this? What if you just naturally reverted to being human?" she asked.

I ran my hand through my hair, exasperated. "Vampirism doesn't come with an expiration! After going through three days of hell to become a vampire, I don't think a catnap heralded the arrival of my shelf date."

This was absurd. Her entire presence at this point was superfluous. I jumped up, ready to escort her to the door if need be, but she appeared tired of this as well, as she was already on her feet.

"Fine. You're right. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'll just leave you all to it." She roughly pushed in her chair and started to head for the door before turning around. "I'm sorry this happened to you, Jasper. Is that what you want to hear? Try to remember _I _didn't do this to you."

In a fury, she stormed toward the doorway, and both Carlisle and Esme moved toward her at only a slightly-more-than-human speed.

"Wait!" Emmett called out in a booming voice, causing Bella to stop but not to turn around.

"What?" she asked with her back to him.

"What if you did?"

She wheeled around, looking perturbed. "What if Idid _what_?"

"What if you_ did _do this to him?" he asked in all seriousness.

"Great!" She threw up her hands. "This is crazy. Good bye," she said and started to spin around again.

"No, it isn't crazy," Emmett insisted. "It's certainly no crazier than Jasper waking up like _this_."

"_I _didn't do anything to him," she said angrily, coming a few steps closer to us. "I was clueless until I woke up with him next to me."

I honestly had no idea where Emmett was going with this idea, but I was happy at least to play along with blaming Bella; she _was_ the reason I went to her house the night before.

Emmett started to look excited, like he was going to be the one to fit all of the puzzle pieces together. "Do you remember when Rosalie just said, 'I don't know what's in you,' when she was talking about your lack of natural instincts?"

"Yes?" Bella clearly had no more idea than I did. One glance at Esme and Rosalie showed they were still in the dark, but Carlisle's face bore a look of slight understanding. That gave me some hope that this wasn't all utter nonsense.

"The first sign of something different was when Jasper licked up your blood. There was no frenzy. He felt _warm_. His pace was slower on the way to your house. Your blood didn't call to him in your room . . ." he trailed off.

_Impossible._

_._

_._

_._

* * *

**Author Note: ************************************I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

**************************Recs: Some recently read _complete _E/B AHs: "Faking It" by Spanglemaker9, "Same Time Next Year" by socact, "Through the Flames" by SparklingTwilight, "We Come to Life Beneath the Stars" by Lillybellis, "29 Dimensions" by Catastrophia, and "Breach" by Catastrophia. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Note: In my last batch of review replies, I let readers know that TLoD wouldn't be updating weekly for at least part of the summer. My betas and I all have different summer vacation schedules, so we're going to need to go every other week for a while. In addition to those scheduling issues, I will be leaving town for a month and will have limited internet access, so review replies may be delayed. **

**Thank you so much to JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024 for all their hard work on this fic.**

* * *

_Previously:_

_Emmett started to look excited, like he was going to be the one to fit all of the puzzle pieces together. "Do you remember when Rosalie just said, 'I don't know what's in you,' when she was talking about your lack of natural instincts?"_

_"Yes?" Bella clearly had no more idea than I did. One glance at Esme and Rosalie showed they were still in the dark, but Carlisle's face bore a look of slight understanding. That gave me some hope that this wasn't all utter nonsense._

_"The first sign of something different was when Jasper licked up your blood. There was no frenzy. He felt warm. His pace was slower on the way to your house. Your blood didn't call to him in your room . . ." he trailed off._

Impossible.

* * *

_Impossible._

Was it, though?

"Really, Emmett?" Rosalie asked. "That's what you came up with?"

"Thank you," Bella said with a wave. "I'm leaving."

"No." I tried to stop her, stepping toward her.

"Um, yes, I am. Goodbye. I can't say it's been fun."

"Emmett may be right. What's to say that if venom turns someone into a vampire that your blood couldn't do the reverse?" I asked.

"It _is_ an interesting theory," Carlisle added.

Bella shook her head but stomped her way back to the living room instead of toward the front door. We all trailed after her to see her sit down in a huff, hugging a pillow to her lap.

"Why would my blood be any different? We know this can't be true," she insisted.

"Do we? Enlighten us," I invited her.

"You aren't the first vampire to taste my blood, you're the third." She called me up short with that.

Her statement gave us all pause for a minute, and we resumed sitting in our previous seats. Rosalie was the first one to speak. "You're right," she admitted, "but not all of those instances were the same. Jasper killed James before any ill effects could make themselves known. Then with Edward, the blood he ingested was tainted with venom."

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure how much of a counter effect venom would have had for Edward, though he didn't drink enough of her blood to even alter his eye color. James only left the smallest amount of venom in her to withdraw."

"Jasper only had a few swallows as well," Esme pointed out.

"Maybe there's something unique about it being Jasper," Emmett suggested.

"So now there's something wrong with me _and _there's something wrong with Jasper. Doesn't that seem a little far-fetched?" Bella asked.

"Everything is far-fetched about this!" I yelled, no longer able to control my temper. This day had just been too much. "_You _find the sane answer."

"Enough!" Carlisle calmly stated, looking around the room. "If there's something unique about the effects of Bella's blood, there's an easy way to test this."

In response, it seemed like Bella and I both sucked in huge breaths in unison. Then the room seemed to erupt.

"You can't be serious!" I said at the same time Bella declared, "I'm not so sure about this."

"Whoa, Carlisle!" Emmett said, holding his hands out.

"Sweetheart, we should talk about this," Esme said softly.

Only Rosalie remained silent.

"We should talk about running a blood panel," Carlisle clarified.

At his words, there was a collective sigh of relief.

"I'm happy to know I'm off the menu for at least one day," Bella said, her body relaxing.

"Goodness, my apologies. I never meant to imply we would run an actual _experiment_," Carlisle said. He was as flustered as I had ever heard him. "I wouldn't want to attempt anything of that magnitude without having as much data as possible first."

"But we might eventually?" Rose asked quietly. Despite the softness of her words, we all felt the weight of them.

"I couldn't say," Carlisle said gently, "but we need much more information for everyone's peace of mind."

Regardless of how outrageous it seemed, the implausible idea of Bella's transformative blood and a potential attack by the Volturi were our best guesses. I supposed there were other enemies I had made along the way in my life, though Maria was really the only one to live long enough to tell about it. For the sake of my newfound nerves, I couldn't dwell on her, and I didn't even want to raise her name yet.

I'd promised myself I would never let her hold power over me again, and I meant to keep my word. The idea that she could have made me this weak was just unfathomable. I wouldn't allow it to be true.

Both my fear of the situation and the unknown weighed on me. It was as if there was a physical heaviness in my abdomen. I took a deep breath in and shifted to try to relieve some of my discomfort, but the weight was still there.

Briefly, I forgave Bella for some of her human awkwardness. Why must everything cause a physical response?

Moving on the couch actually seemed to exacerbate the pressure. I tried to think of something—anything else—to get my mind off my own situation. Unconsciously, my foot started to jiggle, and I glanced around the room looking for a distraction.

I frowned when I realized I could no longer see the tree where Alice had carved our initials when we first arrived in Forks. It was our ritual whenever we moved to a new property. I assumed I could actually see the tree, but it was now one of many. There was no differentiation at this distance. It seemed funny that instead of having a problem seeing the forest for the trees, I couldn't see a tree for the forest.

Perhaps it was for the best that I had one less reminder of what—who—was no longer in my life.

I started to drum my fingers on my leg, and though I felt calmer than I had, the pressure was still building in my body. I tried to focus on the conversation continuing around me, but my eyes kept shifting around the room. When I settled on Bella's undisguised smirk, my fidgeting temporarily stopped.

"What?" I asked under my breath, trying not to interrupt whatever Carlisle was explaining to Esme even though I knew they would hear every word.

"Perhaps you should excuse yourself," she said quietly with a grin.

I looked at her pointedly. "Perhaps I'm central to absolutely everything being discussed. Why would I leave? You're the one who was so keen to go earlier."

She shook her head minutely, but a slight blush rose in her cheeks. I waited for her scent to blossom around me, but of course, it didn't.

"You know the door is still in the same place," I whispered. Though I had tried not to steal focus, it seemed as if everyone was following our conversation.

"While we're pointing out the obvious, the bathroom is right over there," she said, indicating with her finger.

I was absolutely done with this. What was next, telling me what color the sofa was?

"I'm well aware of—" I stopped.

_The bathroom_.

How many times had I seen humans display signs like this in class? It seemed like not a period went by without some whelp wiggling around and raising their hand to be excused.

Before I could say another word, Emmett's booming laugh cut through the room. "Yes!" he cried.

I sent him a withering glare, not seeing where the excitement was to be had.

"It's Number Two time, Jazzy!" he said obnoxiously.

"I hate to burst your bubble, Emmett, but I'm pretty sure it's just Number One," Bella said with a chuckle. "That was a lot of water, Jasper."

"Yuck it up. I'm glad to see you're all so interested in my human developments," I said as I stood up and tried not to hurry across the room.

"I hope you don't have any performance anxiety with all of us sitting out here listening," Emmett called after me.

"I'm sure it will be fine," I said in response. Before Carlisle could ask for a sample, I glared at him as well. It could wait at least until the next round.

"Let us know if you need any help," Bella said, with what I was sure was a great deal of mirth and pleasure.

"I've got it. Thanks."

Just as I opened the door, Esme spoke up. "And Jasper, don't forget to put the seat down when you're done."

I slammed the door on the sound of her uncharacteristically crass snickering. I knew if I looked at myself in the mirror, I might be stuck in the bathroom for hours, so I avoided my reflection.

Emmett was right. It was disconcerting knowing there were four people outside the door who could hear every sound I made.

I tried to be a quiet as I could, but at the first bit of success, I couldn't help but sigh in relief.

_Much better_.

When I was done, I cleaned up my slight mess; my ability to aim had obviously decreased since my time as a human. I flushed and washed my hands while ignoring my new face in the mirror. I just wanted to get back in the living room and forget this moment of embarrassment. I didn't know how Bella ever managed this during her visits to the house.

I made my way back into the living room and was met with a proud look from Esme that made me roll my eyes, curiosity from Carlisle and Rosalie, and pure humor from Emmett and Bella.

"Well?" Emmett asked.

"Well what?"

"Was it as great as I imagined it would be?"

"You've imagined this?" I asked him. "We've obviously got to find you a new hobby."

"You're my new hobby, buddy." In a second, he was standing right next to me with his arm around my shoulder, making me incredibly uncomfortable. "This is going to be so much fun. You just wait and see." His grip tightened on my shoulder, and I winced. Every part of my body screamed to get away from him. Not noticing, he continued. "Carlisle, why did we wait so long to get humans? They're hilarious."

"I'm not a pet, Emmett," I said, trying to pull away from his grasp.

He immediately released me and put on a pout. "Hey, now, I know that! No one's a pet," he said, looking at Bella.

"Good to know," she said, slightly under her breath.

"Come on . . . let me have some fun, though," Emmett whined. "I can't wait to see what you'll figure out or not realize next."

"Well, I'm glad I can be a source of amusement for you. It isn't like there's an instruction manual for this." I brushed by him and resumed my seat on the couch. There were more important things to be discussed than the entertainment value of my humanity. "It isn't like I have a sire to guide me through this transition, you know."

I barely felt more than a gust of wind before Emmett was back in his seat, facing me. "Well, actually, you might," he said, looking excited again and then gesturing grandly at Bella. "Say hello to Mama."

"_Please_, Emmett," Rosalie said with a huff.

"Oh, no. I don't know anything about this. We don't even know if that's what happened." Bella looked incredibly awkward, and she was jutting her hands out as if she could push Emmett's words away.

"It doesn't matter, B, you're still the only human we _really _know," Emmett continued.

Though she'd just seemed fed up with him until now, Rosalie now joined Emmett's cause and turned to Bella. "If you had become like one of us, who do you think would have taken charge of _you_? Edward?"

Bella visibly flinched even though it wasn't the first time his name had come up. "Yes. I mean, I didn't think anyone would need to _take charge of me_. I'd no longer be the weak link."

I could see the anger flare up in her, but it was no match for mine. I snorted, and she glared in response. "At least for a little while you'd be even more trouble than you are now."

Rosalie shot up and started to pace rapidly before abruptly appearing before Bella. "He _really_ told you nothing of this life."

It was a statement, not a question.

In response, the hurt nearly rolled off Bella in waves.

In a rare show of tenderness—if that was what it was—Rosalie crouched down slightly before deciding to sit directly in front of Bella on the coffee table. "It may not seem this way to you, but I mean this with every kindness. Edward was trying to _protect_ you."

"He was trying to blind her," I insisted, leaning away from Rosalie's icy proximity.

"To the ugliness and the danger—"

"To everything!" I yelled, scooting as far down the couch as I could. "He opened her up to danger the moment he decided to come back from Alaska."

"Can we not talk about him anymore?" For the first time, Bella looked like she was on the verge of tears.

Rosalie nodded. "Good for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bella was trying hard to hold onto her anger instead of the hurt.

"You'll understand when you're wiser, and hopefully older. Anyway, the point is if you had become like one of us, the person most likely to babysit you would be Jasper."

She recoiled slightly, as if my name was the last one she expected to hear. "_Jasper_?"

It was obvious everything she saw in me was weakness. It wasn't just my new weakness as a human; to her, I'd been the most out-of-control Cullen, the one who wasn't trusted around humans, the one who always had a hard time. I'd been stuffed into role after because Alice had said they were for the best. Now, Alice was gone, and all I had was a stack of memories of me trying to do her bidding and failing—that, and a tree I couldn't even see anymore.

I was done being the weak link, and I sure as hell wouldn't have Bella Swan looking at me as if I were something beneath her. I was Jasper Whitlock. _The _Jasper Whitlock. It didn't matter what form I took, I tried to tell myself.

"That's a story for a different day," I told her, not caring to explain who I really was or who I had been, "but let's just say newborns are my specialty."

Esme moved to join Rosalie on the coffee table in front of Bella, and she reached out to touch her hand. "You're under no obligation, certainly, but your participation as a sort of mentor to Jasper would be appreciated."

"I don't need one." I tried to keep all indications of a pout out of my voice.

Both Esme's and Carlisle's faces snapped to me. "Yes, you will," Carlisle insisted nicely.

I refused to be the weak link, regardless of my current condition.

"I would assume much of this is instinctual, and we all know I've lived closer to my instincts than any of _you_."

I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, no matter how true they were. Not one member of our family deserved to be spoken to like that. Carlisle looked like he was making a conscious decision to let my impertinence slide. It wasn't often that he asserted himself as the leader within our family, but for a moment, I saw a flash of the alpha male he could be.

"I'm sure it _is_ mostly instincts," Bella said, drawing my attention away from Carlisle. "Instincts . . . like chewing," she added, referencing the morning's cereal blunder with a chuckle.

"Don't make me regret letting you live," I grumbled.

She knew I didn't mean it, and I hated myself for not meaning it. There was nothing I could stand less than duplicity, but I supposed I could pass that remark off as mere sarcasm.

Esme raised her eyebrows at me in a very maternal fashion. "Don't speak to her like that, Jasper. You'll need her," she warned.

"I don't need _anyone_." I crossed my arms across my chest and then thought better of that decision, lest I look like petulant child—or Bella.

I wanted to believe I didn't need anyone, but the lies were adding up by the second. I hated I had been reduced to that. What I really needed was for Carlisle to have some answers for me.

"I don't think that's true, bro." Emmett said, with a shake of his head. Thankfully, he didn't attempt to come any closer. The nearness of Esme and Rosalie was driving me mad, and I couldn't believe Bella could be so calm with how close they were to her.

Bella didn't seem to sense any danger from my family at all. She was even leaning forward in her seat. "That's beside the point. It's been made clear—even if you didn't get the chance to act on it—that this family doesn't need me."

The ghost of the words "doesn't _want _me"hung around her words.

I shifted uncomfortably, and Esme and Rosalie returned to their positions next to their mates with equally sad and guilty looks on their faces.

Emmett threaded his hand through Rosalie's and smiled a melancholy smile at Bella. "It would have been to protect you."

"It would have been to abandon me—to have it be like _I _never existed." She defiantly crossed her legs.

I tried not to feel sympathy for her, but the two of us had essentially been having the same conversation last night with Edward and Alice, respectively. I didn't need to _try _to sympathize; I knew exactly what it felt like to be abandoned by someone you loved and who you thought loved you. At least _I _knew Edward had truly loved Bella.

Esme looked like her heart was breaking for the girl. "Bella . . ."

"Please, don't," Bella said softly. "I guess it doesn't matter. _I _wouldn't be that quick to turn my back on _you_, though."

Everyone else had the sense to look contrite at her implied accusation.

She stood up and looked me in the eye. "I'll do it."

She needn't feel like she was doing me any favors. I had no desire to be beholden to her, of all people.

"Don't think I'll be indebted to you. You're not obligated."

"No, I'm not," she agreed. "I'll consider us even after this. You saved my life in Phoenix, though you then tried to end it last night. This is . . . this is . . ." she floundered. "I don't know what _this_ is, but don't mistake my acceptance for kindness."

Her eyes narrowed and her posture straightened with a small, unexpected amount of confidence. For a second, I traitorously felt proud of her. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home. If you truly need me, call, but I need a little space from all of this—from _all_ of you."

And with that, she headed out the door.

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* * *

**Author Note: ************************************I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

**************************************As I said in my opening author note, chapters will now be coming every other week, though I hope to get some writing done while on vacation. **

**************************************Recs-here are some WIPs I'm reading that all updated this week: "Constant Bearing, Decreasing Range" by beegurl13 (B/E, AH, fishermanward), "Dogstar" by spanglemaker9 (B/E, AU, E doesn't return from Alaska), "No Ordinary Proposal" by twilover76 (B/E, AU, olderward), "The Agreement" by gemgirl65 (B/E, AH, escortward), "Beyond the Scope" by Catastrophia (B/E, AH, doctorward, drabble with daily+ updates). ****************************************If you aren't reading Bedelia's J/B AU "A Forest Fire" yet, get on it. **

**************************************There isn't a lot of AU out there right now, so if you're reading an AU you like, let me know about it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author note: Thank you all for your patience and your well wishes for my vacation.**

* * *

_Previously:_

"_I'll consider us even after this. You saved my life in Phoenix, though you then tried to end it last night. This is . . . this is . . ." she floundered. "I don't know what this is, but don't mistake my acceptance for kindness." _

_Her eyes narrowed and her posture straightened with a small, unexpected amount of confidence. For a second, I traitorously felt proud of her before she continued, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home. If you truly need me, call, but I need a little space from all of this—from all of you." _

_And with that, she headed out the door._

* * *

**Chapter 10**

After Bella left the house, the atmosphere descended into chaos. Everyone was talking at once, and at a speed I could barely understand. We bounced from subject to subject for hours.

Should we be worried about Alice? Should we attempt to contact Edward? What was the likelihood this was permanent? Would I desire to be a vampire again? If I was going to remain human, could I successfully undergo the transition to becoming a vampire again? How would my actual age affect my physical health and immunities? Why hadn't Edward shown an adverse reaction to Bella's blood? What would happen if the Volturi discovered me? What if they discovered Bella? Would this affect our treaty with the Quileutes?

Though the conversation ran into the evening, there were still so many things we had yet to discuss. I eventually couldn't hold my eyes open anymore. The powerless feeling that came with yawning was disconcerting, but I was truly alarmed by my inability to think straight or keep my vision focused. Carlisle assured me those were perfectly normal indicators of fatigue and I just needed to rest.

I didn't want to miss the discussion, but I knew I needed to lie down. As I made my way to my bed, I chuckled at how this was the first time it would be used for its proper purpose. I didn't even look around to see if Alice's things were still there, I just passed out face first on top of the bedding.

I would have expected to sleep soundly, as it was only my second slumber in over a century, but my sleep came in fitful stops and starts. Every half an hour or so, I would wake up drenched in sweat with my heart pounding. At first I thought it was because of all of the shocks to my system. I lay awake trying to listen to the noises of the house. There were so many sounds I had been used to in our home—the steady swishing of the grandfather clock's pendulum in the foyer, the sump pump in the basement turning on, the whispered conversations of the other couples in the house, turning pages, quiet humming, the shushing noise of a pencil sketching. None of those sounds were present to comfort me. Instead, I listened to the droning silence and wondered where in the house my family was, what they were doing, what they were discussing.

That wonder quickly turned to paranoia, which turned to fear.

I was, after all, in a house full of vampires. Had they all hunted the day before? What if my blood smelled as pleasant to them as Bella's had to me—or worse, to Edward. I couldn't even calm myself with the thought that my family would never do anything to hurt me. Bella had thought of us as family and look how that had turned out for her.

I wished futilely that I still had some sense of my gift so I could channel some calm. The lack of control over my physical responses was grating. It felt like I was just along for the ride and clutching on for dear life as my body and mind hurtled at breakneck speed toward insanity.

When I saw the sun start to rise in the morning, I couldn't guess how many hours of sleep I actually got, but I knew it most likely wasn't enough. My body felt heavy in the bed, and my eyes itched with fatigue. As weak sunbeams filtered through the window, my eyes began to close again, but before my mind could go completely blank, there was a timid knock at the door.

Despite its gentle nature, it startled me, and I shot up in bed.

"Jasper," I heard Rose call, "do you mind if I come in?"

Unconsciously, I gripped at the sheets around my waist.

_It's just Rose. She's your sister. She would never hurt you. She, above everyone else, wants nothing more than to protect your present humanity_.

I tried to talk myself out of the automatic fear response.

"It will just be for a second. I only want to bring in the breakfast Esme made for you," she said when I didn't answer.

I took in a large breath of air before telling her to come in. Carefully she eased the door open and made her way to me at a slow human pace, with a tentative expression on her face. I didn't reach out to grab the tray from her, so she set it at the foot of the bed before taking a few steps back.

The increased distance between us made me feel much better. Unfortunately, I could tell it did the opposite for Rosalie. Her normally stunning face was marred with a look of sadness. Her expression remained unchanging as her eyes roamed my face. Once she found whatever it was she was looking for, she cast her eyes to the floor.

"What?" I asked her, overcome with curiosity. "Am I different?"

She looked up. "No. I mean yes. No."

That cleared up nothing.

"You're no different than you were yesterday; I'm just shocked at how _not _different you seem from 'Vampire Jasper'. When I first saw you like this, all I could see was the new and the strange. Today, I can see how much is the same. You're still _you_," she said with tenderness.

I scoffed. "It certainly doesn't feel that way to me."

"I suppose not." She laughed. "You're still very handsome. Em was as a human as well. I haven't thought about what he looked like as a human in a long time." She moved to sit on the bed, but I automatically pulled back a little.

She immediately stepped back. "Enjoy your breakfast," she said with a sad smile before disappearing.

I spent much of the next two days not moving from my spot in bed. My sleep was still erratic, and what bits I could get were fraught with nightmares filled with every vampire I had ever encountered. As an observer, sleep had always seemed so peaceful. I didn't know why I couldn't seem to get it right as a practitioner.

Not even my family was exempt from my horrible dreams.

I knew there were things we should perhaps be doing, but I didn't want to approach anyone in the house until I could do it without being afraid of them. Despite my best efforts to gather control of my instincts, my heart always started pounding at every knock on the door.

Esme started leaving trays of food outside the door at regular intervals. At various points, Carlisle would leave cups for samples like hair and urine. The most useful thing to test was my blood, but Carlisle knew there was no way I would consent to having my blood exposed to one of them—even him.

Emmett was the only family member who hadn't made an appearance at my door—until the afternoon when the door flew open, revealing his massive form.

His arms were crossed in front of him. "Okay. That's enough of this. You've got to get out of this room!" he boomed.

It took all of my resolve not to react to the frightening volume of his voice.

"You're human, not dead. Stop moping and stop cowering."

I was most certainly not _cowering_. I rationalized to myself that the fear I felt toward my family was perfectly rational, especially as I knew more than any of us what vampires were really capable of.

Emmett crossed the room and was at the side of the bed in a flash. "Ugh," he said with a grimace. "Dude, you stink. Seriously, get up. I came in here to make you come downstairs, but the first stop has to be the bathroom."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Would you stop obsessing with my bathroom needs!"

He was gone before I even got all of the words out of my mouth but reappeared in the entrance to my ensuite. I could hear the shower running.

"I mean it. You _stink_. If I wanted to smell teenage man funk, I'd join the football team. Go get in the shower," he ordered.

I begrudgingly got out of bed and scooted along the wall until he moved farther away from the bathroom door.

"While you're in there, take a good look in the mirror. You look like shit."

I scowled. "Thanks, Emmett. That's real swell of you to point out."

He cracked a smile. "Actually for a human, you're not that bad, but you do have fuzz sprouting everywhere."

I wiped my hand across my jaw and felt the sharp prick of my facial hair. I was actually eager to see it in the mirror. I hoped he was exaggerating about how bad it looked, because there was no way I was shaving in a house full of vampires.

"We'll obviously need to get you some human stuff from the store—anything that will keep you from smelling like _this_." He wrinkled his nose and turned to leave the room. "The good news is the new _eau de Jasper_ keeps us from wanting to eat you." He turned his head and winked at me before closing the door on his way out.

"Haha," I called out after him.

I leaned my head down to sniff my shirt and grimaced. Emmett was right; I _did_ stink.

After showering and inspecting my unfortunately patchy facial hair, I made my way downstairs to greet a smiling family. They were all standing in the kitchen feigning casual stances, as if they had all happened to run into each other in the least-used room of the house.

"Esme and I picked you up some lunch," Rosalie said, gesturing to some containers on the kitchen counter. "It's supposed to be from Texas."

Her nervousness was obvious, and I smiled at her effort and thoughtfulness.

"Thank you," I said, before sitting down and putting a napkin in my lap.

I'd only had a few bites of my meal before Carlisle spoke up. "I think we need to discuss your position in the house."

My fork stilled mid-bite. Did they not want me here anymore? Had I been making it too difficult for all of them?

"Being here with us obviously isn't good for your health. You can barely sleep. What little sleep you do get is clearly plagued with nightmares, and it takes a tremendous effort on your part to be in the same room with us right now," he said, staying across the room.

I set down my fork and wiped my mouth with the napkin. "It's only been a few days. I'm sure it will get better," I argued.

He nodded in understanding. "I'm sure it would get better with time, but we're not sure if time is a luxury we have right now. There are so many unknowns, and until we have a better idea of the situation, we won't be able to address those concerns."

I didn't know what was going to help.

"We won't know anything until I can run samples of your blood and prepare some tests with both venom and Bella's blood." He held up a hand, as if to calm my reaction to him asking for blood. "I know you're uncomfortable with me taking a sample. I think the best course of action would be to set up an appointment with a phlebotomist at the hospital, and I can run the tests afterward."

That sounded like a much better idea than him opening up my veins at home and inviting the temptation of the whole family.

"I don't see what that has to do with my _position _in the house," I said, returning to my lunch.

"We want you to be in the best health you can be," Esme said kindly. "It kills us to see you frightened."

I bristled at the accusation, despite the truth in it.

"You need to be able to sleep," Rosalie insisted.

Esme glanced around the room, as if seeking silent support. "We think it might be better for you if you slept somewhere else for a little while—just until you feel more comfortable."

My fork crashed against the plate.

"You're kicking me out? _Now_? Where would I go?" I questioned.

"No one's kicking you out," Emmett insisted. "You could stay here all day if you wanted—"

"We just want you to get a decent night's sleep," Rosalie interrupted him. "_We _would leave the house at night if we thought it would make it better, but we don't think it will."

She was right. I would always wonder if they were truly gone or not or if someone had left and then come back. There was also the fear the family would step out, and we would have a visitor—a vampire visitor—who would discover a lone and weak human in the house.

"Where would I go?" I repeated.

"There are some small rentals available in Forks and in Port Angeles. It's up to you how close to us you want to be. You'd be closer in Forks, but we'd also have to create a story for why you were back in town but not living with us after having graduated," Carlisle said.

"So we're staying here, I take it, or at least _you're_ staying here?" I asked. "_Operation Abandon Forks and All Things Bella_ has been aborted?"

"I would say so," Carlisle answered. "I think it's best to stay here until we know for sure what's happened to you. When we finally get in contact with Alice, we'll let her know . . . if she doesn't already. She may still want her space and choose to remain in Ithaca for a while."

"Forks it is . . ." I mumbled, not happy to feel like I was being kicked out of the family, but somewhat relieved I wouldn't feel constantly threatened by their presence.

"Jasper," Rosalie said seriously, "this isn't forever. As soon as you're more comfortable, we want you back. We just want what's best for you."

"Yeah." I snorted and ignored them, lost in my thoughts for the rest of my meal.

I hadn't lived alone since finding Alice in that diner, and I couldn't wrap my head around how that made me feel. Even then, it wasn't as if I had a residence; I'd just floated from place to place, meal to meal.

By the time I started listening again, the plan was apparently to tell people I'd decided to put off college for another semester but still wanted a little freedom. I doubted I would ever actually need to explain myself, as no one ever got close enough to us to ask questions. However, it was best to be prepared, especially if I was going to be seen buying groceries—and whatever humans used on a daily basis to stink less.

As for Alice and Edward, there was a family emergency requiring their attention elsewhere. Even those who did manage to get close enough to ask questions—generally Carlisle's coworkers—were too sensitive to ask probing questions about our adopted origins.

Apparently it was all settled. I was moving out.

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* * *

**Author note: **

******I would love to hear your thoughts. I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

**Now that I'm back from vacation, we won't have such a large gap again, but TLoD will be updating every other week to accommodate the summer plans of my betas. Looking at my inbox lately, I can see this is also the current trend for most WIPs.**

**Thank you so much to JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024 for all their hard work on this fic.**

**Recs: What I've been reading lately: "Practice to Deceive" by Livie79, "Stay" by crimsonmarie, "Hit and Run" by lifelesslyndsey (I _really_ suggest this Bella and Alistair fic.), "On the Double" by MasenVixen, and "Moments" by SydneyAlice. **


	11. Chapter 11

_Previously:_

_By the time I started listening again, the plan was apparently to tell people I'd decided to put off college for another semester but still wanted a little freedom. I doubted I would ever actually need to explain myself, as no one ever got close enough to us to ask questions. However, it was best to be prepared, especially if I was going to be seen buying groceries—and whatever humans used on a daily basis to stink less._

_As for Alice and Edward, there was a family emergency requiring their attention elsewhere. Even those who did manage to get close enough to ask questions—generally Carlisle's coworkers—were too sensitive to ask probing questions about our adopted origins._

_Apparently it was all settled. I was moving out._

* * *

**Chapter 11**

I was dying. It was official.

I hadn't been able to go more than twenty minutes without rushing to the bathroom. I knew I should call Carlisle; perhaps he could even help. Throwing a glance toward my kitchen from my spot on the couch, I was worried not even Carlisle could save me, though.

With every effort I possessed, I pushed myself up from the couch until I could just reach my phone on the end table. I strained to grasp it, but once it was solidly in my hands, I debated for a minute before dialing.

The phone rang several times before being answered. "Yes, I've got it," I heard her huff before she spoke into the receiver. "Hello?"

"Bella . . . I need your help," I groaned. I couldn't believe I was stooping to this.

"Jasper, is that you?" she whispered, as if she didn't want anyone to hear my name.

"Of course it is." I tried to keep the bite out of my voice, but I was convinced at any moment I would be speaking my final words.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her tone instantly worried. This was much better than the anger I had anticipated would come with my call.

"I'm pretty sure I'm dying," I told her.

"Oh . . . um . . . shouldn't you call Carlisle or 911 or something?" She sounded slightly panicked.

"I can't explain it all on the phone, but I don't want the family right now, and I don't think I could explain things to the hospital staff. Can you just come?" I didn't want to beg her, but as I doubled over in pain, I was close to lowering my personal standards. "Please?"

"Are you at the house?"

"No." I told her the address on the opposite side of town before asking her to please hurry.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Do you need me to bring anything?"

"I have no idea," I told her truthfully. "I just need you to come."

"Wait." She paused. "You need _me _or you need my blood for some additional vampire voodoo?" she asked warily.

"You, just you. Hurry," I said before tossing down the phone and rushing across the room.

~*TLoD*~

Once I finally felt like I could leave the bathroom, I stumbled back into the living room and heard a timid knock at the door.

"It's unlocked," I called, collapsing back onto the sofa. I truly hoped I wouldn't die on this hideous piece of plaid furniture.

The door opened and Bella stepped in, dropping her keys and bag on the floor before rushing toward me, only to stop a few feet away.

"Is it safe for me to come closer to you?" she asked.

"I don't know the first thing about humans dying outside of how I would kill them," I said, closing my eyes. "Dying like this seems exceptionally cruel."

"So you really think you're dying? Maybe you're just changing back. In that case—in _any_ case—I think we should call Carlisle. I don't know how you think I'm going to be able to help you."

I opened my eyes, and when she moved toward my phone on the floor, I stuck out my arm to stop her. "Don't call him!" I ordered.

"Jasper, he could probably help you," she said sternly, brushing her brown hair out of her face.

"Please, I don't want to see him," I said softly.

"Fine," she said, crossing her arms. "Then I'm going to assume you aren't really dying, you're just being melodramatic. However, if I do think you're really close to death, I _will _call Carlisle."

I reluctantly nodded. I couldn't force myself to tell her that I was frightened to be around my family still, but I could offer something. "I don't want anyone to see me like this."

"They're your family. They love you. They would want to know if something was happening to you."

"I know that. I've just . . . I've never been weak in front of anyone, and I don't want to start now. There's so much I can't control right now, but I want to at least control this," I said with great effort, willing myself not to get sick again.

"But you called _me_?" she asked. "It's okay to look weak in front of the weakling?" she asked, her chin raised. I wasn't sure if she was amused or annoyed.

"I . . ." I stopped, not wanting to make things worse. "Who else _would_ I call?"

"Right," she said slowly, tapping her foot.

"I know you don't want to be here, don't want anything to do with me—"

"Don't do that," she warned, her eyes narrowing..

"Don't do _what_?" I asked.

"Don't try to tell me what I want or think or feel."

I chuckled, much to my stomach's dismay. "That's kind of my gig—or _was_," I joked.

Her eyes clenched shut, and she released a big breath before opening them again. "Just don't. I'm here. That's good enough. I'm done with being told how things should be, how things are, how things will be, how _I _am, how _I _will be. I'm done."

She sat down in the green chair across from me, and I nodded. I could tell she was talking about so much more than just what was going on with me, but I didn't have the time to help her deal with her issues. I eyed the bathroom door and weighed whether or not I needed to make another trip. I breathed deeply and tried to focus on anything other than my seemingly percolating stomach.

"Good. Now that we're both on the same page, why don't you tell me what's wrong with you, or at least what you know," she said with a slight hint of sympathy in her voice.

"I'm dying," I repeated. Wasn't she listening?

"Yes, I've heard that." She rolled her eyes. "Tell me specifically what makes you think that way? What's happening to your body?"

I groaned at the thought of even talking about it, but she needed to know. "I think my insides are rotting."

"Would you say your stomach hurts?" she asked.

"Everything hurts," I said truthfully, "but my stomach is a large part of it, though there can't be anything left in it."

"So, you've been vomiting?"

"Yes, as _one_ of the methods of eliminating. It's been tortuous." I leaned back and tossed my arm over my eyes, still focusing on calming my stomach.

"Well, it certainly isn't pleasant," Bella said.

"As if you would know," I snapped without warning.

"Um . . . I would. _Human_, remember? This happens to all of us at some point," she said, standing up and walking toward the kitchen.

I silently huffed. "Yes, it does." Smartass. "Though isn't it with the hope that you'll all be grey and ancient and warm and toasty in bed with a smile on your sleeping faces when it happens?" I asked as I heard her opening and closing the cabinets in the other room.

"I didn't mean _dying_, Jasper. I meant intestinal distress," she called to me.

"Intestinal _distress_ is putting it mildly," I told her, hoping she was slamming around in there searching for a cure.

"Fine," she said, walking back into the room. "I was trying to be delicate toward your feelings. Would _Diarrhea of Dastardly Death _be better?"

I opened my eyes and my mouth to tell her exactly what I thought of her sarcasm when she shoved a glass of water toward me.

"Here, drink this. You need to stay hydrated." Next, she handed me a cold, wet washcloth. "This is for your head or the back of your neck, wherever it feels best."

"Thanks," I said, accepting both. "I don't think I can bring myself to put anything else in my stomach, though. There's no need to give it more fuel."

"You called _me_, remember? You're the one who wanted my weakling assistance. Please, drink up. You need to replace your liquids, and I promise that throwing up with something in your stomach is a lot more pleasant than throwing up with it empty."

I begrudgingly brought the glass to my lips and drank the cold water, not realizing how thirsty I was until I swallowed. As I started to down the glass, Bella grabbed onto it.

"That's enough for now. You'll want to drink it slowly and periodically."

"I'm glad you know so much about this," I said without humor in my voice.

She shrugged. "I'm probably not the best source—especially considering your immediate family contains who might just be the world's best doctor, but I do have nearly two decades of vomiting experience."

If it were possible, I think my face paled even more than it already had. "Oh, God," I cried. "This happens often?"

Bella's immediate response was to laugh heartily. "Usually not," she clarified. "This type of thing might happen hopefully not more than once a year, if even. You've just been unlucky to have it happen in your first week as a human."

I still wasn't pleased with her finding humor in this; everyone just seemed to see the hilarity in my digestion process. Emmett would have a field day if he knew what was happening to me right now—well, unless I _was _truly dying. He was still a part of the reason I couldn't let the family know what was happening to me.

Despite my aggravation with her, I was glad she'd cleared up the fact that this type of illness was somewhat typical for humans. Perhaps it wasn't as fatal as I'd originally thought. I still didn't know what had caused it or how long it might last or, more importantly, if it would get worse. That thought had me turning absolutely green.

"Can you make it to the bathroom?" Bella asked.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You looked like you were going to be sick again."

I lay absolutely still and tried to focus on the cool cloth against my forehead. "It passed," I told her.

"Just in case, I think I'll go get you something if you can't make it." She got up and headed back into the kitchen, heralding the sound of more banging around and slamming cabinet doors.

A minute later, she returned with a large mixing bowl in her hand and a few dishtowels. She set the lot down on the floor near where my head was resting on the couch. Without a word, she touched the back of her hand gently to my cheek for a moment before sitting once again in the chair across from me.

My mouth dropped open just as she said, "At least you don't have a fever. If I didn't know what had made you sick, that would most likely rule out the flu."

Without her indication, it wouldn't have occurred to me that she was assessing my temperature by her touch. The movement had seemed so natural and without thought on her part, but it was wholly startling to me.

It occurred to me that we _had_ touched after my transformation. I'd grabbed for her hand and she had scratched my back, but in the panic and confusion of the situation, I'd failed to realize the significance of those actions.

How many times had I touched a human over the years without the intent of drinking from them? The answer was so few it could almost go without mention. Until Bella, none of those times was by my own choosing.

Bella by herself was an anomaly toward us as vampires, but I couldn't truly judge her behavior in our current unique case. Regardless, the offhanded way she'd touched my face brought out feelings in me I couldn't begin to classify in my ailing state.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, making me realize how I must have been staring.

I thought back to her last words. "So, you _do _know what made me sick?" I asked, partially afraid of the answer.

"Well, I assume you ate the chicken on the counter recently?" she asked.

My stomach rolled at the thought of eating, and I immediately hunched forward to put my face over the bowl on the floor, but I thankfully didn't need to use it.

"I ate some of it last night for dinner and a few bites today," I said in a rush, not wanting to think about it longer than necessary.

"That's your answer then," she said without further explanation.

I leaned back against the armrest. "I thought humans ate chicken all the time."

She chuckled quietly but not with malice. "They do. They eat _cooked _chicken."

I rolled my eyes at her but didn't make an effort to sit up. "Please, I'm not that stupid. Being a vampire doesn't make us immune to having at least basic food knowledge. I'm well aware that humans don't eat raw meat as a practice."

"Very good," she said, nodding her head. "Would you like to tell me how you prepared the chicken then?"

Putting some faith in my stomach and the fact that I hadn't dashed for a toilet since Bella's arrival, I rolled over on the couch so that I was facing her with my hands under my face. "I did exactly as I was supposed to do. I put it on a plate in the microwave. Then, I checked the microwave settings before selecting 'chicken' and entering in the weight listed on the package."

She grimaced slightly and then nodded once more. "While chicken in a microwave doesn't exactly sound delicious, I'm impressed with the effort you put into figuring out how to do it. However, I'm assuming that the setting you put in on, as you entered the weight, was for _defrosting_ the chicken, not cooking it."

"It looked fine," I protested.

"Define _fine_," she challenged.

"Plenty of humans eat their meat looking pink like that." I wasn't going to be accused of being an idiot.

"Yes," she said with what seemed like a great deal of forced patience. "Plenty of humans eat their _meat _like that, not their poultry. It was basically raw. Unfortunately, chicken needs to be heated all the way through."

"Well, that's just great to know now." I didn't appreciate finding out that I'd brought this on myself.

"Jasper, you wouldn't have known. I'm impressed you even attempted to cook for yourself in the first place. I would have thought Esme would have the house already loaded with stuff for you to eat."

"Please, don't talk about food anymore," I begged, waving off her attempt to placate me.

"Very well," she said, scooting down in the chair to make herself more comfortable. "Let's talk about what you're doing here."

"At the moment, I'm trying not to lose my lunch. I thought at least that much was obvious," I said, slightly irritated that Bella's typical ignorance had once again reared its head.

Her following giggle was ill timed.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.

"Because I'm amused."

I went to cut her off, but she just kept talking.

"I'm amused at either how dumb you think I am—and believe me, being amused is the greater option between that and being offended—or I'm amused at how incapable you seem to be at carrying on a human conversation."

She was leaning on her knees as she looked at me, and I chanced sitting up slightly so I didn't have to look at her sideways. She pointed to the water glass I had set on the end table, and I took a slow drink before responding.

"I haven't exactly had a lot of practice. It's not like I would have wanted to anyway. Can you imagine carrying on conversations every day with a piece of toast or a plum pudding?"

Her laugh sounded once more, filling up the space of the room with its hearty sound. "_Plum pudding_? What, is your life a Dickens novel?"

"Fine," I huffed. "Would a chicken nugget or a Pop Tart make this a more apt description?"

She stood up and walked back toward the kitchen, making me rotate and crane my neck to watch her before I settled on leaning my arms against the top of the couch.

"I'm sure either of those would be fine. I'm actually quite fond of Pop Tarts myself," she said as she took the offending chicken and threw it away after locating the rubbish bin.

"Bug cereal, Pop Tarts . . . whatever other disgusting things you like wouldn't fail to surprise me," I mumbled, sinking my head onto my arms.

She made her way around the kitchen, throwing away other things that were sitting out and putting some in the sink. She lifted up the packaging from the raw chicken sitting on the counter and held it up for me to see.

"You need to make sure you throw this kind of stuff of away, and always wash your hands after you handle raw meat or fish. It can make you sick otherwise. I'm sure you don't want a repeat of this experience."

I lazily nodded as she continued doing whatever it was she planned to do in there. She started wiping down the counter as she talked.

"I guess talking to humans specifically wasn't what I meant. You didn't seem that adept at talking to your family the other day, either. I suppose I meant _you _communicating as a human, or at least communicating without your gift. It's like without being able to tell how people are feeling when they talk, you don't have the ability to sense sarcasm or any kind of intent."

"Um hmm." I was growing tired of this conversation. I certainly didn't need the Pop Tart telling me what my flaws were.

"Since you've obviously become so dense, I'll rephrase my original question. What are you doing in this house, and why aren't you with your family right now?"

_Dense_. I was too exhausted to go off on her as I really would have liked, so I let that one slide. Even without my gift and my so-called inability to communicate, I could tell she enjoyed trading barbs. I was sure it was something she would have never done with Edward, not that he would have ever dared to say something purposefully cross to her. They both had lived in constant fear of showing the other one even the slightest bit of negative emotion. It was like they'd strived to be as single-faceted as possible.

"I couldn't be in that house right now," I answered, deciding to go with honesty. "It was too much sleeping there with so many vampires, especially since I know how tempting it is to have a human under the roof."

She nodded as she rinsed dishes in the sink. "Yeah, we've covered how I don't have normal responses."

"We still don't have many answers, though yesterday I did have my blood drawn at the hospital."

"How did that go?" she asked, loading dishes into the dishwasher, her voice muffled from bending over.

"It was a lot better than the alternative of having Carlisle do it. As it was, I had it done when he wasn't at the hospital. He came in afterward to run the vials himself. That in itself made me a little nervous." I obviously wasn't holding anything back. "Hopefully we'll know more by tomorrow. I know he wants to run some tests at home with venom."

"I'll give him a call and see if he wants to take some of my blood," she offered, standing up.

I was surprised she offered; she'd never made any secret of her squeamishness about blood. "Thanks," I awkwardly muttered.

She didn't respond, though her mouth hardened as she came back into the living room. "So why this place?"

"What? This place doesn't just scream Cullen residence?"

She sat down on the other end of the plaid sofa and glanced around. The corner of her mouth turned up as she took in the older, rustic furniture, wood paneling, pine tables, and kitschy cabin decor.

"Charlie would like it," she said finally.

"Yes, all it's missing are fish mounts on the wall."

Her face broke into a full smile. "A deer head might also be a nice touch."

"Or a sign by the door that reads 'Gone fishin'."

"Nice," she said as she picked up the pillow next to her, which was embroidered with black bears. "I see Emse's design style has evolved. Or is this reflective of your tastes?"

"Not hardly." I sat up and grabbed the pillow out of her hands to place behind my neck before sinking back into the couch again, this time careful not to touch her with my feet.

"I needed a place to go, and this place was available furnished and rented by the month."

"I'm just surprised they didn't put you up in a penthouse in Seattle or break ground on a state-of-the-art apartment complex in Port Angeles."

I could at least tell she was being sarcastic now. "We needed something that would fit with the story of me taking a break from college but still wanting my independence. I couldn't very well afford one of those places in that situation."

"No, but it isn't like your family couldn't," she pointed out.

"Well, it's close, and hopefully I won't be here very long."

She nodded and looked away. After a moment she looked back at me. "You seem to be feeling a little better."

I rubbed my abdomen. "I suppose I am."

"Good." She got up again and walked away. "There isn't much in your kitchen that you should probably eat right now. I did see some soup in the cabinet. I'll heat it up for you before I go."

"Thanks." Gratitude toward Bella wasn't getting any easier. I was quiet as I listened to her moving around the kitchen until the microwave dinged and she came back in to set down a full bowl and a spoon on the coffee table.

"There are towels next to the couch if you need one," she said, pointing. "You might want to pick them up when you're done, though they'll blend in nicely with this bachelor look you have going." She gestured to the odd pieces of clothing and paper I had strewn across the room.

"I'm new at this," I explained.

"I _know_." She walked toward the door with a smile on her face.

"I'm sick." I tried not to pout.

"I have a feeling it was still a mess before you ate that chicken."

"I'll have you know that cleaning up as a human takes a lot longer—too long."

"Oh, really?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "I can't wait for you to tell me all about being human. And, by the way, I cleaned up your kitchen in just a few minutes."

I glanced back over the couch to see that nothing was out of place in the kitchen, and I grimaced. I hated that she was better at this than I was, and I was suddenly angry and wanted to lash out.

"It may have been a while, but I _am_ physically older than you. Out of the two of us, I'm the one with more human experience."

I just couldn't stop the words from angrily flowing from my mouth. None of this was fair.

"You think because you sleep and piss you have some special kind of skill set? You don't. There's nothing you could tell me about humanity that I couldn't tell you a hundred times over."

She took in a sharp breath, but her face remained still.

"I'm sure you could, Jasper." Her voice didn't waver, and it sounded stronger than I would have expected.

"Listen, I'm—" I couldn't quite apologize, but she didn't give me the opportunity.

"I got it. You're sick. You're heartbroken."

I wanted to stop her and tell her she was wrong, but that would have been a lie. Looking at her face, I didn't have to search her brown eyes to see she knew something about heartbreak, too.

"You're _new_ to this," she said to my silence. She bent down to retrieve her keys and her bag. "I have to work tomorrow morning, but I'll be back over afterward. We'll go grocery shopping."

I nodded, not sure what to say, but I was embarrassed at my earlier outburst, and it wasn't an emotion that suited me. I was also surprised she would come back willingly. I hadn't exactly been overwhelmingly friendly to her while she was here, and in that last moment, I had been barely a step above cruel.

"Well, I'm glad you're not really dying."

_Me, too_.

"The soup may help to settle your stomach." She opened the door. I couldn't think of anything to say to her. "See you tomorrow, Jasper."

I didn't even have the chance to reply before she walked out and shut the door.

Tomorrow I was going to see Bella Swan, and despite how terribly this visit had gone, for the first time I oddly found myself looking forward to it.

.

.

.

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**Author note:**

**I would love to hear your thoughts. I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know. I apologize if a few of you didn't get the teaser for this chapter; I decided to upload the new one instead.**

**Now for the recs. I recently started reading "From This Day Forward" by Hopesparkles, "Honest Liar" by aWhiteBlankPage, "A Love So Broken" by mafaldac, "The Affair" by johnnyboy8, "It Begins Like This" by iambeagle, and I just finished "Original Sin" by BookwormBaby2580. All of them are E/B except for the last, which is Carlisle/Bella. What else are you reading?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Note: Thank you, JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024, and thank you to all of my readers. After Chapter 11 was posted, TLoD hit over 1,000 reviews. Thank you all so much for your kind words and your interest. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. **

**In other exciting news, this story now has a banner thanks to the super talented Beautiful Liar. You can see it at: tinyurl {dot} com/9shkeru **

* * *

_Previously:_

_ "I have to work tomorrow morning, but I'll be back over afterward. We'll go grocery shopping."_

_I nodded, not sure what to say, but I was embarrassed at my earlier outburst, and it wasn't an emotion that suited me. I was also surprised she would come back willingly. I hadn't exactly been overwhelmingly friendly to her while she was here, and in that last moment, I had been barely a step above cruel._

_"Well, I'm glad you're not really dying."_

_Me, too._

_"The soup may help to settle your stomach." She opened the door. I couldn't think of anything to say to her. "See you tomorrow, Jasper."_

_I didn't even have the chance to reply before she walked out and shut the door._

_Tomorrow I was going to see Bella Swan, and despite how terribly this visit had gone, for the first time I oddly found myself looking forward to it._

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**Chapter 12**

A knock sounded at the door just as I finished pulling on my pants. I grabbed my shirt from the bathroom floor and made my way to the front of the house. Since awakening as a human, my interactions with Bella had been all over the map in terms of her attitude—and mine, if I were being honest. I admitted we had both been running hot and cold, but she was showing sides of herself I had never seen as a vampire. Though I knew Bella was upset about Edward's departure and the fact that the family had almost followed him, there was a spark in her that hadn't previously been there before.

I didn't know if this sudden boost in personality was fueled by her anger, or if it was something she had tried to subdue when Edward had been around. At the very least, I hoped it wasn't something he had _smothered_ in her. As I made my way across the living room, noting that I had indeed picked up everything before she returned, I wondered who would be there when I opened the door. I was eager to find out which Bella I would find—Bella the mouse or Bella the cat.

Pulling back the curtain to verify it was her, I opened the door.

"Um . . . hey," she mumbled with her head down.

I tried to keep my face from falling in disappointment. Bella the mouse. God, she was awkward sometimes.

"Hey." I mimicked her lack of eloquence. I hoped Bella the cat would make an appearance at some point during the day. Perhaps she just needed to be baited.

Bella's cheeks were flushed, and while her eyes would nervously dart at me occasionally, she was obviously trying to look anywhere else. "I thought you were expecting me."

I stepped back to let her inside. "I was. That's why I took a shower. Emmett tells me that's something considerate humans do."

After Bella left the day before, once my trips to the bathroom became less frequent and I could keep down the soup she had heated up, I did call home. Carlisle sounded concerned I hadn't called him at my first symptom, especially as it could have been something worse. He made me promise to keep him better informed in the future. Esme seemed pleased that Bella had come over and that she would be back the next day. She couldn't wait to hear how the grocery shopping would go.

It wasn't that Esme was unfamiliar with grocery shopping, as she had gotten me some food for the house, and she did periodically go shopping for our family to keep up appearances. Normally, she just bought whatever dry goods were in the carts around her and then waited a little while before dropping them off at a local food pantry. Once Bella had started coming to the house, Esme had asked Edward to make a list of the things Bella usually ate at home, though Esme usually just bought frozen meals to keep on hand.

With me, I think she had been a little unsure of what to do, as I would be taking all of my meals in this house, not just the occasional lunch or snack. I think she also thought about the fact that it was a different century the last time I had eaten human food, and it's not like many of my human days would have been spent in a kitchen.

When I was on the phone with them, Emmett was sorry to have missed the adventure of me getting sick and reminded me not to stink when Bella came over the next day. Rosalie, who I thought might be the most eager to talk to me, as she had been the most upset by my distance at the house, was oddly silent.

I hoped I at least had fulfilled the requirement of not stinking. Not only did I take a shower, but I also made sure to grab new clothing. Alice had always overseen that our outfits rotated appropriately, though more in the name of fashion than completing our human charade. However, with my previous lack of body oils, I could remain clean in the same clothing for as long as my activities and the elements allowed. Alice rarely permitted me to test the boundaries of those limits, though.

Looking down at my jeans, I was glad I could at least be autonomous in my clothing choices from now on. I fingered the fabric of the long-sleeve t-shirt in my hands before gesturing toward the living room.

"Come on in. Just let me put on my socks and shoes," I said, looking back at Bella.

Her eyes quickly darted away, and she stepped past me into the house.

It took me a second to figure out why she was being so awkward, but then I looked down at my naked chest still wet with some drops from my shower. I grinned. It wasn't as if Edward would have generally gone shirtless around Bella. I knew she had seen his chest sparkle once, but I couldn't be sure if she'd ever seen a human male without a shirt on—at least one to whom she wasn't related.

Brushing off some of the remaining water and pulling my shirt over my head, I cockily thought that if she had to see one naked chest, mine was a pretty good choice. There were many things I missed about my vampire body, but I was glad to see I still bore more definition than many of my would-be human peers. Years on a farm and a couple years running drills in the Confederate Army would do that to a body.

I allowed myself to feel complimented by her embarrassment. Over the years, I'd intercepted more than a fair share of lust thrown toward my family by the surrounding humans. At times, it was a source of irritation or even hilarity, sometimes an odd comfort, but many times, it meant nothing. I felt no more response to human attraction than a human would looking at a stray dog begging for attention, except more often than not, humans responded to the needy desires of animals—even the most undeserving.

In this instance, I couldn't be sure if my confidence boost was due to the fact that I knew Bella and had judged her to be worthy of some attention, or if it was because I was now human myself. Either way, I made sure to take my time pulling my shirt down over my chest.

When I was done, I glanced at Bella to see her beet red and standing in the kitchen.

"I'm just going to double check what you already have," she said before seeking cover behind the refrigerator door.

"Okay. Let me grab some things from my room."

When I came back with my socks and shoes on and my wallet in my pocket, Bella had moved on to the cabinets.

She turned to me with a frown on her face. "What have you been eating?"

I thought back to what meals I was able to have before the undercooked chicken had made me ill. We would have to avoid buying more chicken at the grocery store. I didn't think I could even stomach the thought of it.

"Esme brought over the last few frozen things she had for you in the freezer and whatever else you saw here. I couldn't tell you what was in those meals, but I ate them. Other than that, I ate bread and some carrots. Oh, and some pickles. I wasn't really sure what to do with the other things."

"I can tell." Her mouth lifted.

"At least the frozen things had microwave instructions on them."

"How did you fix the carrots?" she asked, running her hand across the counter she had cleaned the day before.

What did it matter?

My brow creased. "I ate them just as they were. I know that raw vegetables are okay."

She nodded. "Of course they are. Did you peel them?"

_Oh, that._ "No, it hadn't occurred to me. There's a thing for that, right?" I gestured toward the drawers.

She grinned. "It's not something you would have needed to know. Don't feel bad."

"I don't," I insisted somewhat sharply, trying to bait Bella the cat.

"I'm sure you don't. Charlie might not even know to peel a carrot before eating it. I'm sorry if you didn't have enough to eat while you were here. There's not much in the way of accessible food."

"What does that mean?" I walked around the island counter so I was fully into the kitchen. I could access everything in there.

"Well, you have plenty of produce." She pointed to the large bowls of lemons and limes on the kitchen counter facing the living room. "Unfortunately, those particular fruits aren't exactly made for snacking. Your refrigerator is almost exclusively full of condiments, save for the carrots, a head of lettuce, and half a loaf of bread."

I opened the pantry cabinet. "What about all of this stuff?" It seemed full of items I didn't know how to use.

"Esme did a great job stocking the house with any and every spice and baking element you might need, but I doubt you have the ability to whip up a spice cake for dinner. There are plenty of canned vegetables you could have been eating and instant mashed potatoes," she said with a grimace. "Other than the canned goods, you'd need to know how to cook or bake with most of this stuff."

She shut the cabinet door and turned to me. "Are you ready to go?"

"I suppose. Did you want to make a list first?" I asked.

"Nope. We'll need to get you plenty of easy things you can heat up and at least some sandwich supplies and breakfast foods. We can get a cookbook, or I can show you some things in the kitchen. Of course, that's long-term human knowledge, and it isn't as if either of my parents has ever needed to know those things." She let out a sarcastic laugh that made me think Bella the cat was close by.

"But all this stuff _is_ edible?" I asked, jerking my head toward the kitchen as we made our way around the counter.

"Edible, just not very practical for _you_," she explained.

I obviously hadn't known what I would need, and Esme hadn't either. I felt suddenly defensive on her behalf. "Esme did the best she could. These things shouldn't even matter to us. When was the last time one of us ever truly needed to be in a grocery store? All we know is what we've learned from watching humans or from the movies we've seen. _I_ appreciate what Esme did, even if it wasn't good enough for some. Obviously other people are buying these useless things in the grocery store, too."

I would be frustrated with myself if I didn't think I was successfully goading her into a response. To my disappointment, she just looked sympathetic. Out of all of her possible responses, this was the worst. I didn't want anything from her that could be construed as akin to pity.

"They aren't useless, and of course Esme did a good job. Why _would_ she need to know more? I can teach you how to use all of these, or if you aren't interested, I can also bring over some leftovers from time to time," she offered.

This definitely wasn't Bella the cat. It wasn't even Bella the mouse. I was worried this was Bella the doormat, and I was afraid this was who _she_ actually thought she was. It was nice of her to offer and perfectly in line with what I knew of her, but _why_ would she do it? I wasn't particularly nice to her, and we were far from close.

Why would she do any of this for us—for me? Was it the supposed sire business, the possibility that her blood had turned me human? Was it naturally who she was? Or, was it a role into which she had been forced?

"Why would you go to that effort? Why are you doing any of this?" I asked her, voicing my thoughts in the need to know the answer before we continued.

"Charlie would be happy eating at the diner every night or just having fish, so it's not like the leftovers would be missed. I don't mind bringing them to you, and I don't mind teaching you things in the kitchen." She looked at me curiously, like why should it matter why she was willing.

I wasn't satisfied with that answer. "Is this because of what Rosalie said? Do you feel obligated to help me because you might have put me in this position?"

Her lips pursed, and I could see the first signs of the cat coming out to play. "I'm worried your hearing was damaged by this transition," she said. "Like I've said before, it's because I would have needed your help had I become like you, so I'm happy to give you mine. Maybe that's just the kind of person I am."

After seeing the first glimpse of her like this, I couldn't leave well enough alone. "But _why_ are you like this?"

"Why am I what? _Nice_?" She looked exasperated. "Sometimes humans are that way. We're not all meals. We do have varied personality traits. Nice is just one of them. Perhaps it's a trait you should try for yourself. Obviously you prefer it when I'm angry, though."

I smiled to myself. She was certainly right about that. I liked her far better when she didn't resemble Edward's perfect milquetoast.

"It's just that I know you don't exactly like me, and it isn't like I'm terribly fond of you." I hated to admit it to myself, but if she wasn't quite so human, I _could_ grow fond of Bella the cat, if only I didn't think she would disappear without the baiting.

She stood with her hands on her hips. "Oh, you don't like me now that I don't smell quite as appetizing? Shouldn't we be shopping right now?" She changed the subject.

"I just want to make sure I'm not some item you're checking off a do-gooder list."

She surprised me by laughing. "You think I'm a _do-gooder_? Who even says that, Jasper?"

Was that not the right term?

"Aren't you, though? You're always doing good. It's fairly boring."

Her mirth didn't disappear. "I wasn't aware I was supposed to be entertaining you all this time. Perhaps when I come over in the future, I'll try to provide both dinner _and_ a show. We know how well it worked out on my birthday."

"That's not the point," I told her.

"Then what is? Let's just go." She started toward the door, and though I wasn't as fast as I had once been, I was able to stop her.

"If you don't want my help, I'll leave," she said firmly. "I'd love to relax for a bit. I spent my whole morning standing up while stocking tackle boxes."

I put my hands up to try to placate her or just get her not to leave. "Just wait. All of this is coming out wrong. You were right yesterday when you said I don't know how to communicate well like this. I'm just worried you're doing this for the wrong reasons."

Her face slackened and then her eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion. "You're worried about me? Why would it matter? You just said you weren't even fond of me. I'm just a Pop Tart. Why would you worry about me?"

I fumbled for words. Why _was_ I particularly worried about her? Why did her motivations even matter to me? All of this introspection was giving me a headache.

Who cares where the cows in the field want to graze or why the apple would choose that moment to fall from the tree? They should all be equivalent.

They weren't, though.

"I wouldn't say I'm _fond _of you, but there is something about you that matters." I opted for honesty, even if I didn't know what the exact truth was.

I truly wished for my gift, because Bella's face was giving away nothing. "Thanks," she said flatly.

Normally, all of my memories were fanned out in front of me like a deck of cards, but now I had to go searching for them, even if they were all there. I knew I'd said something like this to her before. I shuffled through all of the times I might have spoken to Bella until I found the right memory. I had leaned over her at the hotel and had told her she was worth it. She was worth the lengths the family was going to ensure her safety.

There _was_ something about Bella that mattered.

Maybe that was the reason my mood couldn't stay steady around her or why I craved riling her up. There was something about her I couldn't understand, but it tickled the boundary of my consciousness.

Was it like this for all of us? Was this how it felt to Edward who couldn't read her mind? Was there a layer to who she was that just needed to be pulled back and then the mystery would be solved?

I didn't _want_ to think she might be important in some way—not now—not after all of this had happened.

However, didn't that in itself make her important?

I looked at her to see if she had the answer, and she swallowed nervously. Perhaps I had been staring.

"You matter," I repeated. "You're the key to something; I just haven't found the lock yet. That's a reason to worry."

I hated not knowing something, and at the moment, I felt like I knew nothing.

"You're also an interesting case study," I said, redirecting the conversation.

"So now I _do_ interest you? That's awfully close to entertaining," she said. "Can we talk about this on the way to the store?"

Without waiting for my response, she pushed open the door and started walking to her truck. I grabbed my keys and shut the door as I called out, "We're definitely taking _my_ car."

There was no way I was riding in that metallic beast of hers.

"I assumed as much," she said without turning. "I'm just grabbing a cooler out of the back."

I jogged to grab it for her and was entertained when my breath came faster after I reached over the tailgate for the cooler and then carried it to my backseat.

As we both got in the car, she turned to me. "I hope you don't mind, but I don't want to fuel the rumor mill right now. Would it bother you if we drove all the way to Port Angeles? That's why I brought the cooler."

I agreed. News in Forks traveled fast. I was sure after my visit to the hospital it had already been around town that one of the Cullen kids had dropped out of college and was back in Washington. I hadn't mentioned anything about Alice or Edward, but I didn't want Bella to have to field questions about why she was with the wrong brother. By this point, I knew the news had probably spread around the school that they were gone. If Bella wanted to talk about it, I'm sure she would bring it up, so I wasn't going to ask. I knew _I_ didn't particularly want to talk about Alice.

I backed out of the driveway and slammed on my breaks when Bella yelled, "Stop!"

I threw the car into park and looked at her bewildered, my heart in my throat.

"You need to put on your seat belt. You aren't unbreakable anymore." She gestured toward her own belt.

I'd never worn one.

"That's what made you scream like I was going to back over a child?" I reached to snap the buckle.

"I barely raised my voice." She rolled her eyes. "Speaking of being breakable, I am, too. Please try your hardest to keep it under 90."

I chuckled. "That won't be a problem."

When I had driven from my house to this one for the first time, I was shocked by the difference in driving. I pulled out of our drive like I normally did, but when I turned onto the road, I nearly gave myself a heart attack. It was much more difficult to handle the car at that speed as a human, and I spun out onto the shoulder. As I got the car centered again in the lane, I couldn't believe how many trees there were on either side of the road or how close they seemed. Had there always been this many obstacles to driving?

The other drivers were the worst. They all got too close to my lane for comfort and were driving at ridiculous speeds. I thought all the humans of Forks were possessed until I looked at my speedometer and saw I was driving only 35 miles per hour. The trees were whipping by, though. For the first time, I thought there was some sense in posting a speed limit of 45. Even that seemed excessive in the middle of the forest.

As the minutes had gone by, it became easier, but it was a far cry from driving as a vampire.

On our current way to the grocery store, I just hoped I wouldn't drive too _slow_. I didn't want Bella to know how different I thought it was.

We drove in silence until we were nearly out of Forks.

"I didn't even know you had a car," Bella said.

"Yeah, Esme and Alice used this one, too, as well as the Mercedes. Only Rosalie, Edward, and Emmett are particular about vehicles. The rest of us tend to view them as community property. They might buy another one now," I said, focusing on the road.

"Oh." Bella the mouse seemed to have made a reappearance. This wouldn't do.

"We have a conversation to finish, I believe." I made sure I was at least going 45 now that we were out of town.

"That's right. You're worried because I matter somehow."

I didn't want to take my eyes off the road to look at her expression. "Those are two different thoughts. I'm not worried that you matter."

"Good to know." There wasn't much inflection to her voice.

"I'm worried about why you so acceptingly do things for others—from a purely academic standpoint."

"Of course," she said flatly. "Being nice is too simple an answer."

"I just worry that you're trying to take me on as a project, that you see yourself as somewhat parentalized."

"_Parentalized_?"

"Yes it means—"

"I think it's pretty self-explanatory," she said with a bit more fire. "Wouldn't that be the whole sire business, though?"

"Yes," I told her, "if that's what it were. You seem to always display these behaviors . . . well, except for when you were with Edward, but that's its own conversation."

"One we _won't_ be having," she stressed.

_The cat was back_, I thought with a smile.

Edward used to say she was a kitten who thought it was a tiger. I both agreed and thought he was patronizing to say so. Clearly, he saw too much of the mouse. She didn't _think _she was a tiger, she was just choosing what she let him see of herself.

"All right, then, but you do show classic symptoms of a child of neglect—parentalizing in your family roles, pronounced clumsiness, mood shifts, somewhat anti-social behavior and a disconnect from your peers, miscomprehending dangers . . ." I could continue listing, but she turned to me in her seat, and I forced myself to look straight ahead as we continued through the woods.

"_Child of neglect_? Are you kidding me with this? I have two parents, you know."

"Two parents who were never around very much. According to Edward, your mother was always out trying to find herself, and even now that you're with Charlie, he spends most of his time fishing or working. You've always needed to be the adult."

"Stop," she said. "What Edward said . . . you don't ever need to quote what he said. Just because you are—_were_—a vampire, that doesn't mean you know everything. You're right, though. I do want a project. I _need _it. You aren't a check on a list, but you are something that keeps me from thinking about how my heart was ripped out and handed to me in the middle of the forest—about how the only person who seems to think I matter is _you_,of all people. _You're_ the reason I'm here, Jasper. It's all about you."

Without looking directly at her, I could tell her whole body was full of tension.

"What gives you the right to make those assumptions about me and about my family?" she asked, furious.

Her tone left no room for misinterpretation. She definitely didn't_ think _she was a tiger.

"Nothing gives me the _right_, though I do have more than one degree in psychology."

"Were they by correspondence?" she asked smartly, surprising me.

"Partially," I answered with a grin, not sure of her reasoning.

In my peripheral vision, I saw her nod smugly as I slowed down now that we were in a more residential area.

"You know, I think I would be offended by this if I thought for even a second you had actual experience in the field."

The smile was wiped from my face. The cat was indeed a tiger. _What a _feisty_ Pop Tart she was_, I thought.

"No, I'm _sure_ you were never able to practice. That would have required you to be trusted in a room with a human without . . . without devouring them. So, while everyone else has been able to lead at least somewhat fulfilling lives, you've been relegated to learning head-shrinking by post."

She was fuming mad, and she had every right to be.

"That was _mean_, Isabella." I almost meant it as a compliment.

Her face fell. "It was. I'm sorr—"

"Don't." I help up my hand and quickly returned it to the wheel. "I said it was mean, not that it wasn't true." I was glad to see this level of honesty from her.

"Still, I shouldn't have . . . . Somehow you manage to bring out the absolute worst in me. That's no excuse, though." She appeared to be floundering in an attempt to apologize.

"No, this is the best I've ever seen you."

"_Mean_?"

"Oh, it wasn't even truly mean. I was _trying_ to get a response from you," I said dismissively. "You're acting alive. You're acting like you have a personality." I chanced a quick glance at her, and her eyes narrowed, but I kept on talking. "You're talking to me without fear."

"That's because you're not nearly as scary as you once were, now that I'm not a likely snack."

"I don't think that's it. I think it's because you don't have nearly as much to lose. You don't care if I leave—hell, you don't even care what I think—so you don't have to be afraid to show me who you are, even the ugly parts."

"I'm not normally like—"

"I know. I like the honesty, though. You're better this way. Plus, it's fun. You just keep 'em coming, Pop Tart."

I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and shut off the engine.

I took off my seatbelt and turned toward her. "I don't know what's going on with me. The way I feel and how my body works is constantly changing. I think I have the hang of things and then I suddenly feel completely different."

"Welcome to hormones," she said with an eye roll as she undid her own seatbelt.

"It's more than that. I'm not sure who or what I am right now. I'm not used to feeling weak or not in control. I don't know how much of myself I can even reveal to my own family. Even if it weren't for this body, everything I thought I knew was turned upside down when Alice left."

I couldn't stop the words from spilling out. I instantly regretted mentioning Alice. Bella bit her lip in what I guessed was sympathy. Though her relationship with Edward had been in its infancy, I knew she could relate to being left so suddenly.

"I said you mattered, and I did mean it, even if I don't know how or why. I'm convinced you're a part of the reason this happened to me, so maybe that makes me more comfortable around you."

At this point, I felt I was drowning in search of the words I wanted. All of my thoughts were getting stuck somewhere between my mind and my mouth. I just wanted to get rid of all the bullshit between us, though I didn't know if I was capable of doing it myself.

"I'm part of the reason you're like this, too—why you need a distraction," I continued. "If we're going to spending time together while you teach me how to play human or whatever . . . just . . . I like the honesty. Don't go easy on me, and I won't go easy on you. I know you're sick of that, too."

She waited a moment and then nodded. "Okay. I think I can handle that." Without another word, she was out the door and walking toward the building.

I shut the door and hurried after her.

.

.

.

* * *

**Author note:**

**I would love to hear your thoughts. I send out teasers in my review replies, so if you wouldn't care for one, let me know.**

**Thank you all so much for the recs in your reviews. I got some great ones this last time so keep them coming. Here are a few you sent.**

**Recs:**

**"Bella Swan: Kidnapper" by Kambria Rain _"Um. Hi. I don't really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me." Complete, E/B, AH _(I thought at first this might be a crack-fic, but it wound up being a really sweet story with a dash of silliness.)**

**"Never on my Mind" by Lifelesslyndey _"'Forget about it Paul.'The order took hold. It wasn't instant; Paul's natural inclination to fight all orders wouldn't allow it to take hold in a snap. It crept over him instead, stripping away what choice he had as slow as honey. One minute life was all about her. The next, it wasn't. This is a story of how Paul imprinted. Again. Again. And again. PxB Some OOC, heed the warnings" WIP _(I'll read anything Bella/Paul, and this is turning out to be fabulous.)**

**"Divided" by forthelongestday _"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." — Carl Gustav Jung / Eclipse AU" Bella/Peter WIP _(Bella/Peter . . . need I say more?)**

**"Politics and Prejudices"by Damsell _"Bella Swan, speech writer to Senator Cullen is new to politics & D.C. Edward Masen, Chief of Staff to Senator Volturi having grown up surrounded by politics is jaded by it all. Can Bella survive this new world & can Edward overcome his prejudices? AH" __WIP _(This is one of the freshest AH fics I've read in a long time. I love the political drama setting.)**


	13. Chapter 13

Previously:

"_I'm part of the reason you're like this, too—why you need a distraction," I continued. "If we're going to spending time together while you teach me how to play human or whatever . . . just . . . I like the honesty. Don't go easy on me, and I won't go easy on you. I know you're sick of that, too."_

_She waited a moment and then nodded. "Okay. I think I can handle that." Without another word, she was out the door and walking toward the building. _

_I shut the door and hurried after her._

* * *

**Chapter 13**

As we walked into the grocery store, it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I'd never had cause to set foot into one as a vampire, so my only exposure to them was through movies and television. This florescent-lit, suburban store, overrun with shopping carts and cellphone-toting mothers ignoring their children, was a far cry from the upscale California and New York City markets immortalized on film.

"Are you coming?" Bella asked, grabbing a cart and jerking it free from a long line of them.

"I suppose," I said once I realized I was causing the automatic entry doors to continuously dance back and forth due to my hesitance. I scurried to stay close to her as she moved along a wall of produce.

"Do you know what all of these are?" she asked fanning her hand out over the display.

I rolled my eyes. "I think I'm good." I didn't eat flowers either, but that didn't mean I couldn't identify them.

The corner of her lips turned up. "Well, I didn't want to go _easy on you_," she said, tossing my words from the parking lot back at me. "I'm not sure _I_ even know what everything in the grocery store is." She gestured toward a green, tropical-looking fruit with no distinguishing features.

"Well, if you don't know what it is, I don't need to eat it."

She nodded in agreement and started placing easily identifiable fruits in the cart—apples, grapes, oranges, and bananas. "Now, you know you have to peel these last two, right?" Her grin let me know she was still joking. I enjoyed the barbs, and I was glad the more serious tone in the car had dissipated.

As she moved toward the vegetables, she stopped to let a little boy pass as he dashed pell-mell across the store without looking.

"Doesn't anyone watch these things?" I asked with a sour grimace on my face.

"You mean children?" she asked with a lilt of humor in her voice but without turning around.

"Yes, _children_—if you want to label him so simply. He's acting like a hooligan." Said hooligan was then loading up his mother's cart with copious cartons of blueberries while her head was turned in the other direction. "Must they be in public?"

Bella was hiding her expression while she seemingly studied a head of lettuce. It didn't look all that fascinating to me, but when she pushed her hair over her shoulder, I could tell she was holding in a laugh. "I'll admit, I'm not particularly fond of some of the kids I see in grocery stores either, but parents have to shop, too."

I plucked the head of lettuce out of her hands and deposited it into the cart so she would move on. "Well, in my day, they were seen and not heard. Or not seen at all."

"Don't you think that was a little harsh?" she asked, holding up tomatoes for my inspection.

"Sure to the tomatoes; no to the harshness." I followed behind her as she maneuvered the cart to the other side of the produce display.

"Well, I'm sure _a lot_ has changed since you were a kid. For starters, all of the dinosaurs are dead now."

I rocked back on my heels with my fingers looped through my belt. The Pop Tart just kept them coming.

"Nice." I leaned with my back against the rail of the display. "You know I'm not that old."

"Just old enough that your markets probably had floors covered in sawdust and signs that read, _Check your gun at the door_." She tossed something else green into the cart.

"I'm not going to eat weeds," I said, grabbing the offending leaves out of the cart and placing them back on the shelf.

"This isn't a bunch of weeds; it's arugula," she said with a slight huff. "I thought we covered that I know more about food than you do."

"Fine. Then, tell me what it's for." I crossed my arms.

"It's for _eating_," she replied with no small amount of snark.

"Obviously," I deadpanned.

"It's for salads, or you could put it on a sandwich." She reached to grab another bundle of it.

"I believe there's already lettuce in the cart, Pop Tart. Let's keep moving."

I grabbed the cart handle and pushed it out of the produce section and into the first aisle. A few seconds later she rounded behind me, her hands happily free of weeds.

"Charlie won't eat it either," she said, moving in front of the cart. "I thought you might be a blank slate, though."

"That may be so, but I still have eyes. Bugs, weeds—what's next, dirt?" I looked up and down the tall shelves stuffed with bottles and jars. I had no idea how to use this stuff. We grew or raised most of our food when I was human. The dry goods and canned goods you could find in the closest general store would have taken up less than ten percent of this store. Saints alive, this store even had a whole aisle dedicated to feeding pets!

I may have actually said _saints alive _aloud, because Bella was looking at me like she was trying not to laugh, and her shoulders were shaking with her effort.

"All right, Moses . . ."

"I'm not _that_ old! You're the one who's ridiculously young—and obviously unworldly. That happens to be a phrase people still use."

The look of mirth on her face didn't disappear. "True. I'm sure right now, there is a genteel Southern grande dame sitting on her front porch saying, '_Saints alive!_'with a fan in one hand and sweet tea in the other. You would be like two peas in a pod."

I gave her a steely glare.

"Come on," Bella said, trying to grab the cart away from me. "This aisle is all condiments, and Esme has you pretty well stocked on all of this. Let's go to the next aisle."

Pushing her grabby hands away from the cart, I said, "You lead. I'll drive, thank you very much."

She muttered something under her breath and turned the corner to the next aisle, which contained more mystery items, though the bulk of the goods looked to be pasta-related.

"For the record, I didn't grow up in the Wild West," I stated, jumping back to her comment about checking your guns. She mmm-hmmed and started grabbing boxes of different noodles. _Could they really be that different? _I thought as I looked at all the different shapes of pasta.

"What do you call Texas?" she asked me before grabbing some jars and mumbling to herself, "It isn't homemade, but this will have to do."

"Texas is not the West. Texas is Texas." I stopped paying attention to what she was putting in the cart; she could explain everything to me when we unloaded it at home.

"That clears things up immensely." She reached for an item on the top shelf, and before her shirt could ride up and render her indecent, I grabbed the desired item for her and deposited it in her hands. "Thanks." She ducked her head. "Did people live there when you were alive?"

"Obviously," I deadpanned once again. "And, could you keep your voice down when discussing my mortal status," I whispered close to her ear, her hair tickling my lip, causing me to sputter a little and wipe the sensation away from my face once I leaned back to a respectable distance.

She nodded and blushed, but I kept talking. "Yes, people lived in Texas. I lived outside of Houston, which was . . . _somewhat_ of a city at the time. It was at least bigger than Forks."

"Bigger than Forks—a real booming metropolis then!" She moved to step further away from me.

"A lot of my army work was in and out of Galveston, which was even bigger than Houston. _Did people live there?_" I mimicked. "Someone clearly doesn't remember The Alamo. If I hadn't sat through so many lectures full of drivel and nonsense myself, I would ask you what they were actually teaching you in school."

"It's not like I've ever needed to study Texas history," she said, rounding the corner to an aisle that seemed to be bustling with children pleadingly holding up various boxes to their disinterested parents.

"Let's just skip this one," I said, reaching out to grab the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

"I think you'll be fine," she asserted with an eye roll and kept on walking. "_They _don't bite."

I followed her and tried to hug the side of the aisle, lest one of the tiny pests actually touch me. I'd heard children were particularly germy, and after having already been sick in my second mortal life, I didn't need a repeat performance.

"At least they no longer look like snacks," Bella said, nodding her head in the direction of a pair of siblings while holding up two different boxes for my opinion.

I grabbed both of them and put them in the cart. _Like I knew what different cereals would taste like_.

I turned back to her with a smile and stepped closer to her, her back pressing up against the shelf. Other shoppers made their way around our cart as I smiled and lowered my voice. "Isabella Swan, are you implying I once _ate_ children?"

With her voice as quiet as mine, she answered, "No. I suppose I was implying you once ate _hooligans_, as you so nicely referred to them." The smirk on her mouth and the faint blush on her cheeks were at odds with each other.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I never partook of child blood." I towered over her, and I leaned my face down to hear her reply.

"Well, I'm sure it was your loss." Her eyebrow raised in what I could only guess was a mark of jest.

I threw my head back and laughed heartily, moving a step back to be once again behind the cart. Bella the tiger was going to slay me.

"Oh, Pop Tart, I didn't think you had it in you. A sense of humor _and_ whatever _that_ was."

Her face fully flushed now, she moved conspiratorially close to me before urging me to push the cart down the aisle. Thankfully, the area was now free of all the clamoring spawn.

"I guess I just always imagined they would taste a little sweeter, maybe unpolluted," she said with a shrug.

I stopped right in my tracks. "You've actually thought about what humans would taste like? And not only that, you've thought about the flavor difference between children and adults?" This was rich. "It's a good thing I'm no longer a threat to you, because that's as close to true vampire pillow talk as it gets."

Her blush extended down her previously pale neck, and I watched her swallow nervously. _Don't get timid on me now_, I thought.

"_True _vampire? As opposed to whatever the Cullens are?"

"Right." I nodded.

"It isn't that I've really thought about it. I mean, not a lot . . . but if it was ever going to be a possibility . . . I just—"

I stopped her. "Don't. You don't need to explain yourself. You've actually just gone up several notches in my esteem. It means you weren't as blind as I thought you were." Before she could interrupt, I kept talking. "And, for the record, I've heard that's exactly the case."

"What is?" she asked, shaking her head and looking momentarily flustered and embarrassed by the conversation. I could tell this was completely new ground for her. It wasn't as if she and Edward would have ever discussed the bouquets and tannins of his once-upon-a-time victims.

"I've heard children are indeed sweeter." I pushed along the aisle but turned back to her form, frozen in front of a row of boxes advertising, _Kid-tested, Mother-approved_. "You know, 'the younger the berry, the sweeter the juice,' or something like that; vampires aren't always up on having their own idioms."

"That's disgusting," she said sharply.

"That's dinner." I shook my head and smiled. "It's a shame you'll never find out."

I kept going as she sputtered behind me. "That's not what I meant when I first—"

"Uh, uh, let's not spoil our moment."

Compared to our earlier languid pace, we seemingly blitzed through the rest of the grocery store. I had been worried I would be in over my head by the way Bella talked about me cooking, but she filled the cart with plenty of frozen options just as Esme had.

We also spent time in the aisle containing personal toiletries.

"What kinds of things do you already have?" Bella asked, looking up and down the shelves.

"Soap," I answered simply. "Oh, and a courtesy razor Emmett for some reason took home from a hotel once."

"Well, we should get a few things, then." She started grabbing oral hygiene items from the shelf and put them in the cart before moving to stand in front of the hair products. "You may want to sniff some of these and see what fragrance you like."

"Why do I have to smell like anything?" I asked her. "Whenever trapped in high school, I never understood why people would want to smell like coconuts, green apples, or whatever the hell is so redolent in male locker rooms."

"Or strawberries . . ." she said with pursed lips. "I get it, but humans aren't blessed with the same come-hither smell vampires possess." She dropped her voice at the end.

"On the contrary, _your _smell has always been quite come-hither."

"Thanks for the compliment," she deadpanned. "It's undoubtedly served me well."

I grabbed one of the bottles out of her hand, popped the top, and smelled it. "This isn't terrible." I threw it into the cart. "You just pick everything out—whatever smells nice to you."

"How thoughtful of you. Anything's a step up from the other day." She moved on to body wash, even though I'd told I had a bar of soap, before grabbing a stick of deodorant. "Use this. Every day," she said, holding it up before tossing it in the full cart.

"I don't know the first thing about men's razors. From the look of your neck, you don't either. Charlie uses an electric . . ." She trailed off.

I grabbed a random one from the shelf. "I can look it up online later. Let's just check out. I find all of this . . ." I gestured around the store, ". . . to be rather banal."

She grabbed the razor out of my hand and snatched a few more things off the shelf before turning in a huff. "Forgive me. I forgot your entertainment is paramount."

We were quiet as we checked out and then made our way to the car. It wasn't until I was pulling out of the parking lot that I spoke to her again.

"Aren't you going to ask me?"

"All right. Why are you such an asshole?"

I chuckled as I looked for an opening onto the 101. "Your sense of humor just keeps making appearances today. Where have you been hiding it all this time?" I asked in an exaggerated voice.

"Probably the same place you're obviously hiding whatever Alice ever saw in you," she said, looking away from me.

I coughed. "Low blow, Pop Tart." I paused for a second, expecting Bella the mouse to creep into the conversation and issue a feeble apology.

"Yeah, well, I'm not going easy on you, remember?"

"Good." I smiled and was quiet for a moment. "Unfortunately, it was always what Alice saw _of _me and never what she actually saw _in_ me . . ." I didn't finish that thought, and I squinted at the road.

Bella leaned over far enough to flip down the sun visor above my head, and my eyes relaxed. "What was I supposed to ask you? Wait—sorry. Where _is _Alice? Was that the question? Has anyone heard from her yet?"

"No, but that's a good one. I have yet to actually see any of the family in person since Esme came with me to my house for the first time, but I've talked to her on the phone, as well as Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie."

"You're going to have to rectify that at some point—not seeing them," she said, fiddling with her own visor.

"I know . . . just . . . I'll get there. Anyway, no one's heard from Alice yet. She didn't take her phone, and there isn't a line yet at the Ithaca house, as far as we can tell. She should have contacted us by now. If I wasn't so pissed at her I'd be worried."

"Maybe she isn't supposed to call. Maybe you have to go through this on your own," Bella said calmly, which was a far cry from how I felt at the moment. I didn't want to think about Alice and her manipulations.

"A little warning would have been nice. Just one word." My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I tried not to remember all of the times Alice's visions had seemingly only benefited her.

"Never bet against Alice," Bella said in a tone that was almost without inflection. I was about to say something when she sat up a little straighter in her seat. "Sorry. She was my friend—my _best_ friend—so I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt." Her voice was stronger when she said that, but it left something hanging in the air.

"Is there a 'but' to that?" I asked, daring to glance over at her slightly. My panic on the road was less now than it had been on the drive to Port Angeles. Even though I was combating the sun as it filtered through the trees, there weren't very many cars driving through the national park at this hour of the day.

"_But_," Bella started, "I can't help but be angry with her, too. And worried for her. And angry."

"You already said angry. I know exactly how you feel, though. A little heads up for _all_ of us would have been nice."

I slowed slightly as a truck pulling a small fishing boat turned onto the highway in front of me. "If we don't hear from her soon, we may have to do something."

I could see Bella nod in my peripheral vision.

"So what was the question?" she asked.

"Oh, I thought you would ask if there were results from the blood test."

She turned in her seat slightly to hear me better.

"It turns out my blood is absolutely normal for a human. There isn't a trace of abnormality. I also apparently have Type O blood, and my cholesterol is perfectly healthy."

Bella snickered at that bit of news. "You know Type O is the 'carnivore' blood type. Uh, don't ask." She held up her hand. "Renée once went through a blood type diet phase, quickly followed by a personal tribe diet, followed by a locovore diet. That final one lasted until she woke up to the fact that, living in Phoenix, her diet would be pretty limited. The desert isn't exactly teeming with farmable food."

"Nice." It was amazing to me how different Bella seemed from the woman she described. Then again, Bella had always seemed to march to her own drummer—unless of course she was marching to Edward's—or Alice's, for that matter. Alice could at least make anyone march to her tune. That was the problem.

"Did Carlisle do any tests on your blood with venom?" she asked.

"Not yet, I don't think. I know he saved a couple vials. He wanted to test it at home but when the others weren't around to be affected by the smell," I said, flipping my visor back up now that we were fully ensconced in the forest.

"I called Carlisle last night and said I would . . . well, not happily, but willingly stop by the hospital to give him a sample of my blood," Bella said, fidgeting in her seat and worrying the sleeve of her sweatshirt. I knew she didn't like needles.

"That will be the bigger test, and it'll give us more answers."

"If something happens between my blood and venom, which I still can't believe it would after Edward had some of it in his mouth, I wonder what they might do . . ." She looked out the window at the trees going by.

"Do?" I asked, not sure if she was talking about further tests.

"I mean, if my blood is some sort of reversal key, what would your family choose to do? What if word got out? What if I become some sort of hot commodity amongst vampires?" Her voice kept rising and getting tighter and tighter.

"Calm down." I wished I had my gift, as she sounded seriously worried. "One, I wouldn't begin to guess what my family would do. I couldn't even tell you what I would have done if I had known first. Two, word won't get out from the family purposely telling anyone."

I didn't want to scare her about Aro's ability, should the Volturi ever take an interest in our family. I could only hope—for her sake—that Bella would have died naturally by the time they thought to check in with how our clan was doing.

"Three, don't kid yourself—your blood has always been a hot commodity amongst vampires." I hoped to lighten the mood.

"True," she said with a grin in her voice. "And, you wouldn't have done it. You wouldn't have had my blood if you knew this would happen," she clarified. "We both know you hate being weak."

I didn't appreciate her insinuating I was weak now—perhaps just _weaker_—even though I knew as well as she did that it was the truth. More than the lack of durability, strength, and speed, I missed my previous lack of indecision and fear. My emotions were more frightening than any loss of ability. I seemed to feel so much. Had it been this way as a human before? I shuddered to think my gift had manifested itself because I was such an emotional mess as a human. That wasn't the picture I wanted in my head of the former Major Jasper Whitlock. I wanted to think it was just all of my hormones leveling out or my thoughts and feelings adjusting to having less room in my mind to move around.

"Does Carlisle have any predictions?"

"Not that I know of," I answered quickly, "though, he does think whole-heartedly that you're the key. Basically the whole family has dropped the idea that this could have been caused by another outside source. It just seems too coincidental."

I slowed down even more as we passed all of the tourist parking lots for Lake Crescent; at least the slow truck in front of me turned off toward a public access ramp. Even with my newfound desire for lower speeds, he had been grating on my nerves with his chosen pace.

"Has there been any word yet from Eleazar?" Bella asked once the truck had completed its turn.

"We've not heard from them, but I don't think anyone's called up there yet."

"Really?" she asked incredulously. "Why not?"

"You'd be surprised sometimes how patient vampires can be. Though I obviously find all of this to be quite pressing, and you would think Carlisle would, too. Anyway, the hours and days don't pass in the same way. I also think they're giving Edward his space, knowing he'll report back if he finds anything. Carlisle and Esme are nothing if not placating to Edward's needs."

She made a snort that echoed my sentiments exactly.

We were silent for a while until we were almost into Forks.

"Can you put all of this away by yourself when we get back to your house? You can keep the cooler for a while," Bella said, breaking the silence.

"You aren't going to come in?" I asked before berating myself for how needy that sounded. I tried to tell myself it was because I didn't know where anything went.

"If you're worried about the groceries, just put the cold stuff in the fridge, the cold and hard stuff in the freezer, and everything else you can just find a home for."

I frowned. I was disappointed she would be leaving. I didn't have much of anything to do with her gone. I guessed I could always start eating things.

"Hot date?" I hedged, hoping to find out what could be more worthy of her time than spending it with her human progeny—if that was the case.

"Hardly," she scoffed as I passed the first sign for Forks. I was glad I hadn't insulted her with the question. "Well, unless you count an English paper as hot. I've been a little distracted from my school work over the last few days, and I did miss a day when I woke up with someone in my bed," she said pointedly. "It's not as if I can just block everything out now that . . . now that he's gone."

"No, I suppose you can't," I said quietly, turning down my street and pulling into the driveway. I hesitated shutting off the car because I really didn't want to go back into that house by myself.

_Get it together_, I mentally chastised myself. This was ridiculous.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, and I had to stop myself from smacking my forehead. I turned to look at Bella as she removed her seat belt, even though I hadn't shut off the car. Her face gave away nothing after my question. At least she wasn't looking at me as if she thought I was a desperate idiot.

She frowned in thought before answering. "I have school tomorrow and then I have to work." She put her hand on the door handle, but thankfully she didn't get out yet. "If you had no problem with frozen, microwavable food before, you shouldn't have a problem with what to eat tomorrow."

I nodded, but I took that to mean she wasn't coming over. I was ashamed at how that thought made me feel. _No part of me _needed_ Bella Swan_, I told myself.

"Oh. Yeah, you're right. Wait—didn't you _just _work?" Maybe she had her days mixed up. It wasn't right for a high school student to work so much. Wasn't one day a week good enough?

She snorted in a way that was endearing but far from ladylike. "I know Carlisle works because of a 'greater calling' and, to him, the money isn't even of the slightest concern, but some of us _humans _need to work just to get paid. Every hour I log at Newton's is maybe one-tenth of a college textbook—if I'm lucky. I need every hour I can get."

Oh. There had to be something I could say.

"Well, you fed me and you helped with all this," I gestured toward the backseat where the cooler now sat amidst bags of groceries, "so it'll be my turn to feed _you_." I turned off the car, as it was obvious our time together was drawing to an end, and I swore I was close to embarrassing myself. I wasn't even sure I found time with Bella to be all that enjoyable.

I was lying to myself. I could play with the cat all day.

I mentally cringed at my own line of thought. Humans were just as silly and emotional as I had always thought—myself as a human especially.

Bella thankfully interrupted my thoughts. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'll pass. After seeing you so sick, a live demonstration of your culinary skills is something I can do without." She pushed open her door, and I rushed to spring out of my seat as well, looking at her over the top of the car.

"I meant we would _go out_ for dinner."

"But we just bought all of this food, and I thought feeding you at home was the whole point."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, and I'm just going off of observations, but I thought treating someone to a meal was a pretty standard human custom of appreciation."

She smirked. "_Appreciation_? Stop. I'm getting all warm and fuzzy on the inside." She took a step away from the car and toward her dilapidated vehicle.

I said the first thing that came to mind. "According to Carlisle, that sensation means one of your limbs has . . . what's the term? _Fallen asleep_." I was a moron. It was a completely foreign sensation to feel so unpracticed and idiotic while talking to someone—a human girl even. Internally, I chuckled and wondered if this was how Edward had always felt around the opposite sex.

She laughed heartily. "Oh, Jasper." She kept walking. "I only wish I could have been a fly on the wall for _that_ conversation. I actually feel left out that I didn't get another phone call announcing your impending death because your foot was tingling."

"Hardy-har-har." I shut my car door and followed her. "Carlisle actually thought to warn me of this circulation impediment _before_ I experienced it for myself."

"That was some forethought." She reached in her bag for her keys.

I leaned against her truck as she searched through the pockets, obviously not recalling where she'd put them, though with this rusted piece of metal, she would have been safe just leaving the keys in the ignition. It wasn't as if someone would actually drive away with it. I kept talking. "Apparently, he had a patient that day that kept wiggling in his seat. His complaints of a foot that had fallen asleep prompted the warning. I can't say I'm personally looking forward to the sensation."

"Well, at least it's all a piece of cake after vomiting." She held up her keys in triumph.

"Such lovely imagery. Was it your silver tongue that charmed my brother?" I said before I could even stop myself. My idiocy was on a roll.

She wrenched her door open. "I don't know if I would ever refer to anything I did to your brother as an example of charm." Her voice was quiet, but then she raised her eyes to mine. "So, I have school and work tomorrow, but you're welcome to call if you need anything. But again, I won't be home to get the call."

One of the first items on my now-human agenda would be to get this girl a cell phone. Her father was a police officer, for goodness sake. How was it even possible she didn't have one, especially driving around in this deathtrap?

"I don't work on Tuesday, though. If you wanted to go out to dinner then, that would be fine. We should probably talk about whatever the plan is going to be." She hopped up into her seat.

"Plan?" I asked, just happy I would only be bored out of my mind for forty-eight hours. There was only so much sleeping and eating I could do. I supposed I could think about seeing my family, but my stomach clenched at the thought.

She reached out to grab the door handle to pull it closed but kept it open just slightly. "You just can't sit around this house all day every day. You're going to need to actually _live _at some point."

"I don't know how to live as a human," I admitted, stepping back to give her room to pull out.

She smiled and shook her head at me. I frowned in reply as she shut the door and backed out of the driveway. Before she took off down the street, she rolled down her window with a grin. "That's what _I'm_ for, I guess."

.

.

.

* * *

**Author note:** I hope you enjoyed this update a few days early. It was all thanks to my speedy betas, JaspersDestiny and Maxipoo1024.

As always, let me know if your review if you don't want a teaser for the next chapter; otherwise, you'll get one in your inbox.

I got some more wonderful recs from my readers last week. (Please keep them coming.) Some works in progress you've introduced me to:

"Coming to Terms" by GinnyW 31: "A one night stand, a handful of condom wrappers, and Bella decides she's meant to be alone." E/B WIP. There is an interesting tension between E and B, and I like how I'm still scratching my head about whether they'll get it together in time.

"A Form of Escapism" by flubbles: "Bella finds herself trapped in a loveless marriage, whilst going through the motions of everyday life. Her only form of escapism is the romance novels written by the recently retired, reclusive author E.A.M Cullen." WIP. Set in Britain, I'm loving seeing the daily lives of these two. It reads like I'm watching a Kate Winslet movie.

"The American President" by Rushed: "As the President of the United States, Edward Cullen finds it difficult to meet women. So his brother secretly employs the services of an escort agency to help fulfill certain presidential needs." E/B WIP, very frequent updates. It took me a few chapters to get into this one, but I was really drawn to Presidentward and B's strength of character.

"Hiding in Plain Sight" by limona: "Bella is a witness in peril. Emmett Cullen is the deputy assigned to protect her. When the witness protection program isn't safe, Emmett asks Bella to pose as his brother Edward's fiancée until the trial. AU, AH, ExB." This is a WIP that hasn't been updated in a couple months, though the premise is one of the best AH I've found. I'm hoping if enough people read and review, the author may rediscover her muse.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Note:** I'm sorry to those of you who didn't get a teaser for this chapter. I got carried away with writing and thought it would be to just go ahead a post.

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_Previously:_

_"You just can't sit around this house all day every day. You're going to need to actually _live_ at some point."_

_"I don't know how to live as a human," I admitted, stepping back to give her room to pull out._

_She smiled and shook her head at me. I frowned in reply as she shut the door and backed out of the driveway. Before she took off down the street, she rolled down her window with a grin. "That's what _I'm_ for, I guess."_

* * *

**Chapter 14**

The forty-eight hours where I had to entertain myself alone weren't as bad as I thought they would be—most likely because I wasn't alone.

Emmett and Rosalie both begged me to come to the house. When I said I still wasn't ready, they offered to come to my new house or meet me in public. Rosalie's offer to take me out for ice cream—because _all humans love ice cream_—made me realize how much I needed to see my sister soon. Rose hated human food more than any of us and claimed the scent of it always clung to her clothes and hair for hours. We always joked she had probably been a picky eater when she was a human.

I would have to talk to Bella about going out to the house when we went to dinner. It killed me to admit it to myself, but I preferred to go when she was with me. I placated my self-bruised ego by saying she would offer me a layer of protection; after all, her blood was the greatest scent I'd ever smelled as a vampire.

In what was probably a poor decision, I told Esme I would come over for dinner sometime in the next week. Upon hearing that, I could tell she was practically giddy. She told me to eat plenty of different foods between now and then and report back to her so she knew which kinds of foods I liked. I was convinced she was going to plan an absolute feast for when I came over, even if I was only there for thirty minutes.

With the goal of going back to the house soon, I knew I would need to work up to seeing them all together. Until then, perhaps I could do one-on-one. The first person I agreed to see was Esme, but that came from no small amount of strong-arming on her part. After we spoke about which kinds of food I thought I liked, she said she would like to drop by—for maybe ten minutes, tops—to see what Bella had chosen to stock the house with.

It seemed like only five minutes had passed since being off the phone when there was a knock at the front door.

"Dropping by?" I asked before I even opened the door.

Esme stood there looking sheepish and holding a large shopping bag in her hand. "Well, I was in the neighborhood," she hedged.

"I'm sure you were." I stepped back and gave her a wide berth to come into the house. For her, she was dressed very casually—in jeans, even. It seemed that, without Alice, we were all sliding a little in our garment choices. It was evident she was only coming to see me because she generally dressed the part to go out in public. With her simple attire and her hair pulled back from her face, she looked much too young to have a houseful of teenagers—adopted or not. I thought she looked beautiful, and I was glad to see her. If I'd had my gift, I would have let her get a taste of my feelings. Instead, I smiled.

She walked in the door and set down her bag. I thought she would go directly into the kitchen, but she took a slow step closer to me, gauging my reaction. When I didn't immediately start to panic, she took another step and awkwardly patted my back, as if she didn't want to commit to actually hugging me. I was glad for both her decision on the matter and the fact that my heart didn't race at her touch.

Her face beamed and she walked into the kitchen.

"What's in the bag? Did you come bearing gifts?" I joked with her, and in the blink of an eye, she was back in front of me, proffering the bag.

At this point, my heart did start to race, and I put my hand on my chest in an effort to calm down.

Esme's whole face fell. "Sorry. I should have realized. I—"

"Don't," I told her. "I'm excited to see what's in the bag." I took it, and we both walked at a human pace to the kitchen counter where I started to unload what was inside.

I removed a few sweaters, a wool coat, and a matching knit set consisting of a scarf, hat, and gloves. "Taking over Alice's job in her absence?" My brow lifted.

She grinned. "I thought you might need some warmer clothing. I mean, I know we've always had proper clothing to blend in, but now that you'll actually _need_ it . . . well, it was fun to buy, and it's so easy to get next shipping these days."

"I love them all. Thank you. As the weather gets colder, they'll all come in handy." It was quite thoughtful of her and typical Esme.

"If anything doesn't fit now that you're . . ." she gestured at my body, "I'll take them back—except for the knit set; I made that."

"I'm sure they'll all be fine. Thank you, again." I'd never seen Esme knit, though I knew at times that she and Rosalie had been into needlework. I was touched by her effort, even if I knew it probably only took her mere minutes to do all of them. I wouldn't actually be surprised to find out my closet at home was now full of an entirely hand-knit winter wardrobe.

Seeing the grin on my face and perhaps guessing at my thoughts, Esme said, "I don't want to ruin the surprise, but Rosalie may have a set for you as well. Emmett gave up on his."

I laughed heartily as I leaned forward without thinking and kissed her cold cheek in appreciation. I froze just after my lips made contact and pulled away from her without thinking.

"It's obviously getting easier for you," she said quietly, with pride in her voice. She slipped away from me in an effort to make me more comfortable. Stepping around the island counter, she started opening cabinet doors at a slightly-more-than-human pace before looking in the refrigerator.

"Making notes?" I asked, ignoring her last comment. _It _was_ getting easier_, I happily thought.

"Just brushing up on what I apparently _should_ be buying at the grocery store."

"Now that you might be cooking more…?" I asked.

She looked pleased at the indication I might come to the house regularly. "Well, that, and we could always improve the charade."

Esme breezed back to the front door, and I turned to face her. "Leaving so soon?"

"I said I wouldn't be very long, and I don't want to press you." She raised her hand in goodbye but didn't come any closer. "I'm proud of you. Always." Then she was out the door.

I nodded. I was rather proud of myself, too. All of my worry about seeing my family again had clearly been for naught.

Later that day, Carlisle called and congratulated me on how the visit with Esme had gone. I asked if he wanted to schedule a time to get together, especially if he wanted to do any kind of examination. I couldn't believe what I was offering, but Carlisle just chuckled and said he didn't want to overwhelm me. He told me to call him in a couple days—sooner if anything changed. Despite his words, I knew he was eager to see me, but I agreed a wait was probably for the best.

Emmett and Rosalie were a little disappointed they didn't win out on seeing me first, but that didn't stop them from being creative. Emmett made me stay up way too late playing video games online with him, while the next day, Rosalie wanted to know what I was going to wear out to dinner with Bella.

"It's dinner. With Bella. Does it matter?" I asked her.

"I suppose not. Esme was right, though; it's fun to dress up the human. I can actually see the appeal Alice found in it. It isn't as if Bella has much fashion sense, however," Rosalie commented as we video conferenced.

"Maybe you should be doing this with her." I begrudgingly held up another shirt for her inspection.

"_Please_," she scoffed. "Isn't it bad enough that I'm spending time on one human?"

I knew she was teasing, but her voice betrayed some other emotion about which I could now only guess. I just waited for her to say something else.

"This is just the first time you've gone out as a human—outside of the grocery store with Bella—and I want to be a part of it." Then she changed the subject to what I guessed was actually on her mind. "Carlisle took venom samples from us last night. He said Bella is coming by the hospital to have some blood drawn tomorrow after school. Then, the rest of us will go out hunting while he runs whatever tests he has in mind."

She looked away from her webcam for a moment before looking back at me, her mouth in a line. "Well, have fun tonight—as much fun as you can have with Swan, I guess."

"I'm loath to admit it, but she hasn't been as bad as I would have thought."

Rosalie nodded, her mouth not betraying her thoughts. "I'm glad you have someone to talk to."

"Even if it's Bella?" I knew that would make her crack a smile.

I was correct.

"All right. Enjoy yourself. Bon appétit and all that human nonsense," she said with faux indifference. "Let us all know how it goes." With that, she closed her laptop and my screen went blank.

I grabbed the first discarded shirt on the pile on my bed and slipped it over my head. Knowing Bella had already pointed out my carelessness with laundry, I decided to clear the room of the strewn about clothes. I simply bundled them all up in my arms and threw them on the floor of my closet to deal with later before shutting the doors. Good enough.

I waited around anxiously, avoiding trying to start another game campaign online with Emmett in my boredom. I looked around, and everything at least looked clean enough. I hadn't spoken to Bella since she'd pulled out of my driveway after we went grocery shopping, and we hadn't declared a set time to get together. I knew I could have called her, but I guess I was hoping she would reach out to me—and I wanted to avoid looking so needy.

My stomach was grumbling, so clearly it was approaching a mealtime, though my stomach always seemed to be in need of food. Carlisle had assured me that was typical in males of my age. I glanced at the clock and felt a moment's irritation, wondering where the hell Bella was. I doubted we'd be eating in Forks, so I was going to be even hungrier once we drove to wherever we were going.

Just as I stood up to go in search of a snack in the kitchen, I heard her truck rumble up the street before clunking to a stop in my driveway. I looked back at the clock to see it read 6:17. I didn't know if in her mind she was late or early.

When I opened the door, she was already shaking her head. As I waited for her apology, her eyes narrowed. "Okay. Let's go, then. I assume you want to take your car?" She spun around and headed back to the driveway, mumbling under her breath.

I fumbled to shut and lock the door before hurrying after her. She paused at the passenger door to my car as I clicked the unlock button and then waited a beat more, her hair most likely growing damp in the evening precipitation. After another few seconds, she opened her door and slipped onto the leather seat.

"What's wrong with you," I asked, turning on the car.

She released a breath. "I'm just hungry, that's all." Her expression looked sour.

"Well, you should have gotten here earlier. I'm hungry, too." I put the car in reverse and started to pull out of the drive before she had her seatbelt all the way fastened.

As she clicked it in place, she shifted to look at me. "I was waiting around for _you_."

"Waiting for me to do what?" I asked as I continued to back into the street.

"Show up."

"Pardon me?" I was confused, but I pulled down the street anyway.

"I was waiting around for you to show up at my house, but I finally figured I would just come over here."

"Why wouldn't you come over here? On both occasions that we've seen each other this week, _you've _come to _me_. What's different about this time? Also, I'm still lying a little low. I wouldn't suspect you would want to explain to Charlie why I was picking you up—unless, of course, you were looking forward to explaining the whole human sire business. And vampires." I smirked as we came to a four-way stop. I chanced a glance at her, but she was looking out her window at the light drizzle.

"You're right." Bella could stop right there; I didn't need to hear anything else. Of course, she kept talking, though. "I just thought tonight was going to be different because you were showing your _appreciation _or whatever. I guess next time we'll just need to coordinate better. Or at all, I suppose."

"Yeah," I said without eloquence, focusing on driving instead. It was the first time I'd driven as a human with my wipers on, and I didn't want to be too distracted. Bella, however, clearly didn't comprehend the potential dangers of operating a vehicle on a wet road because she still kept going.

"I mean, _you _invited _me _to dinner, so I just assumed." She huffed. "This is silly."

"Mmm hmm," I mumbled, willing there to be no deer on the road tonight. Then, what she might be trying to say sank in. "Wait—did you think this was a _date_?" I didn't know whether to be horrified or entertained by the notion.

"Of course not," she spat. Despite the vehemence of her tone, I was sure her face was growing warm.

I couldn't pass this opportunity up. "What, you thought now that I'm human and single I would be into the first human girl I saw—the only one I know?" I laughed.

She gasped. "God, no!" I could see her throw her hands up over her face.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't get you flowers or anything," I ribbed before laughing even harder. I actually considered pulling over to get it out of my system. "That's what you were doing! You were waiting for me to open your car door!"

"Jasper!" she snapped, and I quieted my laughter, though there were a few aftershocks I couldn't control. "That's not what I thought. I didn't think this was a _date_. I didn't think you were interested in me. I'm certainly not . . . Ugh. I just thought you were . . . I don't know . . . more of a gentleman."

She could certainly butcher a sentence.

"You thought _I_ was a gentleman? What gave me away? Was it when I nearly killed you on your birthday? Was it when I almost threw up on you at my house? Was it when I discussed eating children with you? Or was it before all of that, like when I plotted to kill you right after Edward first met you?"

"Excuse me?" she said quietly but pointedly.

"Oh, I suppose you didn't know about that. That's a conversation for another day."

"Don't bother. It isn't like a vampire wanting to kill me is somehow outside of my norm."

I silently congratulated myself. Her foolishness had at least assured me I would be having dinner with Bella the cat tonight. Perhaps the old adage about cats was correct; if I fed her, maybe she'd stay around for good.

I switched on the radio, and we were both quiet for some time. When I was ready, I turned the volume down before speaking. "You didn't_ really_ think I was gentleman; you just thought I was more like Edward." I chanced a glance at her and saw her cringe. "Actually, I should have been. Esme would be disappointed, and Alice certainly would be. You're right, though…next time we need to plan better. There's actually something for you under the seat."

She silently reached beneath her and pulled out a compact box. "You got me a cellphone? Why?"

I rolled my eyes. "Because I just love seeing how you react to gifts, apparently. No, it's because you need to be ushered into this century. According to you, I grew up with the dinosaurs in the Wild West, and _I've_ had a cell phone since they were probably bigger than your shoe."

"Thanks, but I can't afford this." She set the box back down on the floorboards.

"Well, then this is where my gentlemanly ways come into play. I wouldn't have given it to you if I hadn't planned on paying for it." I cut off her sound of protest with a raise of my hand from the steering wheel. "I want to be able to get a hold of you if I need you." I hoped that didn't sound needy, or worse, like Edward. "Who's to say when my next human emergency is going to happen? I wouldn't want to wake up Charlie. Really, it's a gift for me."

"You do know you have a family that's impossible to wake, right?"

I frowned. _Just be gracious already_, I thought. "That's why I said _human _emergency."

After a moment, she said, "Fine." There was a pause. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. See how easy that was? You should just do that the first time you get a gift."

"So, where are we going?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know," I answered honestly as we started to pass the first houses outside of Port Angeles.

"Of course not."

I liked the spark from her, but there was a difference between grumpiness and sass. We needed to bring back the latter.

"What do _I_ know about dining out? You're the human, after all." I shook my head as we pulled into downtown. "Though I suppose as you were expecting a _date_, I should have planned the entire evening."

"I wasn't . . . Forget it."

Just then, I saw a restaurant that looked decent enough and pulled up to an available parking spot on the street. "What about this?" I nodded in the direction of the Italian eatery.

"Um, let's not," she muttered.

I turned off the car and unclipped my seat belt. "I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up; my hearing isn't exactly what it used to be." I turned to her profile.

"I said we should go somewhere else." She didn't move from her seat.

"What's wrong with this place?" I reached toward her belt clasp, but she smacked my hand away.

"I don't know. It just looks too intimate or something for the two of us." She kept her eyes on the windshield, which was dotted with water droplets.

"So, a good place for a _date, _then?"

The corner of her mouth turned up. "Something like that." She sighed. "It's just that Edward brought me here the first time he ran into me in Port Angeles, and—"

"Perfect. Let's go eat," I said, moving too fast for her to stop me from unclipping her seat belt.

She held onto it with both her hands and looked me in the eye. There was a hesitation there, but she finally said, "Okay. Let's go." She looked sad for a moment before her mouth twisted. "This place just obviously attracts assholes."

She got out of the car and ran through the rain to get to the porch before I could respond. When I came under the awning next to her and opened the door, I asked, "Did you just call my brother an asshole?"

Her face flushed, and she stepped through the door. "More importantly, I called _you _an asshole," she whispered as we stepped up to the empty hostess station.

"I didn't even think you knew that word, Pop Tart." I was glad she was feeling an emotion toward Edward outside of heartbreak. Anger was a good place to start. It was easier to see the truth through anger than it was through a sheet of tears.

"I believe I've used it on you before. I'm also sure the longer I hang around you, the more my vocabulary will grow by leaps and bounds. I certainly don't want to be restricted in the words I have available to describe you," she said quietly as the hostess came back to the podium.

"Dinner for two?" she asked, and I nodded. "Do you have a reservation?"

I looked around the restaurant, which wasn't exactly crowded, and mentally shook my head at the question. "No, I don't."

"We prefer it if you have a reservation on our busy nights." She self-importantly flipped her hair over her shoulder.

I glanced once more at the assortment of available tables and wondered how busy they could possibly be on a Tuesday night.

"I do apologize, Miss," I said, trying to lay on what remained of my Southern charm. "My _date _so wanted to come here, though." I cut a look at Bella, who looked like she wanted to kick me, and I smiled even more when I looked back at the hostess. "Isn't there something you could do?"

I stared at her until she grew flustered and looked down at the table chart in front of her. "Um, I guess so." She gestured for a waitress to come over, and she then led us to a table in front of a window.

"You know, you shouldn't stare like that. You're not nearly as dazzling now as you like to think you are," Bella said as soon as she sat down.

I chuckled. "That means you think I'm still at least a_ little_ dazzling, though." I winked at her, and she groaned, busying herself with looking at the menu.

I read the various dishes on the menu and didn't know where to start. I was tempted to order the reddest, rarest meat they had. It was the closest thing I could think of to my previous diet, but when the waitress came around again, I just told her I would have whatever Bella was having. Actually, when her gaze lingered on me a little too long, I told her I would like the same thing _my date _was going to have.

"Could you stop saying that?" Bella said once the waitress left.

"It was your idea," I told her, and before she could protest or attempt to refute me, I added, "plus, she was a little too close for comfort."

"Even with you as a human this nonsense happens," she grumbled.

"Could you, for once, enunciate?" I asked before taking a sip of water.

She shot me a look. "It just seems like drooling over the men in the restaurant is something the wait staff is known for here."

I could only imagine how their waitress had reacted to Edward as a patron—the same way all females reacted to the males in my family. It was a lovely pat on the back to have a portion of that effect on women as a human.

"Stop looking so smug," Bella ordered. "You know how you look." She toyed with the straw in her soda in her typical need to fidget.

"Attractive, dazzling, and an asshole . . . Will the compliments never cease?" I fluttered my eyelashes at her and earned a kick under the table—something I knew she'd been holding back since we walked into the restaurant.

She kept up her nervous movement, except she started to drum lightly on the table. "So, we should talk."

"About the plan?" I asked.

I wasn't sure exactly what she thought she was going to do. If Carlisle couldn't figure out a way to fix me immediately, I was sure Bella wasn't going to be full of winsome ideas.

I stared at her until she continued. "So, if I'm the reason you're like this, I get that I have some sense of obligation toward you."

I stiffened at the word "obligation." I'd already gone over with her quite explicitly how I felt about her feeling obliged to do anything. I also didn't want her to think _I _was beholden to _her _for anything more than was necessary.

"I mean, it isn't like I'm raring to _be the best sire I can be_," she said sarcastically with a wave of imaginary pom-poms that made her look ridiculous, but it succeeded in lightening my mood. "I am going to try, though."

I nodded for her to go on; she had obviously put some thought into what it was she wanted to introduce.

"What if this isn't permanent?"

_I should hope not_, I thought. Even if it was permanent, it suddenly occurred to me that I would try my hardest to become a vampire again. This foray into being mortal had been slightly better than terrible, but I was done. It was interesting to have a brief vacation from the thirst and the desire that comes with vampirism, but I was constantly discovering things I didn't like about being a human, whether it be the unpleasantness of my digestive cycle, the propensity to smell, or my diminished ability to complete tasks in an expedient manner.

"We should take advantage of your current humanity," Bella announced.

I said the first thing that came to my mind. "By doing what—cutting my hair and getting a nose ring?"

"If you want," she quickly replied, her arms folded over her chest. It was the first time she'd stopped fiddling since we sat down. She looked like she was teetering on the line between confident and embarrassed. "There are things you should do—things you can _only_ do while human."

"I've pooped," I said frankly. "I'm ready to call it a day."

I thought Bella was going to spray soda all over the table, but she quickly put her hand over her mouth as a safeguard while she choked and laughed at the same time. Once she caught her breath, she said, "As a rule, people don't really talk about that sort of thing at dinner. Or . . . ever."

I shook my head. "Sorry. You'll have to forgive me. It seems it's all Emmett wants to talk about now."

She gave me a knowing look. "So it's all . . . ?" She put her two thumbs up and gave a cheeky smile.

"Yes, thank you—barring I don't eat any more semi-raw meat."

The waitress brought us our warm plates and set them on the table. Bella had ordered fettuccine alfredo, and once I got a whiff of the dish, I couldn't wait to try it. It did occur to me after our trip to the grocery store that Bella might have an unhealthy obsession with noodles. I couldn't fault her for dinner, as we _were_ in an Italian restaurant.

I mimicked the way she lifted the pasta with her fork and then twirled it in the dip of her spoon. It was an act that was more difficult than it looked, but she seemed to be handling it with un-Bella-like ease.

I must have been staring because Bella said, "It becomes easier with practice. You can always cut up your pasta and just eat it with your fork."

"I'm sure if _you_ can do it, _I_ can do it," I said in quick defense. Her mouth quirked, but instead of saying something in reply, she took another bite.

We ate quietly as I tried to master the twirl technique. After a few minutes, Bella took a drink and addressed me. "So, I think we should make a list of things you want to do, or want to learn, or may be curious about, or—"

"I get it," I interrupted.

"Well, if you aren't going to have this opportunity for very long . . ."

I put down my silverware. "Yes, golden opportunity that this is."

Color dotted her cheeks, and in an uncharacteristic show of assertiveness, she pointed her finger at me. "Hey! There are a lot of . . . _people _who would do anything for this opportunity." Her voice was lowered but her tone was chastising.

"You don't think I know that?" I leaned over the table toward her. "You don't think I know I'm the most undeserving of all the members in my family? You think I don't wish this had happened to any one of them instead? I might have some less-than-altruistic motives for that thought as well, but that doesn't stop me from realizing how much they would all want it."

My anger flared, and in turn, Bella leaned over the table as well, her eyes intense.

"Still, you don't seem to care very much," she accused. "You've been given a gift—if you could just look at it that way."

"_You_, of all people, should know not every gift is appreciated or wanted," I hissed.

Bella pushed her plate away from her, and I was worried she was going to get up and leave. Instead, her face softened marginally.

"Can't you just see the magic of this, whatever this twist of fate—"

I knew what she was trying to express. I knew, to anyone else, this would be a gift. A reprieve. I still thought it was a twisted joke, and I was going to let her know it.

I cut her off. "_Magic_?"

"Why not?" she protested. "I just want to help you with this, though minute by minute I keep questioning the sanity of that decision."

I leaned back in my seat before mumbling, "Always the leading lady." Then, I thought better of my posture and went back to hunching over the table, clearing my own plate to the side. "This isn't a fairytale, Isabella. Even if it was, you wouldn't be the princess; you'd be the poison apple."

She looked as if I had slapped her in the face, and the anger seemingly rushed from her body.

"Why did you say it to me?" she asked quietly.

Why did I just say what I did? Whatever she was asking about, it was clear I'd scared Bella the cat away.

"Why did you even say I was worth it?"

_Oh. _

We were just going to keep touching back on this subject.

I paused for a while. "I already told you there's something about you that's important. I couldn't tell you why." I was honest with her, and she nodded silently. She didn't look convinced.

"I've just felt it, okay? I've felt the emotions of the rest of the family when they're around you, too. Everyone feels a tie of some sort to you."

She looked down at the table. "Maybe you just should have let James take care of me. Then you wouldn't have ever needed to worry about a _poison apple_."

I sighed heavily and scrubbed my hand over my face, and an intense feeling swelled within me.

"Don't ever say that," I said vehemently.

"Wouldn't it have made everything easier?" she asked, defeated. "You wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't feel like this. Edward would . . ."

My mouth suddenly felt dry, and I took a long drink of my water. "You know _I'm_ the one who killed him, right? James."

She looked up.

"I relished it. I _enjoyed_ killing him because of what he did to you."

Every word of it was the truth. When I had learned Bella had escaped me in the airport, I'd been frantic. At the first scent of her blood and the sight of what that creature had done to her, I'd only seen red. He'd had no right to touch her, to put his hands on what was . . .

I had to get a hold of myself.

"I'm surprised you weren't thankful he'd saved you the trouble. You already said you wanted to kill me after we first met."

That was different. That was before I'd realized—well, whatever it was that I still hadn't _actually_ realized about Bella. I couldn't explain it to her, though. Obviously.

There was a word that kept battering around my head. _Mine_. Every time I thought of James, it imprinted itself in my mind.

He was _mine_ to kill? Was that all?

I'd felt that same urge when Bella cut her finger and I saw Edward lunge toward her.

_Mine_.

On the other hand, was it that _she_ was mine?

Before I could stop myself, I was thinking aloud. "Maybe it's because you were always mine to kill."

Perhaps a second too late, I grinned and hoped she thought I meant it in jest.

_Mine_, my mind echoed. Perhaps I wasn't too far off base. I hadn't wanted either Edward or James to have her.

She shook her head and bit her lip in exasperation. "You don't actually believe that for a second."

The word still floated in the edges of my thoughts. She was right. "Because _you're _an empath now?" I asked her, revealing a slow smile.

"No, because _I'm_ not an idiot."

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note:** As always, let me know if your review if you don't want a teaser for the next chapter; otherwise, you'll get one in your inbox.

You keep your fic recs coming, and I'll do the same with mine. I find there aren't nearly enough AUs being written, so here are some AU WIPs:

Haunted Mindscapes by Simiril: When Esme is left to guard Bella instead of Edward in the fight with Victoria, the Volturi step in and tear the Cullen family apart. New levels of cruelty are revealed when Aro decides to experiment on the vampire psyche. Fate is about to go Feral.

Beneath this Sky by Bedelia: Nineteen years ago, time unraveled. In a changed world, Bella fights to save a man from the past and a girl with no future. AU.

Hunted in Seattle by TwiLoverSue: Edward wasn't the only vampire to find Bella's scent mouthwatering. A delay in her journey meant she never made it to Forks, but she did become a vampire…in the worst possible way. What sort of a newborn will she make without the Cullens to guide her, and what will she think of Edward when they meet? No rape or graphic violence . Edward & Bella HEA...eventually.

And a few that are complete:

One Weekend by StormDragonfly: At Edward's request, Carlisle takes Bella away for the weekend. How will Bella react when she discovers what Edward has suggested Carlisle do in his stead? A meaningful story of arousal and trust, taking place before the epilogue of Eclipse.

Apologies by mrstrentreznor: Bella makes contact and then a contract with a bad boy. AU MA Bella/Paul  
Stranger than Fiction by MasenVixen Six years after Edward left, Bella's written a bestselling book about a girl and the vampire who loves her. Edward returns to her, hell-bent on recapturing the happily ever after that he destroyed. AU. Rated M for lemons. Complete


	15. Chapter 15

_Previously:_

_There was a word that kept battering around my head. _Mine_. Every time I thought of James, it imprinted itself in my mind._

_He was_ mine_ to kill? Was that all?_

_I'd felt that same urge when Bella cut her finger and I saw Edward lunge toward her._

Mine.

_On the other hand, was it that _she_ was mine?_

_Before I could stop myself, I was thinking aloud. "Maybe it's because you were always mine to kill."_

_Perhaps a second too late, I grinned and hoped she thought I meant it in jest._

Mine_, my mind echoed. Perhaps I wasn't too far off base. I hadn't wanted either Edward or James to have her._

_She shook her head and bit her lip in exasperation. "You don't actually believe that for a second."_

_The word still floated in the edges of my thoughts. She was right. "Because _you're_ an empath now?" I asked her, revealing a slow smile._

_"No, because _I'm_ not an idiot."_

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Our spat certainly spoiled the rest of dinner. When it didn't look like either one of us was going to eat anymore, I gestured for the waitress to return. I just wanted to get our bill and get out, but Bella asked her if she wouldn't mind boxing up our food to go. I'd never seen her do more than pick at her food like a bird, and I had always assumed she just ate quickly and minimally in the presence of vampires. The sudden sour mood of the evening had stripped me of the opportunity to see if things were different when she was in human company. Regardless, I was glad she was at least interested in eating more later. However, when the waitress came back to hand Bella the bag with our food in it, she waved it toward me and said, "It's for him."

I smiled slightly in a show of gratitude for her thoughtfulness. It never would have occurred to me that you could take the food you didn't eat with you. We didn't say another word as we left our seats and went out to the car. It seemed that we were creating a less-than-lovely pattern for our time spent together. It was more than the first day of hot and cold; we'd moved into a cycle of amiable awkwardness, followed by pleasant pithiness, then snide snapping, and ending with absolute silence.

On the bright side, the next step was cycling back to amiable awkwardness. As I listened to only the sound of our breathing in the car, I knew the awkwardness was there. At least it had stopped raining.

"May I finish what I was saying?" Bella suddenly asked.

I started at the sound of her voice. "I hadn't realized you were speaking."

Even though I didn't take my eyes off the road to look at her, I could practically feel her roll her eyes at me before she sighed. "You're a little old for the silent treatment."

"You're the one being silent," I accused.

Bella unexpectedly chuckled. "Yes, _you've _been so chatty since we left the restaurant."

I contemplated pulling over. Did she always have to start this kind of stuff while I was driving? I pursed my lips in frustration. Fortunately, I was confident I could deal with whatever she dished out and manage the drive from Port Angeles to Forks at the same time.

"_You_—"

"Oh, stop," she interrupted. "This is obviously just our thing." She confirmed my thoughts on our regular pattern of interaction. With any luck, now that we'd mentioned it, it would go away. "Let's go back to the start of our doomed conversation."

I tried to think of where we had stopped, but Bella didn't leave me wondering for long.

"Should your humanity turn out to be only temporary . . ."

_When_, I thought.

"There are things you should experience while you still can," she continued. "Anyway, I was thinking that if you wanted human mentorship, or whatever _this _is between us, we could . . . I don't know . . . make a list."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "You want me to make a bucket list?" It seemed terribly clichéd and something that came straight out of the pages of a teen girl's diary. I frowned when I thought of some list written in pink ink with loopy letters and hearts. Bella had never struck me as one of those types of girls, crossing mundane items off her life list: Go to prom; Get a kiss; Win the heart of a vampire. _Please_.

She let the idea sink in—unfortunately—before speaking again. "It wouldn't exactly be a _bucket _list because it would be temporary; you wouldn't be dying, you'd be living forever. I guess that makes it . . . the opposite of a bucket list," she said with some hesitation at the end. "What's the opposite of a bucket?"

"A puddle," I said without humor as I scanned the sides of the road, making sure no animals were going to dart out in front of us while we drove through the national park.

"I like it. A puddle list."

I quickly looked at her, just long enough to throw her a look that said _You've got to be kidding me_.

"I'm just trying to be upbeat here. What else would you have me do? I mean, what do you need my help doing? Better yet, if I were a vampire, what sorts of things would you be doing with me?"

For a moment, I paused to imagine Bella as a vampire. Would she grow taller? Would her hair be longer? My eyes darted over to her and skimmed down her figure in the darkened car. I thought of how her hips would most likely widen to a small degree and perhaps her breasts would become slightly fuller. For a human, she was a little on the thin side. I caught myself chuckling at that thought, considering how waiflike Alice was. For so long she had been all I knew, though.

Even as Bella could stand to fill out a bit—with either age or the change—she wasn't unattractive per se. Her pale skin provided endless entertainment with its fluctuating blush, and I could imagine how solid her form would feel under my hands now that we were both human. That feeling would only be enhanced if we were both vampires.

A smile lit my face as I thought of all the sordid things I could do with her as a vampire.

"Well?" she prompted, ending my musing.

_What was I thinking_? I couldn't believe I was actually thinking about Bella Swan in such a way. I placed full blame on my new post-teenage brain. Edward had told us time and time again that young male brains were the worst to get stuck in.

"Outside of keeping you from slaughtering the villagers?" I joked, covering for my embarrassing thoughts. "We'd certainly work on your control around humans, though that would come much later. We'd work on all areas of your control—eating, dressing, moving around the house, interacting with other vampires. I'd help you acclimate to your new abilities and your attention span. Things like that."

"This wouldn't be much different. We'd just be exploring the new things you could do as a human, even if it was a simple as working through a list of foods you should try."

That idea at least sounded tempting.

"I just don't want this to turn into something like _former vampire day camp_."

"It would be _your _list. Just think about it."

I nodded in some sort of agreement, hoping she could see me in the dark car.

"Well, the first thing I can do is cross off _Go on a date_ from the list." I laughed when I thought about our conversation earlier in the evening.

Bella groaned and leaned forward to turn on the radio. "You should be careful; an elbow to your side will be much more painful now."

As music filled the car, I smiled. We'd circled once again to pleasant pithiness.

~*TLoD*~

I didn't know what to do with myself while Bella was at school. Perhaps I needed a list after all. At least this human tedium wasn't as bad as that of a vampire. I was amazed at how much time I could waste sleeping. Or eating. And then sleeping again.

I gave serious thought to Bella's list idea. I hated the childish notion of it, but I did appreciate having a solid plan for our time together. I had a feeling that the kinds of things Bella would list as things to experience would be far different from mine. My mental image of a teen girl's swirling, pastel list morphed into my vision of Bella's. Instead, I saw her chicken scratch scrawl printed on a crinkled sheet of lined paper or on the back of a grocery list. I could just see her writing "bowling" and "skydiving" right between her notations for bug cereal and weeds.

The things I wanted to experience, Bella would probably never guess. I wanted to ride in an airplane or even an elevator and not think about how nice it would be to latch onto the neck of the businessman next to me. I wanted to be able to stand close to an animal without it bolting in fear. I had no memories of even petting a dog. And, while my frustration with Bella sometimes got me close, I wanted to cry. I wanted to feel the physical release of too many pent up emotions.

Her idea about foods to eat was spot on, though. As we'd discussed in the grocery store, to some extent people did have different flavorings. However, after spending so many decades as a vegetarian, I could say all human blood varied in degrees of amazing and wonderful. My dietary choices after meeting Alice had ranged from mediocre to barely palatable.

I glanced at my cell phone to check the time just as a call was incoming.

"Thanks for programming in your number. I'm on my way over." That was the entire conversation. No salutation or closing needed.

"Goodbye, Bella, and hello to you, too," I said, even though she wasn't on the line anymore.

A few minutes later, her truck chuffed into the driveway. I opened the door when I saw her hands were full.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"Stuff for your list," she answered, making her way past me and into the kitchen.

"I thought the whole point was that it was _my _list." I walked over to see what she was setting out on the counter.

"Yes, but as the resident human expert—ah, _contemporary _human expert," she corrected herself, "you should realize I'll have some good suggestions."

I supposed I could acquiesce to that. "So, what do you have for me today?"

"Coffee, or caffeine, I should say. Ice cream—cookies and cream—something I doubt they had when you were human. Dark chocolate." She pointed to each item as she mentioned it. "I would also say bananas, but we already bought some at the store. We'll work our way up to cake. You'll also have to buy your own alcohol, if that's something you're interested in."

Over the course of my vampire life, I'd felt the emotions of numerous people as they imbibed. There were times that the feelings were absolutely euphoric and liberating, but there was also a darkness that occasionally reared its ugly head. Either way, the unpredictability and loss of control wasn't something I necessarily wanted to experience. Bella, on the other hand, she I would like to see under the influence. I was sure the tiger would be in fine form.

I went to reach for the coffee first, but Bella stretched her hands out at the same time.

"There is one more thing I'd like to cross off your list today." It looked as if she was going to touch me, and the idea of this puddle list just took a giant turn in my mind.

Quicker than I could process what she was actually going to do with her hands, she threw them at my sides and . . .

"Oh! Ha!"

I gasped for breath, grimaced in pain, and laughed uncontrollably all at the same time. _What the hell was she doing to me?_ I doubled over, and she didn't relent until I forcibly hit her away. The sound of it made quite a smack, so I looked at her from my guarded position to see if I'd hurt her, but she was also doubled over in laughter. She was actually holding onto the counter she was laughing so hard. When she lifted her head, she had tears running down her face.

"Oh my God, that was so much better than I expected."

I glared at her and rubbed my hands up my sides and under my arms, trying to wipe away the phantom sensation still residing in my flesh.

"Now you can cross _Getting tickled _off your list." Still giggling, she walked around to the living room before collapsing on the plaid couch and pulling one of the hideous black bear pillows to her mid-section.

"Don't ever do that to me again," I said in a very measured tone, and I narrowed my eyes at her.

Unfortunately, it inspired a fresh round of giggles interspersed with hiccups.

"Your face. Your face!" she called.

I grabbed the coffee, but it still felt a little hot, so instead I grabbed the ice cream and a spoon from the drawer. I made my way into the living room, but I gave her a wide berth, choosing the chair farthest from the couch.

"Did you bring two spoons?"

I looked at her like she was crazy.

"No, grabby hands, I did not." I was still angry she would do that to me. It was terrible. How could humans do that to each other? I'd seen people do it to children before; their parents must have been monsters. I wasn't just sore with Bella; my own body betrayed me by laughing when it happened.

"You aren't going to share?" she asked with an exaggerated pout.

"You're the _resident expert_; make your own list with ice cream on it." I dug the spoon in and took a bite. I loved trying things with different temperatures and textures. I started to chew, but a shiver ran up my spine, and I cringed a little at the cold on my teeth. Then, I just let it sit on my tongue for a few seconds before swallowing it. It was remarkably pleasant. The cold went all the way down my throat, and the sweet aftertaste on my tongue was quite wonderful.

Why hadn't Esme thought to stock my freezer with ice cream? Bella was right; she was a much better grocery shopper.

"Well?" she asked.

"It's not terrible," I told her, still upset about what had felt like an assassination attempt earlier.

If that was true, I guess we were kind of even.

"_Not terrible_," she parroted. "You're hilarious. You're not even going to share _one _bite with me?"

If she weren't sitting on my couch, I would have thrown a bite at her. Instead, I said, "I told you to make your own list. Oh, and yours would definitely be a _bucket _list if you ever try to tickle me again. Sadly for you, it would be the last thing you'd ever accomplish before you actually forcibly kicked it."

She sat up and put the pillow she was clutching back in its rightful spot. "Message received. No more tickling."

Bella stood up and walked back into the kitchen, reaching into the cupboard to grab two mugs. She took the lid off the coffee on the counter and poured some of it into each cup before making her way back toward me. After setting one mug down on the coffee table, she leaned back into the couch.

"_This_ I am going to make you share. You should try it just as it is first, but you may find you like yours with sugar and/or milk."

I watched her take her first sip of coffee, and the pleasure on her face was similar to how the ice cream made me feel. I'd made quite a dent in the container, and after a few more bites, I set it down on the table.

"Go ahead." I gestured to the ice cream and grabbed the coffee mug. She smiled and happily traded her mug for the pint of ice cream.

After taking her first bite, it became clear that my response to the ice cream might be fairly typical for a human. She smirked when she saw me watching her.

"If by _not terrible_, you mean delicious," she said, taking another big bite. When her mouth was barely empty, she started to speak again. "If you're going to learn more about being human, I'd like to learn more about what it is to be a vampire."

That was not what I thought she was going to say, and say it she did. She went right for the punch. I almost didn't know how to react in the absence of her hemming and hawing.

"Bella—" I was hesitant. I didn't want to care about her feelings; I felt strongly that she needed to toughen up. In the past week, she'd shown herself to be stronger than I ever expected of her, but with the periodic reappearance of Bella the mouse, it was clear she still had a way to go. I also didn't want her to hang onto the idea of Edward coming back for her, which is exactly why I thought she'd want to know about being a vampire.

Edward's head was stuck so far up his ass, it might take him years to pull it out and come back to her—if he even had the inclination to do so. Most of the family was convinced they weren't actually mates. But that wasn't a topic of conversation I wanted to broach with her at the moment.

She looked at me expectantly. "Well?"

I blew out a breath and put my full cup of coffee back down on the table, trying to put as many seconds as I could between her question and my answer.

"Why do you want to know?"

Though I had put down the coffee to focus on what she had to say, Bella continued to eat her ice cream, as if this were a normal dessert conversation.

She pulled the spoon out of her mouth. "You're the one who mentioned me being blind, and it keeps being pointed out that Edward did nothing to paint a very accurate picture."

I nodded. That was certainly true, but what was the point in learning now? I put my hands on my knees and leaned forward. "Things are different now, though," I started. Actually, they weren't that much different. It wasn't as if Edward would have ever considered changing her anyway.

"Are they?" she asked.

I squeezed my knees even harder. She _was _holding out hope for his return. Of course she was; it had only been days since he'd left her. The vampire mind wasn't fickle, though. I did believe Edward would stay away as he had promised, especially if he didn't feel the mate pull.

"I mean, Edward's gone; that's true," she said. "Not much else is different. Though you'd all apparently planned to leave without a word, most of your family is still around. Judging by what happened in the meadow, I'm somewhat of a vampire magnet."

That was definitely true. Bella's blood was a siren's call to our kind, and no one other than a member of our family would be likely to abstain from it. If that were to happen, she'd be dead before she realized what was happening. Or maybe . . . maybe she wouldn't be. Everyone, with perhaps the exception of Rosalie, could see there was something different about her. It extended beyond her ability to thwart Edward's gift. Despite her understated appearance and previous dishwater personality, there was an air of possibility that hovered around her. Maybe someone would take the caution to change her. That thought was banished by the memory of how good she smelled. Whoever would attempt it would have to have superior control or be extremely motivated to keep her.

While waiting for my response, she continued to spoon ice cream into her mouth. When she reached an apparent stopping point, she returned the lid and carried it back into the kitchen to place it in the freezer.

I frowned in disappointment that she hadn't thought to hand it back to me. I was made happier to see she brought the chocolate bar back with her, though. I wanted to get through this conversation without the distraction of food, especially if chocolate was as enjoyable as ice cream.

She tore open the wrapper and broke off her own piece while asking, "Do you believe in fate, Jasper?"

I couldn't be certain if she was changing the subject or not. Fate was a big theory, one that I'd fought for a long time. If she wanted to know, though, I was going to answer.

"I never used to believe in fate." I wasn't even sure where to begin or what to tell her. "For starters, I would never want to think I was meant for the life I led with Maria. If this is it for me," I gestured to my new form, "all of that just seems too cruel. Also, being with Alice and knowing the shifting course of the future, it was hard to have much faith in the predestined. It wasn't as if she never saw some things that were unchanging, but what really made me start thinking about faith—or at least luck—was Carlisle."

I actually said more than I had intended to. If she wanted to learn about vampires, learning about the ones she knew was probably the best course.

"Carlisle?" she asked, curious.

I was in it now. Distractions be damned, I bent over to get my own piece of chocolate, taking just the smallest nibble. Bitter, strong, and rich—it had a flavor I could identify with. I broke off half the bar to bring back to my seat.

"Well, the whole family, really," I clarified after finishing another bite. "The way they all found each other was just like puzzle pieces shifting into place. I assume you at least know the story of how Carlisle changed Edward?"

She nodded. We were going to dance dangerously close to a volatile topic. If we spoke about the mating of my family, would it highlight for her how she and Edward weren't mates? I was going to chance it. She said she wanted to know about fate.

"If Carlisle hadn't been in just that time and place to find Edward, would there be another vampire in his place?" Could Edward have called to vampires the way Bella did? Why was Carlisle pushed over then? I'd asked myself these questions before. "Was Carlisle's loneliness truly coming to a head, or was it the influence of Elizabeth Masen's words to him that sealed the decision? It was so odd that Carlisle was even in Chicago." I was nearly just thinking aloud for her benefit. "He had been there for a couple years, and normally, if Carlisle was going to live in a city, he wouldn't stay that long."

"I thought he always liked to stay as long as possible," she said questioningly.

I shook my head. "We do that now, primarily to appease Rosalie, but it isn't easy. The Chicago of today isn't what it was in 1918; up to Oak Park was still primarily prairie land. The availability of cars and changing industries led to the current state of urban sprawl. Even so, it was still a city, and Carlisle would have needed to _travel _to hunt. It's just easier for us to be in more remote areas. What was it that made Carlisle stay so long in Chicago? He was even working a position that required daytime shifts. Why take the risk?"

"These aren't unanswerable questions," she interrupted. "Why haven't you ever asked him? It doesn't seem like Carlisle hides anything."

_Unlike some of us_. I internally chuckled.

"You're right. Carlisle would be happy to answer. It's Edward who wouldn't be pleased. Any time I thought about asking Carlisle about Edward's change, Edward would start with a fresh round of self-loathing. Whenever I decided to drop it, his relief was evident. I eventually just stopped being curious."

She looked hesitant when she spoke. "Why do you think he was like that?" I was glad she was able to talk about him so freely. It abated some of my earlier fears about her.

I rolled my eyes. "I've always tried to put as little thought toward Edward's mood swings as possible. If I tried to decipher all of his emotions, I would have time for little else—even as an immortal. Anyway, just because I could label feelings, that didn't mean I cared."

She tried to hide her sly grin. "That doesn't sound much like fate though. Like you said, Carlisle could have changed someone else."

"True. Do you know about Esme's story?" I wasn't sure how many of our stories she knew outside of Carlisle's and Edward's. I knew for a fact she hadn't known mine until I'd told her. We were diving right into the vampire lessons, so apparently I'd agreed to her proposition. At least we weren't scribbling about me being forced to put on roller skates.

She replied by telling me the brief facts of Carlisle finding Esme close to death in a Wisconsin morgue. I was glad Edward had at least told her the basics.

"Did you know that wasn't the first time he saw her?" I asked.

"Had she worked at the hospital with him?"

"No. Carlisle first met Esme when she was sixteen years old."

"He stayed in the same town for _ten_ years?" she asked incredulously as I took another bite of the dark chocolate, letting it melt on my tongue for a moment before answering.

"Ah, no. He originally met her in Columbus, Ohio when she broke her leg falling out of tree." _Fate._ "What are the odds he would see her again a decade later and two states away?"

I didn't want to reveal more of Esme's story than I needed to; to some degree, we were all sensitive about our deaths. Regardless, I wanted her to see how amazing the possibility was.

"What had he even been doing in Columbus with Edward? Since that time, none of us has ever lived in what you might refer to as 'the heartland.' There are too many farms and too many issues with deforestation to support our diet. Their stay was very brief there, though, and they lived in eight other places before moving to Ashland. Both Esme and Carlisle were there less than four months before he found her."

"What if he had missed her?" she said sadly, emphasizing my point.

"I normally hate anything sentimental, but I don't think he would have. Their pieces just align too perfectly."

"Their puzzle pieces," she said with a hint of humor. "What about Rose and Emmett?"

No one spoke about Rosalie's change except her, and even that was exceedingly rare. She hadn't spoken to me about it in probably thirty years, but I could at least tell Bella where it had occurred.

"Rosalie was from Rochester, which is a perfect place for a vampire in the winter. When she died, the weather was just starting to warm, so they would have left soon anyway. Carlisle originally thought she might be a perfect partner for Edward."

"Really?" she sputtered. The idea was laughable, knowing them both.

"We obviously know how that worked out. I don't know how much fate played a part in Carlisle finding Rosalie, but Emmett is another story. The family could no longer stay for extended periods in urban or even many suburban areas. The demand for hunting was just too great, especially with young vampires. There was a greater need to be in the wilderness, and that's what took them to the mountains of Tennessee.

"Rosalie was angry that day at Edward and struck out to hunt alone, significantly farther away than normal. When she happened upon Emmett, who was dying from a bear attack, she said she knew almost immediately that he needed to be changed. If she had set out in any other direction, she wouldn't have found him."

Bella looked sad for a moment. "Maybe, or maybe you're right and it is fate. Maybe you'll always find the one you're supposed to be with if you're really meant for each other."

I truly hoped she wasn't going to hold her breath waiting around on Edward. She did say something about not stopping her life just because he was gone. That was at least admirable—and practical.

I dismissed my concerns and kept talking. If we were going to have this conversation, we were going to have it. "When I felt what those two couples feel for each other, and I knew how they'd found each other, despite incredible odds, I had to believe there's some sort of plan."

"You didn't feel that way with Alice?" Now, that was the question.

I quickly popped another piece of chocolate in my mouth and tried to nicely speak around it. "No, I didn't, and she didn't feel it for me either." The truth made an appearance. "I guess I thought what we had was deeper, something different. Well, it _was_ different, just not like I had hoped."

"Do you think _I'm_ one of your pieces?" she jokingly asked, changing the subject and lightening the mood, grabbing some chocolate from the table before I could eat it all.

"God, I hope not," I said with exaggerated exasperation.

She laughed. "You don't think you were always meant to have some of my blood?"

"If that's the case, I did it wrong." I ate the last bit of chocolate in my hand.

If this _was_ a part of fate's plan, I was nervous for the rest of the pieces to come together.

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note: **I love to hear your comments and your story recs. What are you reading? As always, let me know if your review if you don't want a teaser for the next chapter; otherwise, you'll get one in your inbox. Make sure you're logged in if you want a teaser; I can't send one if I can't reply.

**Some AU recs:**

"You Were Mine All Along" by Piebald46: _Edward leaves Bella in New Moon and the rest of the Cullens stay behind. Bella struggles with her growing feelings for Carlisle, and tries to be supportive for him after Esme leaves. Cannon couples, aside from Carlisle/Bella. M rating in later chapters. __(Complete)_

"Part of the Pack" by evieeden:_ Bella is considered to be part of the pack now, but that means something different from what she initially thought. AU_

"Before Her Last Breath" by PerfectlyPersuasive: _When they move back to Forks, Edward decides to follow in Carlise's footsteps and become a doctor. As he becomes more and more frustrated with his monotonous life, Bella is admitted with a serious illness. Will he be able to resist? AU/EPOV (Complete)_

"Creature of Habit" by EZRocksAngel: _Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results? AU, OOC. (Complete)_


	16. Chapter 16

_Previously:_

_"When I felt what those two couples feel for each other, and I knew how they'd found each other, despite incredible odds, I had to believe there's some sort of plan."_

_"You didn't feel that way with Alice?" Now, that was the question._

_I quickly popped another piece of chocolate in my mouth and tried to nicely speak around it. "No, I didn't, and she didn't feel it for me either." The truth made an appearance. "I guess I thought what we had was deeper, something different. Well, it was different, just not like I had hoped."_

_"Do you think _I'm_ one of your pieces?" she jokingly asked, changing the subject and lightening the mood, grabbing some chocolate from the table before I could eat it all._

_"God, I hope not," I said with exaggerated exasperation._

_She laughed. "You don't think you were always meant to have some of my blood?"_

_"If that's the case, I did it wrong." I ate the last bit of chocolate in my hand._

_If this was a part of fate's plan, I was nervous for the rest of the pieces to come together._

* * *

**Chapter 16**

After Bella and I finished our chocolate and coffee, she didn't stay much longer. She pressed me to think about what I wanted to put on my list and then begged off to go do homework. I spent much of the next day brainstorming about what we could do together while trying to keep myself from thinking about why Carlisle hadn't called me with news about the tests he'd run. I only called the house once, with no answer, but I figured he would get back to me as soon as he had results. As I paced my pine floors, I realized patience was not a virtue with which human Jasper had been blessed. Then again, I hadn't been that patient of a vampire either.

Every so often, my thoughts would wander to my earlier musings about the differences between Bella and Alice. I was nearly sickened by my inappropriate thoughts toward Bella. Could I blame it on my new status as a hormonal male human? I certainly hoped so. Not only was it because of who she was, but there was also the remaining aura of "my brother's girl" hanging around her. Maybe it was because Bella was the first human I'd been close to in over a century. Maybe it was just because of how much she differed from Alice.

There were the physical aspects I'd thought of when we'd been in the car, but Bella's personality and mannerisms were far removed from Alice's as well. I liked to complain about Bella—both to her _and_ to myself—but I had to admit I found spending time with her to actually be enjoyable, or at a minimum entertaining. I couldn't guess whether I would have had the same opinion if I were still a vampire. However, the Bella I had gotten to know over the last week was seemingly a different girl from the one she was before Edward had left. Other than a few instances when it looked like she was quite literally holding herself together or a flash of sadness would wash over her face, and even when Bella the mouse came creeping out, I had to say all of the changes in her were for the better—by far.

Bella the cat had been making herself a permanent fixture, and I was all the happier for it. That aspect made her differ from Alice so greatly. Unless Alice had been prodding me to make changes to myself or to my decisions, she was mainly downright bubbly. For such a long time, I'd thought I needed her happiness to feel my own. Her emotions had been drastically different from anything I'd ever felt prior to meeting her. I'd craved those buoyant feelings and the happy future Alice had painted for us. I'd thought the lightness she'd brought to my life was worth the needling. Admittedly, there were times when I had bouts of annoyance at how one-note her feelings could be.

Now, I supposed that _I_ would be happy, too, if I was able to manipulate the future to meet my own needs.

While it had been predominantly a relief, whenever Alice's upbeat personality became too much to bear, I would generally seek out another member of our family for balance. Even Edward's penchant for being morose had occasionally been a welcome contrast. Variety was indeed the spice of life.

_Bella's_ feelings were certainly varied; I could even ascertain that without my gift. I loved her snark and would find myself chuckling hours later about a pithy comment she'd made. I should have long ago realized I didn't need Alice for my own happiness; my time spent with my family should have been evidence of that. For some reason, I'd never seen it then, though. It wasn't until realizing how much I enjoyed bantering with my Pop Tart that I knew I could feel happiness all on my own.

It was a sobering and pathetic thought. How had I let myself become so wrapped up in another person that I felt my potential was dependent on them? I was blind to so many things in my relationship with Alice. I supposed her gift also blinded her to our reality, as she was too focused on what-ifs that would never materialize.

I loathed dependence. That was a huge reason why I'd been so angry toward Bella and my situation. It was why I hadn't wanted her help. I didn't want to be dependent on or beholden to anyone. Fortunately, our time spent together didn't actually feel anything like that. It was, as I'd thought before, _enjoyable_.

As my thoughts became more and more consuming, I decided I didn't want to wait for Bella to come around today. I glanced at the clock to verify school would soon be letting out and made my way toward her house. On the off chance Charlie might be home, I would just have to deal with it. I was sure the rumors had made it all the way around town and he would know I'd come home around the same time Edward had left. If I was going to spend more time with Bella, perhaps it was right that her father be aware of my presence.

When I pulled up to Bella's driveway, I realized Charlie was most likely at work. I didn't have to wait long before I heard her truck turn down the narrow street, and she pulled in next to my car, giving it as wide a berth as she could in the drive.

As she hopped out of the truck, I could tell she was fighting a smile. She definitely seemed to be losing that battle, and I found myself more than a little flattered. It seemed I was not the only one who discovered our time together to be enjoyable, despite our habit of occasionally showing the worst sides of ourselves. That assessment in itself wasn't even fair. Bella the mouse had poked her timid head out in our time together, but I hadn't seen the worst side of Bella since Edward had said goodbye to her. _I_ was the only one who had truly let my flaws get the best of me. What Bella would most likely label as her failings, I would champion as her greatest charms.

_Charms_? Did I _really_ just think that?

"Stalk much?" she called out as she brushed by me to go unlock the front door. Once it was open, she gestured for me to come in. "What has you grinning?" she asked.

Was I grinning?

"I was just thinking about how charming you are," I said honestly, not that she would likely believe me.

"Charming, huh? Well, I suppose that makes one of us."

She stepped closer to me and placed the back of her hand against my forehead before doing the same to my cheeks. Her head quirked to the side, and her smile was still warring with her desire to keep straight-faced. I stood stock-still and absorbed the feeling of her touch, as I never failed to be surprised by her willingness to touch me. This wasn't the first time she'd felt my face, presumably in an attempt to gauge my temperature, but before I could question her most-likely sarcastic motives, she moved her hand to the crook of my neck. It seemed that she startled herself with that movement, and she quickly drew her hand away.

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking flustered. "I was going to be a smart ass—"

"I assumed as much." My hand floated up to touch where her fingers had barely grazed me.

She frowned. "I was going to make some smart remark about how you must be feverish to compliment me so—or perhaps you just want something. I mean, you _are_ here kind of out of the blue. Compliments aren't really your thing, so I have to guess." Her words kept spewing. "Charming isn't exactly on par with delicious, which is what I'm used to. At least . . . my smell, that is. Or, it's an assumption. It isn't that I think _you_ think that I'm—"

"Stop." I held my hand up before she embarrassed herself any more. Internally, I groaned at the delicious mention. If she only knew what thoughts had been plaguing me earlier. I rolled my eyes at my own human hormones. "You certainly work yourself into a tizzy. And over what exactly? Other than being a smart ass, did you have some sort of untoward motive you're concealing?"

Perhaps her thoughts were running along the same line as mine. A part of me smiled at the prospect, but a larger part hoped not. Thinking of Edward and some of the human boys with whom Bella kept company, it wasn't exactly as if she had the greatest taste in male specimens. I would certainly mark an improvement on that front.

"I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries." She moved toward the kitchen, and I followed her, watching as she absentmindedly opened the refrigerator.

I leaned against the doorframe, half hoping I might be able to convince her to feed me while I was here; food had been a part of her promise to me. "We've talked about poop. I'm not sure how many boundaries are left for humans."

"True."

I caught her chuckling as she pulled out a carton of orange juice before moving to get a couple glasses from an upper cabinet. She poured us each a cup of juice before saying, "It was just an automatic thing for me, I guess—even done in mocking. My mom always used to feel my neck after feeling my head because she said she knew I really had a fever if my core body temperature was high."

As she handed me one of the glasses, I realized my hand was still hovering around where she'd touched me on the neck.

She took a large gulp and sat down at the small Formica table pushed against the wall. "I apologize if I committed some sort of vampire taboo."

_Ah_. I quickly dropped my hand. The fact that it had still lingered made me feel like a loser. There was no way Bella would have guessed how odd the gesture was to me.

"Well, there are no vampires here at the moment, so you have no cause to worry about their customs." She snorted in response, and the mood seemed appropriately lifted. I figured a moment of human solidarity would do the trick. "You're worried that we're—_they're_—somehow protective of their necks?"

"Yeah, with . . . um . . . the biting and whatnot." She glanced at a wholly uninteresting spot on the wall.

I laughed. "The only thing to be sorry about is the fact that I missed out on what I'm sure was going to be a stellar example of your snark and wit."

"Thanks."

I stepped toward her and tilted my head to side, elongating my neck. "You're welcome to give it another go if you'd like. I'll pretend it's all fresh."

She drained the last of her juice and moved to the sink to rinse out her glass. "Ah, the moment's been spoiled unfortunately. I'm sure you'll give me another opportunity to display my _charm _before the day is through, though."

I was sure I would.

I took my first drink of juice before deciding to share a bit of vampire knowledge with her. "There's no taboo about bite marks in the vampire world, really. Those with more than their fair share do happen to make other vampires uncomfortable, and the marks serve as a sort of warning to our kind. It's thought that if a vampire bears that many marks of attack and still walks among us, he or she must be a threat."

"I'm taking from what I know of your story that you're speaking from experience about this?" she asked.

I nodded. "You probably couldn't really notice with your human vision, but as a vampire, I was covered in scars from my time before meeting Alice. The marks were most prominent on my neck and shoulders. They were off-putting to all other vampires, and I have no memories of ever being touched there unless it was to add another mark to the tally."

She looked confused and then a little angry. "What about Alice?"

"She only bore the marks of her change, and as those are inflicted as a human, the scars are faint after the transformation."

She shook her head as if I'd misunderstood her. "I meant, didn't Alice ever touch your neck? Wouldn't that be impossible, considering you probably . . ." Her voice trailed off and pink tinged her cheeks.

"Never underestimate Alice's talents," I said quickly before realizing how terrible that sounded in the moment. "I mean, I don't even know if she realized how her touch would go anywhere else. It wasn't as if I ever felt a moment of revulsion from her or a flare of fear. She knew they were there before we even met. It was probably all done subconsciously on her part." I was worried about the look on Bella's face. There were a great many things she could probably hold against Alice, but this shouldn't be one of them.

After a moment her frown didn't abate, but she pushed herself away from the kitchen sink and walked toward me. Purposefully, she placed each of her hands solidly on either side of my neck where it met my shoulders. She met my gaze for a moment before looking down at the floor and stepping back again.

"Um . . ." I mumbled.

She looked back up to me. "I figured you were long overdue." She turned away and started fiddling with things on the kitchen counter.

_Awkward_. Sweet, but awkward. I didn't really know how to interpret her motives. I was touched by the sentiment but didn't really know where to go after that encounter.

"So, about the list—" I started to say at the same time Bella asked, "Why did you come over?"

We did this even more awkward thing where we each waited for the other to go first with no result before we said the same thing again over the top of each other.

Here I had been worried she thought this was all some sort of fairytale; instead, it appeared as if my life was a poorly rated rom-com.

"I'll talk," I said, putting us out of our misery. "You've always come to me, so I thought I would come to you this time. I did give some thought to my list, but we don't have to go over that right now. I guess I just wanted to see your environment when I wasn't so freaked out about my newfound humanity."

"Oh," she said before gesturing around. "Well, this is it. It isn't much, but it's home."

"Bella," I said to ease her, "my house looks like it was decorated from a backwoods home shopping network."

She smiled.

I set my partially full glass of orange juice down on the table and made my way into the living room. I'd not seen into this room after waking up in her house on my first day newly human. I walked to the mantle to take in the few pictures of a young Bella with her dad and some school shots of her that were less than flattering.

"Tell me about these," I prompted once I heard her join me. It wasn't something in which I would have guessed I would have an interest. It certainly wasn't what I'd planned on talking about while here either. I'd thought I would talk about the more clichéd things I desired, like sitting through a whole movie in a theatre or going to the Grand Canyon when I knew I wouldn't easily be able to scale my way up from the bottom. Seeing the photos of Bella as a child and realizing there were none of me at that age, I felt a strike of inspiration.

"Wouldn't you rather go over your list?" she asked incredulously, and I turned to look at her. "I thought we were supposed to be having some grand human lessons together. Shouldn't you be knee-deep in learning how to make grilled cheese or walking through a mall without intimidating everyone you pass—now that you don't want to eat them?"

There were things like that I should probably do, but they weren't the most integral to me in learning what it was to be human.

"Haha," I said with no hint of humor in my voice. "Those things would be spectacular to master, I'm sure, however, what we're doing right now is a lesson in humanity. Any of the small, trivial things you might think of—while helpful—are all things I could learn by searching the internet. And, while there _are _experiences I want to have while like this, what you could be sharing with me—stories of your childhood, what it's like to have friends and parents—these are things I'd like to absorb, too. I don't remember what that's like."

Today I'd bared my neck to her in more ways than one.

She smiled and came up next to me, pointing to each frame as she explained the stories behind them. Her first successful bass catch, Disneyland with her dad, a failed perm in middle school. I nodded and listened to them all. Charlie didn't have many pictures, but he did have some albums of her artwork that Reneé had sent to him over the years. Pasta art and hand-traced turkeys weren't something of my time. I was flabbergasted at my own interest in the crude works of Bella's youthful hand and the stories that came with them—summer camp, spoiled friendships, and the flights of Reneé's fancy.

When she closed the album, she looked at me nervously. "You must be bored out of your mind."

"Not at all," I said honestly—_surprisingly_. "Let's just consider this a primer to our lessons. Tomorrow we can work on something more action-oriented."

"Probably not tomorrow." She stood and put the album away, missing the scowl on my face. "I have to work."

_Again_? Didn't that store have other employees?

Before I could address my concern, she added, "You're going to have to see your family eventually."

I sighed and ran my hand over my face, pushing up off the sofa. "Go with me?" I asked, nervous that she might actually refuse me.

"Is this your way of asking me out on a second date?" she joked.

"Oh, _now _it's okay to call it a date?"

"I was joking."

"So was I," I replied.

"You wanna go tonight? Charlie isn't going to be home."

"Oh . . ." I stalled. I'd told Esme I would go on the weekend, and I was counting on having a couple more days before seeing everyone.

"It isn't as if Alice wouldn't have already seen . . ." Her voice trailed off. "Yeah. Duh. I keep forgetting that she isn't . . . well . . ."

"Yeah," I repeated.

"So I guess we'll just have to call first," she said, moving toward the kitchen.

"Wait," I hedged. "I never asked you how your blood draw with Carlisle went."

She stopped in the doorway. "Well, it _went_. It wasn't exactly a fun time, but he should have enough to do whatever testing to it he was going to do last night. Have you heard about the results?"

Before I could answer, she turned around and walked out of the room. I followed behind her, but instead of going into the kitchen for the phone, as I expected, she headed toward the door.

"I take your silence as a no. Let's go get some answers." She grabbed her jacket and walked outside.

"I thought you wanted to call," I said, shutting the door behind me and making sure it was locked.

"Even if someone answered, you would have found another way to stall. We humans have a phrase about Band-Aids; rip them right off."

I laughed at her. Even though I hadn't been able to get injured, it wasn't as if I'd been immune to popular culture. I was well aware of the phrase, though I found it funny how nonsensical it would appear to this conversation if I weren't familiar with the notion.

"I take it you still have a house key?" she asked as she waited for me to unlock my car doors before sliding in the passenger seat.

"Yes," I said as I heavily exhaled. At least my family would be thrilled. I could only hope my physical reaction to them wouldn't be a disappointment or embarrassment—to any of us.

"I don't want to put anyone out in your family, so if you don't mind, let's stop by the diner on our way out."

That would at least give us a few more minutes before we got out there. I pulled the car out of the driveway and made my way across town.

"You realize that asking me to dinner at the diner totally constitutes asking me on a date." I'd rather joke with her than have my thoughts be consumed with guesses about what Carlisle may or may not have discovered about Bella's blood.

"Oh, don't worry; I'd planned on running in and getting it to go," she said with humor in her voice. "You're date-free for the evening, unless you consider going to see your family a date. I'd be happy to open your car door when we get there and have an awkward goodbye when it's all through, though." She snickered.

"Thanks for the offer. You've convinced me that I may need to pencil you in sometime in the future," I told her, and it reminded me that I'd wanted to talk to her about her job. "So you mentioned you need to work again tomorrow. Aren't there laws about high schoolers working too much?"

She boldly snorted in response. _Loveliness, thy name is Bella_.

"We've been over this. I _need_ to work, Jasper."

I pulled down the street to the diner and thought about what I wanted to say as I parked.

"Trust me to order for you? I'll be right back." She leapt from the car and headed inside before I could adequately answer.

I tried to think about how I could keep her from going to work, and she returned only a couple minutes later.

"Our order probably won't take more than ten minutes," she said as she slid back into her seat. "So, you wanted to berate me for being a member of the working class?"

I frowned. "No, I just think you're working too much. It's probably at a detriment to your studies," I explained.

She turned in her seat to face me. "No, it isn't. I promise. What I think you meant to say was that it annoys you that you can't have me whenever you want me."

I glanced at her cheeks, but she didn't seem to realize how her words carried a double entendre. Regardless, she was right. I hated that there were times when she was inaccessible to me, especially as she already spent so many hours at school and at home with Charlie.

I cursed myself for my thoughts. They were awfully close to sounding dependent. They were at the very least needy. I just couldn't quash that line of thinking, though.

"_I _could pay you," I suggested, pleased with my own brilliance.

"For doing _what_?" she asked, flabbergasted.

"For doing this. For hanging out. Doing things with me. Showing me things." I thought the answer was simple.

"_You_ . . ." she poked my chest, ". . . want to pay _me_ . . ." she pointed to herself, " . . . to spend time with you, doing activities?"

"Yes." I nodded slowly. That's what I'd said.

"Oh." She nodded understandingly in reply. "There's a word for that. It's _escort_."

I blew out a gust of air. "Bella, be serious!"

"I _am_ being serious. That's what an escort does, right? In that case, we should probably label this a date—you know, if I'm officially on the clock." She shook her head and laughed at me. "You aren't going to pay me for hanging out." She pushed me slightly on the shoulder and said, "You're not _that _terrible."

There was no way she would have said that a week ago.

I kept my face expressionless. "I was trying to think of something that benefited both of us. If you feel some sort of _sire obligation_, at least let me compensate you for it." This seemed like a simple and straightforward deal.

"Okay, let me ask you this. If the roles were reversed, and you had turned me into a vampire, would I be expected to pay you for your overseeing services?"

That idea was absurd. "Of course not," I told her. "Now, if I didn't fulfill my role as sire, and you were to unwittingly break a vampiric law, both of us could face death at the hands of the Volturi . . ." It was a much bigger deal.

"Message received; not the same. Still, you don't need to pay me to spend time with you, buddy," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Don't," I cautioned. "First, we're far from being buddies. Second, I so don't do nicknames."

"Um, yeah you do . . . _Jazz_, or should I start calling you Pop Tart, too," she countered. _Touché_.

"Very nice." I wanted to get back on task before our food was ready. I didn't want to discuss this in front of my family. The visit would be difficult enough without bringing in extra issues with Bella. "What if I were just to pay you for the sake of giving you money."

She bit her lip in thought. "Would that make it straight up charity, or would you be like a sugar daddy in that case?" she asked ponderously.

"Come on!" I hated the whine in my voice. "You could tell Charlie you got a new job in Port Angeles, and that would explain your time away from home and your income."

She glanced at the illuminated clock on the dash before answering. "Port Angeles isn't exactly all that far away. My dad would eventually want to see where I work. Plus, why would I give up my job at Newton's just to get a job that would cost me gas money to get there and back?"

"Your lack of imagination is astounding sometimes. You could tell him you got a job closer to your interests, something that would look better on a college application. You could say you were working at a bookstore or at a newspaper."

She brought her knee up on the seat, and I fought the urge to tell her to keep her shoe off the upholstery. At least it was leather.

"Then what would happen when my dad was to visit said appropriate job venue, only to find out I don't work there? It wouldn't work, Jasper, and anyway, I won't take your money."

"I could work," I insisted. "What if I was to buy a bookstore or open a bookstore and officially put you on the payroll?"

Her jaw dropped and her eyebrows creased. "Are you listening to yourself? I mean, _really_? That's nuts. Normal people wouldn't say something like that—not as if you're anywhere near normal. No, Jasper." She got out of the car and walked slowly into the diner to get our food, leaving me to sit in silence.

I guessed it was slightly less than sane to suggest such a thing. I really didn't want the tax hassle of opening a store anyway.

When she came back carrying bags of food, she was quieter. As I pulled back on the road, I hoped I hadn't screwed things up too much. Thinking back, I certainly didn't mean to imply anything untoward with the escort bit—or any of it really. Maybe offering her money wasn't the brightest thing to do.

We'd come so far—if you could call our current state improved—since I had awoken to this new life a little more than a week ago. I couldn't believe that such a short time ago I'd wanted to kill Bella, and now I was worried about hurting her feelings. How had so much changed in such little time?

The term _sire obligation _had been tossed around a few times, but we'd yet to really talk about a siring bond from my end. I wasn't sure if such a thing was even true in vampires, let alone if it would be possible in this case. In the past, I'd not given much thought to the matter. None of the vampires I'd ever sired, save for Peter, had ever made it long in this life. The connection between me and Peter had always been, I'd assumed, because I'd released Charlotte and because they'd returned to help me escape from Maria. What if there was more to it than that? I'd long analyzed the connections among my Carlisle-sired family members, but I'd always assumed the increased emotional ties were because of their shared history. Living as a family made things different than with other groups of vampires, though, by far. There was no denying a sibling bond between Alice and Edward or Rosalie and myself, despite the fact that we weren't of the same vampiric line. It was an interesting topic to ponder.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked me, breaking the silence.

"Sire obligation and sire bonding," I said.

"Mmhmm," she mumbled, as if she could know what that meant exactly. "Is this something you have experience with?"

"Some," I answered in brief.

"Maybe this is a conversation to have around Carlisle. In terms of changing people, he seems to be the big vampire on campus, so maybe he'd know more about it."

I knew she was trying to be helpful, but something about her statement rubbed me the wrong way despite my feelings for Carlisle. Even if I wasn't a vampire at the moment, I didn't want the vampire I was to be perceived as _less _than anyone else.

"Here's your first vampire lesson of the day," I told her, referencing how she wanted to know more about our world. "Carlisle may be older than I am, but don't think for a moment he's been a vampire longer than I have. Remember when we spoke about _true _vampires?" I glanced at her as we passed the last house in town before heading through the forest toward where I used to call home. She didn't seem to recall what I was mentioning. "When you tried to pillow talk me about your thoughts on blood flavor?"

I could see her nod in response, so I kept talking. "Carlisle's never spent a single moment as a _true_ vampire. There's nothing offensive in that statement, as I have the greatest appreciation and respect for Carlisle. However, from the viewpoint of someone who has lived as the rest of our kind do, I can tell you that the whole family lives within a warped type of civil stasis."

"Does Carlisle know you feel this way?" she asked, and it was as if she was implying this was offensive.

"I've never been one to hide my feelings about anything," I said. Maybe she didn't understand what my relationship was like with Carlisle. I saw us as equals. There was certainly no way I saw him as someone beneath me, despite some of his lack of experience in our realm. The opposite was unfathomable. I wasn't sure how to explain that, though. "I owe Carlisle my respect, but I don't owe him fealty or by any means my obedience. Remember, he isn't my sire. He gave up the possibility of my subjugation when the label _family_ replaced the word _coven_. Any affection I have for him is because he earned it, not because he demanded it. But I assure you, both respect and affection are present."

That felt heavy.

"Okay . . ." Bella drew out the word. "I didn't mean to raise your hackles. I just thought maybe Carlisle could shed some light on things. He has been around a long time and knows a lot of vampires—a lot of vampires who are still _living_," she said, pointing out a difference to my experience.

"Sorry, I just—"

"It's fine. I realize that it's been a while since you've said anything that was on the gruff side. You obviously have to fill your quota for the day."

I harrumphed. I didn't I had been gruff—just serious. She wanted to know about this world, and I was going to teach her whenever the opportunities presented themselves.

As we pulled into the family driveway, I was sure more opportunities waited just around the corner.

_Here goes nothing_, I thought. At the same moment, Bella leaned forward and flicked my fingers on the steering wheel. "Lighten up," she commanded. "It's just your family. It won't be bad. I promise."

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note: **I love to hear your comments and your story recs. What are you reading? As always, let me know if your review if you don't want a teaser for the next chapter; otherwise, you'll get one in your inbox. Make sure you're logged in if you want a teaser; I can't send one if I can't reply.

**Fic Recs:**

****This first story I want to shout about from the rooftops. It's only four chapters in, but I'm totally hooked. It's by the author who wrote "Fridays at Noon," so you know it's going to be good.

"Now and Then" by troublefollows1017: _Right now, she can't remember. He can't forget or let go. Then, she fell in love fast and hard. So did he. Can the heart remember what the mind has forgot? Edward can only hope. A/H WIP_

I just started this completed fic, and I like it so much, I'm rec'ing it before I even finish.

"For the Summer" by camoozle: _Every year Bella waits for the 'Pay Checks' to roll into her sleepy river town and every year Edward's hers, just for the summer. AH, AU, OOC, B/E, Complete_

It reminds me a lot of this completed fic:

"Same Time Next Year" by socact: _Edward and Bella meet year after year, same place and time, escaping from their lives and the people in it. What happens as the years go by? Will something come between them, bringing their ritual to an end? A/H, OOC, Complete_

Thanks to a reader, I also discovered a new Bella/Paul.

"Hearts In Sync" by Untamed Loner: _When Charlie gets called away to testify, Bella moves to La Push where she meets Paul. It doesn't take long for the two to form a bond unlike any other. As Paul convinces her to talk about her past, it becomes clear. She was always meant to be HIS. B/P, Complete_


	17. Chapter 17

**Previously:**

_As we pulled into the family driveway, I was sure more opportunities waited just around the corner._

_Here goes nothing, I thought. At the same moment, Bella leaned forward and flicked my fingers on the steering wheel. "Lighten up," she commanded. "It's just your family. It won't be bad. I promise."_

* * *

**Chapter 17**

It somehow didn't feel appropriate to park in the garage and walk in through the house, so I stayed in the drive. As we got out of the car and walked toward the front door, I felt marginally better about our visit and more in control of myself. It was actually Bella who looked anxious. I supposed the last time she was at the house it wasn't a very pleasant visit.

"Wait," Bella said as I approached the porch.

I stopped in place. "What's wrong?" Maybe the house was full of too many unhappy reminders. I knew I was trying to focus on whom in my family I _was _going to see, not on whom was missing. "You're the one who assured me things would be fine."

"I know." She bit her lip and scuffed her shoe on the ground. "I guess I'm just a little nervous about what Carlisle might have discovered about my blood."

That was all? That was no real reason to be nervous. Either her blood had an effect or it didn't. On the other hand, maybe there was more to it than that. It could have been possible that Carlisle discovered her blood only had a temporary effect or that it would slowly poison me.

Before my thoughts could spiral, I stopped myself. I couldn't go down this path. We would know soon enough.

Bella looked up at me and worried her lip. "I just want you to know I don't blame you for what happened on my birthday—not really. I would never blame you for your nature. Uh . . . please, don't blame me for mine—whatever that might be."

_Wow_. That wasn't what I was expecting her to say. "How magnanimous of you."

"I mean it, Jasper."

"I wasn't being sarcastic."

I knew she meant it; that's why it was so touching. Did I blame her for what had happened to me? Did I even continue to blame her for Alice leaving? I tried to sift through all of my feelings as quickly as I could, but it was no small feat as a human. Previously, I had felt so vehemently that she was to blame for everything. With a little distance, I could see all of the cracks in my relationship with Alice—much in the same way I knew Bella was starting to see the flaws in hers with Edward. It was ridiculous to think that she, a human, could lord the power to end a vampire relationship. If I'd learned nothing from being with my family, it was that you couldn't come between mates. My new perspective allowed me to see there was nothing that could come between Alice and me, because there never was a true _Alice and me_. The whole time, we were each chasing a dream. One of us was bound to wake up; Alice just did it first.

In those first following moments, I'd thought the dissolution of my relationship with Alice was worthy of Bella's death.

Her _death_.

The thought almost sickened me now. The urge to go to her that night had been so strong after I'd tasted her blood.

I grimaced in shame. As a vampire, I'd done some despicable things over the years, but they were all things that could have been labeled as _within my nature_. They could have carried the descriptions of _fulfilling my hunger_ or _following orders_. In all of my time, I'd never been cruel simply for the sake of cruelty, not even in a quest for revenge. The night I'd tasted Bella's blood had truly been one of my darkest hours. Thankfully, I had stopped—or _was_ stopped by whatever had happened to me.

Now . . . now things were different. I couldn't say what they were, but I knew without a doubt that I wasn't meant to kill Bella Swan, and I knew most assuredly I neither hated her nor held anything against her. It had only taken a few days to clear those thoughts from my mind. As I looked at her awkwardly awaiting my answer, I was overcome by the gratitude that I'd eventually seen the light of day.

"You _do_ blame me," she muttered, misinterpreting my silence.

Her words cut through me.

"No, I don't. I _won't_ either," I promised her. "I was . . . earlier . . . I was wrong about—I was just wrong. I'm sorry."

Before she could say anything, there was a gust of wind heralding the arrival of Emmett and Rosalie from the woods. My eyes immediately took in their appearance, and I was happy my heart rate only temporarily raced in surprise. As soon as I saw their pale yellow eyes, I relaxed.

Emmett immediately slung an arm around Bella's shoulders but kept his distance from me. Rosalie looked as shy as I'd ever seen her, but it was obvious she was happy to see me. I smiled at my sister and knew now was the time to _man up_, as the humans say. I took the initiative to walk toward her, and as she stood stock still, I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"I'm glad to see you," I told her and she beamed.

"Me, too," she replied.

I thought she was going to say something more, but Emmett interrupted. "B, I don't know what you've done to Jasper, but your blood clearly had more than just a physical effect. I only caught the tail end, but I swear I heard Jasper say the words, 'I was wrong.' Did you hear that, babe?" he asked Rosalie, but he didn't let her answer before turning back to Bella. "I mean, our hearing's pretty good. It sounded just like, 'I'm wrong.' It couldn't be, though, right?" He dropped his arm from around Bella and strode over to me. "Because Jasper's never once thought he was wrong before."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," I jokingly told him. "I've never _been_ wrong before, so now that my memory isn't infallible, perhaps we should go jot it down on a calendar somewhere."

"Your memory obviously is slipping, because I can think of several times when you've been wrong," Emmett continued.

"Well, let's not rehash them," Rosalie cut in, stopping him. "We want Jasper to return, don't we?"

As we made our way up the porch steps, Bella turned back and smiled at me, as if to say, "See? This is all working out."

If that's what her look meant, she was right. I'd been so worried before we arrived, but things felt like they'd always been around my siblings. These people were my family. I cursed my natural human reactions. I knew I had nothing to fear from them. A little distance had certainly gone a long way in giving me some clarity about my situation. Perhaps I'd never been wrong before, but my time as a human and, more importantly, my time with Bella, had been showing me repeatedly what it was like to be wrong.

When we stepped into the light-flooded foyer of the house, I was surprised Carlisle and Esme weren't waiting at the door. It took a moment for each of them to make their ways into the room. I smiled as I realized what they'd been doing. It was one of our tricks for interacting with humans. Humans never liked it when you seemed too anticipatory; they felt much more at ease if they thought they'd caught you in the middle of something.

"Let me guess, you didn't hear us pull up?" I jokingly asked Carlisle as I reached out to shake his hand.

He grinned as he eyed my hand before taking it in his own. I was certain I'd never shaken his hand before. My vampire memories were starting to be more difficult to sort. The only occasion where human conventions would have warranted it would have been the first day of my arrival with Alice. However, human gestures hadn't been much a part of my charade at that time, and almost no vampire would enter willingly into physical contact with an unknown vampire. The only reason my family was able to touch so freely was because of the slight calming of our instincts that a vegetarian diet caused and the fact that we'd all been together for over fifty years. To date, I'd never witnessed physical contact between non-mated vampires in the way I'd seen on a daily basis in our home.

Carlisle briefly shook my hand before Esme squeezed my shoulder.

"I'm so glad you're here," she told me quietly. "Are you hungry?"

"Always," I answered and I heard Bella laugh.

"Can I help you at all in the kitchen, Esme?" Bella asked her.

"Thank you, but no. I actually got takeout from a restaurant in Port Angeles. I just need to heat it up. I'll be right back." She immediately disappeared and was back again. "It's in the oven."

"Not to rush our reunion, but I believe there are things Carlisle will be sharing with us." I couldn't contain my curiosity any longer. It seemed impossible that I had waited this long to find out the results of his testing on Bella's blood.

Bella didn't seem to share my impatience, and she shot me an exasperated look. I hadn't meant to be rude, just honest. I knew the family wouldn't mind.

"Of course," Carlisle said. "Let's go sit in the living room."

We followed him in and took the same seats we'd been in when we'd first discussed my turning into a human. I cleared my throat, trying to move things along.

"You know I took a few vials of Bella's blood this week," Carlisle started and I nodded. "I've seen Bella's blood before, and I never happened to see any notable abnormalities in it, but I set out to test it with a sample of my venom and then with venom from Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie."

"And?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, there were no immediate observations to be made." His words hit me. Would we ever find the answer to how this happened? Had Bella just been a false lead the whole time? We'd long ago dismissed the idea of this being an enemy attack; maybe that had been a poor decision.

"Do you think a prolonged test would yield any results?" Bella asked, cutting off my panic.

"I don't think so." Carlisle shook his head. "Your blood wasn't visually reactive with any of the venom samples from us."

"But none of _you _had my blood. The venom we would really need would be Jasper's," she said wisely.

I looked around the room, and everyone seemed to be absorbing what she said.

Rosalie spoke up. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Carlisle, but I assume you did testing on venom from each of us just to be thorough." He didn't dispute her claim. "There's nothing inherently different about the venom from vampire to vampire, so the results should have been the same, regardless of the sample source."

Bella's defeated look mirrored how I felt. I was curious about her reaction, though. I wouldn't have thought she would want to find out she was different in some way. For so long she'd tried her hardest just to blend in with the background.

"Do you know that for a fact, Carlisle?" Bella asked. "Not that I don't take your word for it," she quickly amended, obviously not wanting to get on Rosalie's bad side.

"I can say that none of the samples combined with yours looked any different. I didn't happen to magnify any of the venom samples independently, though. I agree with Rosalie that there would have been no need."

"Okay." Bella looked confused. She opened her mouth and closed it again like a fish.

"If you have something else to ask, we're all ears," Emmett prompted and Rosalie rolled her eyes at him.

"Sorry, I just don't know how to phrase everything I'm thinking. Prior to this, had you ever looked at the family's venom samples before?" Bella looked at Carlisle.

"Only my own."

"So, you've never seen the venom from Jasper, Alice, or Edward?"

"No. I honestly don't think theirs would differ. We're all basically the same as vampires."

"But you _aren't_," Bella countered. "I mean, the three of them each have distinct abilities. Could that make them differ in other ways?"

"Or, could _you _affect them in different ways?" Esme added.

"It's an interesting suggestion, though there's no way to test it at the moment," Carlisle said. Even Rosalie looked interested in this idea. Yet again, I was surprised Bella was the first one to voice a suggestion when we were discussing my transformation to humanity.

"Maybe doing some testing might explain how Bella seems immune to Edward's gift," Emmett offered.

"I wouldn't think that would show up physically," Rosalie disagreed. "After all, Jasper and Alice were always able to use their gifts on her."

"Maybe Bella has a gift," Emmett replied and Rosalie scoffed.

"It isn't a bad idea. Thanks to Eleazar, we know that there are humans who show talent. How else would you describe her ability to thwart Edward?" Carlisle mused.

"Maybe her gift is that she has a different effect on whatever vampire she comes into contact with," Emmett said, starting to look excited at the prospect.

"Well, she doesn't have an effect on _me_." Rosalie looked like she was pouting.

"Rosie, that's a lie if ever I heard one."

She responded with a murderous look. "Well, if you consider _raising my hackles_ a gift, then so be it. It doesn't seem like a very useful one."

"I think raising your hackles is just par for the course when it comes to interacting with you." I snickered.

"Perhaps she and Edward actually have the same gift then," Carlisle said with a slight grin, and we all chuckled. It was rare that Carlisle said something at the expense of his first-sired, but not even he could pass up an opportunity to rile Rosalie.

"Funny," she said without humor.

"Rose, I think Emmett may be on to something," Esme said soothingly.

Emmett preened under her compliment. He was smart, but he so rarely got to play the intelligent one in our family discussions.

"So, Bella's gift—let's just run with this idea for a minute." He looked to Rosalie, and she gestured for him to continue. "It could be an attack gift, something counteracting the gift of the other person."

"But we know Jasper's gift used to work on me. Plus, Edward's gift just naturally didn't work on me. It wasn't like I had to do anything, and he certainly didn't need to drink my blood," Bella said.

This line of thought didn't seem like it was going to bring us any answers. As it was, all we could do was guess.

"Okay, then," Emmett conceded. "What if her gift is an actual _gift_—a present."

I took back my thought on Emmett being smart. We were wasting our time with this, and I knew Rosalie agreed.

Emmett kept talking. "What if Bella is whatever the other vampire needs or wants."

"Have you smelled her?" Rosalie asked. "She's what _every_ vampire wants."

"Rose," Esme murmured, admonishing her to be more sensitive.

"Exactly," Emmett said. "But what if there was more to it than that? Edward always wanted peace in his own mind; Bella provided that."

I finally had to interject. "And you think _this_ is what I needed? What reason could there possibly be for this happening to me? I don't buy it. Sorry, Em. It's a good line of thought, but we don't need theories; we need facts."

"It kept you from killing me. _I_,for one, needed me alive," Bella said and I paused.

I instantly thought back to what I'd been thinking when we'd first arrived to the house. I _needed _to not kill Bella.

I shook my head. Emmett's idea was absurd, and I was actually surprised that Bella—with her previous suggestion of magic—hadn't been the one to think of it.

Besides, even if I'd already planned on killing Bella before I sampled her blood, it wasn't as if I'd gone to her house until after I'd tasted her blood.

I didn't say anything else before Carlisle changed the subject as Esme slipped out the room to the kitchen. "I don't think I was ever expecting to get results, though." He turned to Bella in his seat. "I've, of course, done some of my own research on the effects of my venom on human blood, and those have never yielded any promising results, either, even though we know my venom affects humans." He gestured toward Rosalie and Emmett. "I originally expected to see the change occur in miniature and watch the blood cells transform into the same material that comprises our venom. However, what's always occurred in my testing is apoptosis, or, not to get too technical, the venom sample destroys the blood sample. At first, I thought what I was seeing was an explanation for why some humans don't survive the change, but this result was unerring no matter how many times I attempted it. My eventual hypothesis was that the mutation could not be separated from a live specimen."

Bella nodded like she was taking it all in. I admitted that I was interested. I couldn't believe I'd never discussed this with Carlisle before.

"Tell her about the rats," Emmett prompted out of nowhere.

Bella gasped. "You can make _vampire rats_?"

"No," Carlisle said quickly but remarkably without laughing at her assumption, though it was a fair one—_and_ fairly hilarious one—to make. "Only humans seem to be affected by vampire venom. I think Emmett just wanted to point out that my research was very thorough, and I was quite dedicated to trying to draw some concise conclusions. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Just like science has yet to be able to explain what exactly creates life, I haven't been able to pinpoint the basic truth of vampire existence."

"So . . . you have nothing?" I asked, wanting to steer things away from rats and back toward my own situation.

"Exactly. Just like with the change, I think the only way to definitively know anything would be if a vampire were to sample and swallow Bella's untainted blood."

I put my hand on Bella's knee, though I didn't know if it was to steady her or me. I didn't want anyone thinking she was there as a meal.

Esme hurried back in the room to tell Bella not to have concerns about her safety; Carlisle was just speaking from a research standpoint. Rosalie moved toward the windows in the room while Emmett drew my attention and gestured with his head to my hand on Bella's leg. "Nice," he mouthed. I removed my hand but not before he also silently added, "Macking on our sister . . ."

Bella was still listening to Esme as I shook my head. "Not _my_ sister," I wordlessly said with a slight shake of my head. Emmett simply raised his eyebrow in response.

"Even without being a vampire, you still seem to be able to converse without my being privy." I whipped my head toward Bella and hoped she hadn't actually lip-read what either of us had said. Emmett's ribbing was bad enough when only I knew what he was saying, though I'm sure it was only in a nod to my potential embarrassment that he hadn't say it aloud. Even that level of tact wasn't exactly in character for Emmett.

Bella's expression didn't give away her feelings, though her body looked tense. It couldn't have been easy to hear Carlisle say that she was what might be between the family and their potential humanity. I know _I_ would be worried if I was in her place. I was worried _for _her. I resisted the urge to move my body closer to her, but I did angle myself more between her and Emmett, not that he would actually be an immediate threat to her.

"Um . . . if what Carlisle said is true," she began hesitantly, "would any of you—"

"I'm sure your food is warm by now. You should eat," Rosalie interrupted her from her place at the window, but she didn't turn around. "It was good to see you, Jasper. I hope to see you again soon. If you'll excuse me." She looked at me before turning and holding a hand up to Emmett as if to hold him back. I looked at Emmett, but when I glanced back, Rosalie had already disappeared.

Emmett clapped loudly. "So . . . dinner! _Your _dinner, of course. Not _you _for us. Uh . . . let's go." He awkwardly hustled us into the dining room. "Hanging out with you guys is fun. I get to see so much more of the house." He was trying hard to distract us from Rosalie's disappearance, not that either of us could fault her. Carlisle had basically presented her with a potential end to all of her problems. I noted that Bella hadn't exactly offered herself up, but it sounded like she wasn't opposed to the idea when Rosalie had cut her off.

We sat down at the table, and Esme brought in a seafood dish of some sort for each of us and led the other two in sitting down with us.

"It smells delicious, Esme. Thank you for going to the trouble," Bella politely told her.

"It was no trouble at all. It's always my pleasure. I hope you both like it."

"I know I will. Jasper, I don't think you've had fish yet, have you?"

"Oh, dear. What if he's allergic? This wasn't a good idea," Esme worried just as I lifted my fork.

Carlisle pulled Esme's hand away from her mouth. "I don't mean to brag, my darling, but I _am_ a rather talented doctor. I may be able to assist if he has a reaction."

Bella giggled and I continued in taking my first bite as Emmett raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

"Delicious," I said once I'd swallowed, "and I'm not dead yet."

"Maybe Bella's the only thing at this table you can't eat." I glared at Emmett, knowing he meant that in the rudest way possible.

I didn't have time to see if Bella was blushing before she started talking. "Jasper and I have been spending a lot of time together lately, talking a lot about what it is to be human, what it is to be a vampire."

"Oh," Emmett said innocently, though he winked at me. I rolled my eyes. _Yuck it up, Emmett_. I was surprised he didn't bust out the air quotes and say, "Sure, _talking_." Things would have been different if Esme weren't around.

Bella just kept talking. "We've been making a list of things Jasper should explore while he's human."

"What _would _Jasper like to do with you while he's human, Bella?" Emmett asked, and I wished the table were narrow enough that I could kick him underneath it. The fact that she was—or had been—his brother's girl didn't seem to bother Emmett.

"We don't need to go into the list, Bella," I told her.

"No, I think it's a great idea," Esme said. "Maybe we can all help you with it."

_Great_. I knew that was coming from a good place, but I didn't want my life to become a family project or a series of field trips. Now, if Esme wanted to feed me different things, I was all for that.

"Well, there was one thing I was thinking you should definitely add to your list," Bella said to me, setting down her fork.

"What's that?" I asked around my bite.

"You mentioned wanting to open a bookstore in Port Angeles." I thought she'd already shot that idea down as being too extreme, but if she was on board, I would make it happen. "I have an easier idea."

"Wait," Emmett interrupted. "Why would Jasper want to open a bookstore? I mean, I know you like reading, but just . . . _why_?"

Bella didn't allow me to answer. "He just wanted an excuse to spend more time with me."

"Aww," Emmett called out with a huge smile on his face, and Carlisle looked like he was on the verge of a laugh.

I shoved another forkful of fish in my mouth.

"I think the easiest thing for you to do—what would allow you more time with me and what would expose you to more of the human world—would be to get a job at Newton's."

"Yes!" Emmett shouted before the final word was out of her mouth. "Yes! Done! Jasper's working at Newton's. We'll buy the store from them if we have to."

"Emmett—" I tried to stop him.

"Nope. The image of you in that blue vest is already in my head. It has to happen now."

"It would be good experience, Jasper," Carlisle said, leaning back in his seat.

"For what?" I asked. "It isn't as if I need the money."

"It could be fun," Esme said.

"Probably not," Bella corrected, "but you would be spending time with me."

"This conversation is unnecessary. It's already a done deal. It's gonna be Jasper, Bella, and Mike Newton sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g," Emmett sang.

"Thanks, Em. Thanks a lot."

The evening then disintegrated into Emmett-led conversations about what fun could be had working at Newton's. Apparently, I could tell all of the hikers where the best places to find bears would be or how _not_ to sleep in their tents. Emmett found these types of comments to be hilarious, and the rest of us merely suffered through them out of politeness or perhaps because we didn't want to draw attention to Rosalie's absence. She was no doubt stressing about the opportunity Bella represented to the family. Being human would open so many doors for Rosalie, but what would she have to give up? I couldn't wager to guess her thoughts.

The more Emmett went on and on about Newton's, the more I realized it wasn't that bad of an idea. I certainly had no use for the wages, but human work experience might be interesting. At the very least, I would get to spend more time with Bella. I felt like I should be saddened she'd become the best part of my day, but the feeling never came.

Carlisle was without information for us, and if Rosalie's reaction was any indication, the couples in my family had a long night of conversations ahead of them. Knowing that, Bella and I didn't stay much longer.

As I drove her home, I decided to start telling her about some of my list items. I wanted to find out the extent of my human physical abilities—whether that meant trying out weight lifting or running or something else, I didn't know. I wanted to try some kind of physical activity and do it until I was exhausted.

There were some more food items Bella told me I had to try eating, and when she mentioned popcorn, I told her I wanted to sit all the way through a movie in public. I said I could pass on some of the crazier stunts a human might list, but I did want to experience an adrenaline rush of some sort. I didn't tell her about my desire to attempt to cry, but I did say I wanted to go camping for real; it might even be useful for my future career at Newton's. I think she was shocked but pleased I would actually consider working there.

When we pulled into the driveway, Charlie still wasn't home, so I walked her into the house. The evening with her didn't feel over yet. She invited me into the kitchen for a cup of hot chocolate—one of her items on the list—and I told her another one of mine.

"I'd like to fly somewhere."

She gave me an odd look before she grabbed the milk from the refrigerator. "That's an interesting goal for someone as well traveled as you."

I chuckled and sat down at the kitchen table to watch her expertly move around the room getting out the things she needed. "I'm sure you have a bit of a misconception about my travels."

"You guys move around so much. Haven't you been everywhere?" She kept her back to me as she set a pan down on the stove.

"I've seen enough Podunk Yankee towns to make me feel like I've seen every one of them in America. I'm assuming that's not what you meant, though." I thought of our everyday life and what Bella could have imagined our traveling to be like. I'm sure she was imagining on a varied and grand scale. "You don't think of Cullenesque travel and conjure images of the wilds of North Dakota, Montana, Maine, Minnesota, or Alaska, do you?"

She snorted. "Not exactly. I would think with the amount of resources the family has you'd all be going to Paris or Milan all the time."

I stayed silent as she worked with her back to me but replied once she turned to face me as she whisked the liquid in the pan. "The rest of the family has traveled, certainly, but I personally haven't gone to too many places."

I stood up and walked to where she was standing over the stove. I leaned perhaps too close to her as I opened the cabinet just to her left to grab two mugs. I let my hand linger on the shelf for an extra moment before pulling them down.

"The temptation to kill my fellow passengers has always put a damper on my _bonnes vacances_," I told her as I set both on the counter, still not moving away from her. For some reason, whenever I thought of slaughtering the villagers, I always wanted to be a little closer to Bella. The thought made me grin, and I stepped away from her as she looked flustered and then set all of her attention on watching the hot chocolate.

"Oh. Where _have_ you been?" she asked.

I moved back to my seat and gave her space as she poured the hot chocolate into the mugs. "I've obviously been all over the northern U.S. and Canada. I've also seen some parts of Great Britain and some of the Scandinavian barrens."

"I'm just so surprised you don't have mansions in each of the major European cities," she said, moving to hand me my mug and sit down across from me.

"That's understandable but far from the truth. It isn't that I didn't _want _to see places, and there _were _opportunities to go with Alice." I blew on the hot liquid while I thought about what to say. "Very rarely would the whole family travel together. It was too difficult for me to feel everyone's emotions—everyone's desire or thirst—especially in Europe where everywhere you go is so crowded. Most travel has been done in pairs or groups of three to accommodate Edward. Even if I didn't go due to my gift, the hunting opportunities are few with so many of us."

"Does that mean there aren't very many vampires in Europe?"

I paused and let her think about her question while I took my first sip. Velvet and delicious.

"Oh. Duh!" she exclaimed. "Life wouldn't be so hard for almost all other vampires."

"Exactly. In fact, Europe is a fabulous place for a vampire with a natural diet to live, as are many of the booming Asian cities."

She looked thoughtful and took a sip of her own beverage. "Have you been to Asia?"

"No, but Carlisle has, and the girls once took a trip just the three of them to go antique buying. They didn't stay longer than a week. That was, of course, years ago."

"I'm just so surprised that the family's travel has been so limited."

"Well, being stuck on a crowded boat for a week's crossing isn't ideal. As for other means, you have to think that, while airlines did exist in the early twentieth century, it wasn't until a few decades later that flying became popular. Even so, in its early days, it was generally only for the very wealthy. Carlisle had no trouble earning money, but the family coffers weren't what they are now until Alice joined the family." I proceeded to drink some more before answering her unasked question. "Alice is rather adept at playing the stock market. Though even with the resources, the family has always avoided going on official rosters or inviting any kind of speculation."

"What about a private jet?" she asked with her mug in both hands.

"We've definitely employed them, and until a few years ago, it made travel infinitely easier on us."

"What's different now?"

"Airport security—even for private planes." She nodded in understanding. "With all of the body scanners and chance searches, it's made travel very difficult for our kind."

"Though it's still possible?"

"Yes, if you want it."

I drained the rest of my hot chocolate just as Bella was starting to look a little crestfallen. "You just didn't really want it?" she asked, gathering our mugs and getting up to deposit them in the sink.

I wondered if, with my talk of travel limitations, I was ruining some of the vampire ideal for her. No doubt, she had once imagined her and Edward strolling arm and arm down the Champs-Élysées or catching a play in London before heading off to scale the Egyptian Pyramids after sundown. It wasn't that that life couldn't be had, it just hadn't been mine.

I shook my head to answer her question. "There was nothing to make the hassle really worth it, and Alice was always happy to take trips on her own. I probably would have spent a lot of time holding shopping bags, not waiting on cloudy days in order to visit museums or seeing the sights after dark."

Our night was reaching its conclusion, and as I stood from the table, I decided to cheer her up. "If _you_ were a vampire, and you wanted that life, you wouldn't need to let anything stop you. You'd just have to find a way to make it work. After all, you'd have forever to figure it out."

.

.

.

* * *

Author Note: I apologize for the very long update wait. I was having some computer issues, which is also why some of you didn't get teasers this go around. I figured once everything was up and running, everyone would prefer to have the chapter than a teaser for it.

Fic recs: I recently started reading the brand new "The Learned Game" by eglantine16: While on a business trip in San Diego, Edward can't find a place to stay. Luckily for him, Bella has a room for rent. Inspired by the Cary Grant film "Walk, Don't Run".

"Contact" by evieeden is a short Bella/Paul one-shot: Contact with others is a basic human need to stave off the loneliness.

I'm a few chapters into "Glass House" by Livie79, but I like what I've read so far. I'm a big fan of the heart fail: Edward and Bella had it all, but one night changed everything. How will they survive when it all comes crashing down? Love, lies, loss...life. This is that story.

Have any heart fail recs?


	18. Chapter 18

_**Previously:**_

_I wondered if, with my talk of travel limitations, I was ruining some of the vampire ideal for her. No doubt, she had once imagined her and Edward strolling arm and arm down the Champs-Élysées or catching a play in London before heading off to scale the Egyptian Pyramids after sundown. It wasn't that that life couldn't be had, it just hadn't been mine._

_I shook my head to answer her question. "There was nothing to make the hassle really worth it, and Alice was always happy to take trips on her own. I probably would have spent a lot of time holding shopping bags, not waiting on cloudy days in order to visit museums or seeing the sights after dark."_

_Our night was reaching its conclusion, and as I stood from the table, I decided to cheer her up. "If you were a vampire, and you wanted that life, you wouldn't need to let anything stop you. You'd just have to find a way to make it work. After all, you'd have forever to figure it out."_

* * *

**Chapter 18**

"Have you been brushing your teeth?"

"What?" I asked, confused and momentarily stopping my search through my closet. "Yes, of course. Why?" Paranoid, I turned my back to her and tried to sniff my own breath in my hand, the way I'd seen people do in movies. It failed to work. "Does my breath stink?"

"No." Bella giggled, flopping back on my bed. "Nothing like that. Have you been flossing?"

"Yes. What's the point of all this? We've gone over human hygiene already." I turned back to my task of finding what Bella referred to as "work appropriate" clothing. Apparently, the fine customers of Newton's might not want to buy wilderness equipment from someone clad in the most recent Italian fashions.

"I guess I'm just curious," she continued. "Edward once told me you didn't have to brush your teeth as vampires, and that if you tried, you'd destroy a toothbrush anyway."

"Well, our teeth—_their _teeth—are very sharp. It isn't as if I ever ran a toothbrush test, though." I started making a pile of rejected clothing on the floor of my bedroom. To be honest, I much preferred the Bella-approved jeans in my wardrobe to the designer slacks heaped on my carpet. "I've never been interested in the '_Look what I can do, babe_' games that Emmett sometimes likes to play. I've always been well aware of my capabilities without needing to test them."

"It must be tiring to be Rosalie sometimes." Bella propped herself up on her elbows and shook her head at a button-up I held in my hand.

"Only _sometimes_?" I joked. "Actually, she loves when Emmett does stuff like that. It makes her happy to see him finding joy in his vampire nature. The fact that she ushered him to a fate she despises has never been lost on her. Honestly, I think the reason he does stupid vampire tricks like that is just so she'll never feel guilty." I scanned the long-sleeve cotton shirts hanging up and decided they could all stay. "It's especially entertaining for her when he gets Carlisle in on it. Carlisle would also do anything to cheer up Rosalie about what she is—what he made her."

"Emmett does seem to love being a vampire." She gracelessly scooted her way to the side of the bed, rumpling the covers, before standing up and making her way toward me.

"Yes," I said, curious as to what she was going to do when she got closer. She was right, and the longer I was human, the more I could appreciate the positive aspects of being a vampire, _and_ the more I could see the flaws in it. Every realization was its own paradox.

She walked toward me until she was close enough that if I put out my hand it would be touching her hip. "I want to try something." Without a pause, she stuck her finger in my mouth and ran the pad of it over the ridges of my teeth before pulling her hand back, smiling triumphantly.

"What was that?" I asked. I was pretty sure this was odd—even by human standards.

"Just making sure," she cryptically said. I cocked an eyebrow at her, and she quickly returned to sitting cross-legged on my bed.

"You're going to have to give me a little more than that, Pop Tart. This is a new custom for me. Am I expected to feel up your bicuspids now?"

She rolled her eyes at me and patted the bed, inviting me to sit down. I came and mirrored her pose, leaning against the footboard while she started talking.

"When I was a kid, I used to come up to Forks for a bit every summer to visit Charlie. Usually, we spent time doing what it is he always does—fishing, hanging out at the rez, watching sports, and eating at the diner. Then, there were some times when he would try something new—probably at my mom's suggestion—and almost always as a bid to keep me interested in coming back the next year." Her focus was on a spot just to the side of my face, as if she were seeing the times she'd spent with Charlie playing out in her mind.

"On those rare occasions, we would go to a native dance ceremony, he'd take me on an orca watching cruise, or we'd get a cheap hotel room in Seattle after he picked me up at the airport. Then we would walk through Pike Place Market before he would buy me a book at Elliot Bay Book Company."

She paused and I nodded for her to continue. "This one summer, it rained the whole time I was here, and I complained that there was no way I was going to sit in a boat in the rain while he fished. But I was going crazy being cooped up in the house. I don't know where he found out about it or even what town it was in, but Charlie dragged me to an indoor nature center at some park. He said they had some kids' programs that I might like. I remember being so upset that even though I wasn't going to be in the rain, I would still be stuck in a damp building celebrating the gloomy environment of this soggy state."

I chuckled, thinking about how Edward had once told us that Bella hated the climate of the Olympic Peninsula.

"Anyway, they were having a program that day talking about the predators of the area—though I doubt _vampires_ made it on their radar. Perhaps if they had, the program would have been more interesting. Anyway, they talked about coyotes and bobcats, but the big showstopper was an old, taxidermied cougar they had on display. After talking about how they preferred a quiet stalk-and-ambush type of hunting and how, in the rare cases of the cats attacking humans, the majority of the victims were children, all the kids were invited to come feel the fur and teeth of a real mountain lion."

She shuddered at the memory and perhaps unconsciously, ran her hands over her arms. "I couldn't do it." She looked at me with an unrecognizable emotion in her eyes. "These kids were all joking as they stuck their hands in its mouth, screaming like they were being attacked before stepping away laughing. _I_ was too scared to even approach it."

"Do you remember how old you were?" I asked her.

"Don't laugh," she cautioned me. "I was nine. Nine years old, and I was too frightened to walk up to a stuffed animal. I knew it wasn't real. I mean, I knew it was dead—long dead. I guess I was just afraid it would somehow horrifically come back to life and bite me."

"I guess I can see that." I tried to keep a straight face. I didn't want Bella to think I was poking fun, but the image was humorous.

"I was silent on the way home, and it wasn't until the next day, when Charlie asked me what I thought about the program, that I realized how much I wanted to touch the cougar. But I'd already missed my chance. There was no way I could ask Charlie to drive all the way back there, especially as that would mean needing to explain to him why I didn't touch it the first time. I was so angry at myself for being afraid, and now I'll never know what it feels like to touch a mountain lion."

I debated telling her that she wasn't missing much, as I'd touched more than a few mountain lions in my hunting days. In fact, I was sure that if she really wanted to, I could get Emmett to bring her back a dead one. Maybe I could file that idea away as a holiday gift. What girl wouldn't want to find a large, dead cat drained of all its blood under her Christmas tree?

"And touching my teeth?" I asked her instead.

"Touching your teeth . . ." she trailed off, embarrassed.

"Now you've pet the lion," I concluded, metaphorically speaking.

She nodded. "Now I've pet the lion."

"And what did you think?"

"I guess I thought your teeth might still be a little sharp?" she said, her voice rising at the end.

"I'm sorry to disappoint." I awkwardly squeezed her knee before hopping off the bed. I kicked the pile of discarded clothes into the closet and shut the bi-fold doors to hide the mess. "I suppose it's a good thing you didn't pet the cougar."

"Why's that?" she asked. "Did you enjoy me touching your teeth so much that you'd be sad if you missed the experience?"

"Not quite," I replied. "It's just that you actually seem to have a gift for bringing dead things back to life. I suppose there's the chance he _could_ have come back to life and bitten you," I joked.

She tossed one of my pillows at me but missed. "At least _you_ haven't bitten me."

"Not yet, anyway," I countered, picking up the pillow and throwing it back at her, hitting her directly in the head. She didn't even attempt to block my shot.

"Ooph," she called out as it bounced off her face. "Perhaps we should table this discussion." She armed herself with the pillow and stood up on her knees on the bed.

"Because you think you're going to get a shot in with that pillow?" I mockingly asked her.

"I _know _I'll hit you with the pillow; you aren't so fast anymore, Whitlock."

I loved that she called me that.

"Fast enough," I said, grabbing a sweater from a chair in the corner and snapping it at her, striking her in the belly when she raised her arms.

"Hey!" She bent over in surprise, and I rushed in for the kill. I grabbed the pillow out of her hands and threw it across the room. She tried to bat me away, but I was stronger. I pinned her arms to her side by wrapping one arm around her and began tickling her with the other.

Instantly, she began to sputter and cough before breaking out in great hee-hawish laughs. "Stop! Stop!" she gasped.

I let up just for a second. "I don't think so. I've been patiently awaiting the perfect moment for revenge, and now I can cross _tickling Bella_ off my puddle list. How do _you_ like it?" I returned to my assault, and she lost her balance, falling back down to the bed, bringing me with her. I stopped tickling her as we fell on our sides, both of us panting.

She held her hands up in surrender. "Please don't."

"Tell me you're an awful person."

She screwed up her face. "Why am _I _an awful person?"

"For tickling me first," I explained.

She rolled her eyes and I wiggled my fingers at her in what I hoped was a move of intimidation. She protectively placed her hands under her arms. "Fine, I'm an awful person for daring to tickle you. It's a terrible, horrible thing to do to a person, and I promise to never do it to you again—unless of course you have it coming."

I glared.

"Okay, I won't do it," she conceded, "but you can't tickle me either, and for the record, you did it way harder than I did."

Just as I was about to reply, I realized how we were positioned. Our whole bodies were touching, and neither of us had attempted to move further apart. I looked down at where I couldn't see between us, and I quickly scooted back until I almost fell off the bed.

"Uh . . . I need to call Emmett. He said he wanted to come over tonight. He isn't happy Esme has been the only one who's been here, and he heard how terrible the décor was and wanted to check it out for himself." I launched myself across the room and pulled my cellphone out of my pocket, waving it as if it was evidence of why I needed to get up so quickly.

"I never thought Emmett would be so interested in home decorating." She sighed and sat up slowly. "I've got to get home and do homework anyway, and I should let you rest up before your big first day at work tomorrow."

I sarcastically nodded my head. "I'm sure it will be both mentally and physically challenging. I should probably go to bed now in order to be fully rested for all the rigors of working at Newton's. Thanks for your thoughtfulness."

"Always," she joked. "Your shift starts while I'm still at school. Do you want me to show up here in the morning to take a picture of you on your first day? Esme may want to scrapbook it."

"I think I'm good," I said, walking her to the door.

She straightened her tickle-ruffled clothing and grabbed her bag from the floor before slipping on her shoes. "Don't forget to wear something normal."

I looked down at my current outfit of jeans and a waffle-weave shirt that Alice would probably hate for any activity outside of hunting or car repair. I looked up just in time to see Bella's eyes tracing the same path before biting her lip and turning away.

"I think I'll manage, especially now that you, with all of your fashion sense, have helped me to cull my Cullen wardrobe."

"Yeah . . . well . . ." She momentarily stood up on her tiptoes and leaned toward me—almost as if she were going to kiss me on the cheek. However, she stepped back and, in a most awkward manner, fist bumped my shoulder. "Uh, bye and good luck tomorrow." She rushed out the door and I watched as she shook her head, seemingly talking silently to herself before her truck rumbled away.

As soon as I couldn't hear the loud engine anymore, I dialed Emmett and told him he was free to come over. I had the distinct feeling he'd been waiting for my call because he showed up three minutes later and breezed in without knocking.

He spread his arms wide. "Wow, this is just as hideous as you said it was."

"Hello to you, too. It isn't _that _bad," I said, looking around. The pine and plaid explosion had actually started to grow on me.

Emmett put his face close to a wall sconce. "Jasper, there are tiny bronze trout hanging from this light fixture."

"Okay. _That _is a little ridiculous. It makes me wonder if the whole place was decorated from the same catalog. At least they were consistent."

Emmett didn't seem to be paying attention to me anymore, as he moved into the kitchen with intent and started opening drawers and cabinets before moving to the fridge.

"Want me to make you a snack?" I joked.

He looked out from behind the refrigerator door. "You offering?" he asked with a mirthful raise of his eyebrow.

"Ah, no," I said quickly.

"I just can't believe all of this stuff is yours—and you _eat_ it. I just kinda want to go through it all and make you eat some of everything."

"How Emmett of you," I said, moving to sit on the couch in the hopes that he might join me. It was always a risk that Emmett would try to sample some of my food himself, and I really didn't want to clean up the after effects. "Want to watch me strain to lift heavy things, too?" I asked.

"Yes!" he said the same instant as he was sitting on the chair across from me. "Try to lift the couch."

"I was joking, Emmett."

"Want to watch me lift the couch _with you on it_?"

I rolled my eyes. This was exactly the kind of thing I'd been talking about with Bella. "I think I'm good. I do remember how strong you are."

He nodded and looked awkwardly around the room. "So . . ." he started.

I couldn't imagine Emmett being awkward about anything. "So, what?" I asked.

"I just . . . you're human now. What do we do?" he looked at me with a pleading look.

"Emmett, I'm still the same person." I tried to think of what we'd done together in the past. Obviously, things like running in the woods and wrestling were out of the question. He'd most likely best me at video games now, but games like chess were still an option. It wasn't as if I'd lost my strategic skills. As a last resort, there were always sports to be watched.

I leaned over to grab the remote; perhaps putting the television on would help. "We're still family."

He looked sheepish. "I know that. It's just that you were frightened of me at first, then you avoided me, and now I just don't know what humans do together."

I put on some sports highlights from the weekend, but I didn't pay attention to what teams the announcers were talking about. I'd never been as interested in football as Emmett was. It was hard to cheer on athletes who weren't even a tenth as talented as we were. Was that how Emmett felt about me now?

"Considering you've been masquerading as a human for decades, I would think you might have a better idea of what humans do together than humans do." I offered, trying to make him feel better.

"Is that how it was when you woke up this way? Did you feel like an expert on humanity?" There wasn't a single note of sarcasm in his voice. He was genuinely asking me.

"No," I said honestly. "I was terrified. I wasn't just scared of you and the rest of the family, I was scared of me. I was scared of everything." He knew what a huge revelation this was on my part. It was embarrassing enough that everyone knew I'd been panicking around vampires, it wasn't so easily explained how even the things that didn't go bump in the night made me wary.

"Do you know how many of my actions every day are just about staying alive? Humans always have to be doing something to make sure they'll still be here a week from now. I'm always thinking about food or drinking or sleeping or—"

"Going to the bathroom," he interjected with a grin.

I was glad I gave him the opening because he was at least smiling again.

"Even that. My whole house is full of potential traps to my safety. Humans—people like _Bella_ even—navigate these things every day. There are no guarantees when you're mortal either. All it could take is one misstep and that's it."

Emmett looked at me unblinkingly. "Rose is terrified of that. I'm amazed she hasn't pulled an Edward and started watching over you while you sleep."

"What?" I laughed.

"I'm serious. She's not taking you being human very well."

I'd expected she would be envious, but after a day, I hadn't heard anything from any of the family about Carlisle's revelation that, should we ever want to know the truth about Bella, at least one of them would need to taste her blood. That statement was heavy because of the chance that they could become human, because of the possible risks associated with drinking from Bella—something we'd all taken great effort never to do—and because human blood would be uncharted territory for Rosalie and Carlisle.

Emmett broke me out of my musing. "I would say your mortality has her awake at night, but . . . you know . . ." he lamely joked. "She's constantly consumed with the thought that something might be happening to you."

"She's really worried?" I asked, though it wasn't as if I didn't know how much Rosalie cared for me.

"That doesn't even begin to cover it. Let's just say the only reason you're _allowed _to live here on your own and not be under her constant watch at home is because of how much Carlisle insists it's good for you."

Wow. Obviously, a conversation with Rosalie was necessary. I was touched by her concern, but she needed to be thinking about her own possibilities right now, not what _could _happen to me.

"Man, I can't believe you actually got a job at Newton's." Clearly, we were done talking about Rosalie.

I sighed. "Don't forget how you're the master mind behind all of this." My eyes drifted to the television just as a commercial for microwave pizza something-or-other came on.

"I wouldn't take master-mind credit; that belongs to Bella. I _was_ head cheerleader, though."

I could go for pizza. I would need to suggest it to Bella for this week. "Yeah, well, I never thought they'd hire me instantly and then tell me to come in two days later," I told him. "There must not be that many people in Forks who are looking for daytime employment right now and who are willing to work with Mike Newton. You should have seen his mom's face when I came in at the end of Bella's shift to ask if they might have any open positions."

Emmett chuckled. "That must have fired up the rumor mill."

"I mentioned taking at least a semester break from college, and I chatted her up for a bit about all of the supplies we've purchased over the past couple years and where our family likes to venture on hikes. She was impressed by the range and our ability to do some of the more difficult areas in the national forest."

"Naturally," he conceded with a smirk. "I'm sure you'll actually be a huge asset to the store. I know you were really talking tongue-in-cheek with Mama Newton, but it isn't as if you haven't covered that terrain and couldn't give advice to hikers. So, will you occasionally be working with Bella?"

"For the most part, I presume. My shifts will just start a little earlier than hers, but we'll get off at the same time."

He clapped his hands. "Speaking of which," Emmett segued as he stood up, "are we going to talk about you and Bella?"

"Grow up, Emmett," I grumbled, realizing what I'd said to make him change the subject. Most of the time he had the sense of humor of a thirteen-year-old boy, except he'd had decades to perfect his perverted tastes. "What about us?" I asked.

"Whatever is going on between the two of you."

"That would be _nothing_," I remarked quickly, putting my feet up on the coffee table and crossing my arms.

He shook his head and chuckled. "_Nothing_ isn't how _I _would phrase it." He disappeared from the living room and came back a second later. "Your bed is rumpled, and her scent is all over your room. In fact, I can smell her on you right now. The whole front of your body is practically drenched in Bella."

I automatically looked down at my chest, as if I could see her scent, before sitting up straighter. "We were just—"

"For once, save it, you sly dog. I'll let you keep your secrets," he joked.

"Emmett, it's not like that," I insisted.

"I know, otherwise I'd smell _that_, too, but the truth remains that you're definitely _interested_ in her."

"Why does _everyone_ suddenly think they're an empath now?" I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I needed a snack. "Did my gift somehow radiate out to all of you when I became human?" I asked exasperatedly, pulling out a pudding cup from the fridge and a spoon from the drawer. At first, I couldn't believe humans would eat this garbage, but after my first taste, I'd been hooked on the chocolate ones.

"No, no, no, nothing like that. How quickly you've forgotten, though. It's only been a couple times, but I can see how your eyes dilate when you look at her, how your pulse speeds up—if only slightly—when she enters a room, how you unconsciously shift your body to mirror hers, how your pheromones change around her, how your nostrils flare to catch scent of her when her hair moves—"

"_Catch scent of her_? See—it's all just retained responses to how I reacted to her as a vampire. My body just thinks it needs her—I mean, her blood at least, the taste of it." I stumbled my way through my argument.

"Bro, your body just _wants _her. You are _attracted_ to her. Plain and simple."

I rolled my eyes. "Emmett, don't be ridiculous."

"Far from it. Do you want to know how _she_ reacts to you?"

Before I could reply, his phone beeped, and he pulled it out to look at it.

"That's Rosie. I gotta dash. She's going to want to know all about _that_." He pointed to the bedroom. I went to say something else, but he talked over me. "It was fun." Without a word of goodbye, he was gone from the house and the door was already closed behind him.

I spent the rest of the evening thinking about what Emmett had said. There was no way I was attracted to Bella. She was . . . Bella. She was like Emmett's little sister. She _had _been Edward's girl. What was she to me, though? I didn't have the words for it. I didn't _need _the words for it. Emmett was just being ridiculous.

Just as I was thinking about going to sleep, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered without looking at the number listed.

"Is this too late to call?" Bella asked and I smiled to hear her voice.

"Not at all," I said, crawling into bed.

"Good. I just wanted to know why you would bother going to high school," she said in a rush.

I chuckled before answering her. "I'm not. Tomorrow I will be starting my first human job, though, but you knew that."

"Not that," she grumbled and I could just picture what her face looked like. "Why does the family bother going to high school? What a waste of time and your potential. Plus, people must be bleeding all the time. It isn't just on blood typing days; I mean, kids fall. _I _know how easy it is to get a nosebleed at school. There are kids and teachers who probably need to do blood testing every day and inject insulin. This isn't even mentioning all the scrapes or scabs or _periods._"

Once she stopped long enough for me to interject, I did. "I'm assuming this has been on your mind for a long time?"

"Yes. And another thing, why do you go to small towns, where you're more likely to stick out? Why aren't you living it up in the big city all the time? Your lives could be so much, and instead they're . . ."

"So little?" I asked, putting one arm behind my head.

She made a choked noise.

"I'm not offended. You're right. It's tedious. It's boring. It's so much less than we could be doing, but it's what we do. It's what I did to be with Alice. Everything outside of being with Alice was just the details."

"And now?" she asked quietly.

_And now the details are everything outside of spending time with you_, I thought. I shook my head. "Now, I work at Newton's. I'm moving up in the world."

She snorted and I smiled, rolling to my side. "People bleed all the time," I told her. "We expect it at school. We expect it everywhere. With blood typing or school blood drive days, there's no reason to rub our faces in it, though."

"True," she said with a yawn.

"As for the small towns, we've talked about this a bit, you know when I mentioned Esme being from the Heartland." I always smiled when I said that about her. "Every small town has its weirdoes; we just get to be it wherever we live. Then there's the lack of urban sprawl and more fertile hunting grounds."

"Oh, yeah, we did talk about this," she said with a more pronounced yawn.

"It's okay. You're human; you forget things. A lot of it has to do with Carlisle's job, too. It might make more sense for him to work in a major metropolitan hospital, because he would get more interesting cases and he could probably make more of an impact on the world of medicine, but the pressure to publish and research also comes with more of a threat of exposure. Carlisle also knows how much good he can do in a small town. He's always felt that all people deserve top quality medical care, regardless of from where they come."

"Oh, Carlisle," she humorously sighed.

"Oh, Carlisle, indeed. You need to go to sleep. So do I. It's a big day tomorrow."

"I know. Good luck. Break a leg. Pitch a tent. Whatever you say when starting a job an outdoor supply store."

I held back a laugh. I didn't think _pitch a tent _was exactly the sentiment she meant, though in my new human form, it was a guarantee at least a few times a day.

"Thank you. Goodnight, Bella," I said softly.

"Mmmm. Goodnight, Jasper."

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note:** I hope no one has blown away yet with Hurricane Sandy. We've been battening down the hatches and are kind of just waiting for the power to go out. It doesn't look good outside.

Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review. I'm going to try to get updates back on a weekly basis or as close to it as I can. Depending upon our power situation, Sandy may put me a couple days behind this coming week.

As for fic recs, it seems like there's been a slow decline of AU stories, so here are some classic AU recs, granted they're all E/B.

"Peonies" by sillybella: I return every year to watch the peonies bloom. Bella planted them to remind me of our love. "Because you won't change me, and someday I'm going to die." It's been twenty years since I left. Did she have the happy human life I wanted for her? AU E/B, Complete

"In the Blink of an Eye" by thatwritr: New Moon AU. Bella went cliff diving but it didn't turn out well. She broke her back. A decade later, Edward reappears in her life on the same night she loses her best friend and husband to a freak accident. She's not thrilled to see him. Eventual E/B, Complete (NOTE: This is one of the best written fanfics I've ever read.)

"Distractions" by windchymes: An unexpected discovery and Bella realises Edward lied when he left her. She is determined to find him, but as she searches she finds there is more to Edward Cullen than she ever realised. (NOTE: You should just work your way through every one of windchymes's stories. They are all amazing.)


	19. Chapter 19

_****_**Author Note: I want to thank everyone for all of their Sandy concern. Our area was not hit as hard as we had expected. My thoughts go out to those who were affected. **

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_"It's okay. You're human; you forget things. A lot of it has to do with Carlisle's job, too. It might make more sense for him to work in a major metropolitan hospital, because he would get more interesting cases and he could probably make more of an impact on the world of medicine, but the pressure to publish and research also comes with more of a threat of exposure. Carlisle also knows how much good he can do in a small town. He's always felt that all people deserve top quality medical care, regardless of from where they come."_

_"Oh, Carlisle," she humorously sighed._

_"Oh, Carlisle, indeed. You need to go to sleep. So do I. It's a big day tomorrow."_

_"I know. Good luck. Break a leg. Pitch a tent. Whatever you say when starting a job an outdoor supply store."_

_I held back a laugh. I didn't think pitch a tent was exactly the sentiment she meant, though in my new human form, it was a guarantee at least a few times a day._

_"Thank you. Goodnight, Bella," I said softly._

_"Mmmm. Goodnight, Jasper."_

* * *

**Chapter 19—**

My first day at Newton's wasn't exactly the rip-roaring fun time Emmett probably thought it would be. There wasn't much entertainment in watching people deliberate between brands of sleeping bags. I couldn't believe Bella had actually taken this job, though it was probably the best option for her in Forks. It wouldn't be practical for her to be a part-time logger, and she would probably faint if she took a job at the hospital.

Somewhere between going through the store's policies with Mrs. Newton and seeing where I could take my breaks, I received my first text message from Bella. I hadn't even been aware she knew how to send a text, and I wondered if she asked someone to show her how.

_Have you actually written out a list?_

I assumed she was asking about my puddle list.

_It's more of a mental list_, I replied. I glanced around the store from where I was standing at the front. I was supposed to be changing the window display, but Mrs. Newton was nowhere in sight.

_You know, I could get into trouble for this_, I texted Bella.

_Ah, yes. I forgot today was rules day. ; )_

_Thankfully, I'm not chewing gum while I'm texting this_. I smiled as I returned my phone to my pocket.

I worked without interruption for a few more minutes before it buzzed again. _Did she do some kind of ceremony for the transferring of the blue vest?_

I grinned again. _No! Did she do that with you? I'm hurt._

I didn't hear from her again, but it was less than two hours before I heard the bell jingle over the front door and I looked up to see Bella coming in. Mrs. Newton waved to her from the register as Bella made her way across the store to the back room. I'd just finished sweeping, so I grabbed my broom to return it to the supply closet.

"Stop!" Bella called as I came through the swinging door.

"What?" I asked as she pushed me against the wall, startling me.

She didn't answer but she stepped back and brought out her cell phone to take a picture of me. "I didn't get one this morning, but I need to at least get one picture of you on your first day."

I reached out my hand to grab her phone away from her just as she took the photo.

"Be nice." She swatted my hand out of the way. "You ruined my shot." She quickly took another one and turned away to hang up her backpack. "You look dashing in your vest, by the way," she said as she donned her own.

"I always look dashing," I grumbled.

"True," she said, turning to look at me and rolling her eyes. She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. "It's time to get back to the grind."

Without letting go of my arm, we walked over to Mrs. Newton. "How's it been today?" Bella asked her.

Mrs. Newton looked up from her screen and seemed temporarily flustered by me standing there. That had been happening all day, and every time, my self-esteem got a little boost. _Even human,_ _I've still got it_.

"Umm, fine," she said, smoothing her hair. "Bella, if you wouldn't mind, straighten up the shoes? I may need you to be on register for a bit later, though. Jasper, why don't you go into the stockroom and acquaint yourself with where the extra inventory is kept? Then, you can process the received shipment like I showed you earlier."

"Yes, ma'am," I said and made my way to the back.

I stayed busy for another two hours before Bella joined me. "Mrs. Newton says we can both go home. With the heavier rain, the customers haven't exactly been flocking to the store today. She also said she didn't want to tax you on your first day. Are you taxed, Jasper?" she asked as she pointed to the boxes at my feet.

"It's nothing I can't handle." I brushed my hands off and returned the box cutter to the inventory table. "I actually thought I would be here longer."

"Well, when the crowd's light, we normally get let go early. The Newtons don't like to pay for more staff than they need."

We walked to the room next door to gather our things. "Did you drive here?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. I didn't know if I was supposed to park somewhere special, so my car is in the back. Why?"

She hung her vest back on her peg and hoisted her backpack onto her shoulder. "I was just wondering. I'm normally not very happy about getting out early because of the lost pay, but I was hoping to pump you about how your day went before I got here. I don't have too long before I need to start making dinner, but I have some time."

"Oh, well, telling you about my busy day could take _hours_," I joked. "Why don't you leave your truck here and you can ride with me out to the house. I told everyone I would come tell them how human working went, too."

"So, by _the house_, you mean the Cullen house?"

"That would be the one." I pushed through the door and waved goodbye to Mrs. Newton as she rang up someone's purchase.

"Let's go then," Bella said as she quickly walked through the rain to get around the building to my car.

I jogged to get in front of her so that I could open her car door. "I learn from my mistakes," I told her, remembering our conversation after I didn't open her door when we first went to dinner in Port Angeles. That memory seemed like a lifetime ago. I'd been so angry and bitter and downright _mean _toward Bella.

Once she was seated and the door was closed, I hurried around to my own side and slid in before turning on the car and the heat.

"You seemed full of questions last night on the phone," I said as the cool air blasted us and I rubbed my hands together, waiting for the car to heat up.

"Well, I am supposed to be getting some vampire lessons out of all of this."

I frowned and looked over to see her buckling her seatbelt. _All of this_ made me sound like the means to some kind of end. Was that how she saw us? Was I still an obligation to her? I thought we'd moved beyond that.

She brushed her hair out of her face and stammered once she saw the look on my face. "I mean, I get a lot out of . . . don't worry about it."

Internally, I sighed in relief at what her awkwardness could imply, and I pulled out of the store parking lot. "No, I like it when you ask questions. I've told you that. What new things have sprung to mind?" I asked.

"I never understood why you would break the necks of animals before biting them. Wouldn't that stop their hearts? Isn't the point to drink from them while they're still pumping blood? Otherwise, you wouldn't get very much out of them."

She was diving right in.

I glanced at her in what could only be described as pride. Bella would have made a phenomenal vampire. I was sad it was something I would most likely never get to experience with her, now that it was obvious Edward wasn't her mate.

"How much do you actually want to know about this? I mean, if you honestly want to talk about the merits of different vertebrae fractures and the effects of respiratory acidosis on the vampire palette, we can." I grinned, unsure of what her answer would be.

She held up her hand. "I think I'm good. I probably shouldn't wonder too much."

"Always wonder," I said softly.

A few companionable minutes later, we were pulling up, only this time I parked in the garage. As soon as we walked into the house, Rosalie breezed up. "You should come sit down. Carlisle just got off the phone with Eleazar."

Bella and I exchanged a look. This sounded serious. We followed Rosalie, and Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed it as we walked into the sunken living room. Everyone had already gathered as we sat down, and Bella's hand stayed entwined with mine between us on the couch, though not nearly as discreetly as she probably thought it was. No one even gave it a glance as Carlisle started to speak, though.

"As Rosalie said, I just got off the phone with Eleazar."

"Does he know everything that's happened?" I asked hesitantly, referencing my humanity. We'd all decided to keep the news of my change within the family. With the enemies I had, and with the threat of the Volturi ever sniffing around, we needed to be careful about who might hear about this.

"I delicately asked him before if he'd ever heard about a weakened vampire. I said I was doing some research about my own history and about how the vampire who sired me had been in a weakened or crazed enough state to be chased by humans."

Bella looked at me with a look that seemed to ask if this was true, and I nodded.

"I didn't want to give too much away, but he had nothing to offer during that conversation, so I thought he'd be calling with new information, but I'm afraid he didn't have any news that could apply to you."

No news. Would we ever know anything? As I heard Carlisle's words, I wasn't really sure how I felt about that statement. Since the moment I'd woken this way, I'd wanted nothing more than to return to how I was as a vampire. Bella's warm, firm hand squeezed mine, and I returned the pressure before breaking away from her and wiping my sweaty hands on my knees. I still wanted to be a vampire, I had to remind myself firmly.

"Then what did he have to say?" I prompted.

"It seems he has news of Edward—or more correctly, _no _news of Edward." Carlisle leaned forward in his seat. "Edward headed to Alaska after he left Forks, but it seems he left there a little over a week ago. Eleazar was sure he was going to come back to us, but obviously none of us have heard from him."

"And you're worried?" I asked. "Isn't thinking only of himself practically par for the course with Edward?"

Esme came to sit next to Carlisle, and he shifted to the side to accommodate her in his chair. "We wouldn't ordinarily be worried. You know Edward's always tended to need more time to himself to sort through his thoughts, but with both Alice and Edward out of contact, we're starting to wonder at least, if not worry," she said.

It had been a while since I'd even thought about Alice. We'd all concluded that she was staying out of contact because she'd _seen _it was for the best. It was curious that we didn't know where either she or Edward was, though.

"Has anyone else heard from him?" I asked.

"No, not that I know of, and Eleazar said that Edward hadn't been aware that Alice was missing."

"I'm not really sure there's anything to do here. What would be different now than it was a few weeks ago? It isn't like either Alice or Edward left yesterday. I've been like this for some time now," I said, looking out the window, as if I could see the colder temperature of the approaching winter.

I looked at Bella and she was biting her lip. I know my lack of worry concerned her, and I'd tried to explain how time didn't move at the same clip for vampires. Plus, I no longer felt that Alice needed my worry. I still knew Bella thought our inaction this whole time had been ridiculous. I didn't know how I felt about Edward anymore, nor would I guess at how Bella felt about him being missing. My feelings toward him were now too tangled up in how I felt about his treatment of her.

"I think we need to do _something_," Emmett spoke up.

"I agree," Rosalie said. "I think we should at least go look for Alice. We have no idea where Edward is, but Alice was supposed to be in Ithaca. Until now, we haven't considered going to find her. Perhaps if Em and I make the decision to go to New York, if it's the wrong choice, she'll at least contact us."

One by one, we all nodded.

"When would you go?" I asked.

"Let's give it another week. We make the decision now and wait to hear from her, but after that, we head to New York," Emmett said.

Esme stood up and smoothed her clothing, signaling the end of the conversation. "Would you both like to stay for dinner?"

Bella shook her head. "I'm sorry. I actually need to be home to make something for Charlie." She looked at me and frowned. "I know you didn't get to talk about your first day—"

"It's not a problem," I told her. "I can always tell them later."

"And tell he will," Emmett said, slinging his granite arm around me and squeezing too hard. What Bella put up with every time she came over! "I'm sure it was epic," he said.

Bella snorted and said her goodbyes before we headed back to the car, the mood at least a little lighter after she mentioned a be-vested photo on her cellphone.

Once we got into the car and were headed back to Newton's to get her truck, she asked if anyone in the family had mentioned to me wanting to sample her blood. I told her that it hadn't come up, but I wanted to allow them as much time to think as possible, though I'd actually thought they would all jump at the chance. I supposed there would be no coming back from it if it actually worked.

If Bella hadn't needed to go home, I would have gladly stayed at the house to continue talking to Carlisle. I told her I would call him again in the evening to talk through a few more things. After that, I entertained her for the rest of the drive with my impression of a red-faced Mrs. Newton telling me I would need to jiggle the handle in the employee bathroom in order to flush.

After I made sure she got into her truck safely and heated up something to eat once I got home, I called Carlisle to go over some of the things we hadn't had a chance to get to during our afternoon conversation.

"There's still the offhand chance Bella didn't cause this. We talked ourselves out of this idea, but there's the possibility that with Edward missing now, too, he and Alice could both be somewhere out there, human and alone," I told him.

"At least they won't be eating the locals," Carlisle uncharacteristically joked.

I laughed but then continued without a note of humor, "Maybe we need to revisit the idea of the Volturi, too."

For several minutes, we rehashed the reasons for and against the idea that someone or something else might be responsible for my change, but nothing was made any clearer than it had been when we started. Without more answers or information, we were just spinning our wheels.

Finally, I said to him, "We talked about how to find out _perhaps_ definitively if Bella was the reason this happened. Have you all discussed that decision?"

He sighed, and I could tell he didn't really want to discuss this over the phone, but it was either that or he would have to come over. Things had been put off too long, and I was starting to get just as frustrated as Bella was with the lack of expediency from my family.

"Esme and I have discussed it, and I'm sure Rosalie and Emmett have as well. He says they need more time before talking it out as a group."

That was not what I was expecting to hear. "I'm surprised Emmett isn't agreeing to it right away, if only to appease Rosalie."

"It may be more complicated than that." He paused. "Would you become human just to appease Alice?"

"Never," I said without hesitation, though now I would do very little for Alice, but I knew what my answer would have been before. "All of my best qualities are tied up with being a vampire."

"I beg to differ, and I'm not the only one, I'm sure. We've often said that our strongest qualities are enhanced by the change, but I've seen the same thing happen to you now. It makes me wonder what you were like as a human the first go around."

"It _should_ make you curious about what I may be like as a vampire the second time," I said as I took my used dishes to the sink. Too late, I thought about how I had always hated when humans would eat while I was on the phone with them. I was glad Carlisle didn't mention it, but I wasn't even sure if he had the same pet peeves as me.

"There's always that—should you change back," he said.

"_When_, Carlisle. _When_."

"Yes, of course." I heard a door shut, as if Carlisle were stepping into the house, and I wondered if he had just finished hunting when I'd called him. It seemed oddly personal to ask, now that I was human, and slightly coincidental, as I had just finished eating. "Going back to Eleazar," he said, "I should say that our conversation—and Bella's question about gifted vampires—led me to bringing up molecular patterns in venom. I asked Tanya if she wouldn't mind sending me a sample of her venom as well as those of Kate and Irina."

"How would that help in determining anything about Bella?"

"Well, I'd like to see if there are any comparable allele similarities in linked vampires, like in human DNA. I'd like to look at my venom and those whom I sired and then at Tanya's and her sisters' to see how they would compare and contrast."

"Interesting." His quest had merit, but I wasn't convinced that now would be the time to explore this.

"Imagine the possibilities," he continued. "If we truly began to study this, we could discover original vampire haplogroups. We may even be able to discover the vampiric origin. I'm dumbfounded that I didn't think of this sort of testing before."

His excitement was evident, but I needed to steer things back toward our immediate issue.

"So, when do you think Rose and Emmett would like to have the big discussion of _will you or won't you_?" I asked, changing the subject as I started turning off the lights throughout the house and making my way to my bedroom.

"If they don't bring it up first, I'll press the issue before they leave for New York. Putting off the discussion for too long might add unnecessary pressure on Bella."

"And it _may_ prepare them for what they'll find when they track down Alice."

It wasn't too much longer before we said our goodbyes. Then the conversation weighed heavily on my mind for the rest of the evening and throughout the next day, even with my second day of work.

Bella and I were both in the stockroom pricing a new shipment, and I knew she could tell I was distracted. She'd been trying to tell me corny jokes the whole time we were working together, but I couldn't stop thinking about what might be happening with Edward and Alice or how the family's decisions might affect Bella.

"All right, enough of this." She picked up the gun and started to turn the dial. "If I were going to mark you for sale, how much would you cost, do you think?"

"I don't think the numbers go high enough on that thing," I said without looking up from my task.

I could hear her snort.

"Don't laugh," I cautioned. "I just don't want you to be disappointed that _priceless _isn't an option on there."

She laughed harder, and I turned my head up to look at her, finally feeling pulled out of my thoughts.

"Maybe I should make my own that just says _best offer_."

"Why are we pricing me?" I asked.

"To get you out of your funk. For fun. To be silly. These are things humans do. I would suspect that vampires do the same thing, that is if any of you had a sense of humor—well, anyone outside of Emmett."

"I'm offended by that comment. Esme's hilarious."

"Ah, yes, Esme the prankster," she joked. "She must have slipped my mind."

"You should see her after she has a couple deer in her," I continued.

"A real knee-slapper, I bet." She pushed the price gun to my chest, and it left a little orange rectangle in its wake.

"Zero?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if we could even give you away, though."

I frowned, but I was at least no longer thinking about the members of my family. "Do you find me _so_ unredeemable?"

"If you were to be redeemed, I'm certainly not the one to help do it."

"Aren't you?"

"It was a joke, Jasper," she said exasperatedly. "Wait, are you going to call me a do-gooder again? You just love to beat a dead horse." She returned to pricing the remaining merchandise in the box.

"You know I have a fondness for furry creatures, though I always needed them alive and kicking first."

She smiled as I started breaking down our spent boxes and putting them in the large recycling crate.

"Honestly, though, I thought you saw the good in everything." How would she like it if I tried giving _her_ a price? We could just see how she would feel about being $2.73.

"Where there's good to be seen," she said with a smirk on her face that let me know she was merely joking.

I set down my box cutter as it struck me, yet again, that I would rather interact with Bella, with her barbs and mock anger, than deal with the outright happiness of most people.

She handed me the last empty box and sat on a stool, watching me finish my task. "You've been so wont to point out that my life isn't a fairy tale; well, it isn't a romance novel either. I don't actually go around looking to save the black-hearted, swarthy pirates of the world."

What started as a mirthful chuckle soon had my body wracked with laughter as I moved to put the inventory list for the shipment in the receiving basket on the wall.

"Wanna let me in on the joke?" she asked.

"Don't you?" I countered, turning to face her.

"Don't I _what_?" She leaned forward and tottered on the front legs of the uneven stool.

"Don't you look around for whatever soul needs saving?" I walked closer to her. "Your batty mother, your lonely father, a brooding Victorian vampire, whatever the hell _I_ am…" Every example brought me a step nearer.

"I certainly didn't go looking around for you; _you_ were thrust upon _me_." She rolled her eyes, and just to make her uncomfortable, I grabbed her by her waist and pulled her up to me.

"Well, you know, some are born great and some have greatness thrust upon them," I said with a smirk.

"Get off," she said, pushing me away.

"Gladly," I said with a look that would make Emmett proud. "Ah, look at how her face flushes. Please . . . if your tits were slightly bigger, you'd be the epitome of a romance novel heroine." I stepped only slightly away, allowing her a small comfort. I hoped she would know I was joking.

"My tits are just—hey, stop looking at them!" I supposed I was, but she crossed her arms, blocking my view.

Just then, Mike walked into the storeroom, and we instantly stepped further apart, Bella landing back on the metal stool, its legs scudding on the floor. Mike had been an interesting addition to our day working together, as he was constantly coming up to Bella and trying to divert her attention. I could understand why he'd bothered Edward so much. Couldn't he take a hint? He also didn't know how to act around me. When we'd all been in school, we'd made an effort not to get close to the other students, and our nature had helped to deflect the curiosities of the humans around us. Mike was at a loss for how to react to working with me now.

"Um . . ." At first, Mike looked totally puzzled as to what he'd just walked in on, but he seemed to gather his thoughts as he asked, "Is . . . um . . . is he bothering you, Bella?"

He tried to straighten his posture and took a protective step toward her, which provoked the oddest reaction in me. I could feel constriction in my chest, as if my body were remembering what it was to growl even though I no longer had the proper ability to do it. I finally understood the concept of phantom limb syndrome.

Bella quickly answered him. "_Jasper_? Jasper's always bothering me. Don't worry, though; we're buddies."

I frowned at her word choice and was tempted to step back into her personal space.

"Oh, well, okay…" Mike said awkwardly. "Mom said you both can go whenever you're done with that shipment." He looked around, realizing we'd already finished. "Uh, I guess good night, then."

"Thanks, Mike," Bella said as he turned to leave. I'd remained quiet throughout the exchange.

I'd told her before I wasn't anyone's _buddy_, least of all hers. What were we, though? This thought just kept coming up. Damn Emmett and his seed planting! I definitely wasn't thinking about Alice anymore.

Were we _friends_? That label seemed childish and inadequate to describe my relationship with Bella. It wasn't as if we'd really spent time with each other by choice in the beginning. However, that wasn't correct anymore. Since I'd first gotten sick as a human, I'd found that I was always _choosing _to spend time with Bella. That didn't necessarily make her my friend, though, did it?

She wasn't my friend. She was just—_mine_, my mind answered.

"Come over for dinner," she said, surprising me and interrupting my thoughts.

"Is your dad working?" I asked. I thought he was going to be home more this week.

"No."

"Won't that bring up questions?" I asked.

"Then we'll have to come up with some answers."

.

.

.

* * *

Author Note: Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review.

A couple brand new recs:

"Changing My Course" by twilover76: Sparks fly when two strangers collide in the dark. Will Edward star in Bella's future, or will the politics of her life be too much for him to handle? AH/M (This story is brand spankin' new but shows great promise.)

"Carnelian and Ice" by Raum: "A man struggling to escape from the darkness, and a woman who thinks she doesn't deserve the light. How will an ice sculpture affect their lives?" AU with vampires. (This is only a few chapters in, but there's a twist; Bella's the vamp in this one.)


	20. Chapter 20

******Author Note: For those American who are currently serving or have served, happy Veterans' Day and thank you for your service. **

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_"Come over for dinner," she said, surprising me and interrupting my thoughts._

_"Is your dad working?" I asked. I thought he was going to be home more this week._

_"No."_

_"Won't that bring up questions?" I asked._

_"Then we'll have to come up with some answers."_

* * *

**Chapter 20:**

As I walked into Bella's house, my nerves got the best of me. It would be the first time I would officially meet her father, outside of a cursory nod at the hospital in Phoenix once he had arrived. I had no idea what he really knew about my current family situation, and I'd been too busy thinking about my own anxiety to ask Bella on the way over. During the drive, it wasn't until we were almost to her house that I realized I no longer needed to worry about keeping up the charadewhen meeting new humans. My mortal status wasn't a charade anymore.

Every time I'd been in a situation where it was necessary to pretend to eat, I'd run through a mental checklist of things to do to keep up appearances. It was a force of habit to do it on the way to the Swan house, and I scolded myself for my foolishness once I realized what I was doing. As much as I ate now, I certainly didn't need to be told to make it look like I was chewing. This thought was humorous in light of my lack of Rice Krispy chewing on my first day like this. I would have been better off if I'd run through the checklist then.

Once we were inside the door, I took off my coat and hung it on the peg next to Bella's. _Calm down_, I told myself. There was no need to be so nervous. This was just Bella's father, and it wasn't as if I was her boyfriend or something. If he didn't like me, so what? There was just a good deal of awkwardness in the fact that she was my brother's former girlfriend, and I didn't know how Charlie would feel about her hanging around with me after their breakup, especially considering our age difference. As I toed off my shoes just like Bella was doing, I had to stop myself; Charlie would never know our _true_ age difference. Physically, I was actually only a couple years older than she was.

I didn't get any more time to run through my thoughts because Charlie came around the corner from the living room.

"Bells, I wasn't sure if—" He stopped speaking once he saw me. He slowly rocked back on his heels and slightly adjusted his belt. "You must be Jasper."

I paused, wishing I could read his feelings before stepping around Bella to shake his hand. "Yes, sir," I said.

His mustache twitched and his grip was tight. He shook my hand just once before clapping me on the back. "It's about time you manned up and came to the house."

I coughed in my surprise. This was not what I was expecting.

"Dad," Bella interjected.

"Don't _Dad _me, Isabella," he said sternly, though he had a grin on his face. "I know for a fact that you've been running around with his boy, and he had yet to come by and properly introduce himself."

She stepped up between us, and I could see that her face was crimson as she rolled her eyes. I quickly apologized to him, and he nodded.

"I figure you should stay for dinner so we'll get a chance to talk." That was the last word on the matter because he turned around and went back into the living room.

Once we heard him sit down and the television come back on, Bella turned to me. "Sorry about that."

"About what?" I asked as I followed her into the kitchen.

"Him."

"Your dad?" I raised my eyebrow. "I thought that went well."

She chuckled as she moved to the counter. "I guess so. He didn't have his gun on at least. You should have seen him when he first met Edward." It used to be that she would stop just after saying his name, shrinking in on herself. Today, she just kept talking, though. "He's been asking when I was going to invite you over, though."

"Why didn't you ever say so?" I leaned next to her, watching her check some sort of tureen on the counter.

"I don't know. You're here now." She reached up to grab some bowls from the cabinet overhead. "Dinner's going to be really simple. I put the makings for chili in the Crock Pot before I left for school. I hope chili's okay."

"You forget that I'm from Texas," I said, watching her lift the lid and stir it.

"There was chili back then? I mean, I'm surprised your mother had time to cook beans when she had to look over her shoulder for dinosaurs the whole time."

"Always with the jokes." I bumped her with my hip. "Yes, we had chili. In the army camps, we occasionally used to call it 'brimstone soup' because our cook made it as hot as Hell's brimstone. The hotter it was, the less he had to make, because we could barely stand to eat it." It wasn't often that I spoke about my first time as a human. It wasn't often that I remembered these things. "What can I do to help? Does Charlie always leave you to do all the cooking?"

"Oh, it's easier this way. He knew that dinner was already made, though; otherwise, he probably would have offered to take us out or order in once he saw you were here. You can get the peanut butter out of the pantry if you want to do something."

"Peanut butter?" I asked as I moved to the pantry door. "That's a new one for chili—at least for me."

"Yeah. My grandmother always used to make peanut butter sandwiches with her chili, and that's how Charlie likes it. I guess I've never thought of it as odd."

"Well, you learn something new every day," I said, pulling the light cord in the pantry to look for the jar.

"There's bread above the fridge, too," she called.

I grabbed the peanut butter and turned around just to have something catch my eye on the inside door molding.

"Come here," I said to her.

"It should be on the middle shelf."

"I found it. Just come here." When she came over, I grabbed her shoulders and maneuvered her to stand in front of the doorframe.

Her face flushed again. "What are you doing?" she asked incredulously.

"Nothing untoward," I assured her. "I just want to see how tall you are now."

She pulled away from me and turned her head to look at the door. "What are you talking about?" She stopped once she saw the markings in the wood. "I've never seen these." She ran her fingers down the different pen marks. "I guess I've always turned out the light before I turned around." She pointed to one of the dark lines with a date written next to it. "I didn't even come to Forks this year." She pointed to another. "I didn't come this year either."

"How would your height be recorded if you've never stood here to have it marked?" I asked, handing her the peanut butter jar and bending down to look at the marks from when Bella would have been around pre-school age. All the ages were there.

"Renée must have told him, and he must have measured and marked them himself."

I smiled. "That's sweet."

"And sad," she said, turning off the light and stepping out of the tiny, closet-sized space. She grabbed the bread herself and set out to spread the peanut butter.

"What's sad about it?"

"I'm not a very good daughter," she said simply.

I couldn't see her face, but that was enough. She was always like this about herself. I stepped up behind her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her to me in a slightly awkward backward hug. "You're right. You aren't a _very good _daughter; you're a wonderful daughter, Do Gooder." It was the first time I'd hugged her, weird as the position might be. It was nice.

"Uh, message received," she said, tapping my hand, which was resting on her other shoulder.

I stepped away from her and grabbed the bowls to place on the table while she put the sandwiches on plates before pouring glasses of water. We moved in silence until Charlie came into the room.

When we sat down to eat, I was pleased that Bella's chili wasn't nearly as hot as that from my time in the Confederacy. Charlie asked me how I was finding working at Newton's. He didn't ask me any questions about why I would be working there when my family clearly had so much money, though he seemed to respect the fact that I had a job. I couldn't imagine how this conversation would be going if the circumstances were that I had purchased a bookstore in Port Angeles. Bella had been right about that idea being a poor one.

Most humans were endlessly curious about our mixed family, especially with the close age differences and the couples amongst us. Those who were brave enough to ask questions would politely try to weasel out information about who was related to whom and when each of us had joined the family. Charlie did none of that—or very little of that.

He spared a glance at Bella and asked me how my folks were faring with some of their kids being away. "Not easy being away from your kids," he said with a shake of his head, and Bella shoveled chili into her mouth with her eyes cast to the table.

I told him that there had been an emergency with their birth family, referencing Edward, Emmett, and Alice. He nodded, not asking for any more details about what it might be.

"It's nice that you came home to be with your parents. They're a little young to be empty-nesters. I hope you're planning on going back to school, though."

With a grin, I told him I was sure I had years and _years _of going to school left ahead of me. Bella cracked a smile, though she didn't join in the conversation.

"Did your sister stay in school?" It took just a second to remember that Rosalie was supposed to be away at college, too. I wasn't used to the lack of instant recall. "She's with Emmett. That was another reason for taking some time off from school. I didn't want to be at a different place in my education than Rosalie."

"Hmm, twins," he mumbled while wiping peanut butter from his mustache. He set down his napkin and looked uncomfortable. "I know that you and Alice . . . you were . . . uh . . . well, with Bella and her brother—_Alice's_ brother—"

I could see that some of Bella's speech patterns were inherited.

"Them having left, I just mean that you and Bella . . . you're in the same boat, I guess. A little."

Bella set down her spoon.

"I'm just glad you can talk to each other," he said as he stood. "Dinner was great, Bells. Thank you as always." He leaned over to quickly kiss the top of her head, and I couldn't tell if it was something he often did or not. "Don't be a stranger," he said to me before moving to step out of the room.

I quickly stood up from my seat. "It was nice to meet you, sir."

He was already around the corner. "You, too, Jasper."

Bella blew out a breath. "Sorry if that was—"

I cut her off. "Your dad's right. Dinner was delicious." If not a little unnerving at times, I thought, though it could have been much worse.

After that first time at her house while her dad was home, we kept finding more ways to spend time together as the week progressed. In reality, my puddle list had just become something we jokingly referenced. I had no doubts that Bella would help me complete any item I tasked her with, but it was just easier—more enjoyable—to spend my time simply living. Yes, I wanted to fly somewhere on a plane, but I couldn't really see the benefit of going to the trouble when I could be having coffee in the morning with Bella instead.

We both opened the store this Saturday morning, but I'd come to pick her up for work early enough that we could sit on the back porch swing for a few minutes enjoying our cups of coffee while Charlie was out helping his friend Billy install a new backdoor. Apparently, his son had somehow broken the previous one.

I enjoyed watching the steam rise from my mug and my breath leave my mouth in white curls. As I pushed the swing back and forth with my foot and thought of the cool wood pressed into my back, I never would have imagined I would like hanging around in the cold so much, especially when we were just steps from the door into Bella's heated house. She wanted to be out here, though, even though she claimed to hate the cold. She said something about _catching the morning_, something Renée had once taught her to embrace. I found it was best that whenever her mother and her philosophies were raised to just smile and nod and go along with them rather than question them. It was clear how Bella had been brought along for the ride on many of her zanier ideas.

When I first arrived, Charlie was just getting ready to leave and was loudly stomping around the kitchen, grabbing all of the tools he thought he would need for the job in case Billy didn't have them. These tools included the usual, like screwdrivers, plus a six-pack of beer from the fridge. Now, he was muttering to himself about some madness going on in Seattle.

"After work, keep it local today, kids," he said with a wave as he headed out the door. He didn't even question my presence.

After he left, we primarily sat in silence, though it wasn't too long until we would need to think about leaving.

Bella put her feet down, interrupting the swinging of the seat. "For once, I'm glad I never had the opportunity to become a vampire."

"Oh, really? Please, enlighten me on today's strike of genius," I said, turning to face her slightly before taking a drink of my coffee—something I'd realized I much preferred to have laden with milk and sugar.

"I just know I would have been a huge disappointment to Edward . . . and Carlisle."

I was annoyed by another one of her bouts of self-doubt and wallowing until she said Carlisle's name; then I was just curious. I raised an eyebrow in invitation for her to continue.

"Well, the more time I spend with you as a human, the more I realize I probably wouldn't stick to a vegetarian diet. There are just too many people out there who deserve to be eaten."

I guffawed. "If that's your way of telling me you think I'd taste good, I'm flattered."

"You're so funny, Jasper." Despite her initial joking tone, she soon turned thoughtful. "Can I be honest with you, with no judgments?"

"By all means." I drained the last of my mug. She could always speak honestly with me.

She looked like a ball of nerves. "I think I would try it."

"Tasting me?" I smirked.

She swatted at me, but her face turned red. "Human blood."

"I'm sure you would, given the opportunity. Other than Rosalie and Carlisle, everyone in the family has had their share of_ slips_."

"Even Esme?"

"Oh, yes. She may seem mild mannered, but she's still ferocious when provoked. At our cores, we're all hunters—_human_ hunters. That's regardless of our chosen diet. Even Carlisle feels the call, he just doesn't answer it."

She looked even more nervous. "I don't mean a slip."

I sat up a little straighter, more curious about Bella than I'd ever thought possible, and lately, I'd been pretty curious. "You would choose a natural diet, then? Drinking from humans?"

"I—I—" she stuttered.

"No judgments. That is, of course, what the vast majority of our kind do. That's how I lived the majority of my life, how some of my friends _still _live to this day. I don't judge them, and I wouldn't judge you." She started to talk, but I continued. "Perhaps my friends and I aren't the best examples. A better choice would be to highlight that—outside of our family and the clan in Denali—all of _Carlisle's _friends are human-drinkers."

She looked as if the thought had never occurred to her. "I would hope that wouldn't be my permanent diet, but I would want to try it, at least once, of my own choosing. In a perfect situation, I would be drinking donor blood from a bag or, I don't know, it would be someone Edward would choose, like when he spent those years away . . ." She trailed off.

We were going to be late for work.

"Except we both know that Edward would never do that. He would never want that for you."

"He would never want any of it for me."

"Yes, and this choice is one of the reasons why. He never thought this life was good enough for you."

"He never thought _I_ was good enough."

We might be _really_ late for work.

"Bella . . ." I chastised. She had to know that wasn't true.

"He was quite clear in the forest when he left me."

I didn't want to argue with her or discredit her memories. She was entitled to whatever opinion or anger she wanted to hold on to.

"I would just want to know that I was _choosing _a vegetarian diet. I would want to know I was strong enough to know what was out there and still make the right choice."

I nodded. I knew exactly what she meant. I wanted to sit on her back porch and talk to her all day, but I knew she cared about getting to work at least close to on time. I stood up and gathered our mugs.

Bella pulled the cell phone I'd given her out of her pocket and realized the time. "Leave them. We have to go, like three minutes ago."

We walked toward my car, and as she slid into the passenger seat, I continued our conversation.

"Whenever I would fail on our diet, Alice would be so disappointed. Now, I know it's because every time was one more step away from the life she envisioned with me. Whenever _she_ would slip, afterward, I was never prouder of her."

"Really?" Bella asked as I pulled out of her driveway and began the short drive to Newton's.

"I wasn't proud of the fact that she slipped—of course not. I could always feel the guilt and shame she felt, and those were emotions that didn't belong to Alice. No, I was proud of her for her dedication to get back to a vegetarian diet. One slip can start a cascade of bad choices. I was proud of her for making the _choice_. She woke up knowing she would live this way; it was never a question. However, after every drop of human blood she had, she had to work at realigning herself with this lifestyle. The way we live—or, I should say, how I _did_ live—isn't easy. So, every time Alice fell of the wagon, I was proud of her for getting back on."

"She should have been proud of _you_," Bella said forcefully.

I paused to look at her as I pulled into the parking lot of the store, and she didn't shy away from my eye contact. "I think whenever I came back from a slip, she was just relieved that was all it was—a _slip_, not a backslide."

"No, she should have been proud of you every day," Bella insisted as I pulled into a parking spot. "You didn't wake to this life—far from it. Every day you stayed strong, she should have been proud of you."

"I don't know about that." I turned off the car and moved to face her in my seat.

"She was wrong not to be."

"It's more than—"

She put her hand over my mouth. "Don't say that I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm not a vampire. I mean, yes, that is true to some extent, but I know enough about how people in a relationship should care for each other to know that's not how."

I felt the heat of her hand pressing into my lips and I raised my eyebrow at her, prompting her to remove it. "_Do_ you know that?" I asked.

She turned her face away from me and put her hand on the door handle. "There are a lot of things I realize about relationships now." Her voice was quiet, and I didn't need to ask her to explain herself. I was happy for her that her eyes were opening to the cracks that had already been in place between her and Edward.

"Thank you," I told her. It would have been nice to have someone be proud of me for something. "I would have been proud of you, too," I said as I stepped out of the car.

Bella as a vampire would be something to behold. As I walked into the store, I thought once again about how I was a little sad that it was something I would never see.

When we came through the doors, we were both immediately set to tasks. The store was the busiest I'd seen it. Apparently, a lot of people from Seattle were getting out of town this weekend. Looking at the rays of sunshine coming through the window, I could see why. I wouldn't mind going outside to walk in the uncustomary light either. Instead, I spent hours showing the city folk where to find canteens in the store or explaining the different trails in the area.

We weren't the most convenient spot to shop for those who wanted to go to the national park. Those customers would have been better off stopping before the park, and those who'd driven all the way out here, I sent them toward the coast. I found it funny that I would actually be telling people to head toward La Push, considering I'd never been there myself. At least when I was giving advice, the time moved much faster. I had no lack of knowledge about the wildlife and terrain in the area.

Toward the end of our shift, I got a text from Emmett. _Come over when you're done. It's time to talk. Like, really._

I waited until we were given the all clear to leave before mentioning to Bella that perhaps my family had heard some news or that they'd all come to their decisions about her blood. When I told her, she shrugged her shoulders and, holding up her wrist, said, "Well, I've got plenty to go around, I'm sure."

I frowned. "Everything would be on your terms, and I wouldn't let anything—"

She stopped me. "Jasper, I trust your family. It'll be fine."

On the way out to the house, we rode with only the sound of the radio on. When we arrived, we went into the living room without any fanfare. It seemed like all of the time spent in this room was with some sort of heaviness. I wished the weather was a little warmer; it would be nice to sit outside, if only to add a little variety to these conversations. Despite that wish, I moved right to the same seat I'd had next to Bella every time we'd been in the room together.

I looked at each of my family members before asking, "So?"

"We've each come to our own decisions about whether or not to sample Bella's blood," Carlisle said at a speed that, even as a human, seemed incredibly drawn out.

"And?" I prompted.

"I think we should each give you our answers."

This seemed a little dramatic. How hard would it be to all say _yes _in one resounding chorus? I didn't necessarily need to sit through another conversation hearing about how much Rosalie had missed the opportunity to have children. I knew how much this would mean to her—to all of them. The only one who I would have expected to have doubts would be Emmett.

"I'd like to go first, if you don't mind," Rosalie said, even though we all knew what she would say.

She leveled me with her unblinking stare. "I wasn't very happy with the fact that you didn't tell us you were sick with food poisoning until after the fact, especially since when the story was relayed, it was said that you thought you were dying." She was being completely serious. "You could have been dying, Jasper, and without one of us knowing, we wouldn't have been able to do anything. You would have been lost to us forever."

She paused to smooth her already perfect hair, and I knew that was one of her tells for when she was trying to rein in her emotions. "You're my family, Jasper." She sighed. "I've always wanted a family of my own," she said, looking at Bella. "One of the biggest reasons I've resented this life is that it took that option away from me. When I was raised, the only goal in sight—the only one that belonged to a girl of my station—was to be a wife who helped her husband become as successful as he could be and who provided him with a family. My whole worth as a woman was tied up in those two roles, and they were inseparable. That was my value and my future. _This_—" She placed a hand on her abdomen. "_This _takes that future and that value away."

Emmett put his arm around her shoulder, and I knew that if I could still feel his emotions, he would be sending nothing but his love and support to Rosalie.

"What do I have to offer my husband now?" she asked.

"Happiness, babe," I heard him say into her hair.

She nodded. "I always wanted that family. I've thirsted after it. If you were like us," she said to Bella, "you'd know how much weight the term _thirst _carries with it. I've _thirsted _after a family of my own. And now that you're here with this opportunity, this future, I've thought about that family a lot."

I wanted to be supportive, but I just wanted to hear her say _yes_.

"I've wanted a family," she said yet again, "and in my thinking, I came to the conclusion that I already have one." I looked more closely at her as she continued. "It may seem so antiquated and anti-feminist to you, Bella, but I've had to realize that I have value as my own person, and even if that weren't the case, my worth in a family can also be found in the role of daughter, sister, or wife. It isn't exclusive to the role of mother." She looked to each of us in turn and took a deep breath.

"As a human, there aren't many guarantees." She placed her hand on her abdomen again. "I was so damaged. Even if a transformation would work, there's no guarantee that _I _would. What is guaranteed is that, unlike that time when Jasper just _thought _he was dying, there would be a time when Jasper would actually die. There's the guarantee that I will one day have to say goodbye to my brother, to all of you, to Emmett—" Her breath caught. "I would be trading forever with this family for a family that might never happen."

My jaw must have been on the floor, because every word Rosalie said was a step away from where I thought she was going to take this conversation.

"All I've ever wanted was a family, and I realized that I've always had one. I've just been too blind to appreciate it for what it is. I can't lose you," she said to Emmett. "I'm sorry," she mouthed to him in a move of such intimacy, "for so long," she said aloud.

She turned back to us. "I'm not going to try it. My answer is no," she said quietly.

Emmett had no qualms speaking at full volume. "My answer is also clearly a no. My future's always been right here." He squeezed her shoulders even tighter with one arm and threaded his other hand through hers.

"Wow," I said, "I just don't even . . ." I was at a loss for words. Rosalie had completely surprised me—something she rarely did. I looked at her, and seeing her sitting next to Emmett, I could see a level of contentment I'd never seen from her. She smiled, and it seemed effortless. I made a silent wish for my sister's happiness like I never had before. I hoped this sentiment stayed around for her.

Esme cleared her throat in a human approximation, and my focus shifted to her. "My answer is perhaps a little simpler, but it took no less thought to reach." She also addressed Bella. "As a human, I lost a child. It was—" Her voice broke. "I would never wish it upon anyone," she said after a pause. "Like Rosalie, I have a family. I know what it's like to lose someone, and I will _never_," she said with fierceness, "put myself in a position where I may lose someone again if I can help it." She looked to Rosalie. "My answer is also no."

I heard Bella draw in a breath. This wasn't what she had been expecting either.

"I made peace with my life long ago," Carlisle said simply. "No."

I looked at the two couples holding hands across from us. My family—my wonderful family—had completely taken me by surprise. As a current human, I felt a little lonelier, but the vampire I used to be was proud of them for making this choice. Now that they weren't going to attempt a change, how much longer would I have to stay this way?

Bella leaned back against the cushions of the couch. Her face was a little tight. "I'm happy for all of you," she said, curiously enough. Soon, she would be all alone like this—human.

Did it make her sad? It wasn't as if that wasn't already her future.

"And Edward and Alice?" she asked.

"We'll leave to find Alice in the morning," Emmett said.

"Will you tell her about what my blood might be able to do?"

"She most likely already knows, but there are no secrets from Alice and Edward in this family," Esme said, and Bella nodded in understanding.

"So I suppose they'll have the choice as well," Bella said.

I didn't think there was any way Alice would want to attempt being human, especially considering she didn't remember the first go around. Edward was another story. After Rosalie, I would have imagined him to be the first in line, that is if Edward felt himself worthy of attempting humanity. I could never guess at where his emotions might take him on their dark path.

As it stood, I didn't think Bella and Edward were mates. If Edward were to become human, would that change things? I looked at her as she continued to speak to Rosalie and Emmett about their trip to find Alice. She'd come so far in how she felt about him and their relationship. If he were to come back—and be like her—how would it change her? I scoffed at the idea of this Bella—Bella the cat—sinking to a future life of Bella, Edward's mouse. Despite seeing the flaws in their relationship, I knew she'd loved him. Those feelings could suck a person in and make them forget who they were, who they could be. Would it prove too tempting for her?

The questions piled up. Everyone else in the room had shocked me with their choices. Would I be equally shocked by hers? The possibility was there. How much longer would it be before this version of her was lost to us?

I sighed in resignation. _Goodbye, Pop Tart_.

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note:** Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review.

**Recs:** Most of you who read E/B AH have probably already read these classics, but I thought I would share in case there's someone who hasn't discovered them yet.

"Dear Mr. Masen" by jendonna: "Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized Internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc. AH, ExB. (Complete)

"Animate Me" by abstract way: Professional animator Edward worships cartoon exec Bella from afar by day and draws her in his comic book late at night. When this Daffy Duck-loving geek comes face to face with his dream girl, will his fantasy world come to life? (Complete)

"String Theory" by theladyingrey42: "Eleven dimensions. Infinite parallel realities. And in all of them, I love her." Muppets, math, and physicists falling in love. Fluff and eventual lemons. ExB, AH. (Complete)

"Through the Flames" by SparklingTwilight: One fateful night, 29y/o Edward must make the decision that haunts every firefighter's worst nightmares. In choosing between his life and that of another, life altering repercussions arise. Rated M. Contains graphic descriptions of fire. HF Warning. (Complete)


	21. Chapter 21

**Author Note: I hope all of my American readers had a happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for allowing my betas and I a break for the holiday week. I think you'll find the wait worth it. I apologize to those few who didn't get their teaser due to me posting now instead.**

* * *

_Previously:_

_As it stood, I didn't think Bella and Edward were mates. If Edward were to become human, would that change things? I looked at her as she continued to speak to Rosalie and Emmett about their trip to find Alice. She'd come so far in how she felt about him and their relationship. If he were to come back—and be like her—how would it change her? I scoffed at the idea of this Bella—Bella the cat—sinking to a future life of Bella, Edward's mouse. Despite seeing the flaws in their relationship, I knew she'd loved him. Those feelings could suck a person in and make them forget who they were, who they could be. Would it prove too tempting for her?_

_The questions piled up. Everyone else in the room had shocked me with their choices. Would I be equally shocked by hers? The possibility was there. How much longer would it be before this version of her was lost to us?_

_I sighed in resignation. _Goodbye, Pop Tart.

* * *

**Chapter 21**

After the surprising revelations from my family, I took Bella home in a somber mood, with little else spoken between us other than a goodbye in her driveway.

How much longer would we have like this? Once Edward and Alice were found, would Edward want Bella's blood? If he thought himself worthy of the gift she was offering, he would most likely see it as the key to being able to live a long and happy life with her—worry and supernatural—free. If she indeed fell for it, I wasn't sure if she wouldn't lose herself in him again.

I placated myself with the thought that her blood might not even work for Edward; he had already tasted it with no ill effects. I pushed the idea of James's venom as a contaminant out of my mind. I liked thinking I may be special. This idea differed dramatically from the start of our human story together.

The next morning, it occurred to me that even if Bella decided she was truly better off without Edward—whether he took her blood or not—it wasn't as if I wouldn't need to say goodbye to her anyway. Soon, _I _would be different.

I didn't have to work in the morning, so I drove out to the family house. Carlisle had already left for the hospital, but Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were there. I wanted to talk to them about my change. If it weren't for the conversation we'd had the night prior, I would have been worried about Rosalie thinking I was squandering Bella's "gift." As it was, Rosalie was actually relieved I brought it up. I could see the worry in her face as she spoke about the risks of me remaining human. We'd mentioned once before how many vampires would kill for the knowledge that I was now mortal.

"I'd like to be the one to change you, I think," she volunteered.

I was certainly touched by her kindness. Before I could reply, though, she kept talking. "When I found Em, I wasn't strong enough or as secure in my control. I _know_ I could do it now."

I nodded and took in a deep breath. "I really appreciate it, and I don't want you to think that I don't think you're strong—"

"_But_?" she interrupted.

"_But_, I would honestly feel more comfortable with Carlisle doing it." I waited, and her face tensed minutely. "I will think about it, but I'm not a stranger, which is basically what all of you were when you were turned, despite your connections to each other now. We're already family, and I would rather go with experience. I guess I just don't want to be a test case."

She nodded sharply. "You're right. Better safe than sorry."

I grinned. "Maybe next time, Rose."

"I should hope not," she replied with a laugh.

We went on to discuss my thoughts about transitioning back to being a vampire. I wasn't looking forward to the pain—that was for damned sure—but I was no more looking forward to a weak and ephemeral life as a human.

The only question was _when_. With Carlisle gone, we decided to table that discussion, but we would need to have it soon, before Rosalie and Emmett left to go find Alice.

Over the rest of the week, there was indeed no word from either her or Edward, and we started to wonder if they were perhaps together—together doing whatever it was that was keeping them from making contact.

As discussed, Emmett and Rosalie packed to leave and made the necessary plans to get to Ithaca. They hoped it might offer some sort of a starting point from which to search for Alice. The waiting around for our absent family members and thinking about my upcoming change didn't make for a very exciting time, but working at Newton's and spending time with Bella certainly broke up the monotony.

After a few more days of work, I finally needed to pull Mike Newton aside and spell out for him how Bella wasn't interested.

"Oh, yeah . . . well, I thought with . . . um . . . Edward gone . . ." he ineloquently stammered in reply.

"Even so, it's enough, Mike. It's just not going to happen," I told him.

He glanced around, perhaps looking to see if Bella was anywhere near the tent aisle. "Oh, I get it. I'm sorry, man." He nodded as if we were in on a chummy secret together, and it took me a moment to realize he was implying Bella and I were somehow involved.

The thought gave me pause, but I nodded back at him. It was better for him to think whatever he was going to think, just so long as he stopped his awkward attempts at flirting with her. It was truly growing sad. He clearly didn't realize how far out of his league she was.

"Don't let it happen again," I warned, and he swallowed before mumbling a promise and turning back to his task.

For extra insurance, as Bella and I were leaving that day, I slung my arm around her on our way to my car. She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything until I dropped my arm to open the passenger door for her.

"That was nice, _buddy_," she said with a wink.

"Don't call me that," I complained. Thankfully, we were much too far away from Mike for him to overhear her label.

"You love it," she said.

I most assuredly did not.

"Hey, don't get me wrong; I'm always willing to be a guinea pig when you attempt human interactions," she said while buckling her seatbelt.

She put her feet up on my dashboard—something I had just come to accept from her without complaint, though that didn't stop me from eyeing her shoes disdainfully whenever it was wet out. I wondered if she realized how I could interpret her offer to be my guinea pig. I grinned to myself as I ran down a mental list of all the human _interactions_ I had yet to attempt—certainly some of them beyond Bella's innocent scope of imagination.

"Do you want to talk about your list at all?" she asked suddenly.

I glanced over at her quickly as I made my way to her house. Had I accidentally said any of my sordid thoughts aloud? I briefly cringed and chanced another glance at her, but her face wasn't a shade of red, so I must not have.

"There have been so many we've tossed around; surely there has to be at least one puddle item we can do this week."

Even with her clarification, once my mind had started down a path of dirty thoughts, it couldn't stop. Now, I was thinking about all the items we'd listed to do together—flying on a plane, riding a horse, swimming, riding an elevator—in new and slightly naughty ways.

I shook my head in disgust. What was happening to me? I blamed this body and its hormones fully—that and the fact that my time with Bella was growing shorter. So many times, I could recall standing in a room with young human males, thinking, _Get a hold of yourselves_, at their out-of-control lust. It seemed as if their desires could make an appearance at the slightest provocation and toward almost any female in their proximity.

I rationalized that all of my thoughts happened to be about Bella because I was never around many other women who weren't in my family or Mrs. Newton.

"Are you listening to me?" Bella asked as we pulled into her driveway.

"No," I answered plainly.

"At least you're honest," she grumbled, climbing out of the car.

I jogged to catch up to her as she unlocked the door to the house.

"What were we talking about?" I asked. Before she could answer, though, I burst out laughing, startling her.

"What is it with you today?" She gave me an odd look and walked into the kitchen. "You've been more distracted than usual lately. Is this because your family wants to remain vampires? _Are_ you finally losing it?"

"No." That wasn't it—at least not at this very instant. "I'm sorry," I apologized as she looked in the refrigerator. "I just don't know if I'll ever fully get used to forgetting things. It's the oddest sensation." I leaned against the Formica table, watching her move containers around. "It's like you go to fish for your thoughts, but there's nothing there. It's remarkable and frustrating at the same time."

She chuckled and turned around to give me a soft look I found curious. The corner of her mouth turned up. "I do forget things, too, you know. We're human. I think it just may be a part of our condition," she joked. "You're cute when—_it's_ cute to hear you describe these things, though." She quickly turned back toward the closed fridge for a moment before grabbing the phone off the wall. "I'm just going to order pizza for dinner. Charlie won't mind, and he can pick it up on his way home."

"I take it I'm invited to stay, then?"

"Considering you've been here every night this week, I would say you may have a standing invitation at this point. You sure took it to heart when Charlie said not to make yourself a stranger."

I frowned. It wasn't as if my family members were likely dinner companions. This whole relationship started with her offer to feed me. Did she not enjoy my company in the evenings? She must not hear the ticking of the clock as loudly as I did. Maybe she didn't realize how soon I wanted to transform—it wasn't as if I'd brought it up around her, though.

This week I'd made time to see my family, too, but everyone was busy getting ready to leave. When Emmett and Rosalie had finalized their travel plans, Esme had decided she'd had enough of waiting for Edward to contact us as well. Since we'd heard from Eleazar about Edward's leaving, we hadn't heard word from him, but there had been some clues as to his whereabouts. All of his bank accounts had been dormant since he'd left, but in the last week, charges had started to show up seemingly all over. Edward had charged a change of clothes in Alaska, a hotel room in Montana, a cup of coffee in New Mexico, and another hotel room in southern California.

Our first instinct was to think his card might have been stolen, but it would have been impossible to take anything away from Edward, and our online accounts were too secure to honestly worry about virtual theft. What was he doing moving around so quickly? Why would he need a hotel room and a cup of coffee of all things? What could he possibly have to do in New Mexico and California?

There were far more questions than answers, so Esme and Carlisle made the decision to leave at the same time as Emmett and Rosalie to try to track him down. They were going to go to the place of his last credit card charge to see if they could find any signs of him.

Our dinner with Charlie went as well as ever, though he actually just grabbed a couple slices of pizza and then went to watch whatever game was on. I sat at the table with Bella while she worked on her homework, and I thought in silence about the _when _of my change.

It wouldn't be _too _much longer, but it wasn't as if it would be this week. Someone in my family would obviously need to be home, but Forks wouldn't exactly be home anymore. This certainly wasn't the right place for a newborn vampire, even with as remote as the town was. We would most likely head northwest. The Canadian Rockies or farther north were the perfect places for a newborn with our diet.

I started to wonder how I would fair this go around, but I started at the sound of Bella forcibly shutting her book. "I'm going to bed," she announced.

"What? Why?" I asked, confused.

"No wonder you and Charlie get along so well. Sometimes you both just want to occupy the same space as me, as opposed to actually interacting." She didn't exactly look angry, per se, as she was speaking—thankfully.

"I thought you were doing homework. If you had wanted to talk, you should have said so," I said defensively.

"It's not that." She sighed. "You obviously have stuff on your mind. Do all your thinking about it tonight and then pick me up in the morning. Tomorrow, I'd actually like to _enjoy_ your company."

_Ouch_.

"Point taken. I'll be here, I guess." I stood up and faltered in my step toward her. Not knowing what I actually planned on doing, I awkwardly placed my hand on her shoulder. "Well, goodnight, then. Thank you for all your hard work in ordering dinner," I said with a wink before giving her shoulder a squeeze and heading to say a quick goodbye to Charlie.

"Next time, pizza's on me," I told him as I left.

As soon as I was out the door and in my car, my thoughts returned to worrying. When would I tell Bella about my change—when I tell her we would all be saying goodbye to her?

She was right that I would be thinking all evening. Too many of my nights as a human had been spent worrying in my room. Was this normal? Unlike Edward, I didn't stalk humans in their beds; I wouldn't know what human emotions were like when they were trying to fall asleep. I made a mental note to find out the second time around, should I have the same gift. I didn't even want to think about the alternative. At least I would have had a reprieve of getting used to living without it first.

More than once, I'd had thoughts about how I would never get the opportunity to see Bella as a vampire, but it suddenly occurred to me that maybe that needn't be the case. She had the potential to be a phenomenal vampire. Would she want to be like us without Edward in the picture? Since I'd turned human, we'd had our fair share of conversations about vampire life, and I began to wonder if it was it all leading somewhere. She hadn't mentioned still wanting to change. With someone as accident-prone and danger-attracting as she was, being human was more perilous for her than for most. Perhaps it would be in her best interest to change, especially because she already knew definitively of our existence. That was in itself a danger. Plus, with this supposed power she had as a human, she could potentially serve as a weapon or a commodity should the knowledge of her fall into the wrong hands. Perhaps the less time Bella spent human the better.

Edward was always clear that he didn't want her to undergo the change, but with him gone and it clear that he wasn't her mate, why should he get to have the final say in the matter? I'd mentally chastised her for not making her own decisions and standing up for herself while she was with him, so why shouldn't _she_ get to be the one to decide her own fate? It wasn't as if he was the only one with the ability to change her. None of us were able to make a choice about this life; it would be interesting to see how it would go if someone did.

I started to become excited about the prospect but had to calm down once I thought about how it would be too difficult for the family to have two new vampires at the same time. Of course, there were vampires like Maria who were able to handle it, but their methods of keeping newborns in check were far from what Carlisle would ever consider. Plus, Maria, Nettie, and Lucy never cared much if one of their progenies ran off and murdered the closest farmer and his family.

If I was changed, how long would it be before we could seriously propose changing Bella? I would most likely need to stay away from her until she was through her change. I didn't want to risk being attracted to her blood. Would she want to stay in contact until that point?

I certainly didn't want to pressure her into anything, but I was hoping she might be the one to address the subject. Perhaps I could bait her into doing it during our day of whatever it was she had planned. I held on to this hope as I rang her doorbell the next morning.

I heard her twisting the locks before the door swung open, revealing her smiling face.

"Good morning." I returned her smile, but she didn't answer my greeting; she just walked out and closed the door behind her before walking right to my car, already wearing her jacket. She did this a lot when we were together. Why couldn't she show this kind of initiative with Edward? Not that I cared, and not that I minded that she did it with me—at least not anymore.

"Okay, it's been long enough," she said as she opened the door and got in the passenger seat. I hurried to get back in the car. "We need to cross something off your list," she said once I was seated. "I'm failing in my sire responsibilities here. What would happen if the world ended and you'd never popped your own popcorn or been on a Pogo stick?"

_Oh, the horrors._ "I hope you're joking—at least about the last one."

Her grin gave her away.

"Yes, but you're not getting out of this. Think of something you want to do today. Something good."

I took just a second before answering, "I want to go camping."

"Um, you know it's winter, right?" She gestured outside as I started the car.

"Not officially, and we _could_ stay in a cabin."

She leaned forward in her seat to turn the heat up. "Is it still camping then?"

Good point. "Fine. I want to go _cabin-ing_. I want to roast marshmallows and hotdogs and work up a sweat when I go on a hike." This was starting to sound like a great idea.

"Good. We'll do it but not today. I need a little extra warning about something like that. For starters, I'll need to come up with an excuse for Charlie about why I'm gone—something he won't see through," she added.

"Tell him you're coming with my family because Rose and Emmett are home through the holidays," I suggested.

"Sure, but what shall we do _today_?"

I tried to scan through all of the ideas she'd mentioned in the past. What could we do that wouldn't require going too far? "I've got it. I want to ride in an elevator, eat Thai food, and see a movie in a theatre." All of those could be done in Port Angeles.

"Your list isn't very exciting." She frowned, but I pulled out of her drive and set toward P.A. regardless.

"You want to go skydiving instead?" I asked.

"Movie it is," she said before turning on the radio quietly.

We talked about what might currently be playing at the theatre, but before too long, I could hear Bella quietly humming along to the song playing. I smiled at how much I enjoyed it. Alice had never cared much for songs with vocals. When you were a vampire, it was too easy to hear all of the slightest flaws in someone's voice or in the signal transmission. It wasn't that there weren't musicians she appreciated; they just weren't the kind played on the stations you could get around Forks. Whenever we listened to recorded music, she would never be content just to sing or hum along to the melody; she would always add her own complex harmonies. That was actually something we all tended to do, but I was struck by Bella's simple and markedly un-extraordinary humming. I found it lovely.

The smile it gave me remained on my face for the rest of the day. None of the movies started until after noon, so we decided to do some holiday shopping before getting lunch and then heading to the theatre. When we got to the restaurant, I had planned on following her lead when ordering, but then I realized there were probably Thai dishes she hadn't tried either. I simply told our waiter to bring us their ten most recommended dishes. Bella rolled her eyes at the extravagance, but I pointed out that we'd have leftovers for days, saving her from making dinner at least.

By the time it was close to the showtime for the comedy I'd convinced Bella to go see, we were running a few minutes late. Before we stepped into the theatre lobby, Bella insisted on taking a picture of me with her cell phone—something _I_ didn't think was necessary.

"I told you I want to document all of your list items," she said with a huff when I argued that I wanted to go buy our tickets.

"Come on, we'll miss the previews," I complained.

"We wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't insisted on finding an elevator in Port Angeles that went higher than six floors, and then we had to wait for other people to get on—only to prove you no longer wanted to kill them. The things _I _do for _you_. Just hold still. You know Rosalie will want to see this kind of stuff; they _all_ will."

"Fine." I huffed and stood with my hands in my pockets. I wasn't going to smile, though. Anyway, it wasn't as if the picture of me outside would be as meaningful to my family as a picture of me seated in between warm, human bodies inside the theatre. That was the real reason for this being on the list.

"Step back a little," she called. "I want to get both you and the marquee in the same shot." I took a step, but it obviously wasn't enough. "Back more." She waved at me. _Come on_, I thought. "Actually, I'll just step back." She kept stepping backward until she was all the way in the street.

"Just take the picture already." How hard could it be?

"Oh, the screen changed." _Great_. "I hate when this happens. Just open when I tell you to," I heard her mutter while she looked down at her phone. Was she actually talking to it?

I vowed to myself that I would give her a tutorial on how to use her phone's camera. Couldn't she take this once the movie was out? She knew I liked previews; I'd specifically mentioned it at lunch.

I'd left my own phone in the car and wasn't wearing a watch, so I turned my head to look for a bank sign or something else showing what the time was. That's when I saw it.

Everything seemingly began happening in slow motion. A white car spun around the corner of the otherwise calm street while its cell phone-sporting driver turned to glance at something in the passenger seat.

Bella was still standing in the street, looking down at her phone, trying to get the camera to work. "I got it!" she cried, just as I yelled out to her, "Bella, watch out!"

I was too late.

I ran to try to pull her out of the way, but the car got too close and I was just too slow. Bella flew to the ground, and the car swerved back into the opposite lane before honking furiously and driving off, as if Bella had been the one to throw herself into its path.

_Oh, God. Oh, God. _

I couldn't think about the car or its driver at the moment or anything other than Bella. Rushing to her, I couldn't tell if the car had actually clipped her or if she'd just stumbled forward out of fear and surprise.

_Oh, God_. "Bella! Bella! Are you okay?" I shouted at her. I scooped her up from the ground, not thinking about how that might affect any injuries, and I pulled her tightly to me.

She blinked and looked me in the eye before quietly whimpering, "Ow."

My eyes stung as I cataloged her face, searching for any signs that she was going to pass out—or worse. "Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? Are you _dying_?" I frantically asked, and I ran my hands up and down her sides.

"Just my palms and knees hurt. The car didn't actually hit me."

Her words sunk in. She was fine—for the most part. She was alive. The uncomfortable sensation in my eyes grew worse, and I blinked in response.

"I didn't get the picture," she complained.

_Fuck the picture. _

Relief quickly turned to anger, but I still felt the wetness coursing down my cheeks. "What the hell were you thinking? What were you _thinking_?" I repeated, and I pulled her closer to me, resting my head on top of hers. "How could you be so stupid?" I was sure I was hurting her with how tightly I was squeezing.

"How could you be so _stupid_?" I muttered again. "It's a _street_, Bella. Cars drive down it. It's for cars. It isn't for you to loiter around in. Cars can kill you! You never think. You just throw yourself in the path of danger. Any danger. All the time!" I ranted without stopping.

"Jasp—" She tried to talk, but I kept going.

"You can't do this. How could you do that to me? _How_? How could you put yourself in danger like that?"

"It wasn't that big—" Her voice was muffled by my chest, but I wasn't releasing her, despite my anger.

"This is _it_. If something happens to you, you're gone. Gone! Do you know what that means? Do you? To be dead? There's no 'do over.' I can't fix you like this." I cursed my human body. "There won't always be someone in the wings waiting to save you. You have to think for yourself. Everyone else is too far away." This was about so much more than just her standing in the road.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

I realized if something were to happen to her, I almost didn't care what her thoughts on the matter were; I would want Carlisle to change her. I would not be without her.

I was so mad at her for this. How could she be so idiotic? There would be no going back if a car really hit her. Didn't she realize how fragile she was? How mortal? How could she risk herself like that for something so stupid? _A photo!_ It was laughable. How could she do that to me?

My thoughts were frantically spiraling.

"Don't _ever _do that again," I said. "Bella, Bella," I breathed as my hands still worked up and down her back. "I can't . . . don't you ever . . ."

As my tears fell into her hair, I realized I was softly punctuating my words with kisses to the top of her head.

She was so foolish. _Oh, Bella_.

"It feels like you're all I have sometimes. Please. Don't die."

My hands moved to cup her face, and I was starting to calm down as I closed my eyes. She was fine. We were _both_ fine. I was going to be changed, and then she was going to be changed. I would make it happen, and she would be safe—forever. I tilted her face up, rested my forehead against hers, and just listened to our breathing for a couple seconds. She stood motionless except for her thumbs, which were rubbing comforting circles on my hips as she quietly held onto me for balance. She seemed to know not to talk to me in that moment. Even though I'd stopped talking, my mouth continued its ghosted motions.

It wasn't but another second before I took a deep, shuddering breath in and began to kiss lightly along her forehead.

"Pop Tart, Pop Tart . . ." _Kiss_. "You can't . . ." _Kiss. _"I would never be able to . . ."

I softly kissed her nose. I kissed her cheeks. I reassured myself that she was fine and soon everything would work out.

She was still _so_ foolish.

"Don't you know that you're . . ."

_Mine_, I thought, and I absentmindedly pressed my lips to hers, my tears the only thing between us.

She _was_ mine, and this maddeningly foolish, beautiful, crazy, hilarious, brave girl almost took herself away from me. _Never again_.

I kissed her mouth again softly before saying it aloud to her. "Mine."

I slowly opened my eyes, only slightly worried about what Bella must think of my outrageous display. I hesitantly looked into her eyes, where I saw a question brewing.

"_Yours_?" she asked in a whisper. "I . . ." It looks as though she wanted to ask me something; there was plenty to ask.

She didn't say anything else, though I could see a dozen thoughts pass in just the look on her face. Finally, she nodded, and I accepted it as my cue. I took a deep breath in to steady myself before launching into an apology.

I didn't get a chance, though, because Bella immediately pressed her lips back to mine. For a moment, I didn't move, but then, my hands dropped from where they were cradling her face and I wrapped my arms around her body, looser this time and not so crushing. Her hands slid up my arms and around my neck while our mouths were busy with soft pressure and breaths softer yet.

Bella moved her face away first, her nose brushing mine before she pecked my lips in closing. She nodded minutely. "I think I get it—everything maybe. _Mine_," she echoed.

My eyes opened to her, and I saw it. She looked back at me without hesitance or fright, and every bit of worry I'd just felt, every sense of fear and anger melted away. There wasn't room to feel anything else for Bella. I looked at her and saw the word we'd both spoken. _Mine_. It had echoed so many times through my mind since that night of her birthday. It had actually been there before then; I just hadn't been listening. I'd heard it when James spilt her blood in the ballet studio. I'd heard it off and on before and since. Perhaps it had _always_ been there. Perhaps _she_ had always been there. _Mine_.

She was mine. She'd been mine for the taking. Mine for the having. Mine for the loving. She was mine. _Mine. _

The word wouldn't stop calling out in my mind. The thought had been so repressed, so pushed down in my consciousness, except for the few times it had managed to float to the surface. Now that it had been freed, it banged around my mind, consuming my every thought.

"_Mine_," I whispered again. "Nothing else was right but this." I didn't care if I wasn't making sense. I would sort all of my thoughts out later. I would not be without her. How could anyone think they could live without her? "Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. I don't care." I kissed her again and closed my eyes. "You're mine. Mine for . . ." _The loving_, I thought again.

I loved Bella Swan.

It didn't necessarily feel like an epiphany. It didn't feel like a sudden shift in the earth. It had simply been there, silently waiting for me to see it, and I just gracefully slipped into the comfort of knowing it.

I opened my eyes and took her in again.

I loved her, and she was mine.

Then. Now. Forever. "You're mine, Pop Tart."

.

.

.

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**Author Note: **Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review.

Fic Recs: Here are some J/B one shots that were all recommended to me by readers.

"In the Stacks" by wonderwoundedhearers: "Won Naughty Girls Pick in JNG's 'Cullen Boys Contest.' Bella enlists the help of Angela to take on a handsy 'ghost' in the stacks of Forks Public Library. Lem/Lang. Alternate reveal of the Forks vamps." (One shot)

"Pine Lake" by LaViePastiche: "Summer of '76, American Bicentennial. Bella Swan finds herself intrigued by a handsome landscaper with a curious reputation. The bad guys don't always wear black. Example entry for 'For the Love of Jasper' Contest. J/B, AH One Shot.

"The Day Before Forever" by Aversa: "AU, OOC, The newborns have been defeated, but after another setback, Bella struggles to cope with her life, relying on Jasper to help her find her way." (One shot)

I'm currently reading a sequel, "Last Love Found" by Oracle Vas, the author of "Conversations with my Killer" and "First Love Lost." In case I'm not the last person in the J/B fandom to read the original, here's a multi-chapter rec:

"First Love Lost" by Oracle Vas: "An unfortunate truth is that the things we want most can come at the wrong time. If we're lucky, we find them again a second time. If not, we live with the past and hope for a brighter future. My name is Bella, and my first love was Jasper Whitlock." (AH, Complete)


	22. Chapter 22

_****_**Author Note: I apologize for the longer than usual wait; this chapter spent a little longer in the beta transit. I know I could post it un-beta'd and then later replace the chapter, but my readers deserve the best. Happy reading. **

* * *

_Previously:_

_I loved Bella Swan._

_It didn't necessarily feel like an epiphany. It didn't feel like a sudden shift in the earth. It had simply been there, silently waiting for me to see it, and I just gracefully slipped into the comfort of knowing it._

_I opened my eyes and took her in again._

_I loved her, and she was mine._

_Then. Now. Forever. "You're mine, Pop Tart."_

* * *

**Chapter 22—**

"You're mine, Pop Tart."

When the words were out of my mouth, I watched a blush slowly blossom on Bella's face as her eyes were cast down to the ground. I wasn't going to have any of that. Now that I finally saw her clearly, I actually wanted to _see_ her. She bit her lip and looked over at the entrance to the movie theatre.

"I think we've officially missed the previews," she said, and I responded with a hearty laugh before pulling her to me in a light hug. How could she make me move from furious to joyful in such a short span of time?

I looked down, and she grinned at what I hoped was our closeness. "I think my day has handled all of the list items it can for one day," I told her. "We should probably just skip the movie."

She nodded but didn't say anything else, content to just be pressed against me. "So, back to the car then?" I asked. She hesitated, like maybe she was worried things would change if we moved from our spot—or maybe I was reading too much into it. I smiled at her encouragingly. "I'd say we have a lot to talk about," I said, stepping away slightly but holding out my hand to her. After such a scare, I wasn't ready to be too far away from her yet. I was sure if there was danger to be found between our current location and my car, Bella would find it.

She grinned as she clasped my outstretched hand in hers, and we set off toward the car, our hands swinging slightly between us. I couldn't get over how nice it felt—better even than baiting Bella the cat into a fight, and _that _was fun.

"We do this now, huh?" Bella asked.

"Do what?" I asked as I unlocked the car.

"Um . . . hold hands," she said awkwardly.

She was grinning, but did she not like it? Seeing my frown, she rubbed her thumb against mine, erasing my doubts. I stepped closer to her, making her press her back against the passenger door. I could hear her breath hitch just as I leaned down to her ear. "I'd like to," I said before kissing her right where I knew her pulse would be thrumming in her neck.

I stepped back to see her reaction and so I could open her door. She looked like she was holding back a laugh. It wasn't by any means the response I'd expected. What I wouldn't give to know what she was feeling or to read her thoughts; any kind of vampire gift would be appreciated at the moment. Had she been this fascinating an hour ago?

"I'd like that, too," she said with a giggle and a shake of her head as she got into the car.

I quickly walked around to the driver's side and climbed in before asking her, "Is something amusing about all of this?"

"God, yes," she said with a laugh. "_All_ of this is amusing. Don't you think?"

"No," I said without humor as I started the car and pulled out of my spot. I was either missing the point or my emotions had handled too much today to make the shift all the way to amusement. I was content to just stay with happy.

"Well, perhaps I should almost get run over more often," she said in jest.

"Bella!" I scolded. I'd thought I was going to have a heart attack when she might have been hurt earlier, and I didn't want to have one in the future. I would never be able to make light of her being in danger.

"Jasper, I'm joking."

"I would hope so," I said pointedly.

"Of course. I did get a kiss out of it, though," she said as she tentatively laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, though I saw her hand first head toward my knee, hesitate, and then change direction. "Obviously this wasn't what I expected to happen today, but I like it," she quickly added. "I like _all_ of it. I like _you_," she said in a whisper before reaching up to smooth back a piece of my hair before dropping her hand back to her lap. "This is so much easier."

I wanted to look at her face. Why did I have to have this conversation while needing to watch the road? I didn't want to sit through a whole movie when I'd just discovered my true feelings for her, and I didn't want to have our first post-kiss conversation in a restaurant or coffee shop where anyone could overhear. I could just imagine the look on her face had I suggested getting a hotel room, let alone trying to immediately buy a house just for a quiet, private place to talk. That left us no other option than to drive back to Forks to one of our houses. Thankfully, I'd grown accustomed enough to driving as a human that I no longer had to do it at the speed of moving molasses.

"What's easier exactly?" I asked, glancing quickly at her beaming face. Other than in my moments of confusion, it seemed neither of us could stop grinning.

"Touching," she said without hesitation. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sure I'm going to embarrass myself, but . . . there have been so many times when I've just felt this urge to do something simple like touch your hand or brush your hair off your face, and I've always had to stop. I always scolded myself and wondered what I was thinking, but sometimes it felt like I was migrating toward you without any clear reason."

"You were thinking the same things I probably was," I said quickly. I knew that migrating feeling, and there had indeed been plenty of times when she'd touched me. Each time it gave me pause—a good pause. "I hope you won't scold yourself anymore."

"I don't think I will." I could still hear the smile in her voice even though I couldn't see it.

I couldn't believe I'd ever been worried about her being my brother's girl. It was so clear to me now that Edward had absolutely no claim on her. He couldn't. There was no way she could have belonged to him in even the smallest instance if he was willing to be without her. _I _would never be without her—except for the time it took for me to complete my change. I brushed off that thought, though; there would be plenty of time to think about that, but today was not the day for that conversation. I didn't want to think about saying goodbye to Bella on the first day I got to say hello to whatever it was we could possibly be.

"You mentioned," she said at the same time that I started to say, "What was it—" We both laughed at our eagerness to talk to each other. Excitement seemed to bubble just under the surface of my skin. It made me feel alive and effervescent. It made me feel young. I grinned as I thought of myself as a _spring chicken_. Then I grinned even more at imagining Bella's eye roll to that statement. She liked to pretend she wasn't a fan of my old school idioms, but I knew she found them charming.

"You go," I offered. _How many more miles until Forks_? I thought impatiently. I just wanted to talk to her face-to-face and touch something other than my steering wheel.

"You mentioned having done a lot on your list today, but we only crossed off the elevator and Thai food. There's nothing else you'd like to do?" she asked.

_A lot more than you should know_.

"I certainly did more than those two, but there were things I know I never mentioned to you," I said sheepishly.

"Like what? I'm not sure what you couldn't say to me. We've talked about all sorts of distinctly _human _functions," she said with a laugh.

"Well, if I hadn't been in such a panic when I originally woke to this body, I might have put _Be frightened _on my list. My fear for you was—" I stopped myself because I didn't want to go back to those thoughts right now—how powerless I'd have felt had she had been in grave danger. "It was something different. I don't ever need to feel that way again, so if there's a list for things like that, I'd like to cross it off."

This time she reached out to me without hesitation and squeezed my knee, though her touch was brief. "What else?"

"Crying," I said quietly.

"You cried?" she asked.

"You didn't see?"

"After you picked me up from the street, I spent most of our interaction being clutched to your chest as you reprimanded me. I'm not complaining about it, but I didn't see much of your face—or breathe much. You put crying on your list, though? That doesn't seem like you."

I sighed as I finally crossed into a slower speed limit, heralding our entrance into Forks. "I'm sure it doesn't seem like me, but it was something impossible as a vampire, and I had no memory of ever doing it before. When you're a vampire, your emotions are heightened, especially with _our_ diet, as it leant us more humanity. There are some vampires, particularly nomads, who can go long stretches without feeling anything outside of boredom and the occasional excitement of the hunt. When you have an eternity, and each day blends into the next, your emotions can become a little one note. Does that make sense? Some things I'm not sure how to explain."

"I think I get it," she said.

"Anyway, for vampires, but especially vegetarian vampires, when our emotions become too heightened, there's no way to really gain any relief from them other than mentally processing them, which can be taxing—really the only kind of exhaustion we can know. Maybe you don't realize the physical relief you actually get from crying, but science says it's there." I paused as we passed the first houses of Forks. "I'm sorry, I don't know if you even wanted to know any of this, but crying was just something I'd wanted to feel. After doing it, and knowing the circumstances that brought it on, I'm not sure I want to do it again either."

"I don't want to see you cry, either, but if you ever feel the need, I guess I could just tickle you until you cry," she offered, trying to lighten the mood.

"I think we've been over that," I said with a warning tone. There was no way I would ever be tickled again, no matter the circumstances. "Your house or mine?" I asked.

"Mine. Charlie will be home soon, but we'll have the house to ourselves for a little while."

I took the turn to get us to her house and then thought about being there alone. Today's incident had also crossed _Kissing Bella_ off the list—had it been on there. I smiled as I thought about how many times I would write it on my list just to cross it off again. My imagination got the best of me as I thought once again about all of the things I'd possibly like to add and cross off my list and add again. My thoughts had gone down this path before, but as I pulled into her driveway, I realized they didn't necessarily need to be forbidden anymore and might actually be a possibility. With a grin, I turned off the car, hopped out, and went to open Bella's car door.

Once she was unbuckled, I took her hand and pulled her up to stand in front of me. We were in much the same position as we had been when I put her in the car.

"I have a new item for the list," I told her quietly, and she swallowed nervously.

"What's that?" she asked in the same low tone.

"I think I'd like to kiss you here," I said, pressing my lips to her left cheek slowly.

"I think you just did," she said, her breath teasing at my neck.

"And here," I added, kissing her opposite cheek.

"You just did that, too," she said, closing her eyes.

I pressed my forehead to hers. "I have all kinds of things for my list now."

Her eyes fluttered open, and I pulled her toward the house, stopping halfway up the walk. "Is this too much?" I asked. I didn't want to change how we were around each other, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but once I'd opened the possibility of touching her, I wasn't sure if I could stop it.

"No, it's not too much," she answered me with a shake of her head.

"Yet," I added, sensing she would have said it herself, given the time.

"Yet," she confirmed, stretching up to kiss my cheek before walking ahead to unlock the door.

I watched her toe off her shoes and hang up her coat, and I smiled as a warm thought crossed my mind again. _Mine_. It was no longer a nagging voice but a content sigh. It reminded me of what I'd wanted to ask her in the car.

"Earlier—when I kissed you—you said you thought you got it. What did you mean by that?" I followed her into the living room and sat down facing her on the couch.

She grabbed my hand and brought it to her lap before answering. "It's just what you were saying—'Mine.' I think I understand it. You said you heard it in the ballet studio, too, right?" I nodded. "And you thought it on my birthday, but you don't remember wanting to drain me?" I nodded again, and it seemed she did get it. It was exactly what I'd thought after kissing her. She'd been mine all along.

"I wasn't yours to kill," she said confidently, referencing a ridiculous idea I'd once mentioned just to enflame her.

"No," I whispered, looking at her lips.

"Maybe I was . . ." This time her voice faltered. "I mean, I _know _I was never supposed to be Edward's."

I squeezed her hand when I felt my chest constrict with the odd, phantom growl I knew wanted to come out but couldn't in this human body. She was_ never_ Edward's. She would never _be_ Edward's.

"You weren't. You won't," I said, my words echoing my thoughts.

"No." It was her turn to whisper.

"Maybe I was supposed to be _your_ . . ." Her voice trailed off. "Maybe I _am _your . . ."

_Mine_.

_My mate_, the thought suddenly rose. She was never Edward's, just like I was never Alice's. For the first time in a long time, I thought I could kiss Alice if I saw her again. I was so grateful she'd left me. What if we'd all left and I'd never gone after Bella? I didn't really care about the turning human bit right now—even as monumental as it was—but what if I'd left her and never found out the truth about us? I couldn't help but think I'd be facing an eternity of missed happiness and a call in my heart I would never understand.

_Mine_, I heard it again, and I knew I wouldn't have left without her. I couldn't have. Every conversation we'd ever had about believing in fate and her being one of my puzzle pieces let me know without a doubt that I couldn't have truly left her. The voice would have been too loud; even if I'd been able to leave, I would have eventually come back for her. The draw was just too strong.

I looked into Bella's eyes, and it was clear she was nervous about voicing the rest of her thought. Maybe she was uncomfortable working within the vocabulary of the vampire world. Or, maybe she thought it was too much too soon. I certainly didn't.

"You're right," I told her. Remarkably, I knew I'd felt the draw to her both as a human and as a vampire, and I thought she might have felt it, too. Otherwise, I wasn't sure why she would have stayed around me so much. I was embarrassed to remember my beginning behavior toward her. No one could possibly be that much of a _do-gooder_, not even my Pop Tart.

"We can talk about it as much as you want or just let things be. We can talk it about it now or whenever you want." I wanted to make her feel comfortable. If the word _mate_ was uttered around vampires, the weight and significance was instantly appreciated. I didn't want to overwhelm her with what that entailed—what an eternity of feelings was like. We'd have plenty of time for weighty subjects—an eternity ourselves if I had my way—_when _I got my way.

"There's a lot to talk about," she agreed as she traced circles on my hand. "We need to say goodbye to Rosalie and Emmett and Esme and Carlisle."

My eyes moved from our joined hands to her eyes. She was serious, and I gave a small chuckle. We were obviously moving on to more important subjects. Bella would always keep me on my toes. I loved it.

I sat back against the couch with a sigh. "We will need to say goodbye to them—tonight, if you want to do it in person."

"They're all leaving tomorrow?" A wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows, and I wondered how long a gentleman would wait before kissing her again.

"I think the plan was to leave after nightfall. Rose said she was going to make sure to put in a public appearance in Forks today, though, to make it look like she and Emmett were back in town through the holidays."

Bella nodded, and the crease in her brow deepened. "You're staying, though, right?" she asked worriedly.

I couldn't wait any longer. I leaned over and kissed her forehead softly. "I'm staying." _As long as I'm human_, I silently added.

She sighed and squeezed my hand before leaning back slightly. "If they're home now, let's head out there," she said just as the front door opened.

"Hey, kids," Charlie called, making his way into the living room. Neither of us rose immediately, and I saw Charlie's eyes instantly drawn to our hands. I would have been worried had the corner of his mouth not turned up once he saw they were clasped. Still, Bella loosened her grip.

"I saw your siblings today at the diner, _Jasper_." He said my name clearly and slowly, as if there was a whole secret conversation I was supposed to imply from that one word. I found his stare a little unnerving, but his mouth was still smiling. Charlie obviously had a gifted face—at least for confounding.

"Uh . . . yeah," I said ineloquently, "they're both home for a while. They just got in today actually."

"We were just about to go out to the house to see them," Bella added.

"Okay, okay, I won't keep you two." He rocked back on his heels.

Bella stood up first and walked to the door. "There are leftovers in the fridge," she told him as she put her shoes on.

"Got it. Have fun." While Bella's head was down, Charlie grabbed my shoulder. He shook his head at me silently, and I nervously made eye contact. It wasn't as if Charlie and I hadn't been around each other plenty of times in the last few weeks, but now, it seemed like we were talking in a different capacity. I was no longer just the boy who came to dinner, and he was more than just the dad of my friend Bella. _Bella _was more. Human or vampire, the _dad-of_ was a new thing for me. "You're all right, kid," he said, his voice low enough so only I would hear it. He clapped my back before saying to both of us, "Be safe." Without another word, he headed into the kitchen.

Bella held her hand out to me, and I happily took hold as we made our way out the door and back to my car. It was cold enough that our breath was visible in the chilly air. I exhaled more just to watch it plume around my face, and Bella laughed at my silliness.

For probably the tenth time that day, I squeezed her hand in happiness. I felt exhilarated. Here we were—two humans, walking in the cold, holding hands. I loved it. She squeezed back, and as if she could read my mind, she said, "It's nice. _This_."

We drove to the house in relative silence—perhaps we were _both _counting our blessings, but as soon as we walked into the house, Emmett's booming voice called, "Honey, they're home!" In a flash, he was down the stairs and in front of us. I would have found the smile on his face ridiculous if I didn't think it looked just like mine. Bella and I made sure in the car to talk about perhaps not revealing everything about our potential new status to the family. I had agreed with Bella, but I didn't think our change would be hidden from a single member of our family. By the look on Emmett's face, it was obvious.

He didn't mention it, though, and instead asked about my plans now that everyone was leaving. "So, Jasper, will you be moving back to Casa Cullen while we're all gone?"

As everyone else assembled and we went into the kitchen, where Esme immediately started setting out dinner for the two of us, I explained how I would rather remain in my little house. The family house was much too large for just me, and I honestly wouldn't feel at home without all of them anyway. I also wasn't foolish enough to live in a place that smelled like a coven, should some other vampires come sniffing around and think that my family kept a pet human around.

Dinner was a simple affair; for once, Esme hadn't attempted a veritable feast. I'm sure we were both thankful, as it hadn't been too long since our meal in Port Angeles. Once the two of us were done eating, Esme and Rosalie said there were a few things they'd like to give Bella before the holidays, and they quickly herded her upstairs.

"What was all that about?" I asked Carlisle and Emmett.

"Probably girl stuff," Carlisle said. Even though I doubted him, I could no longer hear well enough to know what they were talking about upstairs and across the house.

"What _they're _doing up there isn't important, but what _we're_ going to talk about is," Emmett said, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

"And that would be?" I hated when he made me go fishing for information.

"I think you know. I think you've _always_ known," he hinted.

"Am I allowed to be privy to this information, too?" Carlisle asked.

"You know as well as I do what we need to talk about, Carlisle," Emmett replied, and Carlisle chuckled.

"Of course. I just thought I would speed things up."

How nice of him.

I went to open my mouth, but Emmett practically yelled, "You and Bella are mates!" He crossed both of his arms and looked as pleased as punch with his declaration.

"Keep your voice down, Emmett," I admonished, as the word hadn't actually been spoken yet.

"I don't know if I would go that far, Emmett," Carlisle said, "but just looking at the two of you tonight, even though you didn't mention anything—"

"I would, Carlisle—go that far, I mean." I watched him absorb what I'd said. I'd never spoken about my relationship with Alice with anyone else, so I'm sure it surprised him to hear me make such a statement about Bella. "I wholeheartedly agree with Emmett that Bella and I are indeed mates."

He nodded seriously. "Obviously looking at our family, the mating call can clearly be there with a human. I find it interesting that it didn't manifest in you until you were human, though, in that case, maybe you're something different—whatever humans would label your relationship."

"I felt it as a vampire," I told him firmly. "I felt a possessiveness and protectiveness toward her when she was threatened by James and then when she was threatened by Edward."

"Threatened by Edward?" Emmett asked.

"I've given it a lot of thought, and on the night of her birthday, I don't think there was any way I was lunging toward Bella because I wanted to feed from her." I closed my eyes, and it was as if I could feel everything again—the urge, the blind desire, the shouting in my head. _Mine_. "I was moving to protect her from Edward's thirst. The thought that ran through my mind—_Mine_—wasn't about her blood, it was about _her_."

I'd lunged for her and had been instantly kept from getting to her. I'd always been kept from her. So many safeguards had been put in place to keep me away from her. It had always been for her safety, right? Had there been something else there? Had Alice seen another reason to keep us from each other? We'd had so few moments together when I'd been a vampire, but it was enough to let me know that she was special, that she was a piece of my puzzle, that she was _worth it_.

"Most interesting, Jasper," Carlisle said with a grin as I opened my eyes to look at him. "And wonderful," he added.

"Do you think this is what the girls are talking about upstairs?" I asked.

"Ah, the mysteries of women; may we never truly understand them," Carlisle answered without divulging, even though I knew he could hear every word said upstairs.

I stood up from my stool and went to grab a cookie out of the jar on the counter but was disappointed to find it empty. Obviously, Esme wasn't stocking the house with food just to leave it to rot once they left. Instead, I went to the freezer in search of ice cream.

Success.

I took it and a spoon back to my seat while Emmett started talking. "I have some more thoughts about Bella's gift."

_Wonderful_, I thought. He could just talk while I ate.

"Just like vampires are attractive to their prey and even draw them in with their smell, the same is definitely true of Bella." I nodded while I dug in. "Maybe she's a natural vampire hunter. Maybe this ability is a weapon, not a gift." I rolled my eyes.

"Really, Emmett?" Carlisle asked.

"Vampire hunter seems a little far-fetched. It doesn't even matter anymore. I'm not sure I want to find out, nor do I think we'll ever really know."

I didn't want her to be human for very much longer, so I wasn't giving much thought to her blood anymore. I didn't want to tell Emmett about my plans to have Bella changed before I discussed it with her, but I was hoping to talk to her about it during the _cabin-ing _trip I definitely wanted to have soon. That way there would be no distractions. Only after that would I discuss it and a timeline with the family.

I was sad I wouldn't be the one to change her, but it would be too much of a risk with me being a newborn. I would never put Bella in danger like that, but I didn't want to be separated from her long enough to be comfortable with my thirst. I didn't want to risk seeing her at all once I was a vampire again and she was not.

Maybe my thoughts were transparent because Carlisle quickly asked, "I assume you'll both want her to be changed? That's, of course, assuming you still want to transition back to being a vampire. There's always the option of you both remaining human together—perhaps having children."

"Oh . . . I . . ." I didn't want to think too much about how fragile Bella was as a human. We couldn't let her stay mortal; she cheated death nearly every day as it was.

"I'm not sure there will be a lot of options," Emmett said.

"Why would that be? Are you saying one of you wouldn't be willing to change us? Your wife already offered," I said to him. Of course, she only offered for me. I wasn't sure what her thoughts would be about Bella. Regardless, I'd already said I wanted Carlisle to be the one to change me, and there was absolutely no way I was allowing Rosalie's first attempt at siring be with Bella.

"I think what Emmett is saying is that there's no guarantee that Bella would ever be able to change. She did have the burn with James's bite, but with the interesting properties of her blood, what's to say the transformation would have actually occurred? Plus, there's the concern that whoever bit her would become human again, just as you did with a taste of her blood. There's just a lot to think about. Then again, we don't know if either Edward or—"

My glare cut Carlisle off; there was no way Edward's venom was getting anywhere near Bella's veins, or furthermore, his mouth near her neck. A primal need to protect my mate arose—even as a human—and after what had happened at her birthday party, I didn't want him anywhere near her. She was _mine_. I obviously couldn't be the one to change her, but Edward was off the table.

I continued to frown. This was not what I wanted to hear. Why did the conversation need to be so heavy? I'd just declared Bella as my mate. Where was the playful and celebratory banter? I could only hope the girls were congratulating Bella on our status, should they have picked up on it like the men had. At the very least, I hoped they were actually talking about the holidays like they'd said.

"Hey, man, we don't want to get you down. We just want you to think about these things while we're gone. It was ridiculous for Edward to think about living out her human life with her while he was a vampire, but that may be a possible situation," Emmett said seriously, and my frown deepened.

"We're happy for you—_very_ happy for you," Carlisle added as we heard the girls coming down the stairs.

Esme and Rosalie had no doubt heard every word spoken, and they both gave me encouraging looks when they came around the corner. Bella was still laughing at whatever Esme had just said, and her eyes brightened the moment she saw me. Even though they all knew already, I could tell she was holding herself back from crossing the room to me. I knew because my own fingers were itching to reach out and touch her now that she was so close.

Looking at my girl, I smiled back at her. It hurt my heart to think that I may actually need to consider trading in our forever for _just a while _with Bella. A human lifetime seemed too short, but that might be all I would get with her.

.

.

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**Author Note: **Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review.

**Fic Recs:**

"The Heir and the Spare" by sleepyvalentina: "My sister keeps telling me the media is way too hard on Prince Edward—that he isn't an arrogant, self-entitled bastard and I'd like him if I got to know him. Right. The more time I spend with His Royal Heinous, the more I want him to leave me alone. But he won't, and since the tabloids already think I'm sleeping with him, he might as well kiss me." (WIP, AH, E/B)

"Shards" by Bedelia: "A collection of one-shots and 100-word drabbles, written for The Twilight 25 challenge. Various pairings and characters, all AU." (This is an excellent example of talent in the fandom and how good things come in small packages.)

"Departures" by TheFicChick: "Every day for the rest of my life, I will wonder how kissing a virtual stranger goodbye could have felt like a hello." (I'm only one chapter into this five chapter WIP, and I'm thoroughly fapping over how amazing it is.)

"Slow and Steady" by LilyoftheValley77: "It's been five years since Edward left Bella in the forest. She has almost recovered fully from that night, but when someone re-enters her life unexpectedly, will memories come flooding back causing pain or help her move on once and for all?" (Complete, classic J/B)


	23. Chapter 23

**Author Note: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you across the fandom.**

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_Previously:_

_"We're happy for you—_very_ happy for you," Carlisle added as we heard the girls coming down the stairs._

_Esme and Rosalie had no doubt heard every word spoken, and they both gave me encouraging looks when they came around the corner. Bella was still laughing at whatever Esme had just said, and her eyes brightened the moment she saw me. Even though they all knew already, I could tell she was holding herself back from crossing the room to me. I knew because my own fingers were itching to reach out and touch her now that she was so close._

_Looking at my girl, I smiled back at her. It hurt my heart to think that I may actually need to consider trading in our forever for _just a while_ with Bella. A human lifetime seemed too short, but that might be all I would get with her._

* * *

Chapter 23

Our goodbyes to the family were bittersweet. I was excited we might get some answers soon, but answers meant change. Answers might also mean the return of Alice and Edward. I was at least pleased to say I was in a much better place concerning my feelings toward them both. My anger toward Alice from her disappearance and silence had morphed into a sense of gratitude. With her absence—and with that, the lack of her sight—we were all left to figure things out for ourselves. I'd discovered my feelings for Bella, and I might not have with Alice around. I still had the slight suspicion that perhaps Alice had been keeping me away from Bella and the realization that she was my mate, but with Alice gone now, it really didn't matter.

As for Edward, I had once been nervous about what his return would mean for Bella. Would she want him again? Would a human life with him appeal to her? Since our kiss in the street, these thoughts were laughable. Edward had absolutely no claim to her, and I was confident she felt the same way. My only concern about Edward at this point was about why he might be traipsing up and down the map. I had only the smallest brotherly concern for his feelings once he came home to find Bella and I mated. Then again, if Alice had had any inklings of this future for us, then Edward already knew the truth. I couldn't focus too much on his emotions and well-being, considering how little he considered Bella's when they were together and especially when he chose to leave her on her birthday.

Regardless of what followed, if either of them were found, the dynamics of our family would change. In terms of _my _change, I was definitely looking forward to it, but only if Bella would soon follow—if she even _could_ make the transition. It crossed my mind that maybe I should allow her to transition first, that way if she couldn't become a vampire, I wouldn't be stuck as one without her. Then again, if she went first and was away with the family during her time as a newborn, I would be all alone as a human.

I didn't feel comfortable going to live in Denali, and there was no way I was going to consort with human-drinkers, not even with Peter and Charlotte, who I considered family. The only person I would have then would be Charlie, but it didn't make a lot of sense that Bella would be "away at college" while I was spending my time eating fresh-caught trout and watching sports with her dad. Even that plan would make us wait until after her graduation. Bella could barely cross a street without endangering herself; I wasn't sure I wanted her in a room full of sharp-cornered mortarboards as a mortal.

If I made the transition first and we later found venom had no permanent effect on her, I supposed there was the possibility of me taking her blood again to revert to being human; however, that relied solely on the theory that Bella's blood made me this way _and_ that it would work more than once. Every possible plan had a number of variables that made me nervous.

My nerves wouldn't even begin to settle until I had a long and serious conversation with Bella about our future. I wanted to do it when I knew we wouldn't have any interruptions or any possibility of being overheard. My hope was to do it while in a neutral territory. In fact, I wanted to combine our conversation with my newly listed desire to go _cabin-ing _with Bella, as she insisted neither of us wanted to spend a winter night in a tent. Knowing how much my human body reacted to just walking from the car to the house in cold weather, I was definitely inclined to believe her.

The family owned a great deal of camping and hiking gear, thanks to our human charade of being avid outdoorsmen, but we'd never used any of it. Even so, that didn't help me when it came to finding a cabin to rent; thankfully, my job at Newton's proved useful. In our Northwest books section, there was a book about vacation rentals, and I found a cabin that would provide plenty of privacy but wouldn't be too difficult to find. I went online to see if I could locate any images of it on the rental website, and it looked perfect. It was a modest, one-bedroom cabin in a small clearing in the woods at the end of a long gravel road. The listing said there were plenty of short, easy trails surrounding the property, which would be perfect for Bella's periodic lack of grace; plus I knew neither of us would want to spend too much time outside in the cold. With the way my imagination had been working, I would be happy spending _a lot_ of time inside.

The rental wasn't available for another two weeks, so until the time of our reservation I decided to try to live in the moment. The same seemed to be true for the rest of family, who were having some mixed luck in finding Alice and Edward.

When Rosalie and Emmett arrived to the Ithaca house, there was a note from Alice on the kitchen counter.

_Thank you for coming to look for me. I'm sorry I couldn't be here to greet you. I can't say much now, but know I'm thinking of all of you. I'm sure we'll all be together soon, and then things won't be so much of a mystery. _

_All of my love,_

_Alice_

She hadn't addressed it to anyone, so we all wondered if she knew who would come looking for her or if she was just guessing someone would. It didn't provide any answers other than letting us know she was most likely safe and that she had at least been to the Ithaca house at one point. I was too busy focusing on my feelings for Bella to think about how I felt about Alice and whatever she may or may not have up her sleeve.

As for Edward, Carlisle and Esme were following seemingly nonsensical trails. Once they started looking into all of his financial information and following the occasional old scent trail, it appeared as if he was running all over the western part of the country. He even dipped as far south as Mexico, something that personally made me a little nervous. Neither Carlisle nor Esme could guess what was going through his mind. They did mention that he'd made a stop in Phoenix and that his scent was clearly present near where the ballet studio had once been, Bella's old home, and the hospital where she'd stayed. Whatever game he was playing didn't make sense. They also said there had been no indication that Alice may have been traveling with Edward.

They'd come to a dead end and were just waiting for another financial transaction to make it onto their radar. It seemed we were all living in the present, and my present was certainly providing fuel for some of my hopes for our weekend away.

When I first kissed Bella—and then realized I could keep doing it—I didn't think we would jump right into a physical relationship. That was something that differed between humans and vampires—for _some_ humans. When mated vampires find each other, there's very little that can stand in the way of making their mating official. That known fact should have been my first clue about the truth of my relationship with Alice, as it took, _for vampires_, quite a while before consummation.

With Bella, the desire was there. It was _definitely _there. I had a feeling that if I still had my gift, I would know for sure that she felt the same way. Apparently, there were bases humans had to round first, though. I felt like I was in the world's longest baseball game, and it hadn't even been that long. However, I was finding it hard to be a gentleman with as strong as my feelings were for her.

There had been kissing—_lots _of kissing—but little more. I supposed what we were doing would have been quite scandalous during my days as a human, but I couldn't remember really working within that set of expectations. For too long, I'd lived in a vampire world with different morality and decorum rules, if not a lack thereof. I thought teenaged kids were always trying to get into each other's pants. That was at least what the emotional climate often felt like during our stints in school. My pants now had issued a standing invitation should Bella ever want to try to get into them.

I wasn't complaining about the kissing, though; it was probably the most pleasure I'd ever experienced outside of enjoying human blood, and even that had its limits. When drinking blood, there was always the moment when you'd had enough. I didn't think I would ever feel that way about Bella. The only thing that generally stopped us was Charlie's schedule. It seemed once the floodgates to our desire to kiss were opened, there was no stopping it.

I was enjoying such a session on her sofa when I paused momentarily to tell her about my plans with the cabin.

"Today I'm going to ask Charlie if you can go to Seattle for the weekend," I said, leaning away from her just enough to see her clearly.

"Mmmm…" She stretched slightly and ran her hand through my hair. "He'll never go for me spending the weekend away with you. That isn't exactly typical high school boyfriend/girlfriend behavior."

I smiled. Neither of us had used those terms yet. I guessed that was how Charlie would see us, though. The term _boyfriend_ seemed a little trite for what I knew we really were, but it was cute enough for a human label. "I think he would if he thought you were spending it with my whole family. That's why Rose and Emmett put in an appearance in Forks, so people would think they were home through the holidays."

Her eyes glanced down at my lips, and I pulled my head back a little when I could tell she was leaning in; if we started kissing again, I wasn't sure we'd ever finish our conversation. As it was, I was having a hard enough time concentrating with her whole body pressed against mine on the couch. Despite how it sometimes made things _difficult_, I loved being so close to her. I fervently hoped she wouldn't mind sharing the one small bedroom in the cabin. If she said no, I could always sleep in the living room, and if she said yes, it would be both a blessing and a curse.

"What would we be doing in Seattle?" she asked. "Crossing off items on your list? We haven't done anything all week."

I kissed her forehead, making sure to steer clear of her mouth. "We've done plenty on my list." Her eyebrow quirked. "Didn't I tell you I added _Kiss Bella _a million times? We've got a long way to go."

"We should probably get back to work then," she said, licking her lips. I loved that she liked kissing me as much as I liked kissing her. It gave me high hopes for the rest of our physical relationship.

"Wait." It pained me to hold her off. "Let's finish talking about this. Then we can cross off items with wild abandon." I liked the sound of that. She nodded, though her lip pouted slightly. I couldn't focus too much on it, lest I be tempted to kiss it better. My own silly, romantic notions made me chuckle. I could stand to pick up the pace, but I was enjoying this bit of my late-in-life adolescence. "Anyway, we won't really be going to Seattle, but we will be crossing off an item on my list. Last week I booked us a cabin for a weekend of _cabin-ing_."

"Oh." She started to push herself up, and I briefly rolled off the couch to allow her room to sit before climbing back up to sit next to her.

"What is it?" I asked. "I'm sorry. I should have asked you first, but it was something we talked about—"

"It's fine, Jasper." She tried to wave away my concern and tucked her leg underneath her.

"It isn't okay, not if you're acting like this." I wasn't exactly sure where I'd gone wrong. I would have loved to influence her with a small dose of contentment if I could have.

"It's just that . . ." She sighed and bit her lip. "I'm not sure what you're expecting." I watched her glance back and forth between us nervously. Perhaps I wasn't the only one thinking about what I might like to add to my puddle list.

"Bella," I said gently as I wrapped my arm around her and tucked her head under my chin, "I love what we're doing. I enjoy everything we do. I originally put camping on my list because I wanted a piece of the charade to be true." I couldn't tell her that I didn't think my timeline would accommodate waiting until spring when we could actually go in a tent.

"But I'm still not—" she started, her head still on my shoulder, but I cut her off.

"I don't care what happens while we're away. If you don't want to go because you don't think you'd have a good time in the woods or you're worried I'll make you hike for miles in the snow, then we won't go. No question. If you're worried about going because of something between you and me, though, I wish you wouldn't worry." I wasn't sure how to ease her mind. "I guess I should start by asking if you're uncomfortable being with me without a chaperone for that long."

I waited for her answer and turned so I could see her face, and I was rewarded with a laugh. "I'm not worried about a lack of chaperone," she said. "_Charlie_ would have a different opinion, but I think I can handle it." She took a deep breath in. "What I'm worried about is, I guess, what your expectations might be regarding our . . . um . . . _un-chaperoned_ activities." Her face delicately flushed. I didn't think she was talking about hiking.

"I just told you I'm fine with _this_. I'm fine with just kissing." I would definitely be fine with more than kissing—a lot more than kissing—but I was trying to move at her pace, and I would never pressure her. As her mate, I wasn't even sure I could do something like that. "I would be happy to spend the weekend any way you want. We could both take up knitting, for example; even Emmett seems to enjoy it. We could play checkers and do puzzles all weekend. We could bicker and trade barbs like we used to, Pop Tart. I don't care. I just want to spend some time with you—just the two of us."

She looked a little more confident, and her eyes held a gleam in them. She leaned forward and smartly kissed my nose. "Bickering sounds nice," she joked.

"Oh, yeah? I'll have to think of a list of contentious topics ahead of time so we're well stocked for material."

She shook her head. "We usually don't have a shortage of things to bicker about."

"Most definitely not," I agreed. Her smiling lips were looking more inviting by the second, and I had to struggle to focus my attentions. "So, is that a yes, then, to the cabin?"

"Almost."

_Almost_?

"Earlier, I wasn't worried about . . . um . . . your expectations in terms of . . . uh . . . the actual _thing_—the potential item on your list—maybe." She looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stumbled through her thoughts. "I'm worried about the fact that you've probably checked _it_ off your list already. I mean, I'm certain you have. I'm sure you've checked that box a lot. Like, _decades_ worth of checking," she rambled. "And, anyway, my box is unchecked."

She was being so serious, and I knew she was nervous, but I couldn't hold back a laugh about how she was phrasing it.

"I'm glad you find this so funny, Jasper." She crossed her arms over her chest and didn't look too happy with me.

I readjusted my position on the couch so I was sitting up a little higher and facing her more. "Bella," I said evenly, "I'm not laughing at you. Well, yes, I am, but not about what you're thinking. I realize that," I really had to try to keep a straight face, "your box is unchecked." I let out a small chuckle. "Let's drop the box metaphor. Okay?" She rolled her eyes, but I clasped her hands in mine and looked at her seriously. "There are things that I've done in my life that you haven't."

"Uh huh," she muttered quietly.

"I've lived over a century longer than you have." I was treading lightly because I didn't want to make her feel even worse. I hated thinking about Edward when we were together, but I knew they'd danced around the subject of his age when they were together. "There are things I've done, but none of them . . ." I gave in and kissed her on the lips before pulling back, "none of them were like this." I kissed her again, and the corner of her mouth turned up. "This is all new." I kissed her again. "I've never had this. I've never done this. I've never been with you." _Kiss_. "Everything with you is new—and wonderful," I quickly added. _Kiss_. "Every box with you is unchecked." When I pulled back from our final kiss, the happiness was back in her eyes. Thank goodness.

"Okay," she breathed out in relief.

"Bella, like I said, we don't have to cross anything or check anything off my list this weekend."

She nodded and glanced down at our hands in her lap before looking back up. I internally groaned when I saw her lip back between her teeth again. Before I could say something to reassure her further, she quickly blurted, "But we could?"

"_Check your box_?" The words flew out of my mouth, and I could have slapped myself. "I mean, cross something off? That's what you were asking?" I clarified, trying to get my foot out of my mouth.

She blushed but didn't look away. "Yes. Maybe not _the _box but _a _box."

We really needed to move away from talking about boxes. Still, I was excited about any sort of prospect, even if it was just doing the things we had already done. I decided to answer her with a kiss that left her breathless. I pulled her to me and lay back on the couch, bringing her on top of me. I had just tangled my hands in her hair when I heard the front door shut.

"All four feet better be on the floor when I come into the room," Charlie called, and we quickly sat up and righted all of our clothing. Still, it would have been obvious by our bright faces what we'd been doing. This was why we needed to get away for a weekend.

Thankfully, Charlie gave us a few extra minutes by stopping in the kitchen to grab a beer out of the fridge and one of the cookies Bella had made earlier in the day.

"What are you kids up to?" he asked when he came in, clearly looking to see if our feet were indeed planted on the floor. We'd done one better by even moving to opposite sides of the couch, though that might have been overkill.

"I was just about to leave, Chief." Even though he'd told me to call him Charlie, I never missed how much he enjoyed it when I slipped a _Chief _in there. He seemed to be the only one who enjoyed what I'd said, as Bella was looking at me with a frown on her face. She was obviously unhappy that I was leaving. I knew Charlie wouldn't mind if I stayed longer, but as I was going to be asking him to let Bella go away for a whole weekend, he would probably appreciate her sole company for the evening. Plus, out of the three of us, I was the one who knew his days with Bella were most likely numbered. They deserved to have as much father/daughter time as they could get.

"You finally learn how to feed yourself or is Esme cooking tonight?" he asked, making fun of my being a permanent fixture at their dinner table lately.

"Actually, I need to go out and do some Christmas shopping." I stood up so we'd be eye to eye. "Which reminds me, Esme wanted to ask you about some holiday plans. Every year, we always go to see _The Nutcracker_, and it's Esme's favorite Christmas tradition. There's a performance this weekend in Seattle, and we were all hoping Bella could come with us."

Charlie blew out a breath and walked from his position in the doorway to his chair to sit down. "Well, that's a pretty far drive," he said, plopping down in his seat.

"We always make a weekend of it and stay at a hotel. Esme was hoping Bella could come with her and the girls to pick out dresses for the ballet and have their hair done first." The last bit didn't sound like something that would really interest Bella, but I was trying to come up with reasons for why the weekend was so important to our family.

Charlie's thoughtful expression didn't change, and I sat back down on the couch. "There's quite a few of you to be in one hotel room," he said.

"Oh, well, part of the mother/daughter, father/son bonding part of the weekend is that we get one room for the girls and one for the boys."

He nodded his head slowly. "You don't think Bella would be intruding?" he asked.

I turned my head to look at her. Now that she was mine, I didn't want to imagine my life without her. I knew the same was true for my family—_our_ family. She was a part of us that went beyond her role as my mate. There was no way Bella could ever intrude.

Charlie cleared his throat, and I realized I had been staring and hadn't answered his question. I quickly turned my attention back to him. "No, sir, we would all love to have her there with us."

"You think you'd like the ballet?" he asked her.

I was surprised by how difficult he was making this. I'd assumed he would just immediately say yes. Humans saying no to me—well, humans other than Bella—was a rarity. I supposed the fathers of teenage girls weren't as acquiescing as other mortals.

"I've never been to one, but Rosalie and Alice told me how much they enjoy it, and even Emmett likes going to see _The Nutcracker_," Bella spoke up, playing along.

"Okay, then. Have fun." The matter was settled as Charlie turned on the television and popped up the footrest on his chair.

Bella grinned at me. _Cabin-ing, here we come!_ She stood up and held her hand out to me. "I'll walk you out."

I took her hand and let her pull me up to her. After saying my goodbye and thank you to Charlie, we walked around the corner to get my coat and shoes. As soon as we were out of eyesight, Bella pushed me against the wall and kissed the underside of my jaw, which was as high up as she could reach without me bending down.

"It looks like we're on for the cabin," she said quietly.

"I know." I smiled widely. "I can't wait." I'd had to try my hardest not to throw a punch in the air in my excitement once Charlie had finally said yes.

"Remind me why we'll be spending a weekend in the middle of the woods instead of actually getting a hotel room and seeing _The Nutcracker_," Bella said, pulling my chin down so she could reach my lips.

I put my arms around her waist, though I was hesitant to get too close with her father in the next room. I wouldn't necessarily be able to hear him getting up over the sound of the game. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think that you might prefer to go to the ballet. I promise to take you to dozens of ballets if you have the interest. I guess if you'd rather, we can make different reservations."

She quickly stopped my words with her mouth and wrapped her arms around me. "I want to do what you want to do; it's _your _list. No matter what, we'll have a good time together." That was true.

"We'll have fun. I promise. We'll go on a hike." Once I saw the look on her face, I amended my statement. "We'll go on a _short _hike, where I'll get to experience some more temperature variation with my new human limitations." That didn't seem to make things any better. "I promise I'll keep you warm. Then, when we're inside, I'll make us a fire in the fireplace and some hot chocolate."

"With marshmallows?"

"With marshmallows, of course." I kissed her softly and slowly before stepping toward the door. If I kissed her much more, I wouldn't want to leave, and I did want her to spend some time with Charlie. "Goodnight, Pop Tart."

She grinned in reply. "Good night."

I knew I would see her the next afternoon at work, but over the last week, it had become more and more difficult to say good-bye to her at the end of the day. I wished I had the vampire agility to climb into her bedroom window like Edward used to—not that I wanted to think about him in her room. It just seemed unnatural to say good-bye to her. There was the added problem that every time I left her, I was practically itching to tell her that I loved her.

I had yet to tell her of my realized feelings, though I was pretty sure she could surmise as much from the label _mate_. She hadn't said anything to that effect either, and with as heavy as the concept as being mated could be, I didn't want to rush her into anything. If I could keep it under wraps for the next week, I planned on telling her during our weekend away.

"Jasper," Bella called after me as I made my way to my car. I turned to see her leaning around the screen door. "Then there's always the rest of your list." With a grin and bite of the lip, she shut the door before I could reply.

I was definitely looking forward to anything we might check off the list during our time alone. _Definitely_.

The rest of the days of the week seemed both to fly by—because I was always saying good night to Bella too soon—and drag on. The weekend couldn't get here fast enough. News from Carlisle and Esme had been more of the same, and Emmett and Rosalie decided to take advantage of being on the east coast and drove down to New York City to do some holiday shopping and actually take in a production of _The Nutcracker_. I hadn't been making it up when I'd told Charlie how much my family enjoyed the show.

After I got off the phone with Rose, I told Bella the story of the first time we'd gone to the ballet together in 1979. Carlisle was the only one among us who had been to one in person, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd never been taken with sports like Emmett had, as I was almost never impressed with human exhibitions of speed or agility. Ballet had been another matter, though. It was the first time I was impressed by a human ability. I actually thought the experience of watching the dancers was enhanced by being a vampire. Not only could we enjoy the pageantry of the production and the majestic quality to the choreography, but we could see every minute muscle strain and tiny gasp that escaped with each spin, leap, and lift. To know exactly the amount of effort being exerted by the dancers and still watch their smiling faces betray nothing to the human audience was its own awe-inspiring entertainment. Since that first time, we didn't go every year, as I'd told Charlie, but we made a point to go a couple times a decade. I was looking forward to when we'd all get to take Bella for the first time.

I wished Rosalie and Emmett a good time seeing the holiday sights in New York and busied myself preparing for the weekend. The cabin was stocked with all of the basic supplies we would need, and I made sure to pay the owner extra to have groceries waiting for us.

After waiting for what felt like forever, Friday afternoon finally came and we were leaving. I pulled into the high school parking lot to pick Bella up from school, and she jogged over to the car as soon as she saw me.

I didn't get the chance to get out and open her door before she climbed in herself. Her eyes were alight with an excitement that matched mine.

"Hi," I said as she grinned even more.

"Hi!" She turned to grab her seatbelt, but I stopped her, my attention drawn to the small crowd of students on the sidewalk staring questioningly at us.

"Want to really fuel the rumor mill?" I asked her, looking at her moistened lips.

"I'm not sure that's possible. Mike told everyone weeks ago that you and I were dating. Apparently, you had a conversation with him telling him to back off."

"I might have." I was pleased my warning had worked and even happier that Bella seemingly hadn't corrected the assumption, even though it happened before we'd first kissed. "Okay, then would you like to kiss me just to say hello?"

"Always." She pulled me closer by the back of my neck and pressed her lips to mine. As she deepened the kiss, I knew, no matter what, the rumor mill was definitely being stoked. The only thing that stopped us from really making a scene was the console between us in the car. It made me see the beauty in the bench seat in Bella's truck.

"Ready to go?" I asked, regretfully pulling away from her.

"Yep," she said as she successfully put on her seatbelt this time.

We pulled out of the parking lot, and I saw Angela Webber wave and wink at Bella as we left. It seemed the excitement was spreading.

We chatted about our holidays throughout the years on the fifty-minute drive to the cabin. I felt bad that Bella had never had a Christmas in her memory with both parents. Unless it was for the two of us, Christmas for two seemed like a lonely concept. Christmas seemed like it had always been an occasion for her to think of how other kids lived differently, and her celebrations seemed to be hit or miss. She mentioned a year when she had to remind Renée to get a tree on Christmas Eve, and the only trees the lot had left were sad and scraggly, so her mother decided just to go buy a potted cactus. I laughed, but Bella assured me it wasn't that out of place, as they did live in the desert. After that, they just used the cactus ever year and popped a Santa hat on it and some ornaments. She remembered it fondly, but I couldn't help compare it to the faint memory I had of Christmas with my human family, which was probably filled in mostly by the knowledge of what holiday traditions were in place in the Civil War era.

That was nothing to say of Cullen Christmases. It wasn't something we did big every year; it depended a lot on where we were living and what everyone was doing, but we always did something special. This year, I couldn't be sure if any of us would even be together, so I was looking forward to a quiet Christmas with Charlie and Bella. I hoped he wouldn't mind if I came over for a portion of the day. I would have to try to scrounge up a cactus from somewhere so Bella would have a piece of her own tradition in Forks.

When we pulled up to the cabin after traveling down the long gravel drive, Bella let out a squeak. "It's perfect!"

I wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but I hadn't shown her the photos ahead of time because I wanted her to be surprised when she first saw it. It was a one-story, newer construction log cabin with plenty of windows and a small porch. I thought it was perfect for us, too. It was the perfect blend of Northwest charm and a smaller version of the kind of house in which I grew up. I smiled, thinking about how I could imagine spending forever with Bella in just such a house.

"So, it meets your approval?" I asked her, getting out of the car to grab our bags out of the back seat.

"Yes. I'll admit I was a little worried," she said as she got out of the car. "I didn't know what exactly to expect by 'a cabin in the woods.' As you wanted to go camping first, we could have been pulling up to a glorified lean-to, or a 'cabin' in Cullen terms could mean a log mansion."

I laughed because it definitely could have been the case. "Well, I'm glad you like it." I put the bag straps on my shoulder and then wrapped my arms around her and gave her a kiss—our first of many at the cabin.

"So . . . now that we're here?" she asked nervously as we walked to the front door hand in hand.

I lifted the mat to get the key and unlocked the door before answering her. I didn't want her to get embarrassed or feel pressure after all our _box checking _talk. I just wanted to have a good time with her. I didn't plan to bring up the conversation of our changing until the next night.

"I thought we could change clothes—if you need to—and go for a _short _walk before coming back to make dinner. With the time of year, it won't be light outside for much longer, and the owner mentioned a great view close to the house." I hoped that put her mind at ease. I didn't plan on trying to seduce her while we boiled our pasta afterward, either. If things happened, great—_wonderful_,actually—but if they didn't, it didn't matter. We were still the two of us; we were just in a different location. _And alone_, I thought wickedly.

I wasn't sure Bella had been paying attention, though, as she was still looking around the room. It was decorated simply in neutral colors, and there was a small, pre-lit Christmas tree on a corner table. Had I known about the cactus story before the drive out here, I would have arranged to have one of those waiting for us, too.

She walked over to the beige couch and picked up a forest green pillow embroidered with a bear. "What is it with you and bear pillows?" she asked with a laugh, making fun of my house, which was decorated as if it came out of the pages of _Field & Stream_.

"I guess that's my style now. What can I say? It reminds me of home."

"Is that why you picked this place?" She tossed the pillow back on the couch, which was a shame because I would have enjoyed smacking her bottom with it as a reward for her sarcasm.

"Perhaps, if there were fish on the wall." I laughed and grabbed her hand so we could put our bags in the bedroom. When we got to the doorway and we both saw the quilt-covered queen-sized bed in the middle of the room, we stopped. "We've skirted the issue of sleeping arrangements, but I can always sleep—"

She turned and put a finger over my lips. "This room looks great." She removed her finger and replaced it with a quick peck before taking her bag from me and setting it on the bed.

I was already dressed to go outside, and I wasn't sure what Bella would need to do to be ready, but I put my bag inside the door and stepped out to allow her privacy. "I'll just be in the kitchen, seeing where everything is. Come out when you're ready to go on a walk."

"So I could just stay in here all night, then?" she asked, and her mouth quirked.

I coughed. _Gladly—just not alone. _"It will be a _short _walk," I said instead.

"I know. I'm just joking." She smiled and shooed me out of the room.

I shut the door and walked back down to the kitchen, where I opened all of the cabinets and the refrigerator door to make sure everything had been stocked like I'd asked. I went ahead and put a kettle on for hot chocolate for when we returned from our walk. I hoped Bella wouldn't mind instant. Maybe later in the evening or the next day, she could show me how to make it the real way. However, as long as it had marshmallows in it, I didn't think she would be particular.

"All set," she said, walking in wearing a fleece shirt and winter boots over her jeans.

"Good." I pulled out two mugs and left them on the counter before going to grab our jackets from where we'd left them slung over the couch.

I held up her coat as she put her arms through it and then offered my arm to her as we walked out the door. The scent of pine was thick as we walked away from the cabin on a flat, worn trail.

"How short is _short_?" Bella asked after less than a minute of quiet walking.

"Have you always complained this much?" I asked her teasingly.

"Um . . . yes, especially when we're in a situation where I could potentially twist an ankle." She tripped over nothing just to punctuate her sentence, and I pulled her closer to me.

"You'll be fine—_if_ you watch where you're going." The last traces of the day's sunlight were filtering through the trees, leaving pale patches of light dancing on her face. _What would she look like with a vampire's shimmer to her? _I wondered.

"You should watch where _you're_ going." She bumped me with her hip, and I stopped staring at her. "So where does this trail go?"

"It's supposed to go to a little rock outcropping overlooking a valley of trees to the west. In one of the owner's e-mails, he said it was a great place to catch the sunset.

"And it's just this way?" She pointed along the trail we were following.

"Yes, he said it was a straight path." Just as the words were out of my mouth, Bella let go of my arm and took off down the path at a fast clip. "Hey! I thought you were worried about twisting an ankle," I called out after her.

"You'll just have to catch me, then." She didn't even turn around to answer.

I jogged after her, truly worried she might fall. I didn't want a skinned knee to put a damper on our weekend. Just as I got to her, she stumbled and grabbed onto a tree for balance.

"You didn't catch me," she said, laughing as she caught her breath.

"You're faster than you look, and I'm not as fast as I used to be." I leaned against my own tree and realized we were at the overlook already. I offered her my hand and led her to go sit down on the rocks. As we each took a seat, I realized I should have grabbed a blanket or something to sit on, as the ground wasn't warm by any means.

"Now you can cross _Running _off your list," she said.

"True." _Among many things this weekend. _

I needed to beat back my human hormones—at least long enough to enjoy the view as the sun was just starting to set. I looked out at the valley of trees, and the view was indeed something to behold. The sunset wasn't the vibrant purples and reds of the summer, but a pale butter and golden descent behind the trees, making each of the tall pines look inky in silhouetted comparison.

It wasn't the most beautiful sunset of my lifetime, but glancing at Bella next to me, it was by far my happiest. Her face glowed in the pale light and her lips and cheeks were pink in the crisp air. Even with my heightened vision and senses as a vampire, too much beauty had gone unnoticed for too long. It was remarkable to me how much more I appreciated some things as a human. I supposed you had to when you never knew how many more sunsets you might have. As a vampire, there was no question that you would be watching the sun set for perhaps as long as it was able.

How did humans do it? Where did they find the strength to live an existence so full of questions and uncertainties?

This might be the most important lesson I could learn from Bella in our talks about humanity. "How do you look at something like this with the knowledge that it may be your last?" I asked Bella as we both stared out at the fading light. "How do you stand the _heartbreak_ of being human?"

I could save her from that. I _would_. I would offer her ten thousand sunsets and then ten thousand more.

"Because humans don't think like that," she answered, grasping my hand but not taking her eyes off the view. "One of our greatest charms—or flaws—is that we like to pretend we're going to live forever. Otherwise, you'd never live at all."

"So, _carpe diem_?" I asked, and she turned her face to mine, her brown hair swishing around.

"Is it possible for something to be both a myth and an absolute truth at the same time?" She shrugged her shoulders, not waiting for a response from me. "With everything we're doing—our lessons in humanity, your puddle list—I can't truly teach you how to live, Jasper; you have to discover that on your own. I suppose I can only help you learn how not to die."

She leaned forward and kissed me just as the last of the light left the sky. In my heart, I promised that I would make it so neither one of us would ever learn the cruel lessons of death but discover how to live our lives together. Forever.

.

.

.

* * *

Author Note: Thank you for your patience between chapters. The holidays are a busy time for me and my beta team. I hope yours are just as merry as ours.

Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review.

AH fic recs:

"My Esteemed Colleague" by Betty Smith: Members of Congress, Edward Cullen R-IL & Isabella Swan D-WA , have nothing in common and everything to lose. Despite divergent politics, they can't contain their feelings. Yet one issue remains that hopelessly divides their relationship & the country. (AH, Complete)

"Aperitif" by TheFicChick: "Biggest regret?" That I didn't meet you first. (AH, E/B, one-shot)

AU fic recs:

"Long, Tall Sally" by LJ Summers: Nomad Garrett Sawyer happens upon traces of his old friend Carlisle Cullen. Wary, he eventually follows the entire Cullen Coven to none other than a high school graduation ceremony and his existence is profoundly re-directed. An Eclipse AU, written for The Edge Girls. (AU, Garrett/Angela, Short and Complete)

"Business Casual" by WhatsMyNomDePlume: The lines between boss and employee, human and immortal, hero and damsel, coworker and lover, and right and wrong are about to become very blurry for Edward and Bella. Comedy/Romance/Drama (AU, E/B, Complete-very unique circumstances)


	24. Chapter 24

_Previously:_

_"How do you stand the heartbreak of being human?"_

_I could save her from that. I would. I would offer her ten thousand sunsets and then ten thousand more._

_"Because humans don't think like that," she answered, grasping my hand but not taking her eyes off the view. "One of our greatest charms—or flaws—is that we like to pretend we're going to live forever. Otherwise, you'd never live at all."_

_"So, carpe diem?" I asked, and she turned her face to mine, her brown hair swishing around._

_"Is it possible for something to be both a myth and an absolute truth at the same time?" She shrugged her shoulders, not waiting for a response from me. "With everything we're doing—our lessons in humanity, your puddle list—I can't truly teach you how to live, Jasper; you have to discover that on your own. I suppose I can only help you learn how not to die."_

_She leaned forward and kissed me just as the last of the light left the sky. In my heart, I promised that I would make it so neither one of us would ever learn the cruel lessons of death but discover how to live our lives together. Forever._

* * *

**Chapter 24**

Once the sun had set and we'd returned to the cabin for dinner, the air was certainly less filled with tension. I would have thought that as we moved closer to the time to go to bed, Bella would have started growing tense and would have begun nervously chattering about _box checking_, but she seemed completely at ease as we enjoyed our meal. Her unhesitant touches to my hand, my face, my arms, and my back, and the unbroken string of conversation, led me to believe she'd either come to some conclusion about there being no reason to be anxious or I'd perhaps made some incorrect assumptions about where we might have been headed. I'd meant it when I'd said I didn't mind what happened this weekend as long as we were together, but some _box checking _would definitely be nice.

We were standing at the sink, her washing our dishes from dinner as I dried, and I couldn't help but think about how nice it seemed. I'd had so many moments of absolute comfort with Bella in various kitchens. It was no wonder humans were always hanging around them in television shows and movies. I was looking at the counter, imagining what other fine times we might be able to have in future kitchens, when Bella asked me a question that took me by surprise.

"Want to play a game?"

I continued to run the dishtowel around the inside of the damp pasta pot, but I was drawn up short. I glanced at the clock, and it was still early. Her wanting to play a game didn't necessarily mean that was going to be our only source of entertainment for the evening. I tried to tell myself that this was only our first night in the cabin. Bella might need to ease into things a little more.

"Um . . . I'm not sure what you might be interested in. I didn't bring anything, but there may be a deck of cards somewhere in the house," I replied.

"Not _that_ kind of a game," she said, handing me the saucepan. "I was thinking more along the lines of Twenty Questions."

I sighed in relief. _This_ had potential. _Where would you most like me to kiss you? What would you say if I touched you here? _

"Bella, you're always welcome to ask me anything."

"Good. I just feel like there's so much I don't know yet." She turned off the water, and I handed her my towel so she could dry her hands before I started putting the dishes back in the cabinet.

I smiled when I thought about how much time we would have to get to know each other. Maybe this would become a thing for us for the rest of our lives—asking questions, learning lessons. I'd never had anything like that with Alice. There had never been any curiosity because she knew the answer to everything as soon as she thought to ask it. There had never been much history to discover about her either; all of her life had either been a mystery or just waiting to start, she'd said.

"What's been your favorite decade?" Bella asked me, reaching on her tiptoes to put a colander in the top cabinet. It would have been the gentlemanly thing to assist her, but I gathered too much entertainment in watching her stretch, not to mention her extended arm caused the bottom of her shirt to raise just enough to show me a pale flash of her hip.

It took me a moment to answer, but I knew she would think I was taking my time to think about what I was going to say, not that I was too busy staring at her.

"The 1960s," I finally told her. "There was so much excitement brewing. Everything seemed new, and everything screamed, _This is the future!_"

"Like what?" she asked, moving toward the sofa in the living room, now a cozy spot due to the fire I'd built in the fireplace when Bella was setting the table.

"Things were still a little new at home. We'd been working out the kinks of so many vampires living as a family for a decade, and by the sixties, we finally hit our stride. I was really starting to grasp the charade better and was able to start attending college with everyone else for the first time." I joined her on the sofa and smiled at how the flames created a soft and flickering glow on her face. "Plus there were the biggies: Camelot, the changes in civil rights, the music, landing on the moon, James Bond."

She laughed. "I like that you put James Bond right up there with landing on the moon."

Her hand was perched on the top of the couch near my shoulder, and I turned my head to kiss it. "When do you think your favorite era would have been?"

She paused to think and made tiny clicking noises with her tongue. "It might be difficult to look past how nice things are right now." She laced her fingers with mine and smiled. Perhaps I would be able to ask her a similar question in a century and she would have a different answer. Then again, I found myself also drawn to right now—to every moment I'd spent with her. She was right. How could I pick a time other than when I fell in love with her?

"Can I ask this time?" I asked her, running my thumb along her hand.

"I don't know . . . that may be against the rules," she said with a smirk.

"I may just need to chance the penalty then."

"Then by all means, be my guest." She shifted closer to me.

I knew what I really wanted to ask her, but I needed to phrase it carefully. I didn't want to risk spoiling anything. "When was the first time you realized you were falling in love?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, her mouth dropped open in a tiny "O." Was that too much? Worse, I hadn't thought that it might prompt her to talk about Edward. "You don't have to answer that. I mean, you might not even be in a position to answer," I quickly added, both attempting to remove and add my foot to my mouth at the same time apparently.

She quickly pressed her lips to mine, and I was glad that she might find my rambling at least slightly endearing. "I can answer it," she said, leaning back.

_Please don't be about Edward_, I silently chanted to myself.

"Well, _maybe_ I can," she said, a crease forming in her forehead.

This was a bad idea. I needed to think of another question to ask her.

"I'm not sure if there was an exact moment."

It was going to be about Edward.

"It all seems so seamless now."

_Maybe _she was talking about me. _Please be talking about me—_thinking _about me_.

"I guess if I had to point to a moment, it would be after I told the story about touching the lion." She was close enough to me that I could feel her breath against my lips.

It _was_ about me. She'd told _me _that story. I had to verify it, though. "And then you felt my teeth?" I asked.

The corner of her mouth rose, and my eyes darted between her smiling lips and her dark eyes, reflecting the orange of the fire. "And then I felt your teeth," she confirmed.

My smile started to grow, as did my confidence. She'd fallen in love with me.

"And then I tickled you," I said, remembering how we'd fallen down on my bed as I'd exacted my revenge on her. That was the evening Emmett had come over to try to make me see reason about my feelings for her. How right he had been.

"And then you tickled me," she repeated.

My girl was always right, it seemed. It had been seamless in so many ways. "And then you called me."

She exhaled the lightest laugh. "Yes, and then I told you that you looked dashing in your work vest." Maybe it was just the reflection of the fire, but her eyes danced with the same excitement I was feeling.

"And then I came over for dinner."

"Every night," she added.

"Every night," I whispered, my face growing even closer.

"And then I was almost hit by a car."

I frowned. Thatwas _not_ a part of Memory Lane I wanted to stroll down.

"And you kissed me," she quickly added, her forehead resting against mine.

"And then I knew _for sure_," I told her, ready to say it.

She closed her eyes, but I could feel her face stretch into a smile. I pulled back so I could see her whole face. I needed to see her.

"And then you knew _for sure _. . ." She let the sentence hang there, buoyed by her quick breathing.

"And then I knew I loved you. _Really_ loved you. I am _for sure _in love with you."

I couldn't wait for her to have any kind of response. I needed to kiss her in that moment, the same as I did when I'd first realized my feelings for her. I pressed my lips to hers and tried to put every ounce of my feelings into that one single kiss. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her whole chest flush with my body. I was so overcome with the desire to be close to her.

She finally pulled away softly, and we were both breathing heavily in the space between us. When I released her shoulders and allowed her to move her arms, she brought her hands up to either side of my face and cupped my jaw. She looked radiant as she smiled, and I wished for that one moment that I was still a vampire, just so I would have the ability to catalogue every detail and cast them to memory forever. I never wanted to forget a single second of this exchange.

"I am _for sure _in love with you," she said strongly.

I would_ never_ forget this. I would make this moment such a part of myself that I would will it to remain with me always—even throughout my change.

"I don't feel like asking anymore questions," she said.

"You don't?" I asked, and she shook her head. "That last one was a good one to end on."

She nodded and stood up from the couch, stretching her limbs slightly before reaching out a hand to me. "I agree."

I took her hand but supported my own weight as I joined her in standing. "We've had so many moments." _We'll have so many more._

She grinned, and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was, about how long and happy our future would be.

"Like when you told me I was yours." She kept her hand wrapped around mine.

"And I kissed you some more." I kissed her right next to her collarbone, one of my favorite places.

She gasped at the feel of my lips there, and I fought not to take my kisses lower. "And then your family told me I was your mate."

I chuckled. So that was what Esme and Rosalie had said to her upstairs at the house, basically mirroring my conversation with Emmett and Carlisle.

She didn't ask me what I found funny; instead, she took a step back and pulled my hand so that I would follow.

"And then you asked me to go _cabin-ing _with you." Another few steps backward.

I decided to take a slight risk as my heart sped up. "And then we talked about what we might add to and cross off my list." I looked at her nervously as she took another step backward, guiding us to the hallway. For a moment, it seemed as if our roles had reversed. It was Bella who had been so nervous in this hallway earlier in the day.

"And then we . . ." she painfully trailed off. And then we _what_?

Another step.

"And then we . . .?" I asked.

Another step.

We were at the bedroom door now.

"And then we crossed them off," she said with a bite of her lip.

_And then we_, my head repeated. And then we crossed them off. And then we _crossed them off_! I crowed to myself.

She was still biting her a lip, and a look of indecision finally crossed her face. It was as if her plan only went as far as the door. There was no reason for her to be afraid of what might happen. I was more than capable of taking over at this point. I had _lots _of plans.

I didn't waste another second before bringing my mouth down to hers for a firm kiss. As our mouths were still joined, I spun us around so that I was the one walking us backwards into the room. She took giant, rushed, giggling steps forward to match my excited pace. I stopped when the back of my knees hit the bed.

_Which one to cross off first? _I asked myself. _Please stop me if it gets to be too much_, I added. I wasn't sure how much I trusted myself to put the brakes on if I needed to.

I trailed kisses down the side of her neck while her hands went to the bottom hem of her shirt. _No brakes so far_. I stepped back and allowed her room to pull it off. At first, she just grabbed her top shirt, but she quickly reached back down to grab her camisole as well. As she lifted her arms to clear her head, I gained my first sight of her chest.

_Oh_.

She pulled her hair free and, after taking a glance behind her, tossed her shirts on the floor.

_Oh._

I just stared at her. This room didn't have a fire or any of the lamps turned on, so her skin was a creamy shade of pale blue in the faint light cast by the moon through the window and the light coming in from the hall. She was all swells and roundness and hollows and planes. I wanted to feel her and draw her and taste her and memorize her. The sight of a thousand women wouldn't have prepared me for the way I felt when I saw _mine_.

She raised her arms in a self-conscious movement, and I quickly moved to abate her worry, grabbing the back of my own shirt and gracelessly yanking it forward over my head. I let it drop to the floor, and in my own moment of potential self-consciousness, I was once again grateful I no longer had my scars. I wanted to stand before her looking as flawless as she looked to me.

Bella grinned at the sight of my bare chest and hesitantly placed her hand on me, as if she was asking permission. I grabbed her other one and also placed it on my chest—right over my heart—so she would know she was always welcome to touch me. I wondered if she could feel my pulse racing. I brushed my middle finger over the underside of her wrist and felt her own fluttering heartbeat.

All of the words that seemed to spill out of us earlier were gone. I wasn't sure we needed them.

She accepted my prompting, and her hands began to run up and down my chest, skimming over every contour. If I could have stood losing the sight of her, I would have closed my eyes from the pleasure. As it was, I wanted to see _more_ of her. I wrapped my arms around her and brought my hands up to the back clasp of her bra.

"May I?" I asked, breaking our silence.

Instead of answering, she removed her hands from my body and reached behind her back to help me in the unlatching. I watched as the cups slowly lowered and then fell away from her body, leaving her completely exposed.

_Oh . . ._

I smiled at her and slowly raised my hands to touch her. She was lovely. I just skimmed the surface of her body and delighted in the feel of her, amazed how she could go from soft to softer in such a small expanse of skin. I watched in wonder how her body reacted to mine with just the lightest touch, and I saw how she shook from the feel of my hands on her skin. I drew circles with my fingers and stretched down my thumbs to run them along the undersides of her breasts. Every movement was fascinating. It had never been like this before. I'd wondered for years what all of the excitement was about. What made breasts worthy of such fantasies and the launching of countless marketing campaigns?

Now I had no words for it. I felt as if I'd finally been inducted into some fraternity of men. I, Jasper Whitlock, was clearly a breast man.

I wanted to look her in the eyes and try to determine what she was thinking, feeling. I couldn't tear my eyes away, though. Instead, I hovered my hands over her, wishing for some remainder of my gift. Did she like this? Was she nervous standing there so exposed? Was she excited about what else might happen? Was she frustrated by my fixation?

I brought my hands around to cup her fully, and I let the weight of her small breasts rest in my hands. _Wonderful_. I dared to squeeze them slightly, and while I was worried I may hurt her with my exploration, I was happy to hear her breath catch. It spurred me on further, and I massaged her with my fingers, watching how each one sank into her flesh just slightly. Her eyes fluttered until one of my pinkies grazed the skin of her underarm.

She immediately drew into herself with a laugh, putting her arms protectively around herself before wrapping her arms around my waist and stepping closer so that we were flush together.

"You already crossed _Tickling Bella _off your list," she said with a smile in her voice.

I wanted to pay attention to her, but my mind was currently consumed with how her breasts looked pressed up against my abdomen. Bella glanced up and had to move her head around to catch my eye.

"By your staring, I take it you approve. At least I hope so…"

_Pop Tart, you have no idea. _"I can see why they merit their own base," I admitted. _Hello, Second Base_. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun, the three of us," I said, meaning me and the two of them.

She laughed, and I kept staring as they jiggled in response against me.

"So you'd like to stop at this item on your list?" she asked. _That_ worked to clear my head, drawing my attention back to her eyes. I _loved _her breasts, but I was definitely willing to come back to them.

"We can do whatever you like," I breathed. _Whatever she'd let me do_, I thought, growing excited.

I saw her hands flutter to the waistband of her pants and stop, so I decided to take the lead in unfastening her jeans before moving on to my own. At the same time, we pushed them both down and stepped out, awkwardly balancing then to remove our socks. As a vampire, everything happened so fast that we didn't really have these stumbling movements; there was never anything that could be labeled _stumbled_. What I had with Bella was so human, and I embraced the sometime stilted movement. As I pulled off my second sock, I wondered where the socks went in all the love scenes in the movies. Why did they cut out this endearing lack of grace?

I stood up, and we were both clad only in our underwear. It was obvious at this point how I felt about her—how a part of me felt about her, at least, but I didn't think her eyes had traveled that low yet. Instead of giving her the opportunity, I pulled her body against mine and let her feel my excitement against her pale belly. She leaned into me, and I ran my hands up and down her back while she peppered kisses against my chest and neck. I followed her lead and pulled her thick hair to the side so that I could have better access to her neck, kissing and nipping the entire surface from her shoulder to under her ear. I could hear her breathing hitch as I sucked on a particularly sensitive spot, and her hands squeezed my hips in response, drawing my attention to the fact that I'd been subtly rocking myself against her, _straining_ against her.

My lips traced a path up to hers, and I kissed her with a fervor I didn't know was possible. Every bit of my effort and passion were returned as our bodies found their way to the bed. She fell back against it and quickly scooted to the middle, and I climbed up and hovered over her, taking in the beautiful sight of her body on top of the dark quilt. Was she flushed? Would her skin turn pink in the wake of my kisses? I couldn't see well enough in the dark room, but my imagination was painting a lovely picture.

"I love you," she whispered, her face full of an emotion that didn't require light to interpret.

"I love _you_." _Don't be nervous_, I silently told us both as I bent to kiss her lips. It was a soft kiss, full of gratitude for everything she'd given me—and for what she would be giving me if we kept going.

I repeated that same light kiss on each of her collarbones before exploring her breasts in a new way. Their softness was even more appreciated by the sensitivity of my lips and tongue. Just when her hips started to rise from the bed, she whispered, "Jasper, I want to touch you, too."

I knew she couldn't reach much with me being so far down her body already, but I wasn't sure she should touch me. I didn't know if I could handle it in the moment. I was sure the second she touched me it would all be over.

"You will. I promise," I told her. _Just not yet_. I wanted to make sure she was well attended to and ready first.

I kissed my way down her stomach and peppered kisses around her navel, eliciting my favorite giggle.

"You've been warned about the tickling," she growled in mock ferociousness, her laugh betraying her.

"So I have," I said before running my tongue along her hip bone. The laughter ceased, and I mimicked my actions on the other side.

"Wait!" she called, pulling me up by my shoulders.

I brought my face up next to hers. "What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm just not sure . . ." She trailed off.

"Bella, we don't have to do anything more. This has been wonderful, believe me."

"Oh, I know," she quickly said.

"Then what is it?" With my feet, I pulled up a throw blanket from the end of the bed and then draped it over us so she wouldn't grow cold. Had it not seemed presumptuous, I would have built a fire in this room, too.

"I'm just nervous, I guess. About what to do, what you'll like," she stammered. If she only knew that I liked anything—_everything_—with her, then she wouldn't worry for a second about my enjoyment.

I grinned. "Have you liked this so far?" I asked her, and she nodded. "Then you know just what to do. There's no need to be nervous." I ran my hand underneath the blanket and down her stomach.

"What about _during_? What am I supposed to be doing _then_? What if there's something you want and I don't know how to do it?" She was rambling.

"How about this," I proposed, my hand gently coming to a rest at the top of her panties, "if there's something I want, I'll tell you."

"You'll tell me," she repeated, closing her eyes as I ran a finger up and down the outside of her cotton underwear.

"I'll tell you," I whispered, pressing just a little firmer.

"Good," she whispered back, meeting my hand.

"Good?" I asked with a smirk, giving her more of what she wanted.

"_Good_," she breathed, and I started to kiss her neck again, daring to bring my hand back up to her waistband and slipping it under.

"Are you still thinking about being nervous?" I inched my fingers lower in the same path I'd taken before.

"Only a little." I felt her reach out for me with her hand. I still couldn't let her touch me yet.

"Just _feel_." My touch grew bolder. "Don't think about being nervous." I loved the feel of her on my fingers. "Don't think about _during_." I heard her take in a shaky breath, and her mouth fell open. "Just think about what's happening right now."

"O-o-kay," she stuttered, her head pushing back into the pillows, making my confidence surge.

Her panties were definitely restricting my movement, so I stopped just long enough to help her pull them down. I couldn't risk taking my own off yet, no matter how much I longed to do so. _Pace yourself, pace yourself_, I chanted.

I was still tracing the same slow path until I eased one of my fingers into her and she gasped. "Are you thinking about _during _now?" I asked her, pretty sure she wasn't thinking about much of anything.

"Umm . . . I am _now_." She exhaled at the end as I moved in and out. _Oh_. Obviously this would make her think of it.

"But is it making you nervous?" I wanted her to be sure before we started.

"No . . . I . . ." Her breath hitched.

I knew just what this situation called for, what would erase any trace of nerves and what might stave off a bit of my own eagerness. I listened to the quick rasp of her breath as I again kissed my way down her body, taking only the smallest opportunity to press myself against her hip as I passed. I wasn't subtle enough, though, because I heard her groan and felt her try to move to face me. I pushed her hips back down and continued my descent, though. With what my fingers were doing, her disappointment was short lived.

When my mouth touched her inner thigh, she stilled. "What are you doing?" she quickly asked.

"Relax," I urged her.

"But, what are you going to do?" she asked, sounding agitated. So far, my plan was backfiring.

"I want this," I assured her. "I'm _telling _you what I want."

She stilled, and my mouth returned to planting a path of kisses up to meet my hand. "_Really_?" she asked, looking down at me.

I nodded with a grin and kissed her—_so close_—while maintaining eye contact. _Really_. "Shhh," I hushed her softly, placing another kiss closer yet. Her eyes didn't leave mine. I withdrew my hand and I saw her swallow. I kissed her right where I wanted, and her eyes glazed over. "Really," I told her before words were no longer necessary.

I didn't look to see if she was still watching me. I closed my eyes and focused on just the feel and taste of her against my mouth. I explored and chased every noise and breath that fell from her lips, hungry for each new sound and how long I could get her to hold them. I opened my eyes just in time to see her clench at the sheets on either side of her legs. I didn't want her to feel like she had to hold back in any way, so I reached my hands up to grab hers, resting them back down to rest on top of my head. Her fingers instantly tangled with my hair, but her touch was hesitant.

I brought my face up only for a moment. "You can tell me, too," I told her, pushing her hands against my head more firmly.

The message was received as I went back to work, her fingers grasping my hair and pushing against me in the same rhythm I set up. Her sounds became more constant, and even as my jaw burned, I was insistent in my mission. _Come on, come on, come on_, I chanted in my head, willing us both on. The effort and exertion was new on my part. I hated to think about Alice at an intimate and amazing time like this, but I couldn't help but think about how much better this was. Everything before had been so carefully choreographed and almost outside of my control with its orchestration, but in this moment, I felt like the most powerful maestro. _I _was doing this. _I _was making her feel like this, come apart like this. She didn't know what was coming, what to expect. Bella hadn't dictated anything and had let us both find our own way tonight. It was the first time I'd ever been able to try a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

We were so close. _Come on, come on_, I kept saying to myself, and I finally felt her hands pull at my hair hard enough to hurt before pushing me almost uncomfortably close to her. I reveled in the strain as I heard her choking breaths and hiccupping gasps, culminating in a long, low wail.

As she relaxed her grip and gently pushed my face away from her, I was externally still but internally high-fiving myself left and right. _Yes! I did it! _I _did it_. It wasn't as if I'd had doubts, but the power rush was undeniable. When I looked at the dreamy, cross-eyed look on her face, I had to stop myself from throwing a punch into the air. _Huzzah! _I, Jasper Whitlock, was a god among men, certainly.

When her thighs stopped shaking and she reached her hands out to me, I bent my neck to start Round Two.

"What are you doing?" she asked me, confused.

I glanced up and placed a small kiss on her right inner thigh. "More of the same," I said with a grin.

"But . . ." she paused, "it worked," she said shyly.

I chuckled. "You know you can have more than one. That was just the first in a line of many—I hope."

Both her mouth and her eyes widened. If her reactions were always so rewarding, I couldn't wait to see how many she could get.

"Could you come back up here, please?" she asked politely, though her breath was still coming in uneven bursts.

Though I would have been happy to stay between her thighs for as long as she would let me, I quickly obliged and hovered over her, stopping only to plant a kiss over her thrumming heart before looking her in the eye.

"Yes?" I asked, and she pulled me so that my body was resting on top of hers, my underwear-covered flesh pushing temptingly into her. Now it was my turn to grip the sheets so that I didn't rush things and just dive into her.

She smiled at my reaction and pushed her hips up to meet mine, our bodies already starting a dangerous rhythm. "I wanted the next time to be together," she said, straining to reach her mouth to mine.

I wanted that for her, too. That would, of course, be the romance novel ideal, but I knew the chances of her climaxing from her first time were slim to none. It was the main reason why I wanted her to have as many as she could before I got mine. As for the _during_, I was just hoping not to hurt her too badly; I knew pleasure most likely wouldn't even be an offering.

"You probably won't . . ." I started.

"I'll still like it," she assured me quickly.

_Good_. I hoped so, and with her hips grinding against mine, I wasn't going to be able to wait much longer. I reached down and pushed off my underwear, realizing that the condoms I'd brought were all still in my bag. I hadn't wanted to seem presumptuous and place them in the nightstand where she might find them. I regretted it now.

I spared a glance to the other side of the room before kissing her lips firmly. Just as her hand trailed down between us to grasp me tentatively, I groaned, "I'll be right back."

A look of doubt crossed her mind. "What is it?"

"I just need something from my bag." The look didn't disappear. "Protection," I explained. "It isn't the most romantic, but it's practical."

"Oh," she said, the look easing. "I'm _all good_ if you want to not do that—use one, I mean."

One part of me felt that we should have had this conversation earlier, but I'm not sure when it would have fit in; things had been awkward enough when we were still referring to it as _checking her box_. Even in my thoughts, I was censoring myself. The idea of sex with Bella—_sex with Bella!_—was just too exciting even to think.

_Sex with Bella!_ I mentally shouted, stopping myself again from pushing right into her.

"By _all good_, you mean—"

"I'm on the pill," she said, stopping her stroking and reaching around to my back, urging me closer to her.

That was good enough for me.

When I first felt us together—hard and soft and so moist and warm—I couldn't imagine getting out of the bed just to put something between us at that point. I wasn't going to last, especially with the pressure of her hand urging me forward.

I gave her a hard kiss imbued with a promise: _It will be better and last longer the next time_. When my lips stilled, I didn't move my face away, choosing instead to rest my forehead on hers, our breaths mingling between us. For every breath out of my mouth, I took one in from hers. I tried to focus on the rhythm and sound of those breaths as I brought one hand down to guide myself into her, going as slowly as I possibly could.

I stilled right at her entrance. Would it be better to push in all the way and get it over with or should I try to ease her into it? I cursed myself and my lack of foresight. I should have done some research first. As I debated, I rubbed my tip up and down against her wetness. From the noises she was making, it was clear Bella wasn't in the same kind of internal turmoil as I was. It seemed I was taking too long trying to decide the best course of action, because she again pressed both of her hands against me and hiked her legs up higher, urging me forward.

I tried for a middle road as I moved into her, pulling my face back to watch hers intently. I told myself I would pause at the first flicker of pain. She certainly didn't look euphoric, but she wasn't crying in discomfort either. Her eyes were closed and she switched to breathing through her nose, but her hands didn't leave my hips. I stopped when I was fully seated in her.

Her eyes opened then. "This is it," she breathed. "I mean, we're doing it. This is the actual moment."

"Uh huh," I said without eloquence, trying to keep still. "Yep, we're in the midst." I nodded with effort and she gave out a little laugh.

"Okay. Let's do this," she said as if she was cheering herself on, letting herself know that she _could _do this. I practically expected a "Go team," as her face began to show some excitement.

I was still trying not to move and silently counting in my head when she ordered me to kiss her. I happily indulged her and was immensely relieved when she again pulled me closer.

Once I started moving, I quickly understood her giddiness, though I still needed to control my movements. We _were _doing it. I chuckled over the _it _aspect—me _checking her box_. I was so a human male. I loved it. I loved _her_.

_Sex with Bella! _I silently crowed again as I moved within her.

Her face remained eager, though she would occasionally grip me harder than necessary. I didn't think it was out of pleasure. She seemed to be cataloguing everything about this experience together. I wanted to as well, but it just felt too good. I was starting to grow overwhelmed by how good it felt.

"I love you," I whispered, hoping I'd lasted nearly long enough. This _was _my first time in this new body. I couldn't possibly be expected to do too well.

"Mine," she said with a grin, and I was impossibly close. "_Please._"

_Please, what? _I wasn't sure I could do much of anything. I was barely hanging on.

"Let go, Jasper. I want to watch you."

With those words, I lost it. I trembled above Bella, my body thrusting a final time as I emptied inside her. My orgasm was almost ferocious with its power. This was all so new. God, I loved it.

I collapsed against her chest and let her run her hands up and down my back before tangling in my hair, her soft kisses against my forehead.

"Mmm," I mumbled. "I like that."

"I liked that, too," she said, purposefully mishearing me.

"Did you?" I tried to keep the wonder out of my voice.

"Yes." Her breath tickled my face.

"You'll like it even more the next time," I assured her, just to be safe.

"I think I'll like it every time."

I rolled off her, finally cognizant that my weight might be a burden. I pulled her to me, and she rested her head on my chest.

I hoped she would always like what we did together. There was no doubt in my mind that I would. I hadn't been prepared for how new everything would seem—how different it would be. Sex as a vampire was neat and tidy. There was pressure and pleasure, but it was an expected climb and peak—smooth and controlled, like everything else in our lives. _Perfect_. As a human, it was sometimes messy and erratic. There was trembling and fumbling and unexpected stops and starts. Every part was involved, from moist skin to panting lungs to quivering knees. Nothing was by rote, and I thought the trial and error was exhilarating. The herky-jerky passion and the spontaneity of its every detail was a level of perfection I hadn't realized existed. It was quite simply the most spectacular thing I had ever done. It was perfect._ She_ was perfect. We were perfect together.

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note:** As always, thank you for your patience between chapters. I hope your households haven't been hit too hard by sickness

Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way in your review.

**Fic recs:**

"The House of Glass" by LuckyStar815: When you're seventeen, you believe in Prince Charming. When you're twenty-four, you're tired of waiting for him and try to settle for less. When you're thirty, you know for sure he doesn't exist. (WIP, E/B, AH)

"The Inside Garden" from the Season of our Discontent Contest: For years Bella has been building a garden inside herself, a dream world she'd love to open the gate to and walk right through. But she's trapped in the real world, and she knows that hope is nothing but fantasy and that friendships don't last. (E/B, AH, One shot)

"Beyond Time" by TKegl: After the Cullens leave Forks, a twist of fate lands Bella in Chicago in 1918. She thinks it's a second chance to build a life with Edward, but when she finds him, he's not quite what she expected. Can Bella create the future she's hoping for? (E/B, AH, complete. If by some chance you haven't already read this, if you liked my story "Leaves of Grass," you'll love this, too. If you haven't read "Leaves of Grass," then I definitely recommend it.)

"Pinky Swear" by kharizzmatik: Bella always knew she loved her best friend, but it isn't until she finds out he's engaged that she remembers just how much. How far will she go to make him see he's marrying the wrong woman? A story about finding your heart and losing your head. (AH, E/B, Complete)


	25. Chapter 25

**Author Note: My apologies for a teaser fail with the last chapter. My computer issues are now under control.**

* * *

****_Previously:_

_I hoped she would always like what we did together. There was no doubt in my mind that I would. I hadn't been prepared for how new everything would seem—how different it would be. Sex as a vampire was neat and tidy. There was pressure and pleasure, but it was an expected climb and peak—smooth and controlled, like everything else in our lives. __Perfect_. As a human, it was sometimes messy and erratic. There was trembling and fumbling and unexpected stops and starts. Every part was involved, from moist skin to panting lungs to quivering knees. Nothing was by rote, and I thought the trial and error was exhilarating. The herky-jerky passion and the spontaneity of its every detail was a level of perfection I hadn't realized existed. It was quite simply the most spectacular thing I had ever done. It was perfect._ She_ was perfect. We were perfect together.

* * *

**Chapter 25**

I drew slow, gentle circles on Bella's skin and watched as goose bumps erupted in the wake of my finger. I knew, as much I'd been enthralled while making love to her as a human, I would definitely enjoy the experience with her as a vampire as well. The closeness, the grasping, the smooth cadence-like, surging waves—none of those things would disappear. I would love any opportunity to be with her like this, to love her. We had talked once about fate, and for one solid moment of clarity while we were still joined, I believed _this_—this timeless and universal human act—was the entire reason I'd regained my humanity. I needed to share this moment with her as equals in our flaws as well as in our perfections.

_What would she think of such a theory?_ I wondered.

The first few times I'd thought about being with Bella, I'd had brief flashes of guilt; while I would be _her_ first, she wouldn't be mine. I'd quickly talked that worry away, though, because it would have been ridiculous for me to remain celibate for over a century until we met; not everyone had the truly inhuman patience or seeming disinterest Edward possessed. I couldn't even be certain as to what experiences I'd had as a human the first time around. Regardless, after having experienced making love to Bella, I realized how much of a first it truly was for me. I'd felt nothing like it before—neither emotionally nor physically. What was more, I was grateful for my involvements prior to finding her. I was happy her only experiences in that area would be with a generous and patient lover, which is how I liked to think of myself at least. While my experience as a vampire didn't lengthen the duration of our first time while I was human, I wasn't sure the average mortal boy would have taken such care with her. Bella deserved much more than a clichéd and pawing teenage tumble in a cramped and squeaking backseat.

I wanted to make a new list for us to work through—a list of all the things I thought she did deserve and things I wanted to try with her like this. What fun we would have working through it! My puddle list was officially being commandeered.

We lay in bed, our whole bodies in contact. My hand tangled in her hair, gently scratching at the nape of her neck, while Bella took turns tracing each one of her fingers in patterns on my chest. Neither one of us could stop touching the other, even as my eyes felt heavy. I felt equal parts sated and ravenous for her, though for the moment I was simply content to remain still with my thoughts and her light touch.

Our silence didn't last for too much longer because soon Bella spoke up. "Would you like to continue our game from the living room?" she asked in a dreamy voice.

Her question threw me off guard, especially as I'd thought we were perhaps only in intermission. "That would depend upon what you want to ask," I answered her playfully, raising an eyebrow.

She didn't stop the course of her fingers as I reminded her that she could always ask me anything, but she rose up on her elbow to make eye contact with me.

"I was wondering if you might like to take a trip with me."

_Right now? _I'd pass, especially if it required clothing. "Anywhere," I said instead, and her face woke up a bit.

"Well, I was hoping you might be interested in coming with me to see my mom on spring break. I'd like you to meet."

"Of course," I said quickly, wanting to do anything to make her happy. But then I remembered that I would be a newborn vampire before the spring came if everything went according to my plan. I'd promised myself a full day at the cabin before I brought up a potentially heavy conversation, though. I didn't want anything to ruin these moments with her.

"But could you do me a favor and table any conversation about your mother until I'm wearing pants?" I asked jovially.

"Sorry." She looked sheepish. "I'm just excited about _us_,I guess, and I want to share that with as many people who are close to me as I can."

I understood the sentiment perfectly. I could shout how I felt about her from the mountaintops, and perhaps the next day I would, or maybe I would just shout it from right where we were.

What I thought might just be an intermission was actually the end of the evening—for me at least. My eyelids grew heavier as I smiled at her glowing face, her slightly sweat-dampened hair stuck to her forehead. The next time I opened my eyes, sunlight was streaming in through the windows. One particular beam of light was hitting my right eye with the precision of a laser, and when I rolled over, I saw Bella was sitting up on the bed fully dressed with a steaming cup in her hands.

I sat up, slightly confused. I supposed I'd thought we would wake up at the same time, still naked and entangled. Instead, I'd been flopped on my stomach on the far side of the bed, completely oblivious to the fact that Bella had clearly gotten up some time ago.

"Good morning, sunshine," she said, setting her cup on the nightstand and leaning back over to kiss me on the cheek. _Sunshine _was the apt greeting, as the whole room was illuminated, making me wonder how late in the morning it actually was.

"When did you get up?" I asked her, my voice gruff.

"Hmm . . . maybe an hour ago?"

"What time is it? Why didn't you wake me?" I sat up, letting the sheets and quilt fall to my lap, and rubbed at my eyes.

"It's about 10:30. I wanted to take a shower and make you breakfast before I woke you up."

That was sweet of her. I was still a little put out that I didn't get the opportunity to see her first thing in the morning, but there was always the next day. It would have been nice to have some _quality morning time _together, but I supposed I should let her initiate the next time. I wasn't sure if she would be sore at all.

I must have been pouting because she said with a laugh, "I'm sorry you're so disappointed I got up. Humans are not as interesting to watch sleep as some would have you believe." My mouth twitched. "Don't get me wrong—I enjoyed staring at the back of your snoring head for a few minutes, but then it became obvious that I needed to go to the bathroom and clean up. Naïvely, I wasn't expecting _that_."

"I do not snore," I protested. "Plus, you could have waited for me to join you in the shower."

She swatted at me, and I grabbed her, pulling her down so her head was on my chest.

"You may not snore, but you do whine."

"Funny." I pouted.

"And believe me, I needed to clean up on my own."

I grumbled. "Seriously, why are you dressed, though? There are towels you could be wearing."

She pushed away from me to sit up. "It's winter." She was completely ignoring how warm she could have been in bed with me. "Maybe I got dressed so you could help me undress later?" she said with a question in her voice.

I liked that idea. "Mmm . . . why don't we declare it _later _right now?" I tried to grab at her again, purposefully letting the sheet slip a bit more.

"Because your eggs are getting cold. No one likes to eat cold eggs." She hopped off the bed. "Come on."

I pulled the covers back up a little and hunkered down in the bed. "Humans have this thing called brunch. You could come back to bed now and we can eat later."

"Come on, Jasper." She took a step in the wrong direction.

"_You _come on," I insisted. She just needed to be convinced.

"You'll need breakfast if you want to keep your energy up later in the day," she said with a wink as she walked saucily out the door.

_Hello, Bella the cat_. My favorite feline definitely made her appearance known frequently, but it seemed as if the previous evening's activities had woken up a new side of my mate—one I wanted to get to know better, one who was currently sitting alone at the breakfast table.

I tossed aside the covers and climbed out of bed into the chilly air. While the room was quite bright from all the sunshine, it wasn't as warm as my naked body would have liked. I glanced down and realized why Bella had made quick work of taking a shower. I was definitely a bit of a mess.

"I'll be there in a minute," I called out to her, quickly grabbing some clothes and stepping into the ensuite bathroom. I climbed into the shower as soon as the water was warm enough and made a mental note to change the bed sheets after breakfast. After taking the quickest shower since being a vampire, I pulled my clothes on my still-damp body and jogged out to the kitchen.

"At least _I _didn't eat cold eggs," Bella said, waving her hand at her cleared plate.

"I'm sorry," I said before I walked around to kiss her mouth and then took my own seat. I regretted not taking the time to brush my teeth before leaving the bathroom. The morning hadn't been going as well as I would have hoped.

"I'm not angry, Jasper. I was just hungry. I'll need my energy, too," she explained. "I'm glad you got to sleep in and that you took a shower. Now we have plenty of time for whatever you'd like to do for the rest of the day."

I was ready to push my plate away right then and there and hightail it back to the bedroom. "What did you have in mind for the day?" I asked with what I hoped was a devious grin, but Bella wasn't looking.

She glanced up when she was finished pouring me a cup of coffee and adding the sugar I insisted I needed. "Were there any more hikes you wanted to take?" she asked.

_What_? Now she wanted to hike? Our earlier hike had really been like an icebreaker or foreplay for getting comfortable at the cabin. Now, _foreplay _could be foreplay.

"Are you joking?" I asked.

"No." She looked completely innocent. "I was a pain about it yesterday, but I really enjoyed the view, just like you said I would. I just thought if there was anything else you wanted to see, I would be more amenable to it this time."

There was definitely more I would like to see—namely every part of her body without clothes on. Now that we wouldn't be in the dark, I had many things I wanted to explore. Just as I started to open my mouth, I remembered my first goal of taking her away for the weekend. I'd wanted uninterrupted time to talk to her about if and when she'd like to undergo her transformation. I didn't really want to have that conversation in bed or in the nude; I would be way too distracted.

I wasn't sure if the best course of action was to do it while we were in the cabin or to do it during a hike. Maybe an activity would help the conversation move smoothly and take some of the pressure off her.

"You look conflicted," Bella announced, reading me well.

Now was as good a time as any, I supposed. "Do you mind if we stay here for a bit? There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

She glanced down self-consciously and swallowed. The skin around her eyes was creased when she looked up. "Is it serious?"

"Yes, but . . . not in the way you might think. It's a good serious—I hope."

"Oh," she said simply. "That clears up everything."

I rolled my eyes at her as she stood up from the table, leaving our dishes where they lay, and she walked over to the sofa in the other room. It seemed as if I would never be able to avoid sitting on a couch whenever I discussed something serious with Bella.

I walked over to join her, though I chose to remain standing. I felt I needed the ability to move around during the conversation.

"Okay, I'll bite. What is it?" she asked, and I burst out with a loud clap of laughter.

"Sorry," I recovered awkwardly. "If you only knew how apt that intro was . . ." I shoved my hands in my pockets and rocked back on my heels. I was planning to just dive right in, but then I decided I was too nervous. I needed to ease into it; we'd practically just rolled out of bed. I needed to be awake at least a little longer before asking her if she was still interested in burning for three days just to be with me forever.

"Can we play the game again?" I asked. She looked wary, but she gestured for me to go ahead. "If I was going to take you somewhere—" Her eyes narrowed, and I corrected myself, "I mean, if we were going to go somewhere _together_ on a trip, where would you want it to be?"

She paused and thought for a moment, one of her hands rubbing up and down her thigh, making me very jealous of it. "Hmm . . . wherever it was you most enjoyed living."

"Okay," I quickly replied and shifted my weight on my feet.

"Wait!" She held up her hand. "Aren't you going to tell me where that is? Oh, and I don't want you to say Forks just because that's where you met me."

I smiled at how well she knew me. I'd never really thought about which of our homes I'd enjoyed the best. I mentally flipped through images of Texas, Montana, Oregon, Minnesota, Alberta, Alaska, and North Dakota before I realized where I'd been the most happy.

"Less than a decade after I came to the Cullens, we lived in a tiny seaside artist colony in New England for the summer."

"Really?" She looked genuinely shocked.

"We haven't always lived in the middle of nowhere, and we weren't that far away from both the White and Green Mountains," I explained as more details of that summer flooded into my memory.

"It isn't just that. It's just . . . it kind of makes you sound like hippies," she said with a smirk. "Also, I wouldn't think a seaside summer stay would fit well with sparkling in the sun. Oh, and if it's so tiny, how did you not stand out with all of you living together?"

She was right on at least one of those counts, but I laughed at her first error. "The timeline's a little early for hippies, though you definitely could have classified a lot of the colony's inhabitants as beatniks. As for the sunlight, it was completely understandable for us to spend all day inside, as some of the other artists did too, and then come out at night when the streets were alive with conversation and critiques."

She leaned forward a bit, interested. "Were you all really artists?"

I shook my head. It wasn't as if we all hadn't tried at some point, but Esme was the real reason we'd moved there. Apparently, she'd been working on her painting technique for a few years, but there were a few things that had escaped her. I'd been amazed that she felt being around human artists would help. What would they be able to do with their inexact hands and their lesser eyes that a vampire wouldn't be able to do with minimal effort? The family had wanted to oblige her, though, and Alice and I'd had no place to deny them.

"Esme was—_is_—the artist in the family. We all found our own things to do during the day, though, and even though we were on the water, it wasn't always too sunny to go out. Plus, we rented a boat for the summer, and if we left before sunrise and avoided the fishermen and other pleasure crafts with the help of Alice and Edward's gifts, we could shimmer on the water undiscovered. "

"What else was it that you liked so much about it?" she asked, tucking her feet under her in a way I knew would damage her knees if she made a habit of it. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to worry about her human body much longer, though. At least the conversation was relaxing me. It was a good way to ease us into the transformation discussion.

There had been so many things to like about Rocky Neck, and as I tried to think of them all, each memory fell into line as if I was shuffling a deck of cards. There had been the smell of the salt air—something I hadn't smelled in years until we'd arrived—and the ever-present symphony of boats coming in to the adjacent fishing harbor, the call of the gulls, and the gentle clanking of ship rigging. None of those had been the most enjoyable aspect, though.

"The artist colony had been there for over a century, and the tiny peninsula was stacked with buildings practically on top of one another. It was my first true challenge to live so packed in with humans without the option of having them as a meal if it became overwhelming. I was confident that I could handle it for our brief stay. I guess that's why I liked it so much. I felt really strong living there, like I could have this life." I let out a breath and finally came to sit next to her. "It was actually nice there because every house had people crammed in bedrooms or sleeping on couches and sharing studio space. For the first time—until we all tried going to college together—it wasn't so odd to have so many people the same age living in a house. The atmosphere at night was always a party in the backyards that spilled into each other or on the tiny, narrow streets leading down to the water."

Thinking of my memories, it had definitely been a unique way of life for us. There would have been no way we could have all been successful in a community like that for longer than the six weeks that we'd been there. I wasn't even sure if I could call it living there instead of just an extended vacation in the same house.

"There's actually a story I haven't thought about in years," I said casually when the final memory slid into place. "That summer was tied to the first time we were ever really found out."

"_What_? That's a pretty big thing to be so nonchalant about." She paused. "I guess for some reason I thought _I_ was the first human to figure out what you are. What happened?" She looked at me with eager eyes.

"It's nothing that exciting, though a touch sentimental," I told her, but she didn't seem to buy it. "You are the first person to figure out exactly _what _we are, but a gentleman from there knew something was amiss."

I started to tell her the story of how Esme had been taking evening art lessons from a man named Richard, who'd lived a few houses down from ours. She'd appreciated what she was learning and how, for the first time, she might be able to say she had a human friend. She had always suspected that Richard had a bit of a crush on her, though, despite the fact that he was at least fifteen years older than she would have been as a human. During the evenings, and even when we could hear him talking to others from inside his studio, he would always tell people how much promise there was in Anne Platt, the name Esme had been using. She was to be his star protégé.

Bella moved her feet to be closer to me and laced our fingers, holding them against her leg as I told her how, for an exercise, Esme and Richard had once painted each other's portraits simultaneously. We had packed up a few days later, and in the middle of the night Esme had left Richard the painting in his studio as a thank you for his time. It had been because of the sunlight that she couldn't officially say goodbye to him, but she'd hoped he would appreciate her parting gift.

"How did she know he'd found out that you left?" Bella asked, rubbing her thumb along my hand.

"He hadn't then. We never returned to the tiny town, but thirty-five years later, we all happened to be in Boston—for a production of _The Nutcracker _coincidentally. Esme had decided to purchase a souvenir Christmas ornament from the gift shop, and I waited at the door for her as the others went ahead to the car. As we were walking out of the theatre house, we heard an older man questioningly call out for _Annie_."

"As in Anne Platt? You're making this up!" Bella accused and dropped my hand, laughing.

"I'm not," I promised.

I continued to tell her the story of how Esme had told him he must be mistaken, but he'd insisted she was _Annie_, and then he'd confirmed it by calling her Anne Platt. It had taken only a second for Esme to look beyond the wrinkles and hunched posture and see him as Richard, her former Beat-generation art teacher. Still, she'd told him he must have her confused for someone else.

"_I would ask if you were related to her, but the way you look is too uncanny, even for relations_, he said," I told her. "Esme started to protest again, but he argued that he would know her anywhere. He didn't care if he was crazy or how it was possible, he'd seen her portrait every day for almost four decades. I could instantly feel that Esme was touched he'd kept the painting he did of her, and I thought she would apologize again and that we would leave the old man to his memories."

"She _told _him instead?" Bella asked incredulously, shifting on the couch.

"No," I laughed. "Not exactly. He certainly never found out _what _we were, but Esme couldn't stand to see him both so indignant and confused. She grasped his hand and kissed him on the cheek, telling him she hoped he'd also kept the portrait she did of him and that her painting had continued to improve thanks to his lessons so long ago. Without another word, we stepped away from the curb, and we walked to meet the rest of the family."

Bella was silent for a moment, but then said, "I still think you made it up."

"I did not," I insisted. "You can ask Esme—or anyone else—about how it happened."

"I just can't believe I never heard the story from Ed—" She stopped suddenly, and briefly a swell of envy flared in my chest. Not everything was Edward's to tell her, I petulantly thought. Not everything would be his to ask, either. I'd bided enough time, and it was finally the moment when I needed to get down to business.

"You're looking conflicted again. Is it your guilty conscience after making up that ridiculous story?" she joked.

I jumped up from the couch. "I promise I didn't make it up, and I'm not conflicted. I know just what I want." _You. _I made sure to face her and have her complete attention before continuing.

"I love you," I said solemnly as if I was explaining something heavy to her.

Bella nodded slowly. "I love _you_," she returned with the same level of seriousness.

_Good._ We were on the same page. "I know you're my mate," I continued slowly and evenly. "And when vampires mate, it's for life. What I mean to say is that I will love you as long as I'm on this earth."

She smiled at me softly but still prompted, "The heavy part's still coming, yeah?"

I gave her a noncommittal look, and I started to pace but then stilled. This was Bella. I didn't need to be nervous. I crouched in front of her and put one of her hands in mine to steady myself. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist, searching for her pulse. It might have been cheating, but without my gift, I wanted to monitor how she was reacting in some small way.

"I know I've used the word _forever_, and I've meant it. Every day since I realized how I felt about you, my feelings have blossomed even more."

It was amazing that it had only been a day since we'd actually declared our feelings to each other. When I'd first said _Mine _to her, I'd done it recognizing her as my mate. But telling her I loved her was another piece of the puzzle. Even if she'd felt the mate pull before, that didn't necessarily mean she was in love with me, so I was immensely relieved yesterday when I realized she was talking about falling in love for the first time with _me_.

"It sounds cheesy, but I didn't even know it was possible to love someone this much, and I once had the market cornered on knowing feelings." I took a deep breath in, and I was glad she was letting me get it all out. Once I got to the punch, I promised to let it be more of a dialogue and less of a speech I was making.

"I've realized I don't want to be without you—ever. I want to know you're going to be with me every day, however long I—" I stopped talking when I heard her gasp. "What?" I asked. Was she surprised? Did she even know what I was asking?

"Go ahead. Sorry," she said, putting her free hand over her mouth.

I waited for a moment before continuing. "I'm going to repeat myself a bit, I know." I'd run through this in my head so many times I wasn't sure how much I could deviate. "I've certainly used the word _forever_ before, but I know better than anyone that none of us really know how long we're going to have. What I do know is that I want to have as long as I—" I only got to basically the same point again when she let out a small chuckle.

"What?" I asked again, growing a little uneasy.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. Why was she apologizing? More importantly, why was she laughing? I didn't think there was anything remotely funny about this topic, especially if she was going to tell me she wanted us to stay human and breakable. "I should let you keep talking," she said.

I opened my mouth to start, but she spoke up again.

"I just totally didn't think this was going to come up this weekend."

At least she'd expected it would at some point. "When did you think it would come up? Have you been waiting for it?" I asked curiously. She could have mentioned it herself if the change was on her mind.

"I certainly haven't been _waiting_ for it," she asserted. "I guess I thought I would be older."

I _was _older than she was in human years. The rush she sensed with Edward, I knew, was in part due to his young age. I also knew she'd been worried about losing him, and she'd thought changing would secure their relationship. She didn't need to worry about losing me. My rush was because I was worried about losing _her_—though her life, not her feelings.

Could I wait longer for the transformation? Could she graduate as a human, go to college, start her first job? How many regular human memories could I give her? I faintly felt her blood pulsing underneath my fingertips and came to the same conclusion I always did; she was just too fragile. Was a college class worth risking her life over? Would she choose high school graduation over the possibility of eternal happiness? No. I had to let her see how important this was to me.

"I know you might have wanted to wait longer. I get that. There are a lot of thing you might have wanted to do first, but I promise you can do them all afterward; it just might take some time."

She wasn't outright rejecting it, but her breath quickened, and she licked her lips nervously. "There are some definite advantages to being older, though," she said.

I had to tell myself she wasn't saying _no_, she was just proposing _not yet_. She was indeed right. Carlisle and Esme and many of the older vampires we knew had it easier just by looking a little older. Even Emmett and I saw what our couple of years could do for us in being able to keep up the human charade longer. There were more definite limits to what Edward and Alice could pull off in terms of their age.

"I understand," I told her. "Maybe it's selfish to want everything right now, but I can't help but be greedy about you." She squeezed my hand, and I shifted my position so that my foot wouldn't fall asleep. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

She looked me in the eye and the corner of her mouth turned up. "I always thought I knew how I felt about this, about what I would say. It's just . . ." She looked away for a second but smiled when her eyes came back to mine. "It's different in the moment, though."

I hoped different _good_.

She sighed and lifted her hair up off her neck. "My parents would definitely never approve."

I scoffed. "I should hardly think so. You are their only daughter, after all."

She scooted closer to me. "You can sit up here by me if you want. I'm sure you didn't plan on being in that position for quite so long."

I obliged her and stiffly got out of my kneeling position, joining her on the couch but keeping our hands entwined.

"I don't want you to think they wouldn't approve of you and me—just not when I'm so young," she quickly asserted.

I was pretty sure that Edward had told her that none of us could ever have any more contact with our families after we'd been changed. "I don't think they would give their blessing, per se, regardless of how old you would be."

She looked completely confused. "Of course they would. They aren't that jaded. Just because it didn't work for them . . ."

Now we were both confused. When would they have ever . . .? "Are we talking about the same thing?" I asked hesitantly.

She quirked her head. "I'm not sure why you think my parents wouldn't want me to _ever _get married, especially with how much my dad likes you."

I was listening to her, but something glinting off the opposite wall caught my attention. "What?" I asked somewhat absentmindedly before replaying what she'd just said in my head. "Married?" She'd said _married_. I thought that's what I'd heard. "You want to get married?" That totally wasn't where I was taking this conversation, but making a promise until "death do us part" was, to me, on the same page as making a move toward "death will never part us."

"That's great!" I told her.

"I'm glad you think so . . ." Her voice trailed off and she looked amused. "I'm sorry. I guess I should actually let you get to your question. That's the whole point, right?"

_Here goes nothing. _I still didn't know the best way to phrase it, and I stalled by looking around, and another glimmer caught my eye. I followed it, but it disappeared and then reappeared in a different spot. I blinked to clear my vision. Maybe human Jasper needed glasses after all. "What I wanted to ask you this whole time was when you—"

Human Jasper couldn't need glasses this badly. Something was wrong with my vision. I swallowed and saw how the spots multiplied in an instant and danced on the surface of the bright wall. Bella was facing me and completely oblivious.

"It's okay, Jasper," she said, and I quickly looked at her face before staring at the wall again. I couldn't even complete my thought. "Yes," she said with a hint of joy in her voice, finally drawing my attention.

My face broke out in a smile, and I leaned forward to kiss her.

"When?" I asked quickly.

"I'm eighteen now, so whenever you want, I suppose."

A huge weight lifted from my shoulders, and I sighed in relief before kissing her again. "Yes? You're saying yes?" I asked, just to confirm.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

_Huh?_ It wasn't that I was enthralled with that news, too, but that wasn't what I'd really been asking. Had she just thrown that part in there, or had we been on two different paths the whole time. I couldn't really focus when I was so distracted by the flashes in my sight. As I blinked to clear my vision again, I tried to run through the conversation when I realized how cryptic I'd been. Kneeling probably hadn't made things any clearer. We _had_ been talking about two different things from the start of our conversation.

I didn't want to worry her because I was genuinely ecstatic about what she was saying. I just wanted to add another dimension to it.

"I'm glad. _So _happy," I stressed, wanting her to know that before I cleared things up. I never would have imagined I would walk away from this weekend with a fiancée, but I would definitely prefer her to be my immortal fiancée. "I wanted to ask you when you wanted to become a—"

"Vampire," she finished quickly.

"Yes," I breathed in relief. Looking at her face, it wasn't showing the same joy I was feeling. In fact, she looked stricken, though her face was reflecting the same bouncing light I'd seen on the wall. Blinking didn't help this time.

"_Vam-pire_," she said with a quiver in her voice, and I could barely hear her.

"Bella?" I asked, concerned. We could certainly talk through this.

Her breath started to come in short pants. "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper," she said in an insistent whisper, like it was a heartbeat, tapping my hand hard with her finger.

I wrapped my hands around hers to still them. "What is it, sweetheart?" I was genuinely shocked by her strong reaction. She seemed like she was going to have a panic attack. I never in a million years could have predicted this.

"_V-vam-pire_," she stuttered. "Vampire in the window. You're human." She looked truly pained. "There's a vampire in the window. Vampire." Her quick words were so quiet I had to rely mainly on reading her lips. It wasn't until the final word when it finally sank in.

_Vampire_.

I whipped my head around to look at the window on the other side of the room, putting the pieces together about the shimmering on the wall, but there was nothing there. I turned back to Bella and my heart was racing. Had she been wrong?

The dots of light were gone.

I was going to ask her to describe what she'd seen when there was a large bang, robbing me of the opportunity. What happened then was pure instinct.

I jumped up and pushed Bella down to the floor, the sofa blocking the sight of her from the door. I wasn't sure how it would help, but I needed to do something. Even though it was useless, my body dropped down into a crouch, and I could feel a phantom rumble in my chest. The door had been flung open, part of it splintering off and spinning on the floor in the kitchen. For a moment, no one appeared, but then I saw the same sight as Bella.

_Vampire, indeed._

_._

_._

_._

* * *

**Author Note: Thank you as always for reading and in advance should you take the time to review. Let me know if you do not want a teaser sent your way.**

**AU Fic recs: **

"Snare" by Raum: The life of Charlie and Bella Swan was devastated when Renée was murdered by a serial killer: The Drainer. Charlie, a former FBI profiler, is convinced that the killer is a vampire, and that those creatures are real. Nobody believes him, till the day he captures one of the undead. (AU, B/E, WIP, brand new story)

"Carnelian and Ice" by Raum: A man struggling to escape from the darkness, and a woman who thinks she doesn't deserve the light. How will an ice sculpture affect their lives? (AU, B-vamp/E-human, Complete)

"Tempt my Tongue" by Savage7289: Bloodthirsty vampire Edward Cullen has but a single goal in his pointless existence – lose his virginity with a human. He will stop at nothing to entice the unusual girl he saves in the street, but can he claim her body without killing her? (AU, EPOV, M, E/B, Complete-This is definitely an irredeemable Darkward, something I'd not come across yet in the fandom.)


	26. Chapter 26

_Previously:_

_I was going to ask her to describe what she'd seen when there was a large bang, robbing me of the opportunity. What happened then was pure instinct._

_I jumped up and pushed Bella down to the floor, the sofa blocking the sight of her from the door. I wasn't sure how it would help, but I needed to do something. Even though it was useless, my body dropped down into a crouch, and I could feel a phantom rumble in my chest. The door had been flung open, part of it splintering off and spinning on the floor in the kitchen. For a moment, no one appeared, but then I saw the same sight as Bella._

_Vampire, indeed._

* * *

**Chapter 26**

I froze in place, as did Bella, surprisingly; I felt like our early history was full of her not doing as she was told and instead foolishly walking right toward danger. The Bella who stole away from me at the airport and then sought out a vampire intent on killing her was so at odds with Edward's meek Bella_. _She truly had always been the Bella I knew now.

My headstrong girl remained unmoving on the floor, clutching painfully at one of my legs. I couldn't chance looking down at her; I had to keep my eyes on the vampire at all times. _She_ stood pale and stoic across the room, a circle of debris from the door settled at her feet. I looked into her eyes and tried to decipher why she was here and why she'd made such a forceful entrance if she was just going to stand there. I couldn't think fast enough, and I cursed my limited mental capacity.

I eyed both the open doorway and the windows letting in light behind the fiery cloud of her red hair. Both were viable exits—or would have been if I'd still been a vampire. There was no way I could get us out of the room without her halting our path or outright killing us. The only resource I had now was my long experience of fighting vampires and knowing exactly how they operated in situations with their prey. Even that knowledge provided little comfort, as I was well aware of just how vast my disadvantage was. The barely visible tells a vampire gave would be too minute for my vision, not to mention I might not even see her move across the room until it was too late.

I knew I couldn't get us out of the cabin, and I certainly couldn't fight her. All I could do was try to reason with her.

It would be like a mouse trying to talk sense to a snake.

I felt Bella pull herself up ever so slightly so that she could see over the back of the couch.

"Victoria," she whispered, and her hands were still attached firmly to the fabric of my jeans.

I saw Victoria's eyes dart quickly to Bella at the mention of her name, and a violent sneer immediately marred her face, the first expression I saw her make. Until that point, if I hadn't known the ugliness that lived inside her, I would have labeled her beautiful, especially as I looked at her as a human. Before I could process what she might be feeling in the moment, the look disappeared and she threw her head back in laughter.

It was the high, delightful laugh of a little girl in hysterics, and it did nothing but force a chill down my back. This was much worse than I'd even thought. Laughing was a terrible sign. An _angry_ vampire I could handle. A _hungry_ vampire I could handle—well, not so much handle as understand. There was most likely nothing we could do in this situation, but with either of those cases, it at least wouldn't be drawn out. If she was angry and wanted to kill us for sport, it would most likely be swift; vampire vengeance was hard to restrain. If she was here for a meal and had found us by chance—_highly unlikely_—she would also feed quickly.

After my somewhat brief conversation with Bella where she'd questioned breaking the necks of deer before drinking from them, we never really revisited the properties of blood. Humans were amazing creatures, despite my occasional disdain for them as a vampire and obvious view of them as a food source. If we'd ever brought it up again, or if she'd expressed an interest in a natural diet as a vampire, there would have been so many things I would have told her, so many stories about flavor and technique. I would have told her that almost all mature vampires are civilized in their eating. There were those who enjoyed the hunt—those with a hint of sadism, like James. Yes, there were indeed those vampires who enjoyed slaying over feeding, as for them those would most likely be two separate occasions. However, most vampires hunted discretely and quickly before their meals even realized what was happening. You didn't scare the flock when you thinned it.

That was a luxury newborn vampires didn't have and needed to learn over time. When I'd been a newborn, I'd always been excited by the quick thrum of an elevated pulse and the sweet, pungent aroma human bodies would put off when they were frightened. Everything about a scared human would call to a young vampire, but their disappointment was quick after they took the first draw of blood. There was a great deal of truth to the human phrases of "blood curdling" or "my blood froze in my veins." I would have told Bella that, when in a fear response, the human victim's blood would rush to their extremities in preparation for fight or flight, but it would also slow its flow in the best place for feeding. Despite the tempting draw of a pounding heart, the human body would release a coagulant, preparing for major injury and blood loss. It was a remarkable defense mechanism—if you weren't the one who wanted to drink that blood. It was always best to strike quickly and have a meal you could enjoy for longer.

I didn't think this was Victoria's goal in the slightest.

I would never get to tell Bella any of this—even if it would never be of use to her. Eyeing Victoria with her head tossed back, throwing glimmering spots all over the sunlit walls, I knew I wasn't dealing with an angry or hungry vampire. We were going to be the victims of a _demented _vampire. With that knowledge, there was no way to predict what she would do or just how long she would draw things out.

For the first time, I glanced down at Bella, though her eyes hadn't left Victoria. We weren't going to walk away from this, and I would never be able to save her, I thought with devastation. We'd had such little time together. It wasn't fair. I had to fight the angry tears that pricked at my eyes and made my nose sting. It wasn't fair that I'd had to live so long and do such depraved things only to spend what amounted to the blink of an eye in true happiness. Was that my punishment, my penance?

Why must she too suffer for my crimes?

I promised myself I would do anything I could to prompt Victoria into making Bella's death a swift one. She could play with _me_ however much she wanted. Thinking back upon the sins that had for so long been a mark upon my very flesh, I knew it was possible I had a great deal of cruelty owed to me. I would bear it all if Bella could be spared it. I swallowed when I wondered, if it came down to it, would I be able to kill Bella myself. I knew I was physically capable, but could I actually be responsible for ending her life? What a ridiculous thought. Just by her knowing me, I was _already_ responsible.

Victoria's shrill, echoing laughter seemed without end; we were merely witnesses to her madness. With it playing as a deranged soundtrack, I ran my right hand over the back of Bella's soft neck. It would only take the right placement of my hands and she would be free of the threat of any of Victoria's twisted plans. I could do it. I could spare her. I nearly choked on the thought. _Oh, God._ I'd never needed to pray for such strength.

I couldn't recall ever praying for anything.

I _would _do it before I let Victoria have her.

I shifted my body in the slightest and put my other hand under her chin. I took in a shaky breath and decided to give myself a mental countdown before doing it, each second a favorite memory of Bella.

_Please, Victoria, give me at least that long._

I didn't even get to the first number before Victoria went silent and her eyes narrowed at the pair of us.

"My, my," she said in her china doll voice, "but this is rich." She enunciated each word with force.

"Please, why don't you tell us what you find so amusing?"

For a moment, I wondered when I'd starting talking aloud, but that clear, strong voice belonged to Bella. She grasped the hand I had under her chin—one of the hands I'd planned on snapping her neck with—and she pulled herself up to stand. She kept one of her arms around me, and even though I could see she was trembling, she stood nonetheless, and her voice was unwavering.

In the battle of Bella the mouse versus Bella the cat, she'd shown her true colors. My Pop-Tart was Bella the cat through and through.

"I wish I could really say," Victoria answered her, her foot kicking a piece of the broken door and sending it hurtling into the opposite wall where it stuck with a frightening noise, jutting out of the wooden baseboard.

She'd confirmed my fears that she was well on her way to crazy. She took the slightest step toward us and smiled in triumph when I imagined she heard both of our hearts speed up.

"Such a brave front you both put on. Tsk, tsk, though. Your human bodies just make liars out of the pair of you." She eyed us both, though her body remained perfectly still. "That's what's so funny—well, among many things—your _human _bodies. I don't think my eyes are deceiving me. How could they?" She spoke so deliberately, not rushing a second of our encounter.

I reached with my right hand to grasp Bella's right hand in mine. I wanted to keep as much of her body behind mine as I could. "What exactly do you mean?" I asked, wanting to keep Victoria talking.

A thought flittered across my mind: Alice. _For the love of all that is holy, please let her have seen this. Please, let someone be on their way_. I knew it was impossible. No one knew where Alice was, and by last account, Edward was all the way in South America. Carlisle and Esme were making their way back north, and Rosalie and Emmett were still in New York City. Even on the slimmest hope, I needed to keep her talking as long as possible.

"You're the one called Jasper," she said, taking an unhurried step forward. It took all of my strength not to take a step back, but like most predators, I didn't want to alert her chase instinct. "You know, I might have simply thought you were a relative, a brother who hadn't undergone the change. Your coven is full of such abominations that anything could have been a possibility."

"What's to say that isn't the case?" I asked, but it unfortunately prompted another step forward from her. There weren't nearly enough feet between us.

"So _she _said." Victoria indicated Bella and took another step forward as Bella's left hand dug into my side. "I heard her call you Jasper, and I heard your insipid conversations, though your drivel was at least enlightening, though not entertaining."

Just how long had she been outside the cabin?

"By some terrible reason, you used to be a vampire—a _marked_ vampire no less—and now you're nothing but a pitiable blood bag. What _happened _to you?" she asked with genuine curiosity. "Who would be so cruel to you and then choose not to put you out of your misery?" she asked with the same type of repugnance with which I'd spoken when I'd first discovered I was a human.

"I woke up this way." I wanted her as far off the trail of Bella as possible.

"So you fell asleep?" Her red eyes opened and closed like nightmarish doll.

"It was a covert attack," Bella spoke up, her voice still strong. I squeezed her hand, and I could feel the strength run between us. She dropped her left hand from me and switched hands so that we were holding them between us, standing side by side. Another squeeze. Despite how desperately I wanted to shelter her, I knew I could offer her no real protection. Though powerless as humans, we stood before our death as equals, my mate and me.

"He woke disoriented and weak, as you can see," Bella continued, and she almost spoke with the same disdain as Victoria, as if she herself weren't human.

Victoria took yet another step closer, as if she needed the proximity to examine me. "And the rest of them?" she asked cautiously.

"Still vampires and circling the area to find the culprit," Bella said smartly. Though I knew Victoria wouldn't have crossed any of their scent trails that were recent, it was wise of Bella to indicate they might be close. I had to hope Victoria hadn't been watching us long enough to know they were all gone.

Victoria's eyes narrowed in either suspicion or concern. Either our plan was working or we were taunting the dragon.

"By our estimation, it was a new member of the Volturi—clearly their most powerful yet," I said, trying to do anything to threaten her. Any vampire, especially one who'd been in the company of a sadistic hunter like James for so long, would most likely be bothered by the mention of the Volturi. James hadn't struck me as the kind of vampire that always followed the rules.

"You mentioned seeing Jasper's marks, so you must realize how much value the Volturi placed on his head," Bella said, and I could have kissed her for her brilliance.

I immediately spoke up. "They've wanted me for over a century. I have yet to figure out why they would want me like this, but they obviously wanted me still alive," I told her, folding into Bella's plan nicely. We needed Victoria to think of me as Volturi property. Even crazy, no vampire would want step on the toes of the Volturi.

"We're just waiting for them to come back and claim him," Bella said, sealing the deal.

"Curious," Victoria said with a purse of her lips, "and disgusting. Your sins must have definitely been egregious. That's not all that's interesting, though. All of this has somewhat dashed my hopes." She pouted and came even closer.

"Wh-what were those?" Bella asked, and for the first time, her voice wavered. Now all that stood between us and Victoria was the sofa.

"_You_," she spat. "You are the reason my James is dead—you and that ridiculous, mind-reading excuse for a vampire. Laurent told me all about your sick relationship. What kind of vampire would stoop so low as to fuck his food?" she asked, her voice full of vitriol.

I heard Bella suck in a breath before Victoria continued. "I guess _you _would know," she said as her gaze landed on me. "Though, now I suppose it isn't as stomach-churning since you're both equally feeble."

My fist clenched at her assumptions and the crass way she was speaking about Bella.

"The two of you connived to lure James and then destroy him." She sobbed the last words and then let out a great roar, grabbing the couch and hurling it behind her. It slammed against the kitchen wall and smashed the upper cabinets. As shards of dishes rained on the ground, it was a wonder it hadn't gone all the way through the wall.

There was no longer anything between us, and I knew by the pace of my own heart that Bella was most likely beginning to panic as well. Victoria slowly sank into a crouch, and the air tingled with both fear and hatred.

There wasn't time. I knew I wouldn't have the time to yank Bella to me and break her neck before Victoria could snatch her away. I'd thrown away my opportunity. In my selfish desire to say a silent goodbye to her, I'd ruined Bella's chance of having a quick and painless death.

"I'm so sorry," I said chokingly aloud.

"I don't want your apologies," Victoria screamed, her voice hurting my ears. She mistakenly thought I'd been speaking to her. "What I want is for this feeling to go away! It _burns_ inside of me." She clutched her fists at her breasts. "_You _did this to me—to him. You killed him, and every day that knowledge claws at my chest." She scratched her nails into her shirt, and her eyes were wide in desperation and grief.

I'd never seen a vampire so unhinged, but then again, I'd remarkably never seen a vampire after having lost their mate, though I suspected James had never thought of Victoria in that way. I almost felt sorry for her, having thought I'd once lost my mate. Like her, I'd falsely thought Alice was it for me.

"I need it to go away," she quietly said. The low volume of her voice was immeasurably more threatening than her screaming had been. "I need _you _to take it away. He's in me. I feel him." Her eyes were crazed. "His venom runs through me. He's always told me what to do, and that's what he's still doing now. He wanted you to die, and that's what needs to happen." She looked at Bella with a look of utter possessiveness. "I'm sorry you didn't get to do it, baby." She was no longer talking to us.

"I didn't kill him," Bella asserted. I wished she'd stayed quiet. We were past the time of wanting to keep Victoria talking. All the time for the calvary to arrive was gone. Now we just wanted it to end as quickly as possible.

"No!" Victoria hissed. "Your mate did—that coward who can't even rely on his own thoughts that he has to steal them from others!"

"Edward?" Bella asked.

_I love you, but shut up! _I tried to tell her telepathically.

"Don't say his name!" Victoria bellowed.

In an instant, she was in front of us and had ripped our hands apart. She held Bella up by her neck, letting her feet dangle a few inches off the floor. Bella's hands flew up to Victoria's in an effort to support some of her own weight and to try to keep from being strangled. Her face was turning purple from the lack of oxygen and Victoria's obviously bruising grasp on her throat. Choking and gurgling noises were coming from Bella's mouth as she kicked fruitlessly at Victoria's legs.

"Stop it," Victoria chastised in an even whisper, and she threw Bella down on the floor with an effort strong enough to chance permanent damage.

I watched as she lay motionless, and then I felt a terrible pang of guilt as I saw Bella push herself up slightly. For a moment, I'd hoped she'd hit her head and that she was in fact dead. It would have been a great mercy.

"I want the mind reader to know what it feels like to lose a mate, though I almost feel sorry for him to be saddled with not only a _human _for a mate but an unfaithful one at that." Victoria stared murderously down at Bella, and I could do nothing but stand and watch.

"I'm glad you're human," she said, turning her attention to me. "It means there's one less of your revolting coven to sully the likes of our kind. You're all _disgusting_!" She was screaming by the end. "Eating animals, mating with humans . . ." she muttered. "Sickening!"

"He's not my mate!" Bella protested, though her voice was a little rough from having had her throat grabbed so forcefully. "Jasper is."

I sent her a warning look.

"I won't hide that from anyone," Bella firmly told me, coughing. "Not now." _Not at the end_, she meant.

Victoria laughed again, but this time it was a low chuckle. She yanked Bella up to a standing position, almost causing her to fall over. I reached out to steady her, but Victoria smacked me away, and I gasped at the sharp sting to my hand. I clutched it to my chest, and my eyes watered. It was obviously broken. I took short, panting breaths through my nose and tried to swallow down the pain. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"What would you know of mates?" Victoria asked Bella, poking her hard in the chest and leaving a bright red mark in her finger's wake.

"_I_ know," I said weakly. I coughed and tried to toughen up my voice before speaking again. I wouldn't look any weaker than I needed to. I dropped my cradled hand, and it throbbed at my side where I let it hang. "I _knew_. I felt the mating pull to her when I was a vampire. She isn't his mate. She's mine."

Bella was right. Despite what retribution it might bring our way, I would not deny us. I refused to die with a lie about us on my lips. I loved her, and I would own every bit of that emotion in my last seconds. We wouldn't get our forever, but I would be damned if I forsook our _right now_.

Victoria's body froze and her eyes stared at me unblinkingly. I'd never wished for Edward's gift so badly in my life. Inch by inch, her body came back to life, and she slowly brought her hands to our throats.

_This is it! This is it! Oh, God, this is it! _My mind was panicked. I wanted to be brave and face my death without fear, as I had over and over again as a vampire, but even after months of trying, I couldn't control my human reactions. The will to live was too great, and every cell in my being protested the thought of death. Fear swelled inside of me and crashed against my thoughts.

Instead of snapping our necks, she pushed us away from her, though she didn't let go. She was leading us out of the room.

"Walk!" she roared, and we both complied out of terror.

We stumbled as we made our way to the hallway, and Victoria's grasp tightened in response. "Pathetic," she muttered. She yanked our heads to get us to walk into the master bedroom and had to let go so we could both walk through the door.

I chanced a glance over my shoulder and saw her staring at the bed. I panicked even more when I tried to think of where her thoughts were going. Her eyes closed for a moment, and I saw her nose flare, sniffing the air.

"So much evidence," she said with unrestrained malice. "Does he know you aren't his mate?" she asked Bella. "The mind reader," she clarified.

"Yes," Bella answered her confidently.

Victoria nodded and a look of sadness briefly washed over her face. "And yet he killed him anyway?" she asked, her voice small, her hands again clawing at her chest.

I wasn't sure if what I was about to say would be a final act of bravery or stupidity. "Edward didn't kill James. _I _did. He tried to kill my mate, but I killed him first." I felt the echo of _Mine _rush through my body. I wouldn't deny that either.

Her chin rose and her hands stilled. "I know, baby. I know." Again, she wasn't really speaking to us. She looked wildly around the room before her sight settled on the bed again. She tore off the covers and ripped off the sheets, the mattress falling to one side with her efforts. In the first example of her restraint, she carefully opened the door to the bathroom and threw the sheets inside.

She moved so quickly I didn't even see her, but I felt her as she grasped my neck again and tossed us both into the small room. I crashed into the outside of the bathtub and took down the shower curtain with my flailing arms while Bella landed with a smack to her ribs against the toilet. We both fell into a heap of limbs together on the floor.

"Maybe this is the answer, James. I thought this the whole time that I was supposed to kill her. It's him. _He's _supposed to do it."

Was she talking aboutJames or about Edward? I couldn't be sure if she was exclusively addressing her dead mate at this point or not. Whomever she was speaking to, it was obvious she'd finally crossed the last line in her sanity.

She crouched in front of us, and I wrapped my arm with the broken hand around Bella, wincing when it made contact with her shoulder. Softly, Victoria ran her hand down Bella's face. "This is so much better," she told her. "You'll just _love_ it, I'm sure." Her voice was back to its delicate and girlish cadence. It unnerved me completely.

"Oh, and _you'll_ love it, too," she said, looking at me, her red eyes reflecting my stricken face.

"So many times I imagined what it would be like to kill you. What would his face look like after you were gone? Would he want to claw out his own heart like I do?" she asked Bella almost sympathetically. "He would live forever alone and tortured, and I would gain the peace of mind that I wasn't the only one. It saddens me that that won't happen now."

For a moment, I felt a slight flicker of hope.

"I'm sorry I won't get to see you die," she continued. "This will be better, though. Yes. Yes. Yes." Her eyes closed as if she were imagining whatever it was she had planned. "You see," she said, her eyes snapping open, "even if you say you're not his mate, it will still hurt the mind reader. I don't care that he didn't kill James; he did taunt him by his possessiveness toward you. How could James ignore such a call to the hunt?"

"I'm not sure James—" Bella's words were hushed by Victoria's finger pressed against her lips.

"You don't get to say his name," she warned. "The mind reader played his part. And you," she said to me, "you'll also get to play his—at least the part he was going to play. I can't care about the Volturi—not with this pain in my chest. I'll gladly risk their ire; if anything, they can just ruin you again. Without James, I don't want to live either."

At least now it sounded like she was going to kill us both. I never thought I would be cheering the sound of my own death, especially knowing how terrified I was of it at the moment.

"And _you_," she looked back at Bella, removing her finger, "your death will be all the more sweeter knowing it will be at his hands."

"Whose hands?" I asked before I could stop myself. James was gone.

She began to giggle, again the sound of a tickled little girl. "Oh, that's the richness, Jasper." She paused to regain her composure before looking at me seriously. "_Yours_, of course," she said with a look of sheer giddiness on her face.

Her maddened eyes seemed to burn in front of me and then with a quick breath beside my face, the burn lit up my whole body.

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note: As always, thank you for your patience and for reading.**

**I'd love if you'd share in your review what you're reading right now or what you've been reading lately. **

**Fic Recs:**

"By Way of Sorrows" by jaxington: Bella Cullen has spent the last ninety-five years giving everything to protect her family and mourning the loss of her long dead human husband. A trip to Alaska to meet Tanya's latest romantic interest changes everything. The vampire she meets there has his face, his hair, and his body, but not his memories. It's a strange new world. (AU, E/B, WIP)

"Hedone Ranch" by JenJadeEyes: Stressed out, Bella seizes an opportunity to get away. After being mistaken for her movie-star boss at a "spa", she finds out her boss has been using her name to keep big secrets. When is a spa not a spa? When it's a brothel. See what Bella discovers about herself during her stay. (AH, Complete, NSFW)

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind" by Simiril: What do you do when the love of your life has no memory of you? Two years after they left her, Bella is back in the Cullens' lives. The only problem is that she doesn't remember them. A Bella and Edward love story. (AU, E/B, complete)

"Sold, Sight Unseen" by quothme: The odds of him dialing her phone number are 3,720 to 1. Yet he does. Their chance conversation leads to something more. Something silly, then serious and a little scary. But in a good way. (AU, complete)


	27. Chapter 27

**Author note: Apologies abound right now. The wait between chapters was extreme this time, and I'm very sorry for the delay in updating. I had a case of pneumonia that lingered and then had an eye surgery that was moved up a couple months. It took me longer than expected to be comfortable staring at a computer screen long enough to write a chapter. As I'm posting this, all is well with my eyes, though, and I have fabulous vision. ****Thank you for your patience and for all of you who checked in with me during this time and who understand that sometimes real life steps in and blocks our plans. **

* * *

_Previously:_

_"And you," she looked back at Bella, removing her finger, "your death will be all the more sweeter knowing it will be at his hands."_

_"Whose hands?" I asked before I could stop myself. James was gone._

_She began to giggle, again the sound of a tickled little girl. "Oh, that's the richness, Jasper." She paused to regain her composure before looking at me seriously. "_Yours_, of course," she said with a look of sheer giddiness on her face._

_Her maddened eyes seemed to burn in front of me and then with a quick breath beside my face, the burn lit up my whole body._

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**Bella**

"_Yours_."

The word seemed to hang in the air, and I couldn't wrap my head around what Victoria meant. I didn't get the opportunity either. Before I could give it more thought, or even see her move, she roughly shoved me out of the way and against the bathroom door.

I hit the door hard enough to knock the wind out of me. It took a second before I was able to take in a strangled breath and push all the hair out of my face. When I pushed up to a sitting position and my vision was finally clear, I saw Victoria kneeling on the floor and leaning so close to Jasper, it was as if she was whispering in his ear. It was only when I glanced at his face—purple with anger or lack of oxygen, veins prominent in his forehead, and his tendons taut in his neck—that I realized how tight her hold on him was. She had one hand on his arm, pushing him against the outer wall of the bathtub, and the other was squeezing into the flesh of his chin. He struggled against her grasp and had a look of panic in his eyes.

What was she saying to him? I shook my head. What could I possibly do? Then I saw the slow trickle dampening the collar of his shirt. Victoria wasn't saying _anything _to him, she was feeding.

Nothing else mattered in that moment. I at least had to try something before she drained him. Knowing it would hurt me far more than it would hurt her, I awkwardly stood and then stomped as hard as I could on her foot. The jolt reverberated through my foot and continued all the way up my leg. Despite the pain I'd caused myself, I was successful, because she pulled her blood-smeared face away from Jasper's neck and turned to look at me.

She smiled slowly in what might have been an approximation of sweetness and then closed her eyes before saying, "Thank you, baby. It wouldn't have done to kill him on accident." She then looked at me again, and I couldn't be sure if she even knew I'd stepped on her foot. Her weird bouts of talking to a dead James were both confusing and terrifying.

Running a hand over her unruly red hair, she stood up at a slow pace, blocking my view of Jasper and making me automatically scurry as far back as I could. She laughed at my fear of her but paid me no mind as she glanced into the bathroom mirror, seemingly forgetting about Jasper. I took that opportunity to look down at him, and I moved to go to him, but one of Victoria's hands shot out to stop me. She held me so tightly it burned my skin as she nonchalantly finger combed her hair with her other hand.

I could tell Jasper was still alive by the heavy wheezing noises he was making while breathing. I looked around her again and saw that the panicked look was still on his face, and his hands were hovering around his neck, seemingly not knowing where to land. When he started to cough, both of his hands found the bleeding wound in his neck and began to scratch at the flesh there, causing more blood to run.

"Jasper!" I called out to him, my vision now blurred with the tears running down my face.

Not letting go of my arm, Victoria turned me to face her. "Shhhh," she whispered, and she ran one of her fingers around the bloody rim of her lips before dragging it down from the tip of my nose, over my lips, and to the bottom of my chin, smearing it on me. "You're going to have to put up with a lot more than this, _Pop-Tart_," she said with mocking disdain. It turned my stomach to realize how long she must have been listening outside of the cabin and even to hear her use Jasper's nickname for me.

"Just kill me," Jasper said with labored breaths, and when I looked at him, he'd thankfully stopped making himself bleed more profusely. Victoria's gaze didn't move from my face until he said, "_I _was the one . . . who killed James. Don't you want—" As difficult as it was for him to speak, he didn't get a chance to finish. Victoria kicked him hard in the side and then threw me down on top of him.

The pitiful sound that came out of Jasper's mouth wasn't human. I tried to crawl off him as quickly as I could, but I accidentally put my knee on his already broken hand, and he simply whimpered before blowing air out of his lips.

Was this her plan? Would she slowly break us and throw us around like rag dolls in this small bathroom?

"Kill me . . . Bella," he said softly. I was going to ask him what he meant, but Victoria was suddenly crouched in front of us, her hair close enough to touch my raised knee.

"_Someone _understands my plan," she said to him, her face unmoving. "Brilliant, isn't it?"

Jasper didn't answer; he just moaned a low mournful sound. Victoria gave a short, appreciative chuckle. "It's remarkable you've even said this much." His eyes were closed, and he didn't respond again; he just kept moaning.

"Jasper?" I asked, panicked, never having felt so useless in my life. It was then that it clicked and I gasped.

"Ooo," Victoria said with delight. "Do you get it now, too? Do you see how _perfect_ it is? How painful it will be for all of you?"

She was crazy.

"Why?" I choked out. Why did this have to happen to us? In all of the times that I'd thought about me and Jasper together and all the fantasies of us living our lives as vampires or humans—something I'd never really thought to bring up to him—I never thought we'd get cheated out of both of them.

"You wanted to kill me. Do it!" I taunted her, fully realizing what she meant when she'd said _yours _to Jasper.

"But Jasper would probably be so much better at killing you than I would be." She still hadn't moved away from me, and my back ached with how hard I was pressed up against the bathtub to give myself every millimeter of available space between us. I didn't want to stare at Jasper's blood that was still smeared around her mouth.

"Think of how tragic it will be once he someday comes to his senses and realizes what he's done?" Her face took on a dreamy expression. "Oh, _Pop-Tart_, he'll really go at it, too." She giggled. "It's perfect. You'll be locked in this tiny room absolutely redolent with human scent. The smell of his own blood will still hang in the air, you're bruised enough to smell like a ripe peach on a hot day, and—mind you, this is just for fun—I threw in your used sheets for a touch of flare." She closed her eyes and finally rocked back an inch.

"I just wish I could see it. He'll open his eyes and see your body torn apart, your flesh littering the walls . . . Will he comprehend it then? Will he realize who you were when he sees and smells the evidence of your maidenhead sprinkled on the sheets? Or in true newborn fashion, will he just not care?" A deep laugh began to echo in the room. "I'm not sure I really care which it is. Whenever he does realize what he's done and who you were to him, he'll be just as destroyed as I am."

She stood up then as if she'd completed her business with us.

"Yes, I only wish I could see it for myself."

Jasper's moans started to grow louder, and I tore my eyes away from Victoria to look at him. His eyes were shut, and there was a sheen of sweat on his tight forehead. Perhaps in solidarity, the scar on my wrist seemingly burned, and I could clearly recall how excruciating the small amount of venom had felt coursing in my arm before Edward had sucked it out.

Could I possibly suck the venom out of Jasper?

The thought had just come to my mind when I heard the door click. I looked up and Victoria was gone. Quickly glancing back at Jasper, who was panting, I pushed myself up to standing and tripped to the door. It was clearly locked. The door opened inward, and without the room to run at it, I doubted I would ever be able to break the door down; even in optimal settings, I knew I could never break down a door with a vampire standing on the other side. Instead, I pounded on it with both fists.

"Victoria!" I yelled. I wasn't sure what my goal was in calling out to her. Would it truly be better if she came back? I just knew that any option had to be better than allowing Jasper to go through the change and then take me as his first meal. I had to hope that when he woke up as a vampire again that he wouldn't be like the raving newborns I'd heard him describe in the past. Maybe he would completely skip that phase the second time around. If there was the chance that he wouldn't, though . . . It wasn't even a fear for my own life that made me so worried about Victoria's plan. If the roles were reversed, and I was in a position where I had to live the rest of my immortal life with Jasper's death on my hands, I wouldn't want to live at all.

Giving up on the hope of Victoria coming back, I knelt back at Jasper's side and took stock of his condition. Blood was no longer running freely down his neck, but it still glistened at the site of the wound. The moaning had temporarily stopped, but Jasper's eyes were at turns squeezed tightly shut in pain and then widely open in panic and terror.

"Jasper?" I asked, unsure if he could even hear me. In response, he clutched my sleeve with his uninjured hand; the other was purple and swollen, laying at his side. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out but a pained rasp.

_Oh, God! _I cried to myself. I didn't know what to do. For a moment, the panic started to rise up inside of me, but I tried to push it down. I was the only one here now, and I needed to do something to help him.

"Jasper," I said again. "I'm going to try to suck the venom out of your neck." His eyes shot open again, and though he couldn't make a sound, his head shook in the slightest. "I don't know what else to do," I told him, my hand smoothing away the sweaty hair stuck to his forehead. His head shook again. "I'll spit it out. If you're worried about the venom getting into my system, at least we'll be changing together." I said as if I was joking, but at this point, it sounded like the best option.

As I looked at Jasper's neck, my usual squeamishness about blood was completely lacking. I needed to do this for him. Without another thought, I latched my mouth over the injury and tried to suck whatever liquid I could into my mouth. At the first taste of it, my stomach heaved, but a quick breath through my nose quelled the urge to vomit. Jasper's grip tightened on my arm, and I sat up enough to spit whatever was in my mouth over the rim of the tub. I watched the red fluid run down into the base of the tub, and I couldn't tell if there was venom mixed in or not.

Jasper's eyes were still tightly closed and he didn't look like his pain had lessened at all. I tried the sucking technique a few more times, but eventually, I wasn't getting a noticeable amount of liquid anymore. In fact, the wound on his neck had been gradually healing, stopping any hope of getting the venom out.

"No, no!" I cried, watching his flesh knit together before my eyes. Earlier I had tried not to panic, but the sadness I couldn't keep at bay. I told myself I would allow myself to feel it just for a couple minutes. I would let the grief for the life we would never live wash over me just once. After that, it wouldn't be helpful for either one of us.

The low moaning was back, and Jasper's eyes remained closed. I gently held his uninjured hand to my chest.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry," I cried over and over again, at turns bending my head to kiss his fingers. "I don't know what to do."

After a minute, I tried to dry my eyes and think about our situation the way Jasper would. The easiest way to get help would be to get through the door. From pounding on it, I knew it was solid. Perhaps if I could get all the way through the drywall, I could reach my arm through and unlock the door.

_Yes_, I told myself. That was exactly what I would do. Feeling calm now that I had a plan, I reached over to see what tools there might be under the sink, but the only things under there were a plunger and extra rolls of toilet paper. Standing up, I didn't think our toothbrushes would be that much help; same with my few toiletry items. I rifled through Jasper's kit on the counter and made note of his razor.

I looked up, and seeing my reflection in the mirror, I gasped. Blood was smeared all over my face. It wasn't the blood that disgusted me but the fact that it made me look like Victoria. I quickly washed it off my face and decided to take a moment to clean Jasper, too. I wiped his throat and under his collar with a wet washcloth before wiping off his damp face.

"I'll figure this out," I promised him.

While the plunger handle might work to get through the drywall, the shower rod would probably be my best bet. The curtain had already been ripped down, so I just needed to loosen the tension rod. Once I had it down, I removed the rubber cap from one end before quickly ramming it into the wall. I was happy to see it definitely make a dent in the wall. I kept hitting in the same spot until there was a complete hole. I walked up to it and then started to pry away more pieces with my hands. Now I just needed to go through the other side of the wall. Thankfully, there wasn't insulation or plumbing between the studs.

I took a step back and rammed the rod again, but I hit something hard, and the shock of it ran up through my shoulder. I screamed in frustration and tried it again a few inches to the right, but I had the same result. It was then that I remembered there was a dresser on the other side of the wall. Still, if I could remove enough of the drywall, perhaps I could reach through the studs and push the dresser over.

I kept slamming the rod into the wall over and over again until my arms were burning with the effort. I stepped up again to look inside the wall. I had busted the drywall on the other side and could clearly see the back of the dresser. I pushed and pushed as hard as I could, but it wouldn't budge. I wasn't going to give up, though. I climbed onto the bathroom counter next to the destroyed wall, and I tried to push through the open hole with my feet. My arms might not have been strong enough to push over the dresser, but perhaps my legs would be. Still, nothing happened. I kicked and pushed and kicked at it again, all the while grunting with the effort. It wouldn't move.

Undeterred, and now angry, I hopped back down to grab the rod again and hit it higher and higher, knocking down the drywall all the way to the ceiling. I didn't stop until I could see the light of the other room shining through. I climbed back up on the counter and tried to push the tall dresser over from the top corner of it, but the piece was too substantial to be tipped and my arms weren't long enough to reach around the top of it and grasp the doorknob.

I tried to squeeze my body through the studs, thinking I could just crawl through the wall, but they were too close together. Again, I screamed out in frustration. I quickly brushed my hair out of my face. In anger, I bashed the rod against every surface of the room, hoping perhaps I could get out through the other wall or through the ceiling, but I hit wood planks everywhere else once I got through the drywall.

I collapsed on the floor panting and cursing Victoria. The louder my cries grew, the more noise Jasper was making. At least he wasn't screaming yet; Jasper had said that was normal. I just needed to thinking for a minute. I moved until I was right next to him, and I tried to move his body until it was in a more comfortable position. Once he was lying down on the floor, I pushed the fallen shower curtain under his head like a makeshift pillow, and I lay down with my head on his chest.

His heart was still beating in his chest, albeit more quickly than normal. The muffled sound still brought me some solace, as did the rise and fall of his chest. What else could I do? What else could get us out of here? Not believing I hadn't thought of it earlier, I patted Jasper's pockets to see if his cellphone was on him, but of course, it wasn't. I closed my eyes in defeat and tried to think, but the stress was too much.

Sometime later, a noise woke me from my thoughts, and I sat up at the sound of Jasper's wails. I couldn't believe I had fallen asleep. I touched his face, not sure what comfort I could provide. He was burning up.

"I'll help, Jasper. I'll help." I could at least make him cooler, I thought. I started to run the water in the tub as cold as it would go, and as it filled, I struggled to get Jasper out of his shirt and pants. His body was covered in dark bruises from where Victoria had thrown him about and kicked him. I wanted to be gentle as I tried to heft him into the tub, but I just needed to get the job done, and I gracelessly deposited him with a splash. I turned off the water and grabbed another washcloth to wipe the cold water over his heated face.

"Does that help at all?" I asked him, but there was no response. At least there was no more blood on him.

_Blood_. That's what would fix this. I rushed to the sink and grabbed Jasper's razor from his toiletry kit. I knew I could use it to cut my skin, but I wasn't sure how best to do it with a safety razor. I tried running it in a variety of directions over my forearm, and I pushed it at a diagonal, but it didn't do anything more than tug at my skin, breaking through only a layer. How was it that I could cut my legs shaving from time to time but not get out drops of blood when I wanted?

I threw the razor down on the floor and stepped on it, hoping to break it enough that I could separate the blades. At the sound of the plastic breaking, I stopped my efforts and grabbed the pieces, seeing that I was successful.

I ran the thin edge of one blade across my arm, close to the scar from James. Blood instantly sprang to the surface, and I wiped it on my finger. Kneeling back by Jasper, I quickly shoved my blood-covered finger in his mouth. The first time, he'd only had a few drops. Maybe my blood could stop the change from occurring.

I looked at him, but nothing seemed to change, so I grit my teeth and cut an even larger stripe into my arm. Tears stung my eyes as I wiped up the blood and again pushed some into Jasper's mouth.

Nothing.

_This has to work, this has to work_, I chanted to myself. I said an apology to Jasper before cutting his arm in the same place and then pushing our bleeding arms together. Maybe if my blood came into direct contact with his, it would work.

Angry that nothing was happening, I threw the razor blade toward the sink. Maybe my blood only worked on actual vampires, not those in the middle of the change. I could always hold on to the hope that if Jasper did try to feed on me—and didn't destroy my body in the process—maybe he would instantly revert to being human once he took a sip.

My thoughts were interrupted by the start of Jasper's screaming, and I cried in frustration, not knowing how to save him. How much longer would it be? I buried my head in my hands and tried to block out as much of the painful sound as I could. Each of his cries was a reminder of how I'd failed. I wasn't able to get us out of the room. It was my fault Victoria even wanted to hurt us. I was the one who turned him into a human. I was the one who ran away from him at the airport in Phoenix. I was the one who turned James's head in the clearing. None of this would be happening if it weren't for me.

I was so angry that every time Jasper cried out, I would scream right along with him. I did this until my throat ached and I could hardly get a sound out anymore. I gave a sick laugh at the thought that perhaps Jasper's vocal cords would go soon, too.

It was hopeless. I didn't even have an idea of how long we'd been in the bathroom. It was supposed to take three days, I thought. It hadn't been that long, obviously. I ran my hand over Jasper's wet chest in the bathtub. He was still screaming periodically, though it was quieter with his throat so raw. I let my fingers dance on his flesh, and I thought about how beautiful he was. He was so smooth and . . . I looked carefully at his chest and realized that all of his freckles were gone, as was most of the bruising. It was all disappearing. I looked at his injured hand and saw that the swelling had started to go down and the color was only slightly darker than his regular skin tone.

It was happening. He was definitely changing. His hair was wet and stuck to his head, but I wondered if it would look any different if it were dry. Could I just sit here and watch him transition from my Jasper into whatever he would become? Would he look just the same as he had when I'd first met him but just without the scars? I was glad he would be without them during his second time as vampire, not that _I _would have minded them.

I ran my hand gently over his face, completely free from any kind of scruff or blemish. "I love you, Jasper," I said, and I leaned over to kiss his lips. I told myself I would say it over and over again in my hoarse voice until he woke up. I wanted it to be the first thing he heard when he woke. I supposed it would be the last thing I would ever say. What else could be more important than that?

It was then that a thought of Alice flickered through my mind—not that she might appear—but that she had woken up alone and remembering nothing of her human life. I wouldn't let that happen to Jasper. I would tell him everything. I would tell him whatever I knew of his life before the Cullens—perhaps many of those memories would be best forgotten anyway. I would tell him about how he'd met Alice, how she brought him to a new way of life and new family. I would tell him how awkward it was with them at first, but how he'd been able to truly bond with each one of them over the decades. I would tell him everything he'd told me about being a vampire so he might not be so lost when he woke up.

Then there was us . . . Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't reminded about us. Maybe it would hurt less once he found out he'd killed me. Knowing he killed some brown-haired girl his family once let hang around would be much less of a problem than knowing he'd eaten the girl he'd once called his mate.

It was a gift I could give to him, but that didn't mean I wanted to forget myself. I wanted to live my last hours with those memories on a loop. He was still moaning, but the screaming dwindled as I talked to him. I would start all over at the beginning again soon, but I wanted to take some time to think about our happier times. I thought of the electricity that seemed always to spark between us, even when we'd been particularly nasty to each other. I thought of how attracted I'd always been to him, whether he was vampire or human, and how he'd thought I was _worth it_. There were so many jokes we'd shared at Newton's or whenever he would come over for dinner. Charlie really liked Jasper, and I smiled when I thought of how he'd always laugh when Jasper would arrive in the mornings, even though I was fully capable of getting myself to work.

"This wasn't exactly on your puddle list, was it?" I asked him quietly with a little sob. I knew I couldn't take in all the changes with my eyes, but he was steadily growing different. I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips before mouthing the words _I love you_.

I tried to think of our first kiss in Port Angeles. How scared and angry Jasper had been. _Mine_, he'd said. _I'm so yours_, I thought. I choked back a sob when I thought of our ruined weekend here in the cabin. It seemed unfair that the best day of my life would be paired with the worst. On the other hand, maybe that was the ultimate fairness. Maybe this was the price I had to pay for being allowed such happiness in the first place. How could Jasper deserve this, though? He'd already paid so much.

My hand dipped into the cool water, and I felt that his skin wasn't as hot anymore. Soon, I supposed it would be cold and hard. I wondered if I should get him out the tub. I should eventually get him dressed again. I thought that if I were going to wake up as a vampire, I would want to do it in more than my underwear.

I quickly lifted my head up from the bathtub rim where it had been resting. _That _could be the answer. I'd tried stopping his change with my blood. Maybe I just needed to start _mine_. I sat up and pulled Jasper's lower lip down with my fingers to inspect his teeth. At what part in the change would he have venom? When would his teeth grow sharper? There was only one way to find out. I pried his mouth open and pushed my wrist in between his teeth. Then, I awkwardly tried to get him to bite down on my arm. When that didn't work, I rubbed my flesh back and forth over his teeth, but they still weren't sharp enough to break the flesh. Not giving up, I took whatever saliva or potential venom I could gather from his mouth on my fingers and rubbed it into the cuts on my arm.

Other than the sting from the pressure, there wasn't a burn. I contented myself with the thought that it was just too early. I would just bide my time with my memories and telling Jasper about his time with the Cullens until I could try again. I would keep trying to turn myself until it either worked or I was too late.

_This will work_, I vowed. I wasn't going to give up. I still had more time to try.

Feeling that his skin was probably as cool as it was going to get from the bathwater, I reached over to drain the tub. I wasn't sure if getting him out of the tub would be as feasible as getting him inside of it. I planned to let him air dry and then try to get him back in his clothes.

Standing up and looking at his cooling body, I realized I would never see _this _body again. Even in an hour, it would be slightly different.

"Oh, Jasper," I said in a cough of despair. Without another thought, I tossed a towel on top of him and started to shed my own clothes. I climbed into the tub in only my underwear, and in the cramped space, I lay on top of him as much as possible, pulling the discarded shower curtain over us like a blanket.

The tub was still cold and damp, as was Jasper, and the space was much too small to fit the two of us comfortably, but I didn't care. This might be all I had with him, and I was going to take it.

As I lay my cheek on his hardening shoulder, I gave myself permission to doze and to dream about the life we might have once had, what we had been allowed to have just the night before. I closed my eyes and relived the sight of Jasper above me, the feel of his hands, and the beautiful sight of him asleep in the sunlight. Images of what were and what could have been swirled in my mind until there were no thoughts left to have.

.

.

.

* * *

**Author Note: As always, thank you for your patience and for reading.**

**I'd love if you'd share in your review what you're reading right now or what you've been reading lately. Because of my eyes needing time to adjust, I haven't read much fic lately, other than when this chapter was in the beta stage. I did recently read the book _Outlander_, which I really enjoyed and am on to the second book in the series. Jasper may have some competition with Jamie. **

**I found all of these fic recs from reading the weekly teasers posted on The Fictionators, which is a great site to hit up for recs and reviews. **

**Fic recs:**

"When You Least Expect It" by Kare183: A broken man hires a broken single mother as his personal chef. As time wears on, she becomes so much more. A tale of what happens when you least expect it. (WIP, E/B, AH)

"Adore, Adore" by ooza: Bella is in a bit of a financial pinch. Can one night with Edward solve all her problems? "What do you want to do to me?" she asked. "Everything." One-shot written for SFFR, now expanded! BxE, AH, Rated MA (WIP)

"Luckless" by NinaQ: Everything about her was the same. Even after all these years, he'd recognized her, but it made no sense. There was no way she was the same woman. It couldn't be. He had watched her die. (E/B, AU, WIP-This one is such a mystery. I'm on the edge of my seat.)


	28. Chapter 28

**Author note: Again, thank you for your patience and for everyone who checked in with me during this wait.**

* * *

_Previously:_

_"Oh, Jasper," I said in a cough of despair. Without another thought, I tossed a towel on top of him and started to shed my own clothes. I climbed into the tub in only my underwear, and in the cramped space, I lay on top of him as much as possible, pulling the discarded shower curtain over us like a blanket._

_The tub was still cold and damp, as was Jasper, and the space was much too small to fit the two of us comfortably, but I didn't care. This might be all I had with him, and I was going to take it._

_As I lay my cheek on his hardening shoulder, I gave myself permission to doze and to dream about the life we might have once had, what we had been allowed to have just the night before. I closed my eyes and relived the sight of Jasper above me, the feel of his hands, and the beautiful sight of him asleep in the sunlight. Images of what were and what could have been swirled in my mind until there were no thoughts left to have._

* * *

**Chapter 28**

Jasper and I were walking through the woods, our breath visible in the early morning air. I was joking with him about how if I was going to be made to hike, it would be nicer to do it later in the day, when I could perhaps feel my toes. Smiling, he threw me to the chilly ground, cushioning my fall with his arm before kissing my neck and telling me that he would make me feel much more than my toes. I was just about to suggest that we go back to the cabin where there was furniture for this kind of thing, but I stopped when I heard a loud creak.

I looked around, trying to locate where the sound was coming from, when I heard it again, this time followed by a crash. I turned to see Jasper's reaction, but he was no longer there.

My eyes popped open, and for a second, as my head lay on Jasper's cool chest, I was relieved that I knew where he was. I pushed my stiff body up to look at his face, and I gasped at the sight. His neck was extended at an odd angle, the tendons all taut. His mouth was open in a grotesque scream that was producing no sound, and his eyes were wide open and unseeing. If it weren't for the way I could then feel his hands scratching at the floor of the bathtub, I would be convinced he was dead.

"Jasper," I choked as my hand fluttered near his face, unsure of whether I should touch him or not. He already looked like he was in such pain. For just a second, it appeared as if his eyes turned toward the sound of my voice. A barely audible groan escaped his mouth and his eyes shut at the same time, keeping me from further analyzing their darkening color. Not able to contain it any longer, I started crying, my nose burning and my breath coming out in hiccupping sobs.

I screamed out in frustration, the sound echoing around the small space, and when the room quieted, a crash just like in my dream could be heard somewhere outside. There was no time to guess what it might have been before the door was flown open. What for a second looked like Edward became a blur, and I was convinced I was still dreaming until the blur yanked me out of the tub by my arm.

My vision swam as I took in both the new sight of the bedroom in the cabin and Edward's leaf-strewn hair and intense face. I didn't get more than a glance before he crushed me to his chest, his hands freezing on my back and his breath panting into my hair. After a moment of being squeezed too tightly, he released me only enough to look at my face. His black eyes were appraising my face as he spoke. "Are you okay?" he asked in a panic, his hand smoothing over my hair. "Are you . . .?" his voice trailed off. My body had been flush against his, but he pushed me away from him slightly, and grabbing my chin, turned my head this way and that. Not finding what he was looking for, he lifted up my wrists to inspect.

"Wh-what?" I could barely get out the words. Too much was happening, and yet it seemed like nothing was happening. What was Edward doing here? Where was he when Victoria had bitten Jasper? Where in the hell had he been for the months prior to this weekend? Why was he wasting our time feeling up my wrists when he could be helping Jasper? My head was throbbing with questions trying to get out all at once.

"She didn't bite you," he said in relief.

"No, but—"

He interrupted me. "The smell of blood is everywhere, though." His eyes traveled down the rest of me, and I crossed my arms to cover myself once I remembered that I was only wearing my underwear. The thought must have occurred to Edward at the same time because he quickly peeled off his dirt-streaked button-up shirt and pulled it over my head.

I was appreciative of the coverage, but there were better things he could be doing.

"I saw your arm, and you're clearly bruised, but that's not . . ." He stormed into the bathroom, and I was grateful that he was finally attending to Jasper, but he appeared back in the bedroom with a sheet in hand. He only held it for a moment before going to the window, throwing it open, and tossing it outside.

"Bella, we have to go," he said, turning to me.

"You need to help Jasper," I said firmly, apparently finding my voice.

Instead of answering, he looked at me exasperatedly. "We have to _go_." He was back in front of me and grabbed me.

"No!" I yelled. "Edward, you have to—" My voice died as he threw me on his back.

"You can't be here, Bella. _I _can't be in here right now." It was the last thing he said before bolting through the demolished living room and kitchen.

"Stop!" I screamed. "Edward! You have to help Jasper." I tried to wriggle my legs out of his hold, but I couldn't make myself let go of his shoulders at the speed he was traveling. "Please," I begged, my face begrudgingly pushed into his back. "_Please_." I felt sick, both from moving so quickly and from moving away from Jasper. Every second was more disorienting than the last.

Edward slowed down just slightly. "Please, what? There's nothing to be done for Jasper now. The only thing I can do is get you safely away from him."

"And then what? Are you just going to let him change and wake up alone?"

Edward said nothing but instead sped up. It took me several minutes of clinging to his stony back to get my thoughts in order. Other than Victoria, I'd never hated anyone as much as I hated Edward in that moment.

"Wait," I said.

"No, Bella," he yelled into the wind.

"No, it isn't Jasper. Victoria is—"

"Victoria is dead," he called, his hands digging into my thighs as branches whizzed by us.

"She's dead?" I questioned.

His pace slowed only slightly as he turned his face toward me. "Of course she's dead. There's no way I would ever leave you in harm's way with a vampire around."

I couldn't even find it within me to address how wrong his statement was, and instead, I simply snorted. He'd obviously had no problems leaving me in general—or leaving his entire family. Who knows what kind of harm could have befallen any one of them.

"Why haven't you asked yet?" I demanded as soon as the thought popped into my head.

"Asked what?"

"About Jasper, about what's happening to him."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, he slowed considerably and dropped me from his back. It took me a second to realize we were on the edge of the Cullen property, and I appreciated that he was at least letting me walk across the lawn to the house on my own accord. I actually longed to sprint in the other way back toward Jasper, but I had no idea how far we'd traveled through the woods or how to find him. I looked at the house and hoped that Edward wasn't the only Cullen who was back. I hoped someone else would be able to take me back to him.

Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Alice told me."

At first, her name felt like a slap across the face. So she did know. Questions began to fill my mind again. How long had she known? When did she see Victoria? Why hadn't someone come to stop her? Had she seen our whole relationship? Where had she been? Had she been talking to Edward the whole time?

"Bella, come on." Edward pulled me gently by my elbow toward the house when I stopped moving.

"I want some answers. I _need _some answers." Everything felt like a dream. Maybe _this_ was the dream. Maybe real life was me standing in the woods looking around for Jasper, and everything else had just been a terrible nightmare. I needed to sit down.

I must have been thinking aloud because Edward said, "You can sit inside."

"There will be more answers in the house than I can give you out here."

I glared at him, but I followed him toward the porch steps anyway. Every step felt like a betrayal of Jasper. I wasn't even sure of how long he'd been changing. Edward didn't seem surprised about anything, only relieved that Victoria hadn't bit me as well. Alice must have described things in quite the detail if he wasn't full of all the same questions the rest of the family had when they'd first seen Jasper as a human.

Just as I came to the first step, the front door opened to reveal Alice. She stepped outside, and I heard Rosalie's voice follow her. "I don't think this is a wise idea, Alice."

I wondered who else was home.

"I think between the two of us, I would have a better idea of how things will go," Alice called over her shoulder before facing me with a smile. It was the poorest choice of facial expression she could have made. The only look I wanted to see on her face in that moment was one of contrition.

"Hi," she said, the smile not leaving her face.

_Hi? _I stared at her dumbly and waited for something better to come out of her mouth. I waited for the string of apologizes that this had happened to Jasper. Even though I'd thought about Jasper and me both becoming vampires at some point, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen. It wasn't fair that Jasper should have his humanity viciously stolen from him twice. I waited for Alice to tell me she'd already seen that he would survive his change. We didn't even know how it worked since he'd become human. I waited for an explanation of anything, but she was just as quiet as I was.

Rosalie stepped out of the house and wrapped her arms around Alice's shoulders. At first, I couldn't believe she was offering her some sort of comfort, but then I saw that she was actually holding Alice back.

"I'm not going to hurt her!" Alice proclaimed at the same time Edward admonished, "Rosalie, really."

"Of course I don't think _you _would hurt _her_, but I can tell you that Bella will hurt herself when she walks up here and slaps you in the face. I'm just trying to save her the pain," Rosalie said bluntly.

I hoped she would save me the trouble and slap her herself.

"She's not going to—"

"I think Rosalie's predictions may be a little more accurate than yours at the moment, but hurting my hand isn't going to get me the answers I need." I was tired of waiting outside. Perhaps being immortal creatures had made them all lose their sense of urgency. Why was everyone just waiting around? Where had Rosalie and Alice been when we were at the cabin?

Even though I really didn't want to be any closer to Alice, I climbed the rest of the stairs and entered the house, making sure to keep my distance from both Alice and Edward as I passed them.

Going into the living room, I saw Emmett anxiously staring out the window. When I crossed the first step down into the room, he rushed to me and enveloped me in his arms.

"I'm so glad you're okay." This seemed like a much more normal response than what I'd received outside. "He's going to be fine, Bella." _Finally_. I sagged all of my weight into Emmett, and he just supported me for a minute before I stepped back.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"We were all fine _eventually_," he said without a hint of humor.

"But we don't know how Jasper will—"

"He'll be fine. I promise," Alice said, joining us in the room.

I turned to her quickly. "Forgive me if I no longer put too much stock into your predictions. What are you even doing here? _When_ did you get here? Did you see this? Would you even try to stop it? When did any of you get here?" The questions spilled out.

"Let's sit," Rosalie suggested.

Reluctantly, I moved to the couch, and Rosalie and Emmett sat on either side of me, leaving Alice and Edward sitting in the chairs across from us. I felt marginally better with them flanking me.

"Perhaps it's best to start at the beginning." Alice took a big breath in. "My brother is an idiot."

Edward glared at her, but I couldn't care less about him at this moment. "Skip to the important parts," I told her.

"Okay," she agreed. "After I left, I told myself that I wouldn't look for Jasper's future anymore. I owed him a sense of privacy for at least a little while, and Edward had told me not to look into yours. I needed to be by myself for a little bit, so I did actually go to Ithaca to start setting things up. Every time I thought about contacting the family after I left, I would see a vision of all of us heartbroken, but when I decided not to call, everything was fine. At one point, when no one had yet joined me in New York, I thought about coming back home. I tried to look for Jasper's future if I came back, but he wasn't there. It was like he didn't exist anymore. I could see everyone else, but it was like there was a hole in the family where Jasper used to exist. I assumed it was because he would leave if I came back, but I didn't want to chance it being worse. If I went home, I could already see how sad it would make everyone else, and that disappeared as soon as I agreed not to go. I mean, I was upset—"

"Okay," I said quickly, not terribly interested in her feelings in the matter.

"I decided it was for the best if I give everyone more time. I eventually saw Rose and Emmett coming to New York, but I saw if I was at the house to greet them, we'd all have our same sad futures. When I looked further out, I could see that everything was like normal if I just waited a few weeks more. It didn't seem like that big of a sacrifice."

"So you didn't know?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I don't know why." She threw her hands up. "I didn't see it, Bella—him becoming _human_, I mean. I didn't know about that until I saw—"

"So you saw it? You saw Victoria coming after us? When?" I wanted to know if she'd purposefully let this happen. As soon as I had the thought, I felt bad about it. No matter how absent Alice had been from our lives lately, she was still my friend—or she _had been _my friend before she disappeared without a word. I supposed it was her disappearance and removal of herself from Jasper's life that allowed us to become what we were.

"As soon as I had the vision of Victoria hurting you, I sprang into action."

"She did," Edward confirmed with a nod.

"I saw Victoria burst into a room where you were, and I saw her grabbing your throat. I knew you were with someone else in a cabin, but in my vision, I couldn't tell that person was Jasper."

I searched her face for any sign that she wasn't being honest. I didn't know why she would lie, but I found it hard to believe that she wouldn't have seen anything about his change.

"When did you find out?" I interrupted her. "About Jasper," I clarified and shifted my position on the couch. Everyone else had been entirely still during our conversation.

"I wasn't sure where Edward was when I had the vision, but I called Rosalie and Emmett and told them to fly home immediately. I told them everything I'd seen and that I would meet them in Forks."

After being silent for so long, Rosalie finally spoke up. "I asked if you were alone in her vision, and she told me she'd seen a sandy-haired man standing with you—one who appeared human—but she hadn't been able to see his face. When I told her that was Jasper—"

"I said that it couldn't be. After being together for so long, there's no way I wouldn't recognize Jasper. Plus . . . the obvious," Alice filled in.

"That's when we realized that she really didn't know about him." Rosalie's voice didn't soften as I might have expected, and I remembered just how angry she'd been about Alice's departure. Alice was Rosalie's dear friend and sister, but she and Jasper were quite close, and I knew how protective she was of him. I wondered why she wasn't as anxious as I was to get back to him. Answers were coming considerably slower than I would have liked.

"How many hours has it been?" I changed the subject.

"We won't have too many more," Alice said. "It's going faster this time." She could obviously see Jasper now.

"Shouldn't someone go be with him? Shouldn't you bring him here?" I asked, worrying about him waking up alone in the cabin. I wasn't sure exactly how far away the closest people were, but I knew I didn't want him to find them alone.

"Carlisle and Esme were on their way to him shortly after Edward found you," Emmett said.

I nodded, glad Carlisle would be on hand. I wasn't sure if there was anything he could actually do, but I just didn't want Jasper to be alone.

"When did they get back?" I asked.

"Rosalie told me we had a lot to discuss in person." Jasper's transformation was obviously something that couldn't be explained over the phone. "After I got off the phone with her, I called Carlisle and told him to head home as well. My flight into Seattle landed at the same time as Rosalie and Emmett's, and they had plenty of time to fill me in on everything on the way to Forks. I wouldn't have believed it had I not started having visions of him changing again. Those were the first and only flashes I've had of him looking slightly human. It's like I was unable to see whatever it was he was. I still can't really believe it," Alice said, with what sounded like a hint of sadness.

I still didn't know how Edward figured into everything, but I certainly didn't want to ask him. There was an anger that kept me from even looking at him, and I couldn't be certain if it was because of the way he left me after my birthday or because of how he tore me away from Jasper without an explanation. Thankfully, I didn't have to ask because he started talking.

"My appearance in the story is a little less calculated," he interjected, his eyes washing over me with concern. I wasn't sure how much I cared other than wanting to know why he'd caused Esme and Carlisle to chase him all over the country. "For the last few months, I've been tracking Victoria, but she's been impossible to catch. I hadn't even gotten close until yesterday, when she started heading north again."

My eyes narrowed. Why would he be _distracting _himself with chasing Victoria? He was obviously too late in catching her.

"Bella," he said, addressing the pinched look on my face. "I could never leave her out there with the threat that she might come after you one day."

I wanted to scoff, but now was not the time. I was over my desire for answers; nothing I was learning was helping me get any closer to Jasper.

"I need to get back to him," I said to no one in particular.

"Bella, you can't," Emmett said patiently, turning his body toward me. "Jasper's going to wake up, and we don't know what he'll be like."

"He'll be Jasper," I replied without hesitation.

I turned toward Rosalie as she said, "We don't know that."

"Not even _I _know that," Alice said. "It's unpredictable what he'll be like."

"Why would it be? This isn't anything new for him," I argued.

"Maybe," Emmett tried to sooth me. "Maybe Jasper will be exactly the same vampire he was before tasting your blood—"

Edward snorted as if he either didn't believe that was what happened or like he was disgusted by the idea. Emmett looked at him fiercely.

"Or, he may wake up like he did the first time as a vampire," Emmett continued. "We have no way of knowing. We'll just have to wait it out."

I shook my head. Jasper and I had spoken about this. I didn't think there was any way he could seriously hurt me. However, I stopped that line of thought immediately because I _had _thought he would hurt me and, by turn, hurt himself. It was easy to argue that I wanted to be back with him, but when I'd been locked in the bathroom with him and the promise from Victoria that I would be Jasper's first meal, I'd wanted nothing more than to get out of that room. I couldn't take the chance of testing Jasper's post-transformation control with me as a test. If he failed . . . I just couldn't do that to him. Was the answer testing his control with another human? Could I possibly endanger someone else? It pained me that I was reliant upon the opinions and decisions of everyone else in the room. I'd gotten so used to feeling like someone's equal that it was uncomfortable to be at such a loss once again.

"When _will _I be able to see him?" I asked.

Emmett shook his head like it wasn't worth asking right now.

"Hey!" I yelled, my voice cracking as I raised my volume. My hand flew to my throat, and I winced as I touched the bruised flesh Victoria had manhandled. Rosalie immediately appeared in front of me with a glass of water and an apple. I took the glass gratefully but waved away the apple, even though I knew I hadn't eaten in some time. There was no way I could force something down in that moment. I didn't think I would be able to eat until I knew Jasper was safe.

"Hey," I said quietly but with just the same amount of intensity after I took a drink and handed the glass back to Rosalie. "I need to know when I can see him. You can't keep me away from him."

Edward stood up suddenly and a look of realization crossed his face before he barked out an awkward laugh. "I can't believe I missed it. I'm so foolish," he said to himself, not letting us in on his realization. "When I was chasing Victoria and she was headed this way, she'd taken a sudden turn—she was always disappearing just as I was closing in. She had quite a bit of a lead on me as I was tracking, and when she took a turn, and instead of crossing her thoughts, I heard the three of them." He gestured to Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice. "Their thoughts were projecting as I was approaching, but nothing was making sense. I could see Alice picturing you in Victoria's grasp, and I sped as fast as I could toward her so that I could find out how to stop it. What was confusing were the thoughts running through Rosalie's and Emmett's heads, they kept thinking about Jasper, but he looked . . . _human_." He said the word with disbelief.

"When I was close enough to actually hear them talking and then close enough to talk to them, I finally got some answers—if you can call them that, as all they've done is raise more questions. They explained the whole crazy theory to me, and there was no way I believed it was true. I would have been concerned for their sanity had I not been so worried about you. I didn't get a chance to ask anymore because I needed to know how to keep you safe."

Alice let out a sad exhale. "I let him see as much as I had, but I couldn't see enough of the building to be able to tell exactly where you were."

"I was back to tracking Victoria," Edward said.

"Her trail went in circles, so we decided to split up immediately and each take a different scent trail to try to find her before she could find you," Emmett explained.

It went without saying that they were obviously unsuccessful in that mission.

"I didn't think the three of us had been together too long, but I came upon Victoria standing outside the cabin, listening to you and Jasper inside," Edward continued, narrating what had happened. I couldn't believe she'd been right outside the whole time, listening to me as I tried so desperately to find a way out of that room or at least out of the situation we were in.

"Had she not been so thoroughly enjoying running what had happened over and over again in her thoughts, I don't think there's any way I would have caught her so easily. Destroying her was unfortunately quicker than I expected it to be, but I needed to get inside to you. I needed to make sure you were safe," Edward said with feeling.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I was glad he'd killed Victoria, but not even _that_ could make up for some things.

"I called everyone else and told them to meet me back at the house and that Victoria had been taken care of."

"It wasn't until he stepped into the house that I could see what was happening to Jasper," Alice said. "I don't know why I couldn't before then. Maybe it's because of how different he is. Maybe I couldn't see him until he was partially returned to his form as a vampire. Whatever it was, as soon as I saw him changing, Carlisle and Esme arrived to the house, having tracked Edward all the way home."

"Carlisle and Esme had been tracking me?" Edward asked, surprised, making me realize we were all still full of questions.

"Yes," Alice said quickly. "I minimally filled them in and told them where they could find Jasper. After Edward had located the cabin, I could see enough of his future to give them a location."

"Where are they now?" I asked.

"It won't be long now," Edward provided. "I would suspect that they'd headed east to get away from people. One of our homes in Montana isn't too far away if they drive quickly. I don't really know where they've headed with him. I just know they'd want it to be far away."

"We'll call them. We didn't exactly have time earlier," Alice said, not offering any visions of their whereabouts or Jasper's condition that she might have had.

"All of this happened so quickly. No one really has the full story yet," Emmett offered. "We got to the house shortly before you did. I imagine we'll all be talking this through for a while."

That was the last thing I was interested in. I just wanted to call Carlisle, get an update on Jasper, and then make a plan. Everything I'd learned had so far been of little consequence, as none of it was able to change anything.

"No, no one obviously has the full story," Edward interrupted my thoughts. "There was a bit that Rosalie and Emmett left out of their hurried explanations to Alice and then the mental recap to me."

For a moment, he didn't offer anything else, making us all wait for him to continue his thoughts, like he was the most important person in the room and the only one experiencing anything difficult. I couldn't help but be slightly bitter, despite not wanting to even care about him in the slightest.

"I was so overwhelmed in the cabin with worry for you and absolute shock at seeing Jasper. I wouldn't have believed any of it without seeing him undergoing the change. It was unmistakably Jasper, and he definitely had tinges of humanity left in his features. It was remarkable," he said with a sigh. "Unfortunately, so was the smell of your blood. I could only focus on making sure you hadn't been bitten and then ridding the room of as much of the scent of blood as I could—just so I could focus enough to get you out there. I didn't look around the room. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the smell of you. I didn't put any of the pieces together," he concluded, his voice trailing off. .

Edward stood up. "I didn't see _why_ you were in the cabin together. I didn't see—" His voice broke off. "No, it seems like we don't all have the pieces to this puzzle," he said sadly with a look of accusation toward Emmett and Rosalie for keeping him in the dark.

"We needed to save Bella, and none of us knew for sure what was happening with Jasper," Emmett said in defense. "We didn't exactly have the time to sit down and have a chat about how Bella is Jasper's ma—"

"Don't you dare," Edward warned. "She most certainly is nothing of the sort."

"Excuse me," I rasped, the damage to my throat truly catching up to me. "Don't _you _dare, Edward. You don't get to define _anything_, least of all my relationship with Jasper. None of you get a say in that," I said evenly.

I didn't honestly care what Edward thought of my relationship with Jasper. It would be impossible for me to explain what exactly had happened over the last few months. If he thought the physical transformation Jasper had undergone was remarkable, I didn't know how to begin telling Edward and Alice what had happened in our relationship. I didn't have the time to make that a priority, though. Everyone had been so vague when they were speaking about how much longer Jasper would have.

Even though Carlisle and Esme were taking him further away by the second, I needed to know he was okay. I needed to know he _would _be okay. What I did know is that the two of us being separated was not the answer. If it was potentially too dangerous for me to see him as a human, then I'd just have to take some extra precaution. My mind flashed to our conversation from before Victoria had burst into the room.

"None of you get a say in what Jasper and I are together," I repeated. "What I suppose you do get a say in is which one of you is going to help me."

"Bella, we've already told you—" Edward started, sitting back down, just as Rosalie asked, "Help you how?"

I ignored Edward and turned my body on the couch to face her. "I need you to change me. _Right now_."

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**Author note: Thank you for your patience and for reading. Let me know what else you're reading on your review. I love adding to my list.  
**

**For fic recs this time around, these span all tastes, and some are big hitters. All are complete. **

"The Practicum" by TheFicChick: "We're going to be teaching high schoolers how not to get each other knocked up or infected with gonorrhea. It's hardly a romantic evening for two." (E/B, AH, Complete)

"Someday" duskri123: They see me as the monster, like I deserve the pity. They're deluded. Thousands of scars show my past but at least I know who I am. They lie and hide while I sit back and watch. Everyone has secrets; someday they'll know them all. (OOC, J/B, AU, Complete)

"Between Pleasure and Pain" by sadtomato: Bella's been keeping her kinky fantasies a secret from her husband, Edward. When he finds out about her dark desires, he turns to Carlisle for guidance. This story is E/B/C- Carlisle is involved as their mentor and participates in scenes. (AH, D/s., Complete)

"Sins of the Piano Man" by solareclipses: AU. A reclusive vampire's swan songs for the victims he regrets draw in a young woman struggling with her father's illness. As fate brings them together, Edward's dark past threatens to tear them apart. ExB. Won 'Best Overall' 2011 Vampie Award. (AU, E/B, Complete)


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